I had a feeling we were no longer talking about walking back to the house.
“How?” I asked, clearing my throat. “How do you learn to walk in the darkness?”
“Trust,” he answered, as if the solution was simple. “Close your eyes and trust.”
“Is that what military school taught you?”
Pause. “No. That took a blindfold and hours of falling.”
“Aren’t we destined to fall? There’s no way to avoid it.”
“There are always ways to avoid something that isn’t safe.”
“How?”
“We fight it and we don’t stop until we win.” He stopped and grabbed my wrist. I shrieked but my breath caught as he turned me to face him and moved his hands to my shoulders. “Now, close your eyes.”
I did, allowing darkness to curtain my vision and hide Elias from me. I wanted to open them again. I could feel him looking at me and I wanted to read his thoughts. I wanted to see if he was disgusted, or if he felt the same uncontrollable desire I felt. Elias turned me slowly, six times—I think.
“Keep your eyes closed and walk back to the house.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“I can't.” I turned my head, squeezing my eyes shut to stop myself opening them and seeking the comfort vision would bring. I turned around, searching for a bearing to latch onto but I had none. I had no idea which direction I was facing. “Where is the house?”
“East.”
“Where’s that?”
Elias sighed. He was exasperated. He had little patience.
“Hold your arm out.” I extended my arm and felt his hand curl around my wrist. “This is twelve o’clock. Right now you’re facing north. I assumed you need help so I stopped you here.”
“You know where east is? So you’re not a vampire, but a human compass?”
“Something like that.” He pushed my arm out to the side. “So this is three o’clock. Or east. Understood?”
“I understand.”
“Good. So walk back to the house.”
He let go of me and I dropped my arm to the side. With a deep breath, I turned to my right, or east, or three o’clock, or whatever he’d said. I really couldn’t see the point in this exercise. I felt uncomfortable. It was the first time I’d felt under scrutiny with Elias, like he was watching me and testing me and waiting for me to fail. I felt different; hyperaware, under pressure and uncomfortable for reasons I hadn’t felt with him, no matter how intense my reaction to his presence. It wasn’t just Elias watching me. I opened my eyes to see who was…I was facing the garden with the house behind me.
“What did I do wrong?” I asked, turning around to find Elias in front of the estate, standing like a king at the forefront of his kingdom. It only served to make me feel more inadequate. “I thought I did what you asked.”
“You did.” He nodded for me to follow him as he continued the journey back to the house. “Your mistake was trusting without suspicion.”
Of course it was.
Elias’ first lesson served.
Don’t trust him.
She’d claimed to have had no sense of perception. No intuition or instincts. She was wrong. She’d sensed them watching us. However Richard and Mae Ashford had chosen to raise Trixie, they’d done it in the sneakiest way since…a long time ago. They’d given her each and every lesson already, as a gift, and they’d wrapped them up and hidden them deep inside her. It was my job to uncover them and present her with each one.
She hadn’t received the explicit upbringing the rest of our generation had had, and I assumed it was down to Ruby. Did she have the power to dictate how Mae raised her only daughter? The only female in our generation? I laughed and shook my head. Of course she did.
I knew teaching Trixie would be easy. She had everything she needed already, she just had no idea she possessed the skills to become queen.
And so I was torn.
Trixie had said we always had a choice, that it was up to us to choose our path in life and decide how we walked them. I hadn’t believed her, until I’d arrived at my office today to discover it would be no easy Saturday.
So yes, I had a choice. Allow Trixie to open each door and discover who she really was, allowing her to take the place Ruby had no doubt reserved for her, or keep her hidden; keep her from discovering her own secrets and blame Richard. Let him believe he’d failed in her upbringing, which would ultimately keep her safe.
I buried my face in my hands, scrubbing at my eyes and catching sight of the top folder on my to-do pile as I opened them. I had a mission, and it wasn’t supposed to include Trixie Ashford. I needed her out of the way; I needed her off my mind and I needed her at a distance so I could focus on what was really important. Staring at the images inside the folder—photographs of blood, and limbs scattered like puzzle pieces—to keep my mind in the right place, I lifted the phone off the cradle and pressed the only number I needed on speed dial.
“Tate,” I clipped, when William answered sleepily. It was only 7am. I’d been in the office since five, after I’d left Ashford Estate because I’d felt Trixie’s soul calling to me as I laid in the bed down the hall. “I have a job for you.”
I was still in the office when darkness fell and I sighed when I realised I’d sent Percy home hours ago to wait for instruction. I’d spent the day staring into folder after folder, at image after image of bloodshed, dead civilians and pixilated images of the people who caused havoc on the streets of the capital. I could feel the ghosts of my ancestors watching over me, helping me decide which cases to prioritise over others. Emily had left hours ago, after leaving a coffee on my desk which was now cold and congealed. I hadn’t heard from William, which I should have taken as comfort, but instead it worried me. I should have been able to focus but I couldn’t. Suddenly nothing else mattered. No, it wasn’t suddenly. It had been less than a week but it felt like a lifetime of having Trixie on my mind, clouding my judgement, distracting me from what was important and blinding me to the choices I needed to make.
London was brimming with danger, overflowing with deviance and drowning in disgrace, but it was lacking in the thing I needed the most right now.
Freedom.
I’d travelled the outside world. I’d sat in the theatre in Paris and watched the cabaret. I’d danced in the streets of Rio. I’d watched the sun set from the top of the Spanish Steps. I’d seen the world; I’d lived and breathed the freedom it offered, and I’d returned back here to fulfil my destiny. Only now I was trapped. I needed a release, I needed to get out and I needed to forget, just for a while, that the capital literally relied on me to stop it from sinking. I got to my feet, buttoned up my jacket and opened the top drawer of my desk for the only thing I’d need to take with me. A gun.
Leaving the office, I took a moment to enjoy the silence as I descended the four flights of stairs to the ground floor, and stepped out into the street. I didn’t need to be afraid. The darkness was as much my home as the daytime.
Beckett had been right when he said I was supposed to dirty bed sheets, break hearts and leave through the bedroom window before the sun had fully risen. I didn’t want to do those things, but it came with the name. Nothing about GRIT was left to chance. I was supposed to scour the world at night, searching for a release. I was supposed to be irresponsible, to rebel against the rules I’d had set for me. Eli Blackwood had been the one to pave the way for all future derivatives of his name. He had created the pattern in the fifteenth century and, six hundred years later, I was still following his lead, with his ghost hanging over me at every turn. I crossed the road to the only bar near Fleet Street that dared to stay open at night. One of only a handful in the entire city. It was no ordinary bar. It was where the corrupt of the day mixed with the seductive of the night, colliding into a mess of sweat, blood and sex. Three things that combined perfectly in this world to offer me a place to relax. I heard a scream in the distance as I turned the corner and s
aw the bar. I couldn’t save the person who had screamed out; death had already found them and I knew from the wet gargle in the screech that there was nothing I could do. So I continued walking, with my hands in my pockets, one curled tightly around the gun, until I reached the door of the bar and banged my fist on it three times. It opened slowly, the manager expecting me like he did every Saturday and I stepped inside, allowed the music to swallow me whole and I drowned in the deviance I should have detested but found so disgustingly arousing.
I hadn’t worn the pyjamas Mae had left for me last night; I’d slept in nothing but my knickers, welcoming the chilly air as it surged through the open window and brought a sheet of goosebumps to smother me. I’d refused to close the window and I’d refused to put more clothes on, deciding I’d suffer the cold with a smile if it meant I could do something I’d never have been able to do at home.
“Trixie?” Mae called, tapping on the door and twisting the handle. “Trixie, are you awake?”
“I am now,” I replied, crawling beneath the bed covers and pulling them up to my neck. “Come in.”
Mae opened the door and stepped into the room, crossing the wide space immediately and sitting on the edge of the bed. She studied me; her eyes narrowed and she watched for my reaction. She searched for the lingering evidence of tears and she waited for me to say something.
“Good morning.”
“How was last night?” she asked.
I nodded, then pursed my lips. “Father didn’t tell you?”
She shook her head. “You know the rules.”
I did, and I wanted to break every one of them. I couldn’t understand why a man was allowed to keep secrets from his wife, and why she settled so easily for following the rules. I wondered if Mae had secrets she kept from Richard.
“Take a shower and come and meet us in the garden?” she asked, tapping my leg and standing up.
I glanced at the clock on the bedside cabinet. It was nearing 11am. Ruby didn’t like it when I slept in at home—she sure as hell wasn’t going to like it now we were here and she’d morphed into this odd queen of a matriarchal household I’d never noticed before. My grandmother wouldn’t be happy. I wasn’t happy either; this was the one place I could be safe outside twenty-four hours a day, and I’d slept half of the day away.
Mae left me to get dressed, sending a maid in with a pot of tea on her way out.
I hadn’t packed any clothes. I had taken a shower in my bathroom and now I stood in front of the wardrobe staring in at the pastel colours and luxurious materials. I didn’t want to wear anything hanging from this rail.
Someone knocked on the door and I knotted the sash on my robe before answering it. My brother was standing on the other side holding a pair of khaki jeans and a white blouse.
“Can I…?” I asked.
“Unless you’re instructed not to, wear whatever you want. It’s your life.”
“For now.”
“For always. If anything you’re about to flourish.” Trace looked around him. “I shouldn’t be up here. I’ve got work to do. I’ll see you later.”
He placed a quick kiss on my cheek and I watched him run along the hallway before I shut the door again. I took a deep breath, trying to decide which Trixie was supposed to arrive for breakfast—I looked at my watch. Brunch. I didn’t know which Trixie was supposed to join my grandmother for brunch. Remembering what Trace had said, I chose the jeans and blouse he’d given me, but added a pink cardigan and shoes from the wardrobe of clothes Ruby and Mae had bought me.
“Like a twenty-first century princess,” Ruby said as I stepped out onto the terrace.
She and Mae were sitting at the table with tea and a continental breakfast of croissants, fruit and pastries. Ruby smiled and Mae poured me a cup of tea as I sat down and smiled at my grandmother. I thought she’d oppose my choice of clothing but she looked impressed, and a little amused.
“Did you enjoy the rest of your evening?”
I didn’t know if I was supposed to tell her that Elias hadn’t told me anything. I didn’t want to tell her that he’d just walked me to the top of the stairs before disappearing back down them and leaving me to a sleepless night.
“I did. The garden smells lovely at night.”
“Yes, it does.”
She knew. She knew I knew nothing. I could see the relief wash over her. Whatever the truth was, Ruby was expecting my reaction to be explosive.
“Do you know where he is? My teacher?” I asked, tearing open a croissant.
“That’s not his official title, darling.”
“So what are everyone’s official titles, Grandma? Until last night I’d thought I was part of a normal, albeit wealthy, family. Now I’m here, more clueless than I’ve been my entire life and I want the truth.”
“Elias didn’t tell you anything?”
I shook my head and chewed my bottom lip. Had I got him in trouble? Why did I even care? He’d had all night to come clean, to get his job over and done with to keep our grandmother happy. He’d chosen not to, against my wishes, so why did I care that Ruby looked like she wanted to hunt him down more than I did?
“Mae, my love,” Ruby said, turning to my mother. “Would you mind getting my aspirin? I forgot to take it when I woke up this morning.”
No, she didn’t. She took her medication every morning without fail and over the last twenty-four hours, I’d come to realise that my grandmother had many more of her marbles than I’d first thought. Mae smiled at her and then at me as she excused herself from the table and stepped inside.
“She’s my mother. Why does she not have the right to know?”
“You are my granddaughter,” Ruby snapped, her gentle voice quivering. “I am the head of this family and I decide who knows what.”
My mouth fell open as I stared at her. Who was this woman? She reached out and tapped my chin so I’d close my mouth, and I bowed my head, clasping my hands together on my lap.
“Sorry, Grandma.”
“Forgiven,” she said, quickly morphing back into the sweet old lady I’d been living with for two years. “I expect you to have questions and I expected Elias to answer some of them last night.”
“You ordered him to collect me on Tuesday, didn’t you? You knew he was the man in my sketches. You knew he was my cousin and yet you said nothing. Why?”
“Trixie, there is a reason I kept you separated all these years. Sure, if you look at a family tree you and he are cousins. You are both my grandchildren and you’ve both been raised under my instruction. But you are perfect strangers. Do not let social norms dictate your actions. Society has no say here.”
“Tell that to your grandson.”
“Why, what has he said?”
“Nothing. He’s said nothing.”
“I’ll speak to him, dear.”
“Why don’t you just tell him to listen to me?”
Ruby shook her head, her sparkling eyes filling with pride. “Elias is the most noble and loyal of all my descendants. He’ll listen to me but you…you must find a way to get past the barriers we’ve taught him to erect.”
“How?”
How was I supposed to do that? How was I supposed to get through to someone who didn’t like me? Someone who thought I was the annoying cousin he’d been forced to babysit? How was I supposed to infiltrate his defences when he’d been trained to shut me out by the person telling me to attack? And where the hell was he…again?
“You’ve been raised to find each other. You just have to trust me. Trust in your family and be patient.”
I nodded and took a sip of breakfast tea, my mind wandering to my missing educator. I’d been patient for twenty-five years. I could do it for a while longer.
“Trixie?”
I turned in my chair when I heard Richard’s voice. He was standing by the entrance to the house and next to him was what I could only describe as a stereotypical British gentleman. He was tall, a few inches taller than Richard; he had neat auburn hair clipped
short at the sides and left longer on the top and swept to one side. His blue eyes glimmered at me as his mouth turned up into a smile.
“This is William Tate. Your grandmother and I have some business to deal with today so he’s going to keep you company.”
“I know you,” I said, standing and brushing my hands on my jeans before I took his proffered hand. “We went to school together.”
And I’d had the biggest crush on him. Richard knew this and so did Ruby, judging by the mischievous smile on her wrinkly face as she stood. But she’d just said…
I shook my head and took William’s hand.
“We did.” His hand was soft but firm, and cocooned mine completely. “It’s good to see you again.”
“You too.”
When I looked around, I noticed Ruby and Richard were gone and William and I were alone.
“The coffee smells good,” he said, shooting me a cocky wink.
I jolted. “Oh, sorry. Please join me.”
He rounded the table to sit opposite me as a maid appeared with fresh tea and coffee.
“So how have you been?” I asked, trying to calm my shaking hands.
William had been great. He was doing great, as a managing director of a private bank on Fleet Street, looking after the rich and making sure they kept their money when they were a twilight walk away from leaving it all to rot. He was looking great too; a body clearly looked after, well-defined and lean with soft definition that hinted at morning runs along the Thames. When Trace, and no doubt my other cousins, had gone to Duke of York’s Military School, William and I had gone to state school. He’d then joined Trace at Sandhurst while I’d gone on to college. He looked like a soldier; he sat straight, presented himself well and was well-spoken. He kept his eyes up, aside from a few lingering hungry glances, which I didn’t really mind. I liked it, in fact. He gave me the warm, giddy feeling I remembered having back in school when I’d had a teenage crush I was chastised for. I couldn’t be chastised now, could I? Not when they’d reunited us and asked him to spend the day with me.
Elias (GRIT Sector 1) Page 10
