“Are you alone?’
“Yeah,” he says, covering his mouth as he yawns. “Why?”
“I was just making sure. Can I come in?”
“Sure,” he steps to the side and holds the door open for me. “What’s going on? You sound upset.”
I drop my bag onto the floor, and flop down onto his bed. “I need a place to stay. Can you check around for me and see if anyone is looking for a roommate?” Unlike me, Dean has tons of friends.
“I can, but what about your room?” He sits down next to me. “Did something happen between you and Amanda?” He’s watching me intently.
“Yeah, you could say that, but I don’t want to talk about it.” I don’t want to lie to him anymore. I need to come clean and tell him everything, but I just can’t. At least not right now. “Can I spend the night here? I’ll sleep on the couch.” I add quickly. The last thing I want to do is kick him out of his own room.
“Ah hell no! You will not sleep on the couch with all of the drunks running around here. You’ll sleep in here. I’ll crash in Chris’s room. He’s never here anyway. He spends most of his time at his girlfriend’s.”
“Thanks, you’re the best.” I really appreciate the fact that he isn’t asking me questions. He’s probably thrilled that Amanda and I had a falling out. He’s done everything but beg me to stop hanging out with her. Apparently, he’s known her better than I have. Its untelling what he’s saw her doing at all of the parties. I cringe just thinking about it.
He wraps his long arm around my shoulders. “Hey, that’s what big brothers are for. Do you want to go and get breakfast?”
“No thanks. I all ready ate.”
“Dean,” I call out to him before he opens the door. Ryan obviously hasn’t mention Matt to him.
He stops and turns to face me. “Yeah?”
“Please don’t say anything to Ryan about any of this.”
His brows crease and he studies me for a few seconds. “Not that I would, but why do you care?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I just don’t want anyone knowing my business.”
He nods his head. “Okay. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
CHAPTER 22
MATT
I can’t stop thinking about Taylor. It sucked seeing her that upset. I really hope she takes my advice and comes clean to Dean. I know from experience, he’ll be hurt, and pissed off, but it will be so much better coming from her. If Cooper would have come straight to me, we’d still be friends. I’d actually have someone in my life. But, he had to take Crystal’s side and fuck everything up. Did they honestly think that I would never find out?
I just finished up with my classes for the day, and I’m driving around, completely lost in my thoughts. I feel like my phone is burning a hole in my pocket. I’m trying to get my mind off of Taylor, but I desperately want to talk to her. I need a distraction.
I don’t want to be alone, so I’m not going home, right now. Ah hell! How did I end up here? I look up at Taylor’s dorm. I honestly don’t even remember how I got here.
Fuck it! I grab my phone and punch in her number. I just want to make sure that she’s okay.
I grind my jaw when it goes to her voicemail. I’m definitely not going to leave her a message.
I throw the truck in reverse and stomp down on the gas.
I finally end up at the same club from the other night. The lights are flashing and the music is so loud it’s vibrating through my chest. I wind around the dance floor and make my way back to the bar.
“Is this seat taken?” I ask a cute blonde.
She turns to me and flashes me a sexy grin. “It is now.”
“What’s your poison?” I ask her, as I motion to the bartender.
She cocks her head at me and bites down on her lower lip. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.” She leans forward and slides her hand up my leg. It does absolutely nothing for me. What in the hell is wrong with me? She’s attractive, and she’s obviously interested. So, why am I still thinking about Taylor, and how her big brown eyes were filled with so much grief? Maybe, I just need to have alcohol burning in my system. Yeah, the alcohol will stop me from worrying about Taylor. I grab my shot, give the girl a smile, and tip my head back, downing it.
She does the same without a single flinch. She’s done this before.
“Come and dance with me.” She purrs against my ear, as she slides off of her seat.
My eyes go straight to her chest. Oh yeah, I can dance with her. I wouldn’t mind having her pressed up against me. She takes me by the hand and pulls me through the crowd.
As soon as we find a space, she wraps her arms around my neck. I place my hands on her hips and pull her against me. I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing here, dancing with this girl. I mean, technically I do. Crystal is the only girl that I’ve ever been with. We met in high school, and we were both each other’s first, but Damnit I want to fix that. She obviously didn’t have a problem being with different guys. I don’t want a relationship, by any means, but I am a guy, and I do have needs. This girl is obviously down, judging by the way her body is responding to mine.
She presses her lips against my neck. “Do you want to get out of here?” Her breasts are pressed against my chest. They’re firm and she feels good. I do want to move on, but I’m not so sure if this is the way to go about it. Do I really want to bring some strange girl into my apartment, fuck her, and then dismiss her like she’s nothing? I don’t even know this girl. I can’t use her, just because I need a distraction.
When the song ends, I press my forehead against hers; silently cussing myself for wussing out, but this just isn’t the person that I want to be. I’m better than that. I’m better than this.
“Maybe some other time.” I press my lips against her forehead, and walk away from her.
CHAPTER 23
TAYLOR
Ugh! How am I supposed to study with all of this noise? There’s a huge party going on downstairs, and it’s slowly making its way up here.
I’ve been crashing in Dean’s room for a couple of days now. It’s been difficult to say the least. I’ve been avoiding Ryan like the plague. Every time I hear him, I dunk into a room. I’ve seen more sex than I care to admit. Honestly, don’t these guys know how to lock a door? This is not working out…at all. But I don’t have anywhere else to go. Dean has checked with everyone he knows. No one knows of any place. Even with all of the money that Dad sends me, it’s not enough to pay rent by myself. I need a roommate.
I throw my books into my bag and head towards the door. I guess if I want to get anything done, I’m going to have to go to the library. As soon as I’m in the hall I hear my name. Ah shit! Why did I try to leave?
I spin around and find myself face to face with Ryan – of all people. Son of a bitch! Being this close to him is pure torture.
“Hey Taylor. I didn’t know you were here.” He says, getting uncomfortably close.
Yeah, I know. I made sure you didn’t asshat! “I was just leaving.” I try to turn around, but he grabs hold of my elbow.
“Hey, are you mad at me or something?” His brows are creased, as he studies me intently.
“What makes you think I’m mad at you?” I ask, pulling my elbow away from him.
“Oh, I don’t know. You haven’t returned any of my texts. You barely spoke to me the other day, except to smart me off.” He throws his hands into the air. “And since when do you have a boyfriend? I thought you were seeing me.” His eyes are glued to my chest. It’s pissing me off.
“Yeah, well I decided I didn’t want to be your play thing, anymore. So, I moved on.” I say sullenly.
I try to turn, but he grabs me – again. What the hell!? This guy cannot take a hint. I don’t want to talk to him right now – or ever again - for that matter.
“Is that what you thought? That I was just using you?” He reaches out and caresses my cheek with the back of his hand. “No wonder you’re mad at me.” Ryan’s a total pla
yer. He knows all of the right things to say. He knows how to take advantage of people.
Unfortunately for him, I know when I’m being played. He doesn’t have a fucking clue! “So you weren’t sleeping with anyone else?” I clench my hands into fists.
He shakes his head. “Hell no. You were more than enough for me. I care about you. I was just so scared of Dean finding out. There’s no way in hell, he’d let me keep seeing you, if he found out.” Ugh! You fucking liar. I fucking saw you!
I’m so beyond pissed right now. I probably have steam coming out of my ears.
He grabs my hips and pulls me against him. “Please say that I can have another chance. If you want to make this official, I will. Anything that you want. We can go and tell Dean right now, together.” He buries his nose in my neck, and inhales deeply. “Or we could go back to my room first. It’s totally up to you.” His actions remind of the night that I saw him with Amanda. I taste bile in the back of my throat, and I internally cringe.
I push him away from me with all of my strength. I cannot stand being this close to him, right now. “Why now Ryan, after all of this time? You never cared about making us official, before. Now that I have a boyfriend, you suddenly want a relationship?” Fuck that!
What is he trying to do to me? For years, all I wanted was for him to want me, like I wanted him. And now, that he thinks I’m seeing someone else, he suddenly actually wants me. If I hadn’t seen him and Amanda going at it like rabbits, I would jump at his offer, but I did.
“I’m sorry Ryan. It’s too late. I’m with Matt now.” I start backing away from him, and quickly turn around, sprinting down the hall before he can grab me again.
After going over my notes for two hours, trying to pass the time, I check my phone. I have a missed call from Matt. That’s odd. He’s never called me before, unless it was to change the time of our tutoring session.
I punch in his number.
“Hello…” He answers on the second ring.
“Hey Matt, its Taylor. Did you need me? I saw where you tried to call me.”
“Um yeah, I was just checking to see if you were okay.”
His answer nearly floors me. He was actually worried about me? That’s kind of …sweet.
“Did you talk to Dean?” He asks, making me feel guilty.
I drop my head in my hands. “No.”
His next question takes me by complete surprise. “Do you want to come over?” Wow, I did not see that one coming.
“What?” I must be hearing things. Surely he didn’t just invite me over.
“You heard me, Taylor. Do you want to come over, or not?” Now he sounds like the Matt I know.
“Um… okay.” What in the hell is going on?
“Where are you at? I’ll come and pick you up.”
“I’m at the library.”
“What are you doing at the library?”
“Trying to study. I’ve been crashing at Dean’s fraternity house the past couple of nights, and it’s too loud to concentrate, with the constant parties going on.” I roll my head from side to side, trying to ease some of the tension.
There’s silence for several seconds. “Is Ryan in that fraternity?” His tone has hardened.
“Yeah, it’s been hell.” I say, shaking my head.
“I’ll be there in five minutes.” He finally says, sounding all angry.
Why is he mad all of a sudden?
CHAPTER 24
MATT
God Damnit! I shouldn’t be this mad. But, I swear, Taylor must love torturing herself. Why in the hell would she stay at the same house, as the guy who fucked around on her, with her best friend? Isn’t there somewhere else that she could stay? Even staying with her friend, should be easier than facing that jerk.
I ignore the little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that I have an extra bedroom. There’s no way in hell that I’m going there. Things would get complicated. I don’t even know why I’m on my way to pick her up. Why did I have to invite her over? Oh yeah, because I keep remembering how sad she looked when she showed up at my apartment, the other night. I know that look all too well. I know how it feels to be all alone in the world. I don’t want her to feel that way. For some bizarre reason, I want to be there for her.
It’s starting to rain when I pull up in front of the library. Taylor is sitting on the steps staring down at her phone. She looks up when she hears my truck, and smiles at me. Her entire face seems to light up.
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, when my heart thuds loudly in my chest, as she makes her way over to me. My eyes go straight to her breasts. What is going on with me, tonight? First, I invite her over, now I’m gawking at her chest. Sure, Taylor’s an attractive girl, but I definitely shouldn’t be looking at her, like this. I quickly avert my eyes up to her face. I cannot go there. I can’t keep looking at her perfect body. What am I doing? Apparently Taylor isn’t the only one who loves torturing themselves. She’s the same age as Crystal, and I don’t ever want to risk allowing someone to have that kind of power over me again. Besides, she’s hurting right now. She just needs someone to talk to and lean on. I want to be that person for her.
“Hey, thanks for picking me up.” She climbs into the truck, and the first thing I notice is how good she smells. The second thing I notice is how soft her hair looks. Ah fuck me! Maybe I should have fucked the blonde. I must be horny, because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex. That’s all.
It isn’t helping matters that Taylor looks amazing in her jeans. I can feel my own jeans beginning to tighten. I definitely shouldn’t have tried to call her. Whether she’s okay or not, isn’t any of my business. I have got to put some distance between us.
“No problem.” I say, forcing my eyes to the road. I cannot let myself get any more involved with this girl. I’m all ready thinking about her way too much.
I shift gears and pick up speed. “Do you want to tell me why you’ve been staying at a frat house?”
“Because, if I have to hear any more of Amanda’s lies, I’m going to end up in prison, for murder.”
“Is it really easier to stay in the same house as Ryan? He obviously lied too.”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I mostly stayed in Dean’s room. I didn’t even see Ryan, until just a little while ago.”
My eyes widen and I turn to look at her. “Did you talk to him?”
What is wrong with me? Why do I keep asking her questions? And more importantly, why is this bothering me so much? None of this is any of my fucking business.
She sighs loudly, bringing my attention back to her. “Unfortunately, he’s such a jerk. He acted like I cheated on him, or something. Now that he thinks I’m dating you, he wants to have a relationship with me.”
My knuckles are a stark white from my grip on the steering wheel. “He said that?”
“Yep, he sure did.”
“What did you say?” Wow, I really can’t stop myself.
She looks over at me and scrunches her nose up. “I told him I was with you now. Thanks for not outing me the other day, by the way. I really appreciate it. I know you can’t stand me.” She adds under her breath, dropping her head, so that her hair veils her face.
“That’s not true.” I tell her sincerely. The thought that she thinks I can’t stand her, makes me feel like pond scum. I really was a jerk to her.
She lifts her head and stares at me incredulously. “Really? Because, you could have fooled me.”
I sigh and shake my head. “Look, I’m really sorry for the way that I treated you. Trust me. It has nothing to do with you.”
She cocks her head to the side, studying me. “Well, who does it have to do with?”
Nope, not going to happen. Even though I’ve been grilling her, I’m not about to tell her about my issues. It’s none of her business, and I really don’t feel like talking about it, anyhow.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I tell her as I pull up in front of my apartment. Fortunately, sh
e doesn’t press the issue.
“Do you want something to drink?” I ask her, as I toss my keys onto the table.
“I’ll take water.” She follows me into the kitchen.
I open the fridge, toss her a bottle of water, and grab myself a beer.
“Thanks,” she opens the water and takes a drink. I can’t stop staring at her mouth wrapped around the bottle. An image of her on her knees, in front of me, comes unbidden into my mind. What the fuck! What is going on with me tonight?
I can feel my dick start to swell. I quickly shake my head, forcing all of my perverse thoughts out of my head.
I must be finally getting over Crystal, because she hasn’t been on my mind nearly as much, as Taylor has the last couple of days. I really shouldn’t be thinking about anyone right now. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I sure as hell don’t want to hurt anyone. I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.
I run my hand through my hair as I watch Taylor leaning back against the cabinet. Damnit! My eyes are instantly drawn to her chest. I quickly grab another beer, forcing myself to look away from her. It was a mistake bringing her here. Why is my body all of a sudden responding to her like this?
“Don’t you have anywhere else you can stay, besides the frat house?” I ask, trying my best not to openly drool over her.
She shakes her head. “No. Dean’s asked everyone he knows. I can’t afford rent by myself, and I don’t know anyone who needs a roommate.”
“I do.” Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What am I doing? Shut the fuck up, Matt! Now!
Her head snaps up and her brown eyes go wide. “Really? Who?”
I must not do this! I need to backtrack – fast. This will not go over well. I know it. I can’t get involved with anyone. I’m moving away in a few months. I don’t want a reason to stay.
“Me.” Fuuuucccckkkk!
CHAPTER 25
TAYLOR
I must be hearing things. That’s the only explanation. There’s no way that Matt just invited me to move in with him.
“Excuse me?” I blink up at him, completely dumbfounded.
Finding Myself In You Page 7
