Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans

by Denise Grover Swank

  “I called Mason. He’s on his way, and he’s furious.” She gave me a worried look. “Not at us. Don’t worry.” I turned toward her. “But what on earth just happened, Neely Kate? Why does Tabitha hate you so?”

  Her eyes hardened as she stared at the woman screaming in the back of the sheriff car. “She tried to steal Ronnie.”

  “What?”

  “Of course she has another version. In any case, I knew she’d never talk to me, which is why I sent you. What did you find out?”

  The deputy was coming toward us.

  I tilted my head toward the approaching law enforcement officer and whispered, “Mason said not to talk to her. To tell her we’re waiting for our attorney.”

  “Okay,” Neely Kate said, tears in her voice.

  I wished my hands were free so I could hug her. Instead, I leaned the side of my head against hers. “Mason’s gonna take care of this for us.”

  The deputy put her hands on her hips and gave me her best withering glare. “What do you ladies have to tell me about what happened here?”

  I lifted my chin, trying to look dignified. “I’m waitin’ for my attorney to show up.”

  “Your attorney?”

  I didn’t respond. I knew she’d heard me.

  “Did you ever stop to think that the Assistant DA has better things to do other than drop everything and run to Timbuktu to save you every five minutes?”

  I didn’t answer, though perhaps she had a point.

  “And what about you?” Deputy Hoffstetter asked Neely Kate. “What’s your story?”

  Neely Kate squinted up at her. “I think I’m gonna wait for my attorney as well.”

  The deputy shook her head in disgust. “I bet you are. The two of you are like peas in a pod.”

  That surprised me. What did she know about us? Or was she just talking about this particular incident?

  Ten minutes later, Tabitha was still screaming that she was gonna kill us, making me thankful she was sitting in the back of the sheriff cruiser. The darts of hate Deputy Hoffstetter kept shooting at us made me wonder if she was thinking about putting us in the back with her, hoping for a cage match. Another sheriff car pulled up and Joe got out, the irritation on his face clear even from across the parking lot. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy he was there or not.

  He stopped and talked to Deputy Hoffstetter, and from the look on her face, there was a whole lot of unhappiness going on around here. Then Joe marched over to the two of us and squatted next to Neely Kate, reaching behind her to unlock her handcuffs. “I’ve got an ambulance on the way,” he said to her, sounding concerned. “Are you hurt? Is the baby okay?”

  She rubbed her wrists. “I have a doozy of a headache from where she tried to rip my hair out of my head, but I think the baby’s fine.” But her unusually subdued voice gave her away as she got to her feet.

  Joe grabbed her elbow and helped her up. “Why don’t you call the doctor while we wait for the ambulance?”

  “I don’t have my phone. It’s in the truck.”

  He pulled his phone out and pressed a couple of buttons before he handed it to her. “You go to the Henryetta Family Clinic. Right? Hilary says she’s seen you there. I have them on speed dial.”

  Hilary talked about Neely Kate to Joe? I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I didn’t want that woman even thinking about my friend, let alone talking about her.

  She took the phone and moved a couple of feet away while Joe looked down at me, his expression vacillating between amusement and irritation.

  “Are you going to take these cuffs off or not?”

  He grinned. “I think we should leave them on. They give you a dangerous look.”

  “You’ve seen me in cuffs before, Joe Simmons. Back when you planted a gun in my shed and ran off my dog. Take them off.”

  He chuckled and knelt beside me.

  “How’d you know we were here, anyway?”

  “Mason. He’s on his way, but he knows that Abbie Lee has no love lost for you, and he was worried she’d take it out on Neely Kate. He figured I could get here first.”

  “Abbie Lee?”

  He grimaced. “Deputy Hoffstetter.” He finished removing the cuffs and helped me to my feet.

  “This wasn’t my fault, Joe.”

  “It never is.” He didn’t sound as amused this time.

  An ambulance pulled into the parking lot with its lights flashing, but no sirens, thank goodness. Two men got out, looking around. Deputy Hoffstetter pointed toward us, her mouth pinched.

  Neely Kate walked back and handed Joe his phone, her expression much more relaxed. “My doctor says as long as I feel okay, there’s no need to worry unless I start to cramp or bleed. He said it’s a good thing I’m not very far along.”

  Joe didn’t look convinced. “The ambulance is already here. I’d feel better if you went to the hospital.”

  She shook her head. “Dr. Miller said there wasn’t any need to go in.”

  The two paramedics sauntered up to us. One was tall and skinny, and the other was shorter and stockier with a trimmed beard. The taller man had a spot of what looked to be chocolate on his chin.

  “Hey, Neely Kate,” the shorter guy said, scanning the crowd. “Where’s your grandma?”

  “It’s not her grandmother, you fool,” Joe said, irritated. “It’s Neely Kate herself who needs the ambulance.”

  Neely Kate shook her head, pointing to his chin. “Really, Tiny? You stopped at the Burger Shack again?”

  He swiped his chin with a thumb, looked at it and licked. “We heard your name and thought it was your granny, so we stopped off for sundaes first.” Tiny looked her up and down. “You look fine. What’s wrong with ya?”

  “I am fine. It was a mistake.”

  Joe’s eyes narrowed. “Let me get this straight. You received an emergency call, and you stopped for ice cream?”

  The shorter medic shrugged. “Like we said, we heard Neely Kate’s name and assumed it was her grandma’s heartburn again.” He turned his attention to my friend. “If you don’t need us, we’re gonna get going.” He looked at his watch. “If we can make it to the Wild Chicken before two, we can still get some fried pickles.”

  She gave him a blank stare for a second before she said, “Yeah. Go get your pickles.”

  Joe shook his head as he watched them leave. “I’ll look into that, Neely Kate.”

  She shrugged. “In all fairness, my granny cries wolf all the time. I’ve warned her that it’s gonna reach up and tweak her in the hiney.”

  “There’s no excuse. You could have been gravely injured.”

  “I wasn’t.” She shrugged again. “But thanks.”

  “And speaking of bad behavior, there seems to be a lot of it going on today.”

  I was sure Joe was going to start making all kinds of accusations against me, but to my surprise he kept his gaze on Neely Kate.

  “I apologize for the deputy’s behavior,” Joe said, looking her in the eye. “A few witnesses have told her that they saw Ms. Stone open the truck door and pull you out. That she attacked you and you were merely trying to get away.” Joe scowled, shooting an angry glare at the deputy. “Add in the fact that both of you and several witnesses told her about your pregnancy, and she failed to see to your safety, and . . . well, let’s just say this matter will be addressed.”

  Neely Kate didn’t seem to know how to handle a Joe who was looking out for her safety. She was too used to being angry with him.

  Joe turned his attention to me. “The real question is, what did you say to set her off?”

  “Me?” I shouted. “Why do you assume it’s me?”

  “Isn’t it always? I have a group of older women who all corroborate that you came into the community center to talk to one Ms. Tabitha Stone, the suspect who allegedly attacked Neely Kate. Do you deny it?”

  And here I thought he was actually being nice for a change. “I’m not saying another word until my attorney gets here.”

>   “You can’t use the man who’s gonna file charges against you as your personal defense attorney.”

  “Who says I need one?” I lifted my eyebrows. “I thought you said the witnesses said we were completely innocent.”

  “The witnesses said Neely Kate was completely innocent. You, Rose Gardner, rarely are.”

  Neely Kate snorted.

  I gave him an indignant look. “I’m waitin’ for Mason.”

  Mason arrived five minutes later. As soon as he got out of the car, his gaze scanned the growing crowd until it landed on me.

  Joe was talking to a group of older women, but he watched as Mason made a beeline toward me and Neely Kate. As soon as he reached me, Mason pulled me into a tight hug and looked over his shoulder at my friend. “Are you girls okay? Neely Kate?”

  “I’m fine, Mason,” Neely Kate said. “Really. I’ve called the doctor, and he says not to worry as long as I don’t notice any problems. Thanks for sending Joe.”

  “I was worried. I know the deputy is ambivalent toward Rose—”

  I broke away and put my hands on my hips. “Joe pretty much said the same thing. Why does she hate me? I’ve never even met the woman before she showed up at our house the other night.”

  Mason turned sheepish. “She knows . . . your dating history.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “She knows you dated Joe and then started dating me a month or so later. I’ve been told that she thinks you’re a badge bunny.”

  “A what?”

  He looked embarrassed. “She thinks you’re fixated on law enforcement officers.”

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t make any sense. You’re not a law enforcement officer.”

  He shrugged, his cheeks beginning to go pink. “But I am in law enforcement. I file the charges.”

  I knew him well enough to know he was keeping something from me. “There’s more. What aren’t you sayin’?”

  “Some of the other deputies have told me that she thinks you fabricate or set up situations to get yourself into trouble so the police will be called.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Neely Kate shouted. “Is she crazy?”

  The deputy turned to stare at my friend, and I grabbed Neely Kate’s arm. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not!”

  It wasn’t, but I was used to people thinking the worst of me. So why did it still hurt so much? “Who else thinks that?”

  “No one, Rose.” Mason pulled me into another hug. “No one that I know of.”

  “Would you tell me?”

  “Yes. I would.” He kissed my forehead and pulled back.

  “Oh, my stars and garters,” Neely Kate exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes. “She’s jealous!”

  “What?” I asked, glancing up at Mason. His cringe confirmed it.

  “He was the second most eligible bachelor in Fenton County,” Neely Kate said, “before you took him off the market. It’s not too much of a stretch to figure out that Abbie Lee Hoffstetter wants your boyfriend.”

  Mason looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole. “I’m gonna get Joe over here so you two can give your statements, okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  He lifted my chin, searching my eyes. “Are you okay? Really?”

  I took a second to answer. “Yes, but I need you to know that this wasn’t my fault, Mason.”

  Surprise flickered in his eyes. “I know that. I never doubted you, Rose.”

  “Thank you.”

  He gave me a gentle kiss and left me with Neely Kate. A few moments later, he and Joe walked back together. They didn’t exactly look comfortable standing so close to each other, but at least they weren’t about to start a brawl of their own.

  Joe studied Neely Kate and me for several seconds, then turned to me. “Ms. Stone says you were asking about Dolly Parton Parker.”

  “I was.”

  “You don’t know either of these women. What are you up to?”

  My chest filled with indignation. “You very well know that Dolly is Neely Kate’s cousin. I asked you about her just yesterday. We’re trying to find her.”

  “So what are you doing down here at a place that was busted for meth distribution just a week ago?”

  “I came here to ask Tabitha if she knew where Dolly was. I went to her house first and her . . . boyfriend told me she was here. Since all y’all won’t look for her, and Neely Kate’s got a bad feeling about her disappearance, we figured someone had to check it out.”

  “And did Ms. Stone tell you where she was?”

  “No, she didn’t know. Which is another reason why y’all need to be looking for her.”

  “The fact that she’s missing doesn’t mean she’s in trouble.” Joe grunted in frustration. “You have to take her history into consideration. She’s run off before. Neely Kate having a feeling that something isn’t right doesn’t mean I can take deputies off cases with real evidence to go on a wild goose chase.”

  I started to protest, but Joe held up his hands. “There are only so many deputies, Rose. Our resources are limited.”

  I glared at him. “Yet Deputy Hoffstetter has time to stalk me.”

  He sighed. “She wasn’t stalking you. She was doing a drive-by of the community center. I told you that we had a big bust here last week.”

  I scowled. His explanation sounded plausible, but I wasn’t sure if I bought it. “Mason?” I asked, turning to him.

  “I’m sorry, Rose. I’m going to have to side with Joe on this one. Dolly’s run off before, and the sheriff’s department has its hands full with other, more pressing cases.” He glanced at Joe. “If she doesn’t turn up in a few more days, maybe you can reconsider.”

  Joe gave a brisk nod. “Let me know if she hasn’t turned up by Friday afternoon, and I’ll see if I can spare someone.”

  I could see their point, even if I didn’t like it. Friday afternoon was two days away.

  “I’ve got to get back to the office,” Joe said, glancing at the crowd before turning to look at me. “Rose, I’d tell you to stay out of trouble, but that would be wasted breath.” Then he walked off before I could respond.

  Mason looked like he wanted to go after Joe and throttle him.

  “Mason, I’m going to keep looking for my cousin,” Neely Kate said defiantly.

  He nodded, his anger fading. “There’s nothing wrong with you looking for her. Just try to steer clear of people who have a personal vendetta against either one of you, okay?” He grinned. “And I thought everyone liked you, Neely Kate.”

  Neely Kate crossed her arms over her chest. “She tried to steal my husband days before my wedding. Ronnie dated her in high school. She hates me because Ronnie chose me.”

  Mason’s grin widened. “And that confirms what I already knew: Ronnie is an intelligent man.”

  “I know, right?” Neely Kate beamed. “But that’s why I had Rose talk to her. I figured Tabitha wouldn’t tell me a thing.”

  Mason put his arm around my waist and tugged me to his side. “I know you didn’t do anything wrong, but I feel the need to reiterate that if you continue to pursue this matter, you shouldn’t put yourselves into dangerous situations.”

  Neely Kate nodded solemnly. “We’ll steer clear of crazy ex-cons in the future.”

  What had Tabitha done that made her an ex-con?

  “I have to get back to work,” he said, leaning over to give me a kiss. “Check in with me today so I know you’re safe, okay?”

  I looked up into his face, feeling so lucky that this man was mine. “I love you, Mason.”

  He pulled me flush against him and gave me a toe-curling kiss, right there in front of everyone. Then he lifted his head with a grin. “I’m counting on that.”

  “Deputy Abbie Lee is fuming right now,” Neely Kate laughed.

  I didn’t even look at her; I just watched Mason walk back to his car, still in a daze. Neely Kate looped her arm through mine. “C
ome on, love bird. We’ve got work to do.”

  Chapter Twelve

  We got back in my truck and I turned to her. “Tabitha really doesn’t know where Dolly Parton is. Apparently she hasn’t talked to her much since your wedding.”

  “Dolly picked me over Tabitha?” she asked in surprise. “She didn’t tell me.”

  “It sounds like it. But she told me something that doesn’t mesh with what Billy Jack told us. He said Dolly broke his TV on the way out the door, but Tabitha said she heard from a friend that Dolly had broken it a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Why would he lie? What’s he hiding?”

  “I don’t know, but Tabitha said your cousin was working somewhere new. A place called Gems.”

  Neely Kate tapped a finger to her cheek. “I knew she’d started working there, but I’d hoped she’d come to her senses and quit. I suppose we should go there next.”

  “Sounds like it, but don’t you need to go back to work?”

  Neely Kate shrugged. “I think maybe I can sneak away for another hour or so before Stella the Hun realizes I’ve gone.” She forced a smile. “So let’s go to Gems.”

  “There’s only one problem: I’ve never heard of it. Do you know where it is?”

  “It’s down Highway 79, outside of Holler Creek.”

  I pulled out of the parking lot and headed straight for Holler Creek. “Tabitha mentioned that Gems wasn’t a good place to work. Something about her boss, Mud, being up to no good. Do you know what that’s about?”

  “No,” she said, looking out the window, deep in thought. “But I’m not surprised. It’s a new place and maybe a little shady.”

  It was southern Fenton County. “Do you think it’s safe?”

  “Yeah.” She waved her hand. “I think it’s fine.”

  Neely Kate’s phone went off, filling the truck cab with her ringtone. The cringe on her face when she glanced at the screen was at odds with the happy song still filling the car. “It’s the courthouse.” She pressed the screen and held the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

  The shouting from the other end was almost loud enough for me to hear each and every word.

  Holding the phone away from her ear, Neely Kate said, “I had to run an errand. I told—”