"Thank you, Jackie. Is there someone I can speak to about the estate?" I asked, trying to change the subject and not lose my composure. I knew that Jackie wanted to catch up, but I just simply couldn't go there. I had a well-devised plan for going home, and that was to get the estate taken care of and then return here.
"Yes, I'm sorry, of course. Yes, Jackson is here. I will get him. It's been nice talking to you Em....please let me know if you need anything, anything at all."
"Thank you, Jackie, I will," I said, but the truth was I wasn't expecting to stay long enough to need anything from anyone or to catch up on old times for that matter.
"Hello. Em….. I am really sorry about your Mama. It took me a while to track you down. I searched you on the internet and looked on social media, and you were nowhere to be found. I was beginning to believe Billy’s story that you were under witness protection,” he said jokingly.
I gave a small grin. Jackson could always make me smile even when I didn't want to.
"I don't get out much," I replied, hoping to make the conversation short and sweet.
Jackson gave a small chuckle. "I can tell. You're a hard woman to find. I finally had to hire a private detective to locate you," he said.
"That's not at all creepy," I said with a dry sense of humor.
"Listen, it's my job, and besides, I could have given Billy a case of Bud and my Old Chevy, and he would have been glad to go searchin' for you. Even after all these years, Em, he still has it bad for you," Jackson joked.
“So, what is this about the estate?" I asked, now even more determined not to carry on this conversation with Jackson. He had an unexplainable hold on me. I took a deep breath to compose myself.
"Em....your Mama and Daddy have left you their entire farm and the house. Jennifer had a will drawn up about six months before she died, and she specified that she wanted you to have everything. It was almost like she knew something was going to happen to her."
Mama hadn't forgotten me. Even after Roy, I had held a place in her heart.
"Listen, I know that this must be difficult for you. I don't want you to have any unnecessary worry. I can book you a flight and pick you up when you get into town or......"
"I appreciate that, Jackson. I... I am okay," I said, interrupting him as I continued to pace around the room. Jackson always had been kind to me until he left without a word. As a kid, when Jimmy was busy calling me names and hiding my things, he would always bring them back to me from wherever Jimmy had hidden them. Jackson would give me a piece of gum or candy from his pocket to try to make things better. Suddenly, I stopped myself from the memory of him. I wasn't about to give my heart away again, especially not to Lancaster. The town had taken my heart over and over and had stepped on it, devoured it, and spat it back out. Never again, I told myself.
"Okay, well if you change your mind, please let me know," he said.
"Okay, thank you," I said, walking into my bedroom to begin to pack.
"When will you be arriving, and will you be staying at the farm or a hotel, so we know how to reach you?" he asked.
"I plan on leaving this afternoon and should arrive there by early morning. I will contact you sometime later that day," I said. I felt terrible for not being nicer to Jackson after he had been so kind to me, but my heart refused to let anyone in, not even a little.
"Talk to you tomorrow then. Let me know if there is anything that you need. Be careful," Jackson said in a warm tone.
I hadn't heard the words "be careful" in so long. In the South, those words were a warm gesture of kindness to be safe and not a warning as most would interpret it.
"I will. Bye," I said.
I disconnected my phone and sat down on the edge of my bed and placed my head in my hands. Was I really going to go home? Why, Grandma May? Why do you want this so desperately? I thought to myself. I sighed.
The light in my room flickered, and I heard the words, "It's time, Honey."
“Okay, if you insist, Grandma, I'll go, but I hope you know I'm not staying!” I spoke out loud like I was making a declaration.
I grabbed a couple of t-shirts, some jeans, a jacket and a couple of dresses in case I needed them for court. I reached inside my linen drawer and grabbed a few pairs of underwear and bras. Three to four days at most, this should do it, I told myself. I grabbed my pumps and sneakers. I glanced over at the jewelry box Jordy had given me. I pulled down one of my silk scarves and wrapped it delicately around the white jewelry box and carefully placed it in my bag. As crazy as it may have sounded, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving any part of Jordy behind, even if it was only for a few days. I threw my bag over my shoulder, turned off the bedroom light behind me, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a few of Tiny's favorite toys, a stuffed bear, and a squeaky ball. I picked up her leash, water, and treats. There, that should do it.
I picked up Tiny and headed for the door.
"Tiny, hope you are ready for a wild ride," I said.
Tiny just happily licked my face, unaware of what she was getting herself into. I walked across the street to the parking garage. I held tightly onto Tiny as I opened the door and got into the old VW Beatle given to me by my Grandma. I set Tiny down in the front seat beside me on a paw print pillow and gave her a chew toy.
“Okay, Grandma, you win! I’m going back home, but only for a few days,” I said, hoping she would stop trying to remind me of my scarred past through my horrible dreams. Who knows, maybe after this dreadful trip, I could once again get a good night’s sleep, like normal people. I thought for a second, I wasn’t for sure that I knew what normal was, but I knew with certainty I wasn’t about to find it where Tiny and I were headed.
CHAPTER 8- ROAD TRIP
I pulled into the city convenient mart, gassed up, got myself a large coffee, and was on my way. I drove for miles before finally making it outside of the city limits and onto the interstate. It would be a long trip, and unfortunately, I would have plenty of time to think. Something I dreaded. I reached for the old, black knob on the radio and turned the station, although it was only AM stations. I guess it would have to do.
I glanced over at Tiny, sound asleep in her cozy blanket. I wished I could let go of this horrible feeling that washed over me. I thought back to Grandma May. She referred to this bad feeling that you just couldn’t shake as ‘the dread’. She would say she knew when something terrible was about to happen because she would have ‘the dread’ on her.
So here I was feeling the dread just like Grandma. But, I wasn’t Grandma, nor was I as strong as she was. I guess, as much as it bothered me to think, I took more after Mama and preferred running from my troubles. Until now, it had worked out pretty well. I had an excellent paying job, a nice loft apartment, Tiny, and none of the drama of home.
I sighed and turned up the volume on the radio a little louder; at least it was a distraction. It was a college radio station, playing a line-up of local alternative Saturday night punk bands. Smoked Biscuit was on. I laughed at the name. Tiny was trying to bury her head further in the pillow. Obviously, Tiny wasn’t as entertained by them as I was.
“Sorry girl, it’s all that we have. Maybe we’ll get better stations as we go.
We drove for another few hours, my eyes were getting heavy, and Tiny was standing up pawing at me. It was clear she needed to go potty.
“Okay Tiny, there is a rest stop just up ahead on the left. We’ll go there,” I said, patting her head. She jumped into my lap while we drove and hung her head out the window. I pulled over to the rest stop, and Tiny and I got out to stretch our legs. I took her for a walk and then stopped in the restroom.
Inside was a woman who looked to be in her late fifties with bright red hair and lips to match wearing a black leather jacket with the words wild and free embossed along its fringed edges.
“That is just the cutest dog! How long have you had her?” she asked.
“Oh, me?” I said, looking at her, feeling a little off guard.
She
nodded, yes.
“Oh, uh, about five years,” I replied.
“She is just fabulous!” the woman said.
“Thank you,” I said, not really in the mood for conversation as I tried to hurry.
“You okay, sweetheart?” she asked as she smacked her gum.
“I don’t mean to pry, but is something troubling you?” she kept on insisting.
“I am fine. Just a rough week at work,” I lied, hoping she would leave me alone.
“Well, if I were you and my job made me that sad, I would quit it and find a new one,” she said, making smiling faces at Tiny.
I nodded. She followed us outside.
“Oh, there’s Charlie. Drive safe,” she said, turning her attention away from Tiny and me, focusing on the tall, gray-haired man before climbing on the back of a Harley behind him.
I forced a smile and waved.
I carried Tiny back to the Beetle. “We don’t look that sad, do we, Tiny?” I asked, settling her back down on her cushion. I thought about the eccentric stranger for a minute. I wished I could be that carefree. I wondered if I was really that transparent that a total stranger could see straight through me. If she could, could everyone?
I pulled back on the interstate. I glanced up in my rearview mirror at my reflection and forced a smile. I wondered if I had ever really been truly happy. I dismissed the thought.
I couldn’t allow myself to go there. I hit my steering wheel in frustration.
I quickly turned the knob on the old radio, desperately trying to find another station. It was gospel hour on one of the old country stations. “Well, Tiny, looks as though it’s gospel’s greatest hits hour.....proof that we are getting closer to home.” I drove several more hours, stopping a few times between towns to gas up.
Finally, ahead of me was a road sign that read Lancaster 40 miles. As suddenly as the sign appeared, the sky became gray, it started to thunder, and the rain began coming down. I thought of the day we lost Jordy and the storm.
I felt a heaviness consume me. “Tiny, maybe we should turn around and head back to the city. We could get a hotel and leave first thing in the morning.” Tiny just raised her ears and sleepily nuzzled her head against her blanket. I reasoned the storm had been a sign to turn around and go back to Chicago. I frantically looked for the next exit, determined to do precisely that. What the hell was I thinking in the first place? Grandma May would surely understand, wouldn’t she?
A loud sputter interrupted my panic as the old VW jerked and slowed. “Oh, no! Not now!” I exclaimed, hitting the steering wheel once again. Tiny raised her ears, jumped up, and started barking. “It’s okay, Tiny,” I said. I pulled the car alongside the road as it slowed and then came to a complete stop. I reached for my cell phone. Great, no service! I sighed and put on my jacket.
“Stay here, Tiny,” I said as I opened the door, and the rain blew into the car.
I zipped up my navy-blue raincoat and tightened my hood to block the heavy rain.
Outside, I desperately tried to figure out what was wrong with the old VW. I coughed as the smell of smoke invaded my nose without warning as I pulled open the hood. The strong winds blew my jacket, and my hair and the cold rain smacked against my face. Was this really happening?
Defeated, I got back into the car and began to cry. “You wanted me here, Grandma, and see already things are going wrong. If you want me here, you are going to have to send me help,” I pleaded with tear-filled eyes.
No sooner than the words had left my mouth, I could see the glare of headlights in the rearview mirror. An old red truck slowed and pulled off the road behind my car. I locked my doors, clearly more accustomed to the city life.
An older man stepped out. He appeared to be in his seventies, dressed in an old flannel jacket, blue work pants, and a red ball cap. He approached my car and motioned for me to roll down the window. I lowered the window to a small crack, thinking he looked harmless.
He smelled like cherry tobacco and Old Spice as he spoke.
“Hey there, young lady, you need some help?” he asked as the rain poured down on his hat and clothes.
He seemed unaffected by the rain.
“Yes, my car broke down, and I have no cell service,” I said, relieved that help had arrived.
“Well, come on, you won’t be able to get anyone out here tonight,” he said as he motioned for me to follow him toward his truck. Hurriedly, with no other choice, I grabbed Tiny and my bag, and followed him.
I climbed up in the truck and sat on the large, plaid-covered bench seat.
“Where you headed?” he asked, driving with one hand as he puffed his pipe with the other. It filled the cabin with the cherry scent.
“Oh, Lancaster, but a nearby gas station will do,” I said gratefully.
“Lancaster?”
“Yes, I have family there.” It was too late. I had already told him where I was headed.
“Well, Missy, you are in luck because I happen to live there,” he said with a prideful smile as he took another puff.
I wondered how anyone could be happy to be from this God-forsaken town. I just nodded and listened.
“Who are your Mama and Daddy?” he asked.
I felt a huge hole open in my stomach. Now was the time for truth. I had already told him that I was from Lancaster, a town where everyone knew everything about everybody.
I cleared my throat. “Umm.... I’m umm.... Jennifer and Patrick Smith’s daughter,” I said softly,
“What? I couldn’t hear you. My hearing aids don’t work half the time,” he said, fiddling with the device in his ear.
“I’m Jennifer and Patrick Smith’s daughter,” I said louder, turning towards him as I spoke.
“Well, I’ll be doggone, Little Em. I ain’t seen you in years. I’m Doc Owens. I knew your Granny May. Bless her soul. She was a good woman,” he said warmly.
I smiled and nodded. I remembered Doc Owens. He had come to Grandma May’s when I was a small child when one of Grandma’s cattle was having trouble giving birth. He had been kind to her.
“Bless your heart. You shore been through it,” he said empathetically.
We drove for several more miles, and Doc talked about the weather and the country and how blessed he was to live here away from the big city. He inquired about how on earth I stood all the traffic and city life “up there with all that noise and commotion” as he put it.
I just agreed with him.
I must have dozed off as he rambled on and on. I woke up to a loud knock on the window. It was my Cousin Jimmy! I nearly jumped out of my skin at the abrupt knock on the window where I was resting my head. Jimmy was tall and lean with dark hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut out and faded jeans with holes in the knees and old faded work boots that fit casually over his pants bottoms. When I was younger, he was quite the ladies’ man.
Jimmy laughed as he motioned for me to roll down the window. “I’ll be dammed if it ain’t Cousin Em! I scared the hell out of you, didn’t I?” he asked, still laughing,
Tiny was barking wildly.
“See ya got ya an attack dog there,” Jimmy said, still laughing as he reached in and roughed up Tiny’s head and playfully growled back at her.
Jimmy smelled of weed, a mixture of spice and musk cologne and spearmint gum.
I grabbed hold of Tiny trying to shield her from my crazy Cousin.
“Where the hell you livin’? Where you been?” He asked.
“In the city, up near.....”
“I been thinkin’ ’bout movin’ to the city to get away from the law ‘round here. You got any pretty single friends up there that would want to stare into these baby blues,” he asked confidently with a broad smile showing his white teeth.
“I uh..... I mean,” I was trying to think of something to say.
“You always were one not for many words, ah it don’t matter no way. C’mon, I saw Doc in the store and told him I would take you home. Ain’t no reaso
n havin’ him do it when you got family right here,” he said, opening the door and reaching in to help me out of the truck.
“I missed you, Cuz,” he said with a smile.
I looked at Doc in the store and hesitated for a moment. Jimmy was right. I didn’t want to ask Doc to take me when Jimmy was right here. Besides, I was sure Jimmy would mostly talk about himself, and I could tolerate that.
“Okay. Let me get my stuff. It’s in the back.” I said as I reached for Tiny and her pillow and climbed down out of the truck.
“I got it,” Jimmy said as he walked toward the back of the truck.
Jimmy quickly walked back around with my bag casually thrown over his shoulder.
“Is this it?” He asked.
I nodded in agreement.
“Damn Em, you sure do pack light. Not staying long, are ya? Mama and Julie sure will be disappointed.”
Doc walked out of the store towards me.
“Thanks, Doc, I sure do appreciate your help,” I said as I shook his calloused hand. It was apparent Doc had been a worker all of his life.
“You’re welcome. Don’t worry about that car of yours. I called Clyde. He will pick it up for ya. He’s the best mechanic around. Cheapest, too! He’s a little slow, but that’s all we got. But I know Clyde, and he will do ya right. Won’t try to take up all ya money tryin’ to fix thangs that don’t need fixin’, like them big city places,” Doc said.
I thanked Doc once again and got into the car with Cousin Jimmy. Jimmy had a lime green sports car with black racing stripes and dark tinted windows.
On the dash was a dancing hula girl, and hanging from his mirror was a pic of Grandma May.
It nearly took my breath away.
Jimmy looked over at me, staring at the pic of Grandma as he took a sip of his sports drink.
“Oh yeah. Mama put that in there,” he said.
I nodded.
“Doesn’t that cramp your style with the ladies?” I teased.
Jimmy chuckled.
“Nah, not with this southern charm, and besides every time I take it out, Mama keeps hanging it from my mirror, said Grandma May could watch over me that way,” he replied.
Butterfly Secrets Page 4
