by Eva Ashwood
With some distance between me and Paul, I let out a relieved sigh that I managed to pull that off without being caught, and then almost jump out of my skin when Levi steps up beside me with a smile.
He’s been waiting outside like he always does, and he hasn’t seemed to notice how jumpy I am. Good.
“Lunch?” he asks, and I nod.
It’s a thing with us now, five days a week. We get lunch, usually from the little food truck down the hill that I introduced him to that first day, but sometimes we go off campus and try other things. Pizza, gyros, Chinese food. Whatever we’re in the mood for.
My mind isn’t really on food as we walk, so I let him take the lead, heading down the block to the little shawarma place he likes. That’s fine by me, and we join the line to order.
“Is this cool with you?” he asks, gesturing toward the front of the line, and I nod, trying not to seem too distracted.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I like their shawarma. And the pitas are good.”
Usually by the time I’m three classes in, I’m starving, but at the moment I couldn’t care less about the food. My mind feels a million miles away, but I force it back to the matter at hand because I have to seem normal. I have to act natural, unless I want Levi to figure out something’s up.
“I’m looking forward to the race tomorrow,” he says. “I haven’t been to one in a while.”
“Me neither,” I admit. “Scar and I used to go sometimes, but it’s been a while. And I thought it would be nice to get out. Like you said, things seem like they’ve been tense lately.”
I keep my voice neutral as I speak, not wanting Levi to feel like I’m prodding him for information. But I hope he’ll tell me a little more about what’s going on that’s got all the Black Roses so on edge.
“Yeah.” He grimaces. “We just had a couple of big deals go through, and between that and the way the Jackals are breathing down our necks…” He trails off, then shakes his head, his expression brightening. “A night out sounds fucking great. I’m glad you suggested it.”
I smile at him, frustrated that he didn’t finish his sentence. I can’t tell if he didn’t go into more detail because we’re out in public or because he doesn’t want me to know too much about gang business.
“Well, I’m just glad Sloan agreed,” I say with an eye roll.
Levi chuckles. “He’ll have fun once we’re there. He’s been dealing with a lot of shit, and he’s got more pressure on him than the rest of us.”
“Right.”
He nudges me with his shoulder. “How’d you get into street racing, anyway? Not that I’m surprised you like it.”
“My dad introduced me to it. He took me to see a race when I was little.”
The words come out before I can think about them, and my stomach clenches into a knot as a sharp stab of pain pierces my chest. I swallow, trying to shove down the swell of emotions as I glance up at the menu.
I don’t want to think about my dad. Not here in line for shawarma with Levi watching me.
I don’t know if he sees something in my face or if it’s just a natural subject change, but Levi steps closer to me and says in a lowered voice, “Hey, Rory told me about your mom.”
“Oh.” I blink, glancing over at him. “He did?”
“Yeah. I’m really sorry.”
I shrug a shoulder as we step up to order, trying to keep the pain off my face. “It was a long time ago.”
We give our order to the woman behind the counter and step away to wait for it. I kind of hope Levi’s going to change the subject again, but no such luck.
“He made it sound like you were pretty close with her.” He chuckles wryly. “Honestly, I don’t know what it’s like to get along with your parents, but I know it’s not like that for everyone.”
“You don’t like your parents?” I ask.
He frowns lightly. “I don’t think about them a lot. Haven’t talked to them in fucking years. I was close to my brother. He was my family for the most part.”
“Your brother who…” I trail off, not sure what the polite way to ask if he’s talking about the one who died.
Levi nods, sparing me from floundering. “Yeah. The one who died. Logan. He was in a shootout, you know? With the Jackals, back when things were really fucked up between us. It felt like every other day someone was getting killed, either in a shootout or just turning up stabbed or something. It was a shitty time.” He sighs, rubbing at his forehead. “It feels like we’re creeping back toward that again, honestly.”
I can feel a pit of guilt in my stomach, knowing I’m hoping to play a part in the instability between them, but then I shrug it off. Things were getting tense between the Black Roses and the Jackals before I had anything to do with them. It’s not my fault.
“What was he like?” I ask him. “Logan? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t mind.” Levi smiles a little bit, his lips curling up on one side. His chocolate brown eyes warm as they go out of focus a little, as if he’s getting lost in his memories. “He was a great brother. Almost like a parent, sometimes. He always took care of me.”
We both glance up as our food order is called, and Levi continues speaking as we grab our stuff and settle at a little table.
“Even when he was tired, he would play with me when I was a little kid. Brought me little toy cars and blocks and shit. He always liked to make me smile. That’s what I remember most. The way he would come up with funny stories or jokes just to make me laugh. He was never too busy to help me, even if it was something stupid like beating a level in a video game or whatever. He’d find the time.”
I find myself smiling as he talks. “He sounds like a good brother.”
“He was,” Levi agrees. “I mean, he basically raised me. He was the one who was always there. When I got in trouble in school for fighting or not doing my homework, he was the one who showed up to pick me up and take me to get milkshakes so we could talk about it. He never raised his voice at me or asked what the fuck I was doing or anything like that. Just talked to me about the problem so we could get to the bottom of it.”
There’s something different about his voice as he talks about his brother. Levi’s always sort of cool-headed and laid-back, but there’s an almost… not quite reverence, but a deep love when he tells these stories. It’s admiration and affection, and it hits me that it’s the same way I probably sound when I talk about how my dad raised me basically all alone.
“I know it never goes away,” he continues. “Missing someone who’s gone. Even if you know they’re never coming back, you still think about them all the time and wish it could have been different.” His gaze catches mine. “Like you with your mom. I’m sure you wish you had more time with her.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat and nod, unable to summon any words to agree with him.
There’s pain in his voice, and it’s so easy to tell that his brother’s death fucked him up. Just like my dad’s death fucked me up. The pain of my loss is still so fucking fresh, and it’s been a while since Levi’s brother died, but it sounds just as raw. Just as life-changing.
I can relate to that so deeply, and I hold his gaze for a moment, for once not really hiding the pain I feel either. Let him think it’s because of my mom, and maybe it is, a little bit. Maybe it’s for all the people I’ve lost and will never get back.
Levi cracks a little smile and reaches for my hand, not holding it, but resting his over mine gently.
And it’s that gentleness that reminds me I can’t do this. I can’t open up to him. I can’t learn about his life and tell him about mine, or find common ground with him. I can’t care about him. Not if I want to have a chance at fulfilling my mission.
I try to slam the walls back up, closing Levi out and locking my emotions back up before this goes any further. I clear my throat and look away, trying to fall back on my anger instead.
“Thanks,” I mumble. “But all the same, Rory shouldn’t go around blabbing my
life story. It wasn’t his to tell.”
Levi rubs his thumb lightly over mine. “He probably knows that. He just told me because he was worried about you, you know? You didn’t seem like yourself for a while there. We care about you.”
Goddammit. The lump in my throat is back, and I hate it. I don’t know what to say to that. Levi sounds so genuine, so sincere when he says it, like it’s a simple, indisputable fact that I should already know.
I want to tell him that if they really care about me, my father would still be alive, but the jury is still out on whether or not he even knows about that at all. I can’t come out and ask him without ruining everything, so I decide to try the next best thing. A test.
“You guys are starting to get awfully attached to me,” I tell him, keeping my voice light. “Especially considering I’ll leave as soon as my dad finishes his mission.”
My words are casual, but my gaze stays glued to his face, searching for anything—any little tell that might reveal he knows my dad won’t ever finish what he was tasked to do.
But Levi’s brown eyes are open and clear as he looks back at me, and there’s nothing strange lurking in their depths. Not that I can see, anyway. No twitch of the eyebrows, no guilt or remorse. Just honesty and concern and desire.
“Yeah, maybe we are a little attached,” he admits. “But is that a bad thing? Even after he’s done paying his debt, things don’t have to be over between you and us.” Then he shrugs, giving me a smile that’s almost boyish. “At least… I hope not.”
It hits me that he’s right about that, whether he knows it or not.
My dad may be done with his part in this, but it’s not over between me and the guys. Not by a long shot.
Just not in the way Levi thinks.
8
The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and if someone asked me to repeat something I learned in my afternoon classes, I wouldn’t have been able to do it at all. My head’s just too full of everything else going on, from my meeting with Paul to learning more about Levi and his history with his brother.
There’s still a pang whenever I think about him, and the way he seemed so honest when he said he and Rory care about me, but I shove it down. I don’t have time to dwell on that.
When we get home, I tell Levi I have homework to do, then go up to my room and close the door before pulling out my sociology notebook. Instead of writing down anything to do with the class, I add to the list I keep in the back. It’s a growing list of things I know about the Black Roses—anything that can be used against them.
It seems safe enough to keep it in the back of my notebook, since even if the guys decide to go snooping through my shit, they probably won’t be interested in going through my school stuff. Levi’s been there enough times to know that me going to class isn’t a front or anything.
The list isn’t all that long yet, but I write down the name of Levi’s brother and how he died, adding the name of the Jackal who killed him, which I got from Levi on the way home. I asked him then if he ever thought about revenge, and judging from the way his fingers tightened on the steering wheel, I guessed the answer was yes. He changed the subject after that, and I let him because I had the information I needed.
Writing it all down makes me feel that little pang of something like guilt, though. Levi shared this about himself in good faith, as a way to relate to the pain he thinks I’m going through, and here I am, turning it into a commodity to be used against him later. He told me the story because he trusted me with it, and probably also because he wanted me to know I wasn’t alone. Definitely not because he ever thought I would use it like this. He doesn’t know I plan on trading any information he gives me to the Jackals for help in bringing him and the others down.
But what choice do I have? Levi’s a part of this, whether he knows about what happened to my dad or not, and I have to do something. I’m at a disadvantage here, and I have to use what I’ve got.
I tip my head back for a second, closing my eyes and letting out a breath, trying to shake off the bad feeling. Before I’m even a little bit successful at that, I hear raised voices outside in the hall. The guys are all talking, sounding agitated.
“Hurry the fuck up!” Sloan snarls, and I frown, getting up to poke my head out of my room.
Levi and Sloan are already out of their rooms and heading for the stairs, and Rory is halfway out of his, shoving his gun into his pants. I can see Sloan and Levi are also armed, and I frown, stepping out a bit more.
“What’s going on?”
Sloan whips his head around to look at me. “Don’t you go anywhere,” he says, using a tone of voice that says he expects me to do whatever he commands.
“Wha—”
“Mercy,” Rory cuts in, using my real name the way he only usually does when he’s being serious. “Don’t go anywhere. Just stay here, okay?”
I hesitate. It’s the same sentiment, but there’s real concern in his voice, whereas Sloan just came off as giving orders like a damn asshole.
“What’s happening?” I ask again, hoping someone will actually fucking answer me this time. They’re all clearly in battle mode, ready to go out and use those guns if they have to, and I have no idea why.
“There was an attack on one of our buildings,” Levi says. “One of the ones we use a lot for our business. Ever since we lost the church, the fucking Jackals have been making a push to take more of our territory.”
“Shut up, Levi,” Sloan snaps, glaring at him.
Levi rolls his eyes and starts down the stairs, leaving the other two to follow him.
I’m glad Levi told me what’s up, especially so easily. He’s telling me more and more, letting me in like I’m a part of their group, like I’m meant to be here, and that’s good. That’s what I need if my plan is going to work.
Rory’s the last one to head down the stairs, and I stand at the top of the stairs, listening while they talk in agitated voices on the way out. Once the front door closes behind them, the house turns quiet, and I feel weirdly unsettled.
Almost worried for them, although I’d stick hot pokers in my eyes before I’d admit that out loud.
It’s probably going to be dangerous, whatever they end up doing, and I keep thinking about how Levi’s brother was killed in a confrontation with the Jackals. When things were really bad. They’re getting bad again, he told me, and I stand with my fingers wrapped around the rail for a second as I contemplate that.
But I don’t have time to worry about them. Not that I am worried. They can handle themselves, and it’s no problem of mine if they can’t.
With the house empty, it’s the perfect opportunity to do some snooping. It’s so rare that I’m alone in their home, and I don’t know how long they’ll be gone for. They have to get to this building, wherever it is, deal with the shit that’s going down, and then come back. I’m guessing that’ll take a good bit of time, but I move quickly anyway, starting with Sloan’s room since it’s the closest.
His room is surprisingly neat, and unsurprisingly sparse. There are no decorations or trinkets laid out, and his bed is mostly made. There’s a laptop on the desk, the one I see him working on sometimes, but when I lift the lid and wait for it to wake up from sleep mode, it prompts me for a password. I have no idea where to start even thinking up what Sloan might set as a password, so I close the laptop and look around the desk more, finding a couple of post-it notes with two names written down on them, along with a time—ten p.m.
I commit the names and time to memory, then poke around a bit more. Once it’s clear I won’t get much else from Sloan’s room, I move on to Levi’s.
His has more personality, and it’s a bit messier. His laptop is also password protected, just like in Sloan’s, so I poke around in the desk drawers. When I come across a notepad with the same name and time written on it, I perk up. If both he and Sloan felt the need to write this down, it must be important.
I scan the paper, quickly realizing that Levi’s note has a date
at the bottom, not just a time. It was a few days ago, which probably means whatever this is about already happened.
My lips purse as my shoulders slump a little. I remember Levi telling me about a couple of big deals the Black Roses just did, so maybe this relates to one of those. But if it’s in the past, I’m not sure how much that’ll be worth to the Jackals. If I can find out what the Black Roses have coming up, the Jackals could sabotage their illegal dealings. But it’s hard to fuck with an event that’s already happened.
There’s something else written at the bottom of the note, and my eyes almost bug out of my head when I read it. It’s a sum of money larger than I’ve ever seen in my whole damn life.
Holy fuck.
So something definitely went down recently. A lot of money changed hands, and who knows what else. It’s good information, and I hope there’s another piece of the puzzle in Rory’s room.
His is the closest to mine, and the only one I’ve been in before. His laptop is open, but it needs a password to unlock it, so I ignore it and hunt around on the desk. There’s a picture of Piper in a popsicle stick frame, and I smile in spite of myself when I see it. Piper probably made it herself, and it’s not surprising that Rory keeps it right there on his desk so he can see it when he wants to. If ever there was a man who loves his daughter, it’s Rory.
By this time, it’s been about an hour since the guys left, and I move a little faster and more urgently as I open drawers in Rory’s desk, looking for more names or a date or something.
Then I hear an engine gunning outside, and the screech of tires. It takes me a second to realize the sound is coming from the driveway out front.
Shit. The guys are home.
Closing the drawer I was peeking in, I slip out and practically sprint down the hallway. I run down the stairs to the living room, managing to get myself parked on the couch with my phone out by the time the garage door opens. I try to look as bored and vegged out as possible, despite my racing heart. I want them to think I was just lying on the couch dicking around on my phone the whole time and definitely not snooping through their stuff.
