Finding Myself In You

by Melanie J. Cole

  “Hey Taylor, I haven’t seen you in awhile.” He says, stepping to the side so that we can walk in.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve been busy.”

  He nods his head and motions towards the stairs. “Dean’s in his room.”

  I’m so scared I can’t seem to make my legs move. Matt puts his hand on the small of my back and nudges me gently. I shuffle forward and the next thing I know, I’m standing outside of Dean’s room. Ah shit! This is so bad.

  I raise my hand to knock, and then I hear voices. Shit! I know that voice. I spin around and look up at Matt. “We can’t go in there.” I mutter.

  “Why not?”

  “Because, Ryan’s in there.” I try to step around him, but he grabs my wrist, stopping me.

  “You can’t back out. You have to tell him. If you don’t want Ryan in there, we’ll ask him to leave.” Matt says calmly.

  I shake my head frantically. “You don’t understand. Ryan’s a hot head. He won’t just leave because we ask him to. He’ll try to pick a fight with you. I know him. And if he’s in there when I tell Dean, they’ll probably kill each other.”

  Matt’s silent for several seconds, debating. I’m beginning to think he understands, but then Dean’s door opens and Dean is staring at us.

  “Taylor,” Dean studies me. “Is everything okay?” He asks, narrowing his eyes at Matt.

  I open my mouth, but then Ryan steps up behind Dean, and I cinch my jaw shut.

  Matt takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Ryan’s eyes drift down to our hands and his jaw twitches. Fortunately, Matt doesn’t pay any attention to him. “Taylor needs to talk to you alone.” Matt says.

  I can’t stop staring at Ryan, he must know what I’m about to do, because his lips part and he begins shaking his head slowly. Am I really that transparent?

  “Don’t do it.” Ryan mouths to me. Oh dear God, I feel like my heart is lodged in my throat.

  Apparently Matt sees him, because he tightens his grip on my hand.

  Dean follows my gaze and looks back at Ryan. “You heard Matt. Taylor wants to talk to me, alone.” Dean steps aside and motions for Ryan to leave. Ryan keeps standing there glowering at Matt and me. “Are you fucking deaf?” Dean asks, narrowing his eyes at Ryan. Ryan glances over at him and lets out an exasperated breath.

  The look that Ryan gives Matt as he passes us is murderous. “Matt can stay.” I blurt out, fearing for his life.

  Dean shakes his head looking annoyed. “Whatever you want.” He steps to the side and Matt and I walk in.

  Dean shuts his door, and folds his arms across his chest. “What’s going on, Taylor? What do you want to talk about?”

  I take a deep breath and drop down onto his bed. “Before I tell you, I want you to promise me that you won’t hate me.”

  He drops his arms down by his side and cocks his head to the side. “I could never hate you, Taylor. But you’re starting to freak me out a little bit. Just say it.”

  I begin chipping at my nail polish. “I don’t know if you know this, or not, but I used to have a huge crush on Ryan.”

  Dean gives me a lopsided grin. “Yeah, you and every other girl in high school.”

  So he knew. This surprises me for some reason, it shouldn’t. I shake my head as I remember all of the times that I paraded myself around in front of Ryan, flirting, and making a complete fool of myself. I was such an idiot.

  I suck in a deep breath before I lose my nerve. “I slept with Ryan.” I blurt it out, and then blink up at him.

  His brows are drawn together, and his hands are clenched into fists. “What did you say?” Oh dear God, he’s going to make me repeat it.

  “Do I really have to say it, again?” I ask softly.

  He shakes his head slowly. “No. When?” His jaw is doing that twitching thing that he does, when he’s barely maintaining his temper. If I thought that Ryan’s look was murderous, it’s nothing, compared to the look on Dean’s face, right now.

  I shake my head. “I don’t remember all of the dates, but we were together several times.” I cannot believe that I’m telling him this. My entire body is shaking with pure fear. “I thought that I loved him.” I rasp out, holding back tears, hoping he will understand.

  He swallows hard and his nose flares with his heavy breathing. “Are you still sleeping with him?”

  I quickly shake my head back and forth. “No. I called it off, when I saw him screwing Amanda.” I’d actually cut him off before that, but seeing them two together, really drove everything home for me. I could barely stand the sight of him after that.

  “So, that’s what was going on with you and Amanda.”

  I drop my head. “Yeah.”

  Dean is silent for several minutes, and I don’t have a clue what to do, or say.

  Unable to stand the intense silence any more, I push up off of the bed, and walk towards him. “Dean, please say something. I’m so sorry.”

  He holds his hand out, stopping me, before I can touch him. “Don’t, I…I just can’t be near you right now.” He opens his door and steps to the side, refusing to look at me.

  “Dean, please…” I whisper.

  “Damnit Taylor! Just go before I say something that we’ll both regret.” His tone is hard and bitter.

  Matt steps up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Come on. He just needs some time.”

  I nod my head and let him lead me down the stairs.

  As we step out of the house, my eyes go straight to Ryan. He’s leaned up against Matt’s truck. This is just great. Could this day possibly get any worse?

  When he sees us he begins stalking towards us. “What in the fuck did you do?” He roars, getting up into my face. “You better not have told him what I think you told him.” He growls.

  Before I can respond Matt shoves him backwards. “Back the fuck up!” He yells, clenching his hands into fists.

  Ryan puts his finger in Matt’s face. “This isn’t any of your fucking business.”

  “Well, I’m making it my fucking business.”

  I quickly jump in between them before they start fighting. “Stop it! Both of you!” I press my back up against Matt’s chest and glare at Ryan. “It’s too late, Ryan. I told Dean everything. What we did was wrong, and he deserves to know the truth. You’re a terrible friend, and I’m a terrible sister.” I release a long breath and slump my shoulders. I really fucked up.

  “You should have kept your fucking mouth shut. He would have never found out if it wasn’t for you.” Ryan says, refusing to drop it. He grabs hold of my arm and pulls me to the side.

  Before I can jerk out of his grip, Matt pulls his fists back and slams it into Ryan’s jaw. “Don’t you ever touch her again!”

  Ryan recovers quickly and pulls his arm back. Not knowing what else to do, I lunge forward, trying to grab his arm before he can land his punch. I somehow lose my balance, get twisted around, and the next thing I see is Ryan’s fist as it slams into the side of my head.

  CHAPTER 38

  MATT

  “What in the fuck is wrong with you?” I shout at Ryan, as I drop down onto my knees next to Taylor. I cannot believe that he fucking hit her. If I wasn’t so concerned with making sure she’s okay, I’d fucking kill him.

  “It was an accident. I was aiming for you.” Ryan says, dropping down on the other side of her.

  “Well, you can’t aim for shit. Taylor, are you okay?” I pull her head into my lap, and run my fingertips across her swollen jaw.

  After a few seconds, she blinks her eyes open and scrunches her nose up. “Son of a bitch that hurt.” She rolls her head to the side and glares at Ryan. “What is wrong with you?”

  He pushes up onto his feet and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s your own damn fault. You shouldn’t have got in my way.”

  “Fuck you!” I say, as I stand up pulling Taylor along with me. “Come on, let’s go home and get you some ice.” I walk her around to the passenger side of the truck, and help her in.
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  It takes everything in me not to follow Ryan into the house, and beat the living shit out of him. But Taylor’s obviously in a lot of pain, and my need to take care of her overpowers my intense anger.

  As soon as I’m in the truck, I take her hand and bring it up to my lips, kissing her palm. “I’m sorry you got in the middle of that.”

  She tips her head back and closes her eyes. “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have jumped in between you guys.”

  I help Taylor over to the couch in spite of all of her protests. She took a hard punch in the head. I’m scared she might have a concussion.

  “I’ll be right back.” I tell her, as I make my way into the kitchen. I grab an ice pack, some water, and a bottle of Advil. As I turn to go back to Taylor, my eyes land on the calendar. Son of a bitch! I called a realtor a few weeks ago and set up an appointment to start looking at some new apartments, but that was before I fell for Taylor. I’m supposed to start looking this weekend.

  “Here,” I reach Taylor the Advil and water, and press the ice-pack gently against her swollen cheek. Should I tell her that I’m moving away after graduation? I hadn’t planned on falling for her, but now, I’m not so sure what to do. I still want to get the hell away from here, and my old man. But I don’t want to leave her behind. I wonder if she’d come with me.

  “This is so not the way I wanted to spend my afternoon.” Taylor says, dragging me out of my depressing thoughts.

  I decide not to mention anything to her right now. She’s been through enough for one day. I’ll just call the realtor and reschedule.

  My lips quirk up into a grin, as her words register. She’s remembering my promise to her before we left. “Yeah, I definitely had better plans than this.” I pull the ice-pack back and ease my fingertips across her jaw, which is turning a reddish purple color.

  Her body shivers as my fingers graze her skin, and I have to resist the urge to take her right here on the sofa. I can’t do that, she’s in too much pain right now. She’s hurting both physically and emotionally. The look on her face when Dean kicked her out was utterly gut- wrenching.

  Even though I know he had every right to react the way he did, hell, he controlled his anger so much better than I did. I threw my phone at Cooper’s head. I still had to resist the urge to punch him in the face. My feelings for Taylor are so intense, that I can’t stand to see her hurting.

  I look down at her and she’s staring at my mouth. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and looks up at me. “What exactly did you have in mind?” She asks, as her breathing grows heavier. Holy hell! She’s so sexy when she looks at me like that.

  I clench my hands into fists, forcing myself off of the sofa. I have to put some distance between us. I don’t want to get caught up in the moment and accidentally hurt her. Her jaw looks pretty bad. “I’ll have to tell you another time.” I tell her, walking over to my DVD collection.

  “Tonight we’re both going to have to settle for a movie. You’re in no shape for anything else.” I fight all of my bodies urges and refuse to look back at her. If I do, I’m afraid I’ll lose what little self-control I have.

  CHAPTER 39

  TAYLOR

  It’s been over a week since I told Dean about me and Ryan. A whole fucking week, of not seeing or hearing from him. This is pure torture. I’ve tried calling and texting him, but he hasn’t replied. He’s obviously ignoring me. Who could blame him?

  My jaw is still bruised and sore as hell. Ryan is a total bastard. I wonder if he and Dean have spoken to one another.

  “Hey, how does Chinese sound for lunch?” Matt asks, sitting down next to me.

  He’s been absolutely wonderful to me. I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve someone like him. I’m so glad that I have him in my life, because; honestly I don’t know what I’d do without him. We seem to get closer every day. I’m pretty sure that I’m falling in love with him, but I absolutely refuse to tell him that. He’s a great guy, but that might have him running for the hills.

  “Chinese sounds good, but I’m not really in the mood to go out.” I look down at my track pants and tank top. “I’m not really dressed for it either.”

  His eyes wonder up and down the length of me, stopping briefly on my chest. “I think you look perfect.” He says, in a sexy husky voice. I feel like I have a hundred butterflies fluttering around in my chest. He says the sweetest things to me.

  Wow, the way he makes me feel. I don’t have to pretend to be someone that I’m not, with him. He cares for me, just me. He makes me feel beautiful no matter how I look. How does he do that? Sometimes, I swear that he can see right into my soul.

  He reaches down, grabs my hand, and pulls me up. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look as absolutely glorious as you do, right now, in this moment.” His eyes are hooded as he slowly lowers his head, until our lips our pressed together.

  We’ve not had sex since I was punched, and my entire body feels like its one big massive flame. Matt slides his hands sensually down my back and over my ass. He pulls back slightly and we both breathe heavily, trying to catch out breaths.

  “I want you.” I tell him in a hoarse voice.

  “You all ready have me, Taylor. I’m yours, to do with whatever you want.” He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply. God, this guy is so perfect.

  I pull back and grab his hand. “I want you in my bed this time.” I tell him, pulling him along behind me.

  As soon as we’re in my room, I shove him down onto my bed, and straddle him. I begin working my hips in a circular motion, grinding myself against him. He lets out a throaty groan and the next thing I know, I’m on my back, and he’s hovering over me.

  I pull him down so all of his weight is pinning me to the bed. I love the way he feels. He grabs hold of my arms and pins them above my head, giving me a salacious grin.

  Wow, I love that grin. “You are mine, Taylor. All mine.” He says, as he slips his hand into my pants. My hips try to buck up, but they’re pinned beneath his weight. He begins slipping his finger in and out of me at a slow torturous pace.

  “Tell me you’re mine. I want to hear you say it.” He whispers, sucking on the base of my throat.

  “I…I…” Ah hell! How am I supposed to talk when he’s doing this to me? It’s mind boggling. I can’t even form a coherent thought.

  “Tell me baby.” He sucks on one of my nipples through my shirt.

  Everything starts to blur, as my eyes roll back into my head. All of the sensations he’s making me feel intensify and I break apart with a mind blowing orgasm. “I’m…yours…all yours Matt.” I call out, when I can finally feel my tongue.

  “That’s right, baby. Now, I’m going to take what’s mine. Do you understand?” His tone is raw with emotion. I know exactly how he feels. It’s like my entire existence was a dream, until he came into my life. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me feel things that I never imagined were possible.

  I suck in a breath, as he begins sliding my pants off. He takes his time, planting several light kisses on each of my legs as he goes. He goes slow worshiping my body. It makes me feel like I’m a Goddess.

  When my pants hit the floor, he begins moving back up my body, making sure to kiss every inch of me. He glides the tip of his tongue around my naval and squeezes my hips. “Good God, Taylor, you’re so sweet.” He moans.

  I lift up on my elbows so that I can watch him. There’s just something about the look on his face, as he does these things to me. It’s very…erotic.

  “Matt,” I moan as he slips his tongue inside of me. My head falls back and my body begins building again. I cannot believe how my body responds to him. I went for years never having an orgasm, but when I’m with Matt, I can’t see to stop them.

  I fist one of my hands in his hair, lifting my hips to give him better access to me. I fist my other hand in the sheet, holding on for dear life, as once again I shatter around him.

  He lifts his head grinni
ng at me. “That was quick.” He says, crawling up the bed and crushing his lips against mine. I open my mouth and he slides his tongue into my mouth, allowing me to taste myself. This is something that I never would have thought about doing before, but Matt brings out this beast in me. I suck on his tongue and rake my teeth across it. Who knew tasting myself could be so sexy.

  He pulls back abruptly, and climbs off of the bed, leaving me reeling.

  “What’s wrong? Where are you going?” I ask breathlessly. Surely he’s not going to leave me. He hasn’t even got his, yet.

  “I need to go get a condom. You’ve got me tore all to hell. I need to be inside of you.” He rushes out of the room.

  When he comes back into my room, he’s gloriously naked and he all ready has a condom on. He has a sexy needy look glistening in his caramel eyes.

  He climbs onto the bed and flips me over, dragging me up so that I’m on my knees. The shock of his quick movements has me shuddering. “What are you doing?”

  “We’re going to try something different.” He practically commands. I never thought I’d like someone telling me what to do, and being so rough with me, but surprisingly, I do.

  “Okay,” I mumble.

  He grabs my arms and holds them out in front of me, so that I’m forced to latch onto the headboard. “Hold on tight, baby. This is going to be a rough ride.” He tells me as he kisses my shoulder. Without another word he slams into me. My body lurches forward. Wow, this feels incredible. I absolutely love the way that he can go from gentle to rough in a heartbeat.

  He keeps pumping in and out of me over and over, until my body begins building again. Damn, this feels good. I begin pushing my body back to meet each one of his thrusts. I tip my head back and close my eyes as I find my release.

  “That’s right, give it all to me.” Matt growls as he slams into me one final time – hard – finding his own release.

  We both collapse onto the bed. He pulls out slowly, rolling off of me. He pulls me to him, so that my back is pressed against his chest, and begins nuzzling my ear. “How was that?” He asks gently, sucking my earlobe into his mouth.