by Shey Stahl
“I wasn’t planning on forgiving him.”
“Well good.”
She laughed at my satisfied but remorseful smile. “So I hear my idiot brother was arrested.”
“Yeah,” I laughed thinking of Axel and Lane spending the night in the downtown jail. “Apparently I didn’t do enough damage. Your brother and cousin went apeshit.”
“Oh jeez,”
“No charges were pressed. I think Axel got his point across.”
“Yeah, I think Kale gave him a few licks too.” She held up her phone indicating she’d been in touch with her friends this morning. Kale was Lily’s’, Axel’s girlfriend, younger brother who protected Arie as if she was his own sister. He has a secret love for her, but being only thirteen, he wasn’t exactly what she considered a love interest.
Arie laughed, “The boys in this family are so protective.”
“You have no idea.”
I didn’t bother telling Arie everything that happened but Brian ended up in this very hospital somewhere, which I planned on having another talk with him. Just for good measure. He needed to understand this would never happen again.
I was about to leave when Emma and Lexi walked in with a change of clothes for Arie and breakfast for her. Arie stopped me, reaching out to grasp my hand. “Girls, can I talk to my dad for a minute?”
They smiled and set the bag of clothes on the chair next to her bed before slipping out.
“I hope that you can get past it someday, dad,” Arie said to me, “I see the way it haunts you.”
Truer words had never been spoken. That time of our lives, did haunt me, in ways I absolutely hated. This was not me. I wasn’t the type of man to hang so dangerously on to something that happened in the past, waiting for time to wash the pain away. Nevertheless, it never ended for me. The problem with that was wasting time praying for that to happen. It was in the past and Sway was mine. Nothing would change that. More importantly, I could not control our lives. Shit happens. You would think after everything we’d been through in our lives together I would have understood that by now but I didn’t. Deep down I was still that stubborn twenty-two year old that was scared to cross the line with his best friend.
Aries’ next statement is what hit home for me, “It hurts her too.”
My eyes fell closed, my head hung. All this time, for twenty some fucking years I only focused on how this all made me feel. Oblivious to the fact this hurt Sway just as much. That vital bond between us was so true, so intense that anything she or I felt, the other felt just as strong.
How could I have missed that?
When I stepped outside, Sway was in the hallway with the boys sitting against the wall. Axel stared at his feet. Casten was focused on the nurse behind the front desk.
I kicked Casten throwing my arm around Sway. “Don’t be so obvious.”
He grinned briefly, stood along with Axel, and motioned to the door. “Can we see Arie?”
“Yeah, she’s awake.”
Arie would be fine. Aside from the bruises, she had a cracked rib but it was more of an emotional blow for her. Arie was a tough girl and to let a guy have that kind of control over her wasn’t something she took lightly especially after her dealings with Ricky Hagen last year.
Sway and I watched from in the hall as the boys entered her room to sit in bed with her, she seemed happy to have them with her.
While Sway smiled watching them interact with her, I focused on her, more beautiful than the first day I met her. Leaning back against the wall, I crossed my left foot over my right and did the same with my arms. My head hung, staring at my black Puma shoes before looking back up at Sway when she let out a soft giggle at the kids messing with each other.
Sighing, I leaned into her, our bodies coming together. My right hand lifted to pull her against me tighter.
“I never saw it,” I muttered mostly to myself but she heard.
“It was hard to see,” she answered avoiding my gaze, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
She knew.
Nodding, my head rested against her shoulder as my arms wrapped tightly around her.
“How’d I miss it? How did I not realize?”
“You weren’t ready.” Her voice seemed to hold pain. A pain I knew well. “To see it, you had to understand. At the time, you didn’t.”
“I’m ready now.”
Sway smiled with soft reassuring eyes. “I know you are.”
For someone to hold onto something for so long, so strongly, it was hard to imagine it could be relieved by just three words, but it was.
Then she said it.
“I need you.”
She did. She needed me to be strong. Be the man, husband and father to our kids. More importantly, she needed her other half as our lives changed over time, to be her own fire resistant head sock.
I wouldn’t say everything fell into place after that. It was a constant battle with myself but it helped to realize the consequences of my reactions to it. When I hurt, Sway hurt, our kids hurt. That’s what changed for me. Take off the head sock and you’re vulnerable, but guess what? So is your family because they feel that same heat radiating from you.
Arie recovered quickly, stayed out of trouble, and moved back home. Since she was no longer going to school, she started working on Axel’s fan club just as Emma did for me. Only I’m sure she was less annoying.
I did have another conversation with Brian that went something like this. “Touch my daughter again, or any other woman and I’ll break every bone in your goddamn body...slowly.”
I think between me, Axel and Lane, he got the message loud and clear.
I never thought of myself, or my boys, as being violent but when someone close to you is in danger or harm, you would be amazed at the way you fight for the eye-for-an-eye.
Eye-for-an-eye didn’t make things better. Sure, you feel good thinking you taught them a lesson, but what are the consequences, or in my case haunting you, that is what’s left. Nothing makes that go away. Regardless, how hard you try. You fight for what you believe in no matter what.
8. Open Wheel – Jameson
Open Wheel – Cars that have no fenders with exposed wheels. Examples would be midgets, sprint cars and Silver crown.
“These questions are damn near offensive,” Spencer said next to me.
“You mean intrusive?” I asked looking over the forms and then signing where it said patient’s signature. Tucking the pen into the clipboard, I handed it back to the nurse and looked at Spencer.
He thought for a minute and then nodded handing his own forms over. “Yeah, intrusive,”
Spencer was starting to sweat. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know man,” he tossed his phone on the table next to him. “What if they slip?”
“Hell, now you’re freaking me out.”
Getting a vasectomy wasn’t what I had planned for my Monday but when Sway asked me for another baby the other day, I decided it was time. Imagine the trouble a fourth kid could get into?
Spencer, the good supporting brother I always knew him to be when I needed him, decided it was time he was cut too when Alley thought she was pregnant last month. Being in their mid-forties, adding more kids wasn’t ideal for them either. That’s how we ended up at Dr. Welling’s office in downtown Charlotte.
He stepped from his office ready to take me back when Spencer patted my back. “Good luck brother.”
Looking back at him I mustered a smile “Yeah, you too.”
I’m not gonna lie. I was petrified.
Dr. Welling looked amused, “Two for one special today boys?”
I wasn’t exactly okay with the doctor making jokes right before he would be taking a scalpel to my manhood. I wanted him to be professional and focused.
He worked quickly and I appreciated that but I felt like I was about to give birth or something with the way he had me positioned and honestly, I think I fainted when I saw the scalpel heading toward my gears because I don’t remember m
uch else.
Afterward, I sat in the waiting room with ice on my gears when Spencer came stumbling out. “Goddamn these are good drugs!” He pumped a bottle in the air and smiled.
Turns out, that bottle was good. Four hours later and two beers, we were feeling pretty good and pulling one over on Aiden and his lawn.
“Man, must be the soil.” Aiden scratched his head squinting into the sun when I saw him some three hours later. Spencer and I had decided a good ole tractor race would be a great idea to help take our minds off our gears. “But I don’t understand. Yours looks good. How do you get it to look like that?”
“Because I’m awesome,” I started the tractor and took off before my smile gave me away.
Spencer met me around the corner near the like, laughing. “He can’t really be that dumb, can he?”
“Apparently he is.” I smiled. “I’m gonna head home now. I think I saw Sway and Alley come back from shopping. I’m hoping they bought food.”
“Cool man,” Spencer started his own tractor. “See ya tomorrow.” He tipped his hat and sped off down the gravel road.
Sway greeted me in the garage. “How’s the gears feelin’ champ?”
“Sore.” Taking the keys out of the tractor, I jumped down and then regretted the move when I felt the pain between my legs. “Wanna give them some love?”
“Isn’t that frowned upon in your condition?”
“Who cares?”
“I’m sure you will when they swell up and you can’t walk.”
I stopped at the door and looked over my shoulder at her as we entered the house. “I’m not allowed to have sex? That’s dumb.”
“I think you probably could...” Sway hinted setting bags of groceries on the counter and then handing me a bag of frozen corn and gave me a little shake of her hips with a big grin. “…but I’m sure they would swell up with the motions.”
“Did you have your balls taken off today?”
“Why is she here today?” I groaned watching Rosa walk in carrying a few bags.
Rosa pushed a bag into my chest. “Go help with the bags.”
“Go clean the house and maybe I’ll help carry groceries.”
Rosa and I looked at Sway when she laughed. “You two are so cute together.”
“Don’t encourage her.” I moaned heading into the family room with my bottle of pills and frozen corn.
When they finished putting the groceries away, Sway made dinner and Rosa found the need to watch Monday night football with me. It was the first night in a long time I was able to watch football and since the Seahawks were on, I was watching the game. Being a born and raised Washington native, I still cheered for all the local teams back home.
“This is boring.” Rosa then burped and pounded her chest before cracking open another beer. “Let’s watch a movie.”
“Again Rosa, shouldn’t you be cleaning?”
“Oh yeah, probably, I’m just not feeling it today. It’s hot.”
“We have air conditioning.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” she gestured to her chest. “This place is like a goddamn sauna. I have a pool of sweat between my tits.”
“Stop talking about your tits.”
“Jameson,” her face appeared concerned, her hand held to her chest. “I’m sensing some aggression. Maybe we should get counseling.”
“I do have aggression because I pay you to sit around. But you and I don’t need to get along therefore we don’t need counseling. Go clean.”
“Nah,” she kicked her legs up next to mine and stole my beer. “Maybe later, let’s finish this game.”
Rosa and I watched the rest of the game, the Seahawks lost by one touchdown to the Bears. After that ESPN went on to discuss the upcoming NASCAR race. We had just finished out our regular series and moved into the chase format where the top twelve in points battled for the championship. We were coming up on the third race of ten and I was running fourth with only five points separating the top five drivers. The next race on the schedule was the Monster Million and I think all of us were looking forward to it. I know I was.
Rosa, still sitting next to me, had a thing for the new rookie driver Brody Williams. Who didn’t have a thing for him? Thankfully, my wife didn’t but almost anyone under twenty-five drooled over him and his blue eyes.
“He’s so adorable.” Rosa gushed as if he was a puppy. “Look at those eyes!”
“Hey, I’m adorable too.” I said looking over at Rosa. Sway was sitting across from us curled up reading a book. She laughed when Rosa reached over to pinch my cheek.
“You are more sexy than adorable.” She said to me winking.
Sway looked up over her book. “I think you’re adorable baby.”
I winked at Sway adjusting my bag of corn. “And I think you’re sexy.”
Rosa laughed at us before turning our attention back to the television.
“So Brody,” Ashley Conner, a FOX news reporter and a woman that constantly sought out young talent for her bed, interviewed Brody in their studio. It was evident by their touches Brody knew very well what that bed looked like too.
“How do you feel about your first season in the Cup series, and in the chase? Do you think you can pull off a championship title in your first season?”
“Oh I think I can.” Brody replied with his usual cocky attitude. “If Riley can, I think that I can.”
“Are you sure about that?” Ashley gave him a sultry look, Sway huffed at the screen rolling her eyes. “Jameson Riley’s been the only driver to date to win the championship in his rookie year.”
Brody, still cocky, laughed. “I think what this series needs is less guys like Riley and more of us younger boys who make the series look young and fresh. I’m not saying Riley isn’t good but I think the sport has moved in a different direction.”
“What the fuck is he talking about?” I grumbled in frustration.
“Do you feel he’s lost his Rowdy Way?”
Again, Brody laughed. “I think as long as you are not Darrin Torres, you’re safe.”
I turned the television off and looked at Sway.
“Why is it that people never forget? They remember everything I’ve ever said over the years in the event they can come back at me with it. They’ll do anything to remind me.”
Sensing the shift in my mood, Sway tossed her book aside. “Come on champ.” Her tiny hands reached out to grasp me. “Let’s go give your gears some lovin’.”
“That’s what I’m talking about.” I tossed my frozen corn at Rosa who was still drinking beer. “Go clean Rosa.”
She put the frozen corn down her shirt. “Nah, I’m gonna watch a movie.”
“Why do we pay her?”
Sway laughed leading me upstairs to our room, “Because she’s funny.”
Though Sway was good at taking my mind off the news, I still couldn’t get over the fact that no one would ever forget the Darrin deal. They used every chance they could to bring it up again and I hated it. I wanted to forget it. Ultimately it was my own doing. I went after him. I took the law into my own hands when they did nothing to protect my family. Though I was never charged with anything, Darrin was never found the assumption was still there by everyone, media included.
The thing was, as public sports figures, our lives are like open wheel race cars. We’re subjected to everything the outside world wants to throw at us. Like an open wheel car, we had to be careful how close we get to other cars and how closely we race with others. Just a shift of inch in the wrong direction surrounded by others and you’re in the catch fence.
Heading into the Monster Million, Spencer had to have knee surgery and wasn’t cleared to be pitting for me just yet. I wasn’t excited to have him gone for the simple fact that it was a race that gave the pit crews a rare chance at recognition, something they rarely got. I will say that the way the sport had advanced over the years. They received far more public recognition than they had ever seen in the past. Nowadays they were introduced to the
crowd before races, had their names on their uniforms and even interviewed them before and after races much like the drivers, crew chiefs and owners.
With Spencer recovering from knee surgery, I was confident I wouldn’t be finding any glitter bombs in my helmet that weekend or my shoe laces cut, or worse, shoe polish on my sunglasses. I missed the asshole but I was surprisingly relaxed. It was strange not having him there. Every Cup race I have raced in, Spencer has been there to raise my window net.
I flew out to Dover Delaware on Thursday morning with Bobby and Paul. The crew arrived later that afternoon, as did my family. I’m not sure why Spencer chose to stay home but if I had to guess, it might have been from the knee surgery and a vasectomy in the same week.
Who did come with us, everyone else! We had most of our family, including the kids, aside from Axel and Lane who were in Las Vegas for the Supercross/Freestyle championships. The majority of the sprint car guys made it out and most of the boys at the shop came, including Grady. Up until now, Grady had never been with us to a NASCAR event. This gave me a chance to see how he was doing and if I could trust him enough to be doing jobs other than just fabrication and cleaning bolt on parts.
Grady kept busy with the crew trying to help in any way he could, but the troublemakers seemed to be Casten and Cole. No surprise there. Since they arrived, I think I had smacked Casten upside the head five times and even got Cole once or twice. Cole stayed clear of me most of the time. He claimed I was unstable. True but it still amused me.
Cole and Casten, looking for girls, were hanging around the hauler right before the meet and greet where all the drivers mingled with the fans in the stands and tried to persuade them to vote for us. I wasn’t exactly excited about the meet and greet but understood the benefits. Last year I was chosen because I signed a woman’s tits. No one confirmed that but I like to think it sealed the deal for me. Let me rephrase the way I said “signing her tits”. I didn’t sign her bare chest or anything, but I have done that in the past, only it was my wife, that’s beside the point. I was there in the infield last year, rousing the fans when a woman in her mid-thirties asked me to sign her chest. She said if I did, she’d get everyone to vote for me. What kind of driver would I be if I didn’t agree?
