by Linda Warren
“I’m not trying to be mean,” he said before she could formulate a response. “I thought about it since last night. I’m falling back into that old pattern of trying to comfort you and then we have sex and that doesn’t solve anything. It only makes everything much worse. We have to stop now and put Zane first.”
She gathered the remnants of her shattered pride and raised her head to stare into his dark troubled eyes. “I know you want me to leave, but I’m not going to. Zane knows I’m here and I’m hoping eventually he’ll open the box and want to see me. That’s my last hope and until it’s gone, I’m not going anywhere.” On feet that felt as heavy as lead, she walked to the door.
“Paige.”
She turned to look at him one more time. “You can stop talking now, Jude. Really.”
*
JUDE SAT IN his chair, leaned his head back and waited for the roof to cave in on him. That was the way he felt, as if his world had just been destroyed. But he’d done what was needed to protect Zane and to protect himself.
It was just as Phoenix had said: Jude had barely survived the first time and he couldn’t do it again. As much as he loved her, there was no future for them. There hadn’t been years ago and there wasn’t now. God only knew why they were so attracted to each other.
With a sigh, he got up and went in search of his son. Zane was all that mattered to him. Laughter rode on the afternoon breeze and brightened the spring day. It was Zane. The death grip on his heart eased at the sound. His son was happy again.
He stopped as he saw Quincy, Jenny and Zane coming toward him. Quincy had Zane piggyback and was evidently taking him to the house.
“Hey, Dad,” Zane shouted. “Uncle Quincy took me to see Bear and Little Dove.”
“I see,” he said as he reached them. “Is the poker game over?”
Zane slid to the ground and stood on one foot. “I made a bunch of money. Grandpa says he’s not playing with me anymore. And Uncle Elias wants to know how I did it. I told him I just learned it.”
Jude mussed his son’s hair. “It’s time for you to get some rest.”
“Aw, Dad.”
Jude squatted in front of the boy and Zane climbed onto his back. “Thanks for taking care of him,” Jude said to Quincy and Jenny.
“No problem.” Quincy waved as they walked away.
“Where did you go, Dad?” Zane asked.
To rip my heart out.
“I’m starting a new saddle and had to get some things done while you were busy.”
“Oh.”
“How’s the foot?”
“Good. I haven’t been walking on it.”
As they made their way to the house, Zane laid his head against Jude’s. That one little action showed Jude his son was still torn up inside. He wanted to be close to his father. Zane didn’t have to worry. Jude was doing everything he could to protect him. But it came with a dose of regrets followed with a chaser of what-could-have-been.
*
PAIGE WENT HOME and painted and painted. If she kept busy, she couldn’t think, and that was what she wanted. Just to be numb for a while to let the pain sink in so she could deal with it.
The green in her mother’s bedroom didn’t suit her, so she drove to Temple to buy more paint. She knew she wasn’t acting rational, but that didn’t matter, either. She was just going through the motions.
This time she bought candy-apple red and painted one wall. The rest she painted wheat. Even though she wasn’t crazy about the color it accented the red. She stood back and looked at her handiwork. It was fiery, loud and bold. Just like her mother. It was perfect.
She had no idea what time it was. It was dark outside and her eyelids grew heavy. She curled up on the carpet to rest a bit. That was where Staci found her the next morning.
Staci sat on the floor beside her. “What’s wrong? Are you high on all this paint? It smells in here.”
“I have the windows opened.”
“I’ve been calling and you’re not answering your phone.”
Paige stretched her shoulders. “I’ve been busy.”
“Why are you sleeping on the floor?”
Paige brushed hair out of her eyes and realized her ponytail had come undone. A lot of things had come undone, and she pushed everything down inside her, not wanting to talk about it.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Pretend you’re not upset. What happened?”
All kinds of lies ran through her head to tell her sister so she wouldn’t worry, but she was too tired to voice any of them. What did it matter? Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
She got to her feet and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Staci followed. Sitting at the kitchen table, she bared her soul because she was too weak to do anything else.
“Zane was hurt yesterday and now Jude wants you to leave?”
She swallowed the sob in her throat. “Yes. Then we wouldn’t have to face that we have a problem. Zane doesn’t want to see me or have anything to do with me and Jude doesn’t want to push him.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.”
Staci got up and brought the coffee back to the table. “He just needs time, Paige. Don’t let it get to you.”
“I’m like a pincushion and I don’t think one more stick is going to bother me, but it just might do me in, too. I deserve all of this and that’s what makes me so sad. What kind of mother would allow someone to persuade her to give her child away?”
“I’m not even going to answer that, because you’re feeling sorry for yourself and that’s not the way to handle this. I firmly believe that everything you did was for that baby’s welfare. Since I lived with our mother, I know exactly how you were feeling, so no one had better ever say that to me.”
A hint of a smile threatened her lips. “It’s nice to have someone in my corner.”
“I’m there, kiddo. Always.” Staci played with her cup. “I’m not saying this to hurt you or anything, but you were always so sensitive about what Mom said to you. You always took it to heart. Whereas Luke and I let it wash right over us. We were good at running out the door to friends just to get away from her. But you always stayed so she wouldn’t be alone. That was your first big mistake.”
Paige stared at the new yellow paint on the wall, bright and sunny, and it reminded her of something. “When you graduated and packed your things to leave for your new job in Temple, I was sad because I felt more alone than ever. Mom went out and bought me a pretty yellow sundress and sandals to match. It was so beautiful. I went down to the bakery and hung out with Angie, Rachel and Jenny. I had nice clothes just like they did and I felt a part of the group. I came home later that evening and Mom was drunk in the front yard. She couldn’t even make it to the door. I helped her get into the house and all my newfound confidence just evaporated. Funny how I remember that one little incident, and her kind gesture was then like a slap in the face, as so many other things were.”
Staci clapped her hands loudly and Paige jumped. “I want you to stop this. Stop all the remembering. You don’t see me doing that. I put it all behind me and so has Luke. Now you have to do the same.”
Paige took a gulp of coffee. “Why can’t I?”
Staci reached across the table and clasped Paige’s hand. “Listen to me. Mom asked about you all the time and she told the people at the facility that her daughter was smart and becoming a doctor.”
“She did?”
“Yes, one of the nurses even asked me if it was true and I told her it was. I think she treated you badly after Luke and I left because it was her way of forcing you to stay. If she criticized and demeaned you enough, you wouldn’t have the confidence to do anything else but stay. She had a fear of being alone, so she did everything she could to keep you here. When you left, she fell apart. She stayed drunk all the time and I had so many calls to come do something with her and I finally did when she fell and broke her hip. I knew it was time. I think she just really missed you.”
&
nbsp; A tear slipped from Paige’s eye and she remembered all the times she was there to help her mom and all the times she was so embarrassed and all the times she wished her mom was someone else. Life had a funny way of showing the past through a two-way mirror. Paige needed her mother and her mother needed Paige. But they’d never made the connection as mothers and daughters should. And that was the saddest thing of all.
She drew a deep breath and let it flow through her system and wash away all the inner turmoil that had been building in her. It was time to let it go. Her childhood had shaped her into an insecure, naive teenager. But she had grown stronger and she’d built a life of making decisions and choices that were better for her and now she had to embrace the present with all that confidence and go after what she wanted. She had to stop feeling sorry for herself. She had to stop blaming everyone else. She had to take full responsibility for her life.
No one was talking her into doing something she didn’t want to do. Not ever again.
Not even Jude.
*
JUDE WAS UP early and showered. He slipped into jeans and quickly ran a razor over his face. He had to take Zane to the doctor, so looking presentable was required. Otherwise he wouldn’t, because they would be baling hay today and it required no personal maintenance.
As he was snapping his shirt, he heard Zane moving around in his room and he went to see what his son was up to. The boy was stuffing books into his backpack.
“What are you doing? You’re not going to school. You have to go to the doctor this morning.”
Zane grabbed his jeans and sat on the bed to put them on. “I can go later. I have to go to school, Dad. I can’t break my record. I haven’t missed a day of school since second grade when I had the flu.”
“The ER doctor said you had to rest for a couple of days. As soon as your doctor’s office is open, I’m going to call and see if he can work you in. We’ll take it from there.”
“No.” Zane zipped his jeans. “When Aunt Rachel comes, I’m getting in her car and going to school and you can’t stop me.”
Not one of those days, please.
Jude placed his hands on his hips. “You want to say that again?”
Zane shook his head. “It took all my courage to say it the first time.”
Jude didn’t smile at the admission. When Zane talked back, Jude had to apply all of his parenting skills. “This is how it’s going, son. As I said, I’ll call the doctor’s office as soon as it’s open and you’re going to go in. If he says you can go to school, then I’ll take you. But if he says no, you’re coming home and spending the day with Leah and baby John.”
“Aw, Dad.”
“Do you need some help getting dressed?”
“No.”
“I’ll help you downstairs when you’re ready.”
“You treat me like a baby.”
Jude stared at his son. This was so unlike him and Jude knew it was because of everything that happened over the weekend. But Jude had rules for his son and he didn’t want him to be a spoiled brat.
“And you’re treating me with disrespect.”
Zane’s eyes opened wide. “I just want to go to school.”
“You will when the doctor says you can. This conversation is over, Zane, and you better get in a better frame of mind, because I’m losing my patience.”
Jude headed to his room and finished dressing. When he went back into Zane’s room, his son was dressed with the backpack in his hand. Jude noticed the trophy tucked inside, the top sticking out. He sighed, not wanting to get into another argument. He’d deal with the trophy later.
He piggybacked him downstairs to the kitchen. All the brothers were there and Zane perked up. As they ate breakfast, the doorbell rang. Jude pushed his plate back and went to see who it was.
The sheriff, Hardy Hollister, the DA, a woman who Jude thought was Malachi’s wife and Dudley stood there.
Now what?
Chapter Fifteen
“Could we speak to you for a minute, Jude?” the sheriff asked.
Jude stepped aside and followed them into the den. After everyone was seated, Wyatt continued, “This is about what happened on Saturday.”
Jude rested his forearms on his knees with his hands clasped together. “I figured as much. Dudley deliberately beat my son to win a race. I’m not happy about that.”
“I’m not, either, Mr. Rebel,” the woman said. “Actually, I’m quite horrified by the fact that my son would do this.”
Jude looked at Wyatt, trying not to be swayed by the woman. “What do you want from me, Wyatt?”
“Mrs. McCray is asking for leniency, but I’m not inclined to be too lenient. If this had happened to my kid, I’d probably file charges.”
“Then I don’t understand what you’re doing here. You’re the law. Do what you have to.”
“He’ll be charged with assault and sent to juvie for time specified by the judge. He’ll have a criminal record.”
“I don’t have a problem with that. Dudley has picked on Zane for years and it has to stop. That time is now.”
“Please, Mr. Rebel,” the woman pleaded. “I’m begging you. It’s not Dudley’s fault. He’s influenced by his father, who routinely beats him. I’m finally standing up for my kids. From this day forward he’ll never lay a hand on one of them again, nor will he lay a hand on me in anger. If you will give my child a second chance, I promise he’ll never be mean to your son again. We’ll pay all the hospital bills and whatever you want us to do.”
Jude didn’t let the desperation in the woman’s voice get to him. “How can I be assured he won’t hurt my kid again? Zane has scars that he will have for the rest of his life and showing mercy to a kid who did that is just not in my nature. And Malachi is an angry, bitter man. He will continue to do what he always does and I don’t think your stand now is going to help.”
“I already told Malachi that if he does anything to harm my children again, I will leave and take them with me and he’ll never see them again. My family is a Christian family and I’d never been hit in my whole life until I married Malachi. I’m tired, Mr. Rebel, of this kind of lifestyle, but it was my choice and now I’m trying to make it work for my kids. But if it doesn’t, I will be gone and you have my word on that.”
“Ma’am—”
“My name is Cheryl,” she interrupted.
He didn’t want to know her name or anything else about the McCray family. He clenched his jaw, refusing to make this personal. “Ma’am, Dudley hurt my kid badly and I just can’t overlook that.”
“Dad.” Zane hopped into the room and held on to the sofa. Jude got to his feet. He didn’t want Zane to hear this. “Don’t do it.”
“Zane, go back to the kitchen.”
“I was the one who was hurt and I should have a say in Dudley’s punishment.”
Dudley sat with his head bowed and hadn’t moved or spoken a word and Jude had to wonder if this was all his mother’s doing. He looked at the boy. “What do you have to say, Dudley?”
“Send me to jail. I don’t care.”
His mother paled and put her arm around him. “Lose the attitude and tell these people how you really feel. Tell them how you cried at what you’d done and you asked me a dozen times to call and see how Zane was doing. You didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“I didn’t,” Dudley muttered. “But I was afraid I was going to get beaten again and I had to win and I didn’t know what else to do.” The boy raised his head and turned to look at Zane. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But you’re so smart and you’re always so perfect it makes me mad.”
“Is that why you call me names?” Zane asked.
“I guess.”
“Do you promise to never call me names again and to never be mean to me again?”
Dudley nodded with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “Yes.”
Zane looked at his father. “I don’t want to press charges, Dad.”
“I’m not just letting this drop, son.”
/> “It’s not going to be dropped, Jude,” Hardy said, getting to his feet. “If you agree, I’ll ask the judge for a probation period for three months. During that time if Dudley does one thing to harm Zane or anyone else, he’ll serve some time in juvie.”
“But he has to keep his nose clean and Malachi has to abide by the rules, too,” Wyatt said. “I’ll make sure he understands them. And Mrs. McCray will see to everything else. Is that okay with you?”
Hell, no!.
But he looked at his son and saw forgiveness as bright as the sun shining outside. Zane had a big heart and Jude had to wonder why that consideration wasn’t extended to his mother.
“Yes, and my son will be well watched by everyone in this family.”
“I understand.” The sheriff nodded and the group walked toward the door.
“Thank you, Mr. Rebel.” The woman offered her hand and he shook it.
“Considering the relationship between the Rebels and McCrays, I told Mrs. McCray this was a waste of time,” Wyatt added, standing at the door. “Maybe the younger generation is getting it right. Thanks, Jude.” They shook hands.
Jude returned to his son. “That was very understanding of you.”
“Dudley comes to school a lot with bruises on his arms and face and that has to be rough, to be beaten all the time.”
“But he hurt you.”
“I know.” Zane looked down at the sofa. “But I don’t want to hurt him. I would like it if we could just live in peace.”
He’d never been more proud of his son than he was at that moment. Jude was still leery about the McCrays, though. But he was willing to offer the olive branch in hopes that peace was a viable thing for everyone.
His brothers had a lot to say about the olive branch, but Jude ignored them and called the doctor for Zane. The nurse said they could work him in at 8:30 a.m. if Jude could get him there. They were on the road to Temple in five minutes.
The doctor said everything was healing nicely and didn’t see any reason for Zane not to go to school, except for the ankle. He’d received the X-rays on his computer from the ER, and as the ER doctor had said, there were no broken bones or sprains. It was merely bruised and would need a few days to heal. He suggested crutches and Jude bought them at the pharmacy nearby. The pharmacist showed Zane how to use them and Jude had Zane back in Horseshoe and at school by ten o’clock.
