Dean helps me to get him into bed and then steps out of the room. I pull Matt’s shoes off, throw a blanket over him, and slip his glasses off. I don’t know why, but I keep staring down at Matt for several seconds. His skin looks so smooth. I hesitantly reach out, and run my fingertips across the stubble on his jaw. Its rough compared to the rest of his face. The contrast is surprisingly sexy. Who knew that beneath those glasses and huge attitude, Matt is nice looking? Not sexy like Ryan, but handsome…really handsome.
“What the hell are you doing?” Dean’s less than polite tone, startles me out of my daze. I spin around to find him standing in the doorway, watching me.
“Can we please go, now? I have an early class in the morning.” He sounds a little tired and really annoyed.
I quickly step around him and head to the door. For a minute, I actually debate on telling Dean that I want to stay and take care of Matt, but I quickly dismiss that thought. There’s no way in hell that Dean would ever leave me at a practical stranger’s apartment.
CHAPTER 16
MATT
Once again I wake with a throbbing headache. I try to sit up, but collapse back onto the bed when the pain intensifies. I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to breathe through the intense pain.
Wait a minute. How did I get home? I begin looking around my room. My suit from last night is crumpled up on the floor. After I walked away from Crystal, I remember coming home, changing clothes, and calling a cab. I had all intentions of getting wasted, I didn’t want to risk drinking and driving.
I remember walking into the club and doing several shots, but after that everything is a blur.
Fuck me! I run my hand through my hair, trying to think. I do know one thing. Dad is obviously getting all his information on me, from Jim. But how in the hell do they even know each other? Those two men are as different as night and day.
After several minutes, my head eases off enough for me to get out of the bed. I make my way into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. My mouth fills like it’s been stuffed with cotton. I take a large drink of water and lean back against the cabinet.
Damnit! I really hope that I didn’t do anything stupid last night. I’d been so fucking pissed at Crystal, add in the mass amounts of alcohol that I consumed, it made a lethal combination.
It really sucks to be all alone in the world. I don’t have anyone that I can call up and ask what I did. There’s no one that I trust enough to open up to. Maybe, I would feel better to talk to someone about all of this shit. Ah, who am I kidding? Crystal has completely ruined me. I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to trust anyone again – ever.
I open up the cabinet and grab a bottle of Aleve. I pop two into my mouth and finish off my water. I glance up at the wall clock. Son of a bitch! I have my anatomy class in less than an hour.
After I get out of class I jump into my truck. I don’t have a clue where I’m going. I just want to get the hell away from here, even if it is just for a little while.
A couple of hours later I find myself sitting at a stop sign. I don’t have a clue where I am, but that’s fine. The drive is giving me time to clear my head. I make a right and stomp down on the gas.
It feels freeing to be alone with the open road. I don’t have to worry about where Crystal is or what she’s doing. She’s not my concern anymore. We were together for a total of five years. Five years in which everything I did revolved around her. We even decided on my major together. Hell, I loved her and that was a big decision. I wanted to make sure we were secure financially. I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of her. Well, fuck that!
Maybe being alone isn’t so bad. I don’t have to worry about anyone. I don’t have to answer to anyone. It’s just me. I can come and go as I please. If I decide I want to move to freaking Alaska – I can. Not that I’d ever move to Alaska, I hate the cold weather. I shake my head at my strange thoughts.
I glance down at the clock on the dashboard. It’s six thirty. I guess it’s time to head back to hell. That’s okay though, just a few more months and I can move away for good. I’ll make damn sure that my old man will never know where I am. Running for the fucking senate! I hope he loses. That would serve him right. To lose something that is obviously important to him. Let him finally have something that doesn’t go the way he wants it.
I grip the steering wheel as I think about that man. The way he abandoned me and Mom, never once looking back. I’m pretty sure he was fucking around on her throughout their entire marriage. He always did have a thing for younger women. I wonder if Mom knew. I sure as hell hope not. The last couple months of her life were pure hell. But she hung on for as long as possible, fighting through the intense pain. I know that it was more for me than herself. She knew that she was all that I had, that after she passed I’d be on my own.
God Damnit! Life can be such a bitch!
It’s after eleven o’clock when I finally get back to my apartment. I toss my keys onto the counter and head to my bedroom. For the first time in weeks I actually go to bed sober.
CHAPTER 17
TAYLOR
“What do you mean, you can’t go?” I ask Amada. It’s Saturday morning and I’m getting ready to go to the spa with Merita.
Amanda picks up a large book and shoves it into her bag. “I told you. I joined a study group.” She says exasperatedly.
What the hell!? Did she just say study group? I’ve never seen Amanda actually study, not even in high school. You’d never know it by looking at her, but she’s smart. I mean really – really smart.
“Since when do you study?” I put my hand on my hip, watching her curiously.
She rolls her big blue eyes at me. “Since I’m failing a class, that’s when.” She throws her bag over her shoulder.
I quickly step in front of the door blocking her in. “But it’s Saturday. Can’t you skip it today?”
She shakes her head back and forth. “I all ready told you. I can’t. It’s mandatory. I’m sorry. Trust me, I’d much rather be going to the spa with you and Merita.”
I step to the side to let her by. “What time will you be back?”
She gives me a quick hug. “We should be done by six. At least I hope so. You know how I feel about studying.”
Merita is the best aunt in the world. After we were spoiled at the spa, she took me shopping and even bought me a new outfit.
It’s going on nine as we head back to campus. I grab my pone and send Amanda a text.
Me: Hey are you still studying?
Amanda: Unfortunately, how was the spa?
Me: It was great!
Amanda: Well I have to go. These nerds are giving me the evil eye.
I laugh and slip my phone back into my pocket.
“Do you want me to drop you off at your dorm?” Merita asks me.
“Nah, can you drop me off at Dean’s frat house?” I know it’s a risk running into Ryan. Being able to resist him face-to-face will be a test of my willpower. But I haven’t been there in so long, and I kind of miss it. Plus, I don’t feel like going back to my room if Amanda isn’t there.
After giving Merita a huge thank you hug, I climb out of the car. The first thing I see is Amanda’s car sitting by the curb. What the hell? She just told me that she was still with her study group. Why did she lie to me?
I shake my head and make my way across the lawn. As usual the place is littered with beer cans and bottles. I cuss under my breath as I trip over a shoe. Wow, they must be getting wilder. As I make my way to the front door I see a guy bent over, puking in some hedges. Gross!
I push the door open and stare into the chaos. They have a strobe light going, making it hard to see anything. For a second I actually debate on turning around and walking back to my dorm. But then I remember that Amanda’s here.
I push through several people and stand on my tiptoes, looking around for Dean. I finally spot him dancing with a girl.
I wait for the song to end - so that I’m n
ot being rude - and then make my way over to him. “Hey…”
His eyes widen slightly when he sees me. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to spend the day with Merita.”
I nod my head at him. “I did.” I shout. Oh this is ridiculous. I can’t even hear myself think in here. I grab his elbow and pull him into a room, closing the door, to block out some of the noise.
“Have you seen Amanda?”
“Yeah, why?”
I shake my head. Why would she lie to me? It’s not like I don’t know that she parties here all of the time. She never tried to keep it a secret before.
“Is everything okay? You look a little confused.” Dean says, dragging me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Do you know what time she got here?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t have a clue, probably a couple of hours ago. The last time I seen her she looked pretty wasted.” Mother fucker! I’m starting to get pissed. She has to be up to something if she’s lying to me. This doesn’t make any sense.
“Thanks,” I turn around and open the door. “I’m going to go find her and make sure that she’s okay.” Or kill her, depending on what she’s doing.
Dean holds the door for me as I step back out into all of the madness.
As I’m looking around for any sign of Amanda, I hear my name. I turn around and see Amanda and Ryan huddled together back in a corner. What the hell!? I ease closer to them dunking beneath the stairs, so that they can’t see me. We’re at the back of the house so all of the music and noise is muffled.
“What about Taylor?” Ryan says, pressing Amanda into the wall, with his body. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt me.”
Amanda tips her head back and giggles. Fuck me! I know that fucking giggle! She’s into him! What kind of friend is she? I would never ever go after one of her guys. She doesn’t know that I’ve been trying to avoid him. And Ryan knows that Amanda is – or was – my best friend.
All I want to do is turn and run, but I swear, it’s like a bad car accident. As much as you don’t want to look, you can’t seem to help yourself. Even though I’m pretty sure where this situation is headed, I can’t force myself to move. My morbid curiosity is getting the best of me.
Ryan leans forward and buries his face against Amanda’s neck, as his hand slides down to cup her breast. “Mmmm you smell so good.”
Son of a bitch! I cup my hand over my mouth as vomit burns at the back of my throat. Please stop! Please stop! I keep hoping one of them will stop, but then Amanda slides her hand down the front of his jeans and grips him.
Shit! Shit! Shit! This cannot be happening! Amanda is my only friend. I mean I have other friends, but we’ve all separated after graduating, went our separate ways. Amanda and I stuck together. She’s more like a sister to me than a friend. Well, at least she used to be. Not now. Not after witnessing this disgusting scene.
“Come on. Show me where your room is.” Amanda says, taking Ryan’s hand and pulling him behind her. I press my back flat against the wall and hold my breath as they pass me. I don’t know why I even bothered. It’s not like either of them would have noticed me anyway, or even cared for that matter.
As soon as I hear their footsteps above me on the stairs, I jerk out of my hiding place and push my way to the front door. I’ve been in Ryan’s room many times. I know which one is his. I run around the side of the house and stare up at his window. I cannot believe I’m about to do this, but I have to be sure. Deep down I know exactly what I’m going to see, but Damnit, I keep clinging to the hope that one of them will come to their senses and stop, before it’s too late.
When I see his bedroom light come on I start climbing up the trellis. The thin wood cracks beneath my weight, but I don’t give a shit. I’m running on pure adrenaline.
I climb until I’m about midway of his window. I lean across, thankful that his curtains are open. When I was with him, I always made sure to close them, but Amanda obviously doesn’t give a fuck. I bite down on my lip at the sight before me. Neither of them is stopping, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. They’re ripping one another’s clothes off. Ryan’s got his hands all over her. When I see Amanda dropping to her knees in front of him, I close my eyes. I can’t watch this anymore. It’s pretty obvious that neither of them give a fuck about me.
Every muscle in my body is tense as I start climbing back down. I swear I could break a two-by-four in two with my ass cheeks right now. I feel numb and hollow on the inside. How could my day take such a drastic turn? It went from one of the best days to the absolute worst in two-point-two seconds.
“Hey! What are you doing up there?” I hear someone shout at me when I’m about halfway down.
I jerk back completely startled, my hands slip, and I end up falling into a bunch of prickly bushes. Great, this is just perfect. I blink up at two guys looking down at me.
“Whoa, are you okay?” One of the guys asks me. He has a beer in one hand and a joint in the other.
“Just peachy,” I say blandly. Without even thinking, I take the joint out of his hand and take a long pull off of it. Shit! I start coughing uncontrollably. That’s strong! I’ve smoked cigarettes before, but it’s nothing like this. My head begins spinning almost immediately, and I get this hankering for some chips.
“Here,” the other guy holds his hand out to me and helps me up.
“Thanks,” I begin picking stickers off of my jeans. Thank God I wasn’t wearing a skirt.
“Hey, wait a minute. Aren’t you Dean’s sister?” The pot head asks me.
“Yep, the one and only.” I stumble to the side, take another pull off of the joint and hand it back to him.
“Dude, if Dean finds out you gave his little sister a joint; he’ll beat the shit out of you.” The other guy says.
“I didn’t give it to her. She took it.” The guy mumbles.
I ignore the two guys and walk away from them. I don’t have a clue where I’m going. I’m sure as hell not going back to my dorm room. Sooner or later Amanda will come crashing in. I wonder if she’ll be so eager to tell me about her exploits this time. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
It feels like I’ve been walking for hours. My feet are starting to hurt. I don’t even remember getting here, but here I am knocking on his door. I don’t know where else to go. I sure can’t talk to Dean. He sure as hell wouldn’t understand why I’m so upset about Ryan and Amanda hooking up.
The door opens up and Matt’s eyes widen as he takes me in. I have to wonder what I look like. Not that I care at the moment. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t give a shit about how I look.
“Taylor? What in the fuck are you doing here?” His tone takes me aback. Why is he being so fucking rude? If it wasn’t for me, he would have probably ended up sleeping at the club the other night.
CHAPTER 18
MATT
I’m doing it, again - being a complete asshole towards Taylor, for no particular reason. However, she did show up at my apartment unannounced, at two in the fucking morning. I don’t know what I have to do to make her understand that we are not – nor will we ever be – friends. I was actually sleeping for the first time in weeks.
I open my mouth to once again remind her, but she holds her hand out in front of me, shaking her head vehemently.
“I know. I know. We’re not friends, but I didn’t know where else to go.” Her voice is raw with emotion. I look into her brown eyes and they’re filled with so much pain, that my stomach clenches. What in the hell is going on with her? No, I don’t want to know. I’m not getting involved with her, in any way.
“How in the hell do you know where I live?” I swear this girl is trying to stalk me.
She blinks at me a few times, her brows drawing together in confusion. “You don’t remember?”
I shake my head. “Remember what?” Could she be any more confusing? It’s like she’s speaking in riddles.
“You told me where you live the
other night, so that Dean and I could bring you home.” She throws her hands up in the air. “Oh that’s right you were freaking trashed. You probably don’t remember.”
So that’s how I got home. She takes a step closer to me and cocks her head to the side. “Are you going to invite me in, or not?”
I square my shoulders. “Not.” I dig my fingers into the doorframe, fighting all of my good guy tendencies. I must not allow this girl into my house. She has this way of getting around all of my defenses. It’s just too risky. I don’t want to get involved with her or her problems, whatever they may be. She’s obviously upset about something.
“Please Matt; I don’t have anywhere else to go. I need to talk to someone.”
I arch a brow at her. “Since when do you call me Matt?” She’s one of the few people who called me Matthew.
“Since you told me to at the club.” She rakes her hand through her hair.
I told her that? Ah shit! What else did I do the other night? Hell, maybe I should let her in so that she can fill me in on that night. She obviously knows more about it than I do.
She starts blinking her eyes repeatedly as they fill with tears. I know her little trick. “Don’t start that crying shit. It won’t work this time.”
“Matt, I’ve had a really shitty night. I’m not faking this time. I’m pissed off, and if you don’t let me in, I’m going to do something stupid.”
I lean forward studying her. “Like what?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ll probably beat the shit out of my best friend.”
Okay, now she’s got my attention. Her best friend obviously screwed her over in some way. I can totally relate to that. I don’t care how bad a situation is, add in your best friend to the mix, and it’s that much worse.
I take a deep breath, step aside, and allow her to walk into my apartment. I hope like hell that I don’t end up regretting this.
She goes straight to my half empty bottle of Jack sitting on the coffee table. She picks it up, flops down on the sofa, and turns it to her head. She squeezes her eyes shut and swipes the back of her hand across her mouth.
Finding Myself In You Page 5
