“Maybe not having the pressure will help,” I offer, but I honestly have no idea what the fuck I’m talkin’ about. Some days I still feel like I have the emotional capacity of a teenager.
“As Cash reminded me, we’ve raised two kids, even if I only birthed one of them, and they’re both pretty great.”
“That’s still up in the air, you gotta get Maddie through her teenage years,” I remind her.
“God.” She shudders. “I’m so not looking forward to that. Speaking of teenagers.” She shifts in her seat, her eyes meeting mine. “Be careful with Tatum.”
A sigh escapes. “You too?”
“I love her, don’t get me wrong, Rem. She’s a sweet girl with a good head on her shoulders, but she’s also finding herself. You’re going to have growing pains with her, not everything will be as perfect as it undoubtedly was last night.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I remember when you and Cash broke up and still had to live together.”
She gasps. “I thought we hid that from you.”
I give her a look. “Y’all went from sharing a bedroom to him sleeping on the couch. Even at the age I was, I knew something was wrong. I get it.” I run a hand through my hair. “I have experiences that Tate doesn’t, but she’s not flakey and I don’t give up easily. So while I hear you, the warning isn’t needed. Not after what we’ve already gone through.”
“Yeah.” She laughs. “Maybe I should have given you that warning when she came in here last year with that brand-new haircut.”
“Ain’t that the damn truth.”
I glance at my cell phone, noting the time. “Shit, I gotta get outta here. We have a meeting then I gotta get to work.”
She stands up, opening her arms for a hug. “Be safe.”
“You too, and I’m glad you and Cash worked it out. Whatever happens in the future, it won’t change the things the two of you have already accomplished.”
“You’re one of my best accomplishments, Rem.” She reaches in, kissing me on the cheek.
“And proud of it too.”
*
Twenty minutes later, I park my bike at the clubhouse and head for the meeting room. I wasn’t the last one here, but I was damn close. Most of the chairs are taken around the table, but it looks like Jagger has saved me one next to him. Sliding in, he glances over at me.
“Nice of you to join us, Rem.”
“Traffic sucked.” I groaned. “Had breakfast with Harper.”
“God, the other day I was over there getting some stuff for Charity,” Drew moans from across the table. “And she’d made a breakfast sandwich for you, but you cancelled on her, so she gave it to me. Dude, that shit is magical.”
“Right?” I grin across the table. “She gets the sausage from the butcher who comes to Second Saturday’s down there.” I reference a street fair that happens on the second Saturday of each month where all the vendors around the Square open their doors to the community. Some vendors set up as well, and the butcher always sells out. “It’s the best stuff I’ve ever eaten, and I hated to cancel on her. That’s our thing.”
“Well, any other time you gotta cancel, text me, because I can still taste that biscuit.” He rubs his stomach. “I had good intentions of giving Charity a bite, but that shit didn’t even make it out of the store. Then I asked for another, but she told me she rations it, and I was like what the fuck?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “He only sells a certain amount at a time because he only raises so many animals. I think that’s why it’s so good, it’s not a mass-produced product. She buys all she’s allowed to, and we get one biscuit a piece each time. It’s torture.”
“Who do I need to talk to about getting one of these biscuits?” Tyler asks from where he sits near the head of the table. As Liam’s second in command, he sits closest.
When Tyler Blackfoot speaks, everyone listens. “I can bring you mine tomorrow,” I offer, not even worried about missing my breakfast. Nobody wants to piss off the big man.
“I have to take some stuff to CRISIS for Meredith.” He references the home for abused children that his wife runs. “I’ll stop down there.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “That good for you?”
“Great,” I squeak out, because you don’t tell this man no.
“Sorry I’m late.” Liam rushes into the room, holding a paper cup of coffee. “Everybody else already here?”
I look around the table and see everyone is accounted for. A part of me wonders what this meeting is about. We had nothing on the schedule as far as I knew.
“Alright, I’m not going to drag this out, and I don’t want anyone to freak out on me,” Liam starts. Which immediately makes everyone start to kind of freak out. “There comes a time in everyone’s life where you make decisions you wouldn’t normally like to make. Nobody wants to make them, but age forces you to do that, and in my mid-fifties, I’m realizing things are harder than they used to be. I mean I’m in good shape, but some of you are in better shape than I am, and I worry that maybe my vision isn’t what it should be for the future of this club. A lot of you understand technology more than I do, you’ve been pushing me to make changes at the shop and here, but I’ve been reluctant.” He flashes a glare at our IT expert, Steele.
I’m getting a weird feeling about this, but I’m letting it go where it may.
“Having said all of this, I think it’s becoming time for me to turn the reins of some of this over to someone younger and better able to keep up with things. Over the next year, Tyler and I will be transitioning Drew and Dalton into our positions.”
You can hear a pin drop in the room. None of us expected this, and judging by the looks on both Dalton and Drew’s faces, they didn’t either.
“Does anyone have anything they’d like to say?” Liam asks softly.
“I’m shocked.” Drew glares at his dad. “You think you can’t do this anymore? Are you crazy?”
“We can speak privately about what your feelings are, but I thought you’d be happy.”
“I’m honored.” He puts his hand to his chest. “But in my mind, there’s nothing good about you leaving.”
There’s murmuring agreement around the table.
“I’m not leaving,” he argues. “I just won’t be the person people come to for decisions all the time. I’ll be able to hang out with my grandkids, travel with your mom, and not have to worry about things I don’t have control over. I’m turning that shit over to you.”
“I still want to talk to you about it.” Drew crosses his arms over his chest.
“Add me in on that conversation,” Dalton speaks up from where he sits next to Drew.
“This isn’t a bad thing,” I find my voice. “Everyone retires at some point in their life, and a changing of the guard happens. There may be growing pains, but I think we’ll be fine.”
“See? Remy gets it.” Liam gives me a smile.
And I do get it. He’s tired. He’s put all the problems of everyone in this room on his shoulders and he’s carried them for a long time. I know because I did that as a kid.
“If no one has anything else, I have shit to do before I have a lunch date with my daughter.” Liam gets up, and I notice for the first time, he’s slow getting up.
We watch him leave, and then there’s all kinds of talking back and forth.
“I had no idea,” Drew says as he points his finger to his chest. “None whatsoever. I can’t believe I didn’t even get a heads up.” He looks over at Tyler.
“He and I have talked about it, but I didn’t know he was going to do it today. Like he said, we’ve done this a long time. We’ve raised a lot of you, and sometimes you need a break. We’ll never be completely gone, I think you all know that, but we have families that need us.”
While I think we all get it, we’re shocked. One by one people start to leave, and I wonder what I’m supposed to do. Today is a work day, but I’m not scheduled at the shop. Right now I’m completely thrown by the news we were just given. Jagge
r turns to me.
“I have to go move the sound equipment at Wet Wanda’s since I’m playing there this weekend. Wanna give me a hand?”
Since I’m not sure I want to be by myself and I haven’t had any other offers, I agree to go. If anyone will understand my need to be around someone, it’ll be Jagger, and I know he won’t pry. While I’m excited for there to be a change, I kind of feel like I’m losing a part of my family. It’ll be an adjustment for all of us, but I know at the same time it’s one that must be done.
“Sure, I’ll meet you over there.” I need to ride my bike, feel the wind in my hair, let the tension go, and let the things people have told me over the last few hours sink in.
As I get on my bike and back it outside, I catch a glimpse of Tatum’s Tahoe driving up to her parents’ house. I wonder what she’s going to discuss with Liam at lunch. Chances are she’s telling him about us, and even though I’ve already gotten his blessing, that shit makes me nervous. I live in fear that I’m not good enough, will never be good enough.
Stop it, I tell myself. Stop with the negative thoughts and get your shit together. I need to get back to where I was this morning with that girl in my arms. And I know the ride to Wet Wanda’s will do a lot in getting me there.
Jagger waves as he takes off in front of me. I chance another glance at Tatum’s Tahoe, watching as she gets out of the driver’s side and walks right into Liam’s arms. He hugs her tightly and she grins up at him. It could be because she feels my gaze on hers, but she turns so that our eyes meet across the expanse of driveway between the clubhouse and the Walker home. And when they do, I feel the jolt I always do, offer her a wave, and a smile. She smiles back, and I take that smile, keeping it as mine, and start my bike up.
I’ll use that smile to get me through the rest of the day and to remember exactly what and who my future is.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Tatum
“You hungry?” Dad asks as he puts his arm around me and we make our way up the porch steps of my childhood home.
Hungry? I feel as if I’m about to puke. I’ve felt that way since I started the drive across town. There’s a part of me that wishes I still lived here, that my parents were just down the hallway. If I ever needed to talk to them, all I had to do was open my bedroom door, yell for either one of them, and they would come running. Now, it’s a bit more calculated. I have to call and make sure they’re home, then make the drive across town. The drive today about did me in. I don’t feel like I could eat two bites, but instead, I smile up at my dad.
“Sure am.”
He’s talking as we walk into the house. “Your mom’s helping Meredith today at CRISIS so we won’t be bothered. I have to say, I was surprised when I got your text asking to talk to me. It sounded serious.”
“It is, Dad.” I look up at my dad, but instead see the President of the Heaven Hill MC. “It’s about Remy.”
Realization flashes in his eyes. “I talked to him.” He has a seat at the kitchen table, my heart softening as I see that he’s gotten us Mexican takeout from our favorite restaurant. That’s always been our thing.
I have a seat across from him. “He did, and he told me he did, but I feel like I need to talk to you, too.”
“You think I’d lie to him?”
The man I see across from me is the one I’m sure no one wants to answer to. It’s intimidating, but I know he’s asking because I’ve offended him. “No, but I feel like as your daughter, I need to make this okay with you, too.”
He dips a chip into the hot salsa we both love. “Then say your piece, sweetheart. Whatever you think you need to get off your chest, pour it out.”
Some of the tightness in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach ease as I reach for a chip. “You know I’ve liked Remy for a while.”
His chuckle is deep. “Uh yeah, you may have thought you hid it well. You didn’t.”
My face burns. Apparently, Remy’s the only one who didn’t know, or maybe he did, but he just didn’t want to react to it. “He ignored it, because he thought I was too young for him and kept pushing me away to protect me.”
He takes a bite of his quesadilla, chewing slowly. “I’m sure there’s a lot you don’t know about Remy’s childhood because I’ve never heard him talk about it to anyone. I know because I helped him and Cash get out of the situation they were in. But, it wasn’t good, Tate. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It was a really shitty situation.”
“He’s alluded to that, but he kept telling me he was pushing me away to protect me, and I thought he was pushing me away because I was a virgin.” My face burns as I admit this to my dad. We’ve always had a close relationship, and I feel like I need to be honest with him.
“Oh shit, Tate.” His voice is deep and full of disappointment. “No, no, that’s not the reason. You don’t come out of the childhood he had without having some rough edges, even if you never show them.”
“I’d never seen them.” I push the plates away. “Until I slept with a guy at a party and Remy found out.”
“Fuuuccckkk.” My dad pushes out the word to like thirty syllables.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “It wasn’t my proudest moment, and it wasn’t until then I saw some of that darkness. He beat the guy up pretty bad.”
“He didn’t touch you, did he?” Dad sits up straighter, his mouth in a stern straight line.
“No, not at all. We said some truly hurtful things to each other though, things neither one of us should have said.”
“Which is why you didn’t talk to him for the last year.” He takes a drink of his beer and another bite of his food. “Makes sense now that I think about it. I wanted to get involved, don’t get me wrong, but your mom kept telling me you were an adult.”
“She’s right.” I finally feel calm enough to take a bite of my own food. “I am an adult, and I had to fix this on my own. Which is what Remy and I are trying to do.”
“So what do you need from me?”
“I owe you an apology because you taught me better than that.” Tears well up in my eyes. “You taught me better than being a brat and rebelling against the one thing I wanted. I’m stubborn and I’m your daughter, but I’m better than how I acted.”
“You are.” He reaches across the table and grabs my fingers in his. “You value yourself, Tate. It kills me to know you did something like that just to spite Remy, because that’s what you did. As a woman, I want you to respect yourself more than that. No one else is going to, and Remy had better. If he doesn’t, he has me and a whole club to answer to – I hope you both realize that.”
I nod. “Remy’s been amazing. It’s always been me who’s been the problem,” I admit, even though the words are hard.
“Don’t take all the blame, Tate. He coulda manned up and told you what was really going on, why he felt the way he did, and what actually went on in his childhood. I’m pretty sure he ain’t been a hundred percent honest about that, but that’s his story to tell.”
“Then I won’t ask you about it. I’d rather him be honest with me.”
Dad gives me a smile. “See, there’s that maturity I know you have. Don’t lose it, don’t get pissed at him if he has trouble sharing. Not everybody had the childhood you had. You had it good, Tate.”
“I realize that more and more every day.” I get up from the chair and walk over to Dad, throwing my arms around his neck. “Thank you for always putting your kids first.”
“The minute you all came into my life, there was absolutely no other option.” He holds my face so our eyes meet. “And while I may be disappointed in the choices you made, I’m never disappointed in you. I’m proud of you, Tate. You’re a good person, a wonderful aunt, a loving sister, and the best daughter a father could ask for. Just don’t tell your sister I said that.” He winks.
Overcome with emotion, I bury my face in his neck and let my dad hug me the way he used to when I was little. I inhale the cologne that’s always been his, and I feel the part of my heart
that’s been shattered since that night with Remy heal. All thanks to a little conversation with my dad.
*
“Do you need me to do anything else?” I ask Cash as I glance at my phone.
“Nah, and I know you got plans with Remy this weekend, so if you wanna cut out, go ahead.”
“You sure?” It’s an hour and a half before closing. Remy got off a few hours ago and came over to tell me he’d pick me up at the apartment. But I don’t want to leave Cash by himself.
“I’m sure! Go, have fun and make my brother happy.”
I laugh as I listen to him. “Okay, okay, see you Monday.”
“Have a good weekend.” He gives me a wink with a smile so much like Remy’s I have to do a double take.
“See ya.”
When I get into my Tahoe, I text both Remy and Addie. Remy to tell him I got off early, and Addie to let her know I’ll be gone by the time she gets home from work. Before I’m even out of the parking lot, I have a message from Remy saying he’ll meet me at my apartment.
My heart does that flutter, and a smile spreads across my face. I caution myself throughout the entire drive. Don’t get your hopes up too much for this weekend, don’t make more of it than it should be, and don’t pressure him. It’s hard, though. I realize we lost a lot of time because of my selfishness, and I want to make up for that time today. But I know we have to be on the same page.
When I pull into the parking lot of my apartment building, I can’t help the dayum that comes out of my mouth. Remy is standing with his back against the driver’s side door of his truck. Leather-jacket-clad arms are folded over his broad chest, and jeans that aren’t tight, but aren’t loose hug his strong thighs. The long-ish hair on top of his head is covered by a jersey hoodie, and aviators cover his eyes. His crossed ankles make him look relaxed, but I know differently; he knows everything going on around him. Judging by the way he pushes off the truck and walks toward where I’m parking with a smile on his face, he’s happy to see me.
Hurricane Page 11
