Bagheads

by Woods, Karen

  “I’m gutted. Why the fuck did he jump?” Nobody could answer his question and one by one they went back inside to the flat.

  Ged was the main man in his circle of friends and he ran a tight ship. He organised the grafts every day and drove the girls to Cheetham Hill to sell themselves. Trudging back inside the flat he knew life needed to go on. Clearing his throat he struggled to speak. He was one man down now and had to reorganise his troops. They all needed money fast if they had any chance of surviving another day.

  “Right! Let’s move our arses. Shaun will be alright, we’ll phone the hospital later to make sure.” The rest of the addicts nodded. It was obvious they only had one thing on their minds at the moment and Shaun’s well-being wasn’t it.

  Ged carried on as if nothing had happened. Every now and then he would sigh and say what a fucking nobhead Shaun was, but apart from that his emotions seemed numb. Remembering his promise to the medics he told the others to meet him on the market. Watching them leave he headed to Shaun’s mother’s house with a sprint in his step to break the bad news.

  Shaun’s mum lived on the Shiredale estate in Harpurhey. The pub it was named after was just a stone’s throw away from her house. Lots of wheeling and dealing went on inside the pub and if you ever wanted some cheap knock-off stuff, that was the place to get it. Feeling the cold winds around his neck, Ged zipped up his coat and prepared himself.

  Knocking on the door he bounced about on the spot blowing warm breath into his cupped hands. His words were stuck in his throat when she answered the door. Ged coughed to clear his throat before he began. He was fidgeting about and couldn’t keep still. Gladys saw his face and eagerly pulled her cardigan tighter round her body. She was a nervous wreck and the trauma of bringing three kids up on her own had taken its toll on her over the years. Her face looked like the colour was slowly draining from it. She looked white.

  Shaun had never been far from his mother’s thoughts. Every day she worried about him. She would have had him home no problem but it was her eldest son that had banished him from there months before. Shaun’s elder brother Paul had promised him the last time he’d seen him that if he ever saw him near the house again he would do him in big time. Rubbing his hands together Ged moved closer the front door. He looked nervous and his mouth looked dry.

  “It’s your Shaun, Gladys. He’s in hospital.” Gladys gripped the door frame and her knuckles turned white. Her head sank back as she started to breathe rapidly. “Fucking hell! No!” she mumbled. Gladys shook her head and looked like she was going to have a heart attack.

  “He’s jumped off the flats.” Ged paused and didn’t know if she could take anymore. Placing his hand on her shoulder he tried to hold her up. The words were like knives being stabbed into her heart. Paul must have heard the commotion and came to join them. His face was angry.

  “What the fuck’s going on?” He snarled as he shot a look at Ged. Gladys fell to the floor as if her legs couldn’t hold the pain anymore. Ged panicked. He knew Paul of old and stood back from the doorway knowing he could be wasted at any time. His words were shaky.

  “It’s your Shaun. He’s jumped off the flats mate.” Ged’s voice was low and he was at breaking point. Paul tried to help his mother up from the floor. He shot a look at Ged and gritted his teeth as he spoke to him.

  “What the fuck are you telling us about that prick for? Don’t you think he’s done enough to this family without adding to it. Look at the fucking state of my mam now!”

  Paul held Gladys up by the waist. Placing his mother up against the wall he turned to Ged. “Fuck off from the door before I tune you in. Do you hear me? Fuck off!” Ged backed away slowly. He could tell he was treading on eggshells and wanted away as soon as possible. Gladys was screaming as she tried to find out more about her son before Ged left. Paul dragged her back inside by her arms as she yelled through the small gap in the door.

  “Is he alive? Where have they taken him?” Her body was yanked from the door as Ged shouted to her what she needed to know. Ged started to walk off with speed, he didn’t feel safe. He was watching his back all the time. Paul growled at him one last time as he fled from the doorway.

  “Fucking prick” Ged huffed as he watched the front door close from a distance.

  Gladys reached for her cigs and lit one with a shaking hand. Her lungs inflated as she inhaled the smoke deeply. She sat at the dining table with her legs crossed and her head dangling onto her knees. Shaun’s dad had been off the scene for years now and nobody in the household gave a shit about her son any more.

  Shaun’s family had their own problems to deal with. His sister Katie had helped Shaun out in the past but she’d given up on him when he nicked her gold cross and chain from her years before. He’d nicked lots of other things but she’d always forgiven him.

  Gladys looked at Paul. She held a desperate look on her face. Twisting her fingers she pleaded with him. “Please son, he needs us. We can’t just leave him there on his own.” Paul bolted from his chair as he paced the living room floor.

  “It’s always the fucking same mam. All our lives have revolved round that fucking smackhead. He’s probably after some attention again.” His foot kicked at the bottom of the chair. He was livid. Paul’s eyes now turned to Gladys as he shouted into her face. “Well he can fuck right off. He’s been dead for years as far as I’m concerned. So don’t ask me to be involved in anything to do with that nobhead.”

  “He’s still your fucking brother! No matter what he is!” Gladys screamed back at him. She stood in front of him waving her hands about trying to make him see sense. “How can I just turn my back on him and leave him lying in hospital on his own? Have a fucking heart will you?” Paul made to leave the room. This was his usual way of dealing with situations when he couldn’t get through to her.

  “Mam, when are you going to accept what he is? He’s robbed you blind over the years, and every other fucker that has ever cared for him. Why do you think nobody wants nowt to do with him anymore? He’s a fucking drug addict.” Paul’s hands were held in front of him as he pointed at her. Gladys was shaking from head to toe as he punished her with every word he spoke. “Watch the fucking programmes on the telly. He’ll never change. Once a smackhead, always a smackhead. You know that deep down inside. Just get it into your thick head. He’s a junkie, a fucking heroin addict.” His finger rammed at the side of her head pressing deep into her skull. The emotion in his voice told you how upset he was inside. He left the room cursing under his breath. ”You’ll never fucking learn will you?” The door slammed and it shook the room.

  Gladys lit another cig and paced up and down the front room. Paul was right, Shaun had robbed from her in the past. She didn’t have to be told. He’d even hit her on more than one occasion but she’d hid it well and nobody ever knew. He was her flesh and blood and a mother’s love for her son would never go away no matter what he’d done. Looking round the room the silence haunted her. She sat back and remembered times when the house had been full of laughter and everything seemed easy. A picture of her children sat on the small cabinet at the side of her. Gripping it tightly she fell to the floor holding the picture frame to her heart. As she sobbed she looked at the photograph and couldn’t believe that the boy in front of her was now lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life.

  “Where did I go wrong?” she whispered to the picture frame. “I did my best for all of you and look what’s happened.” She cradled the photograph close to her chest as she rocked. The pain she felt in her heart was like nothing she’d ever felt before. Gladys knew she needed to get to her son and quickly picked up the phone to call her sister for support. Once she’d told her the news Gladys headed for the hospital and prepared herself for the worst.

  *

  Gladys and her sister sat waiting for the doctor to come. It seemed ages since she’d spoken to the receptionist telling her that she needed to see her son urgently. Looking down the corridor Marie could see a doctor walking towards he
r with a concerned face. “I think he’s coming to see us,” she whispered. Gladys raised her head as she heard the footsteps coming nearer.

  “Are you Shaun Cook’s mother?” the doctor asked. Gladys nodded slowly and hung her head low. She felt like a failure as a parent and quickly tried to make him aware of her son’s circumstances.

  “He’s a drug addict, doctor. We’ve tried everything to help him, but it’s hopeless.” The doctor sighed and led them to a side room and asked them if they needed a drink before he began. The male doctor now stared at his notes. Taking a deep breath he looked up and spoke to Gladys.

  “It’s not good news.” Gladys held her breath and you could see her nostrils flaring. She was on the verge of screaming out but her sister held her arm and pulled her back into the chair. He continued.

  “Your son is in a coma and has some serious injuries. His right leg may have to be amputated” Gladys stood up clenching her fists. The doctor carried on speaking in a sympathetic tone as he watched her turn to face him. “We have done everything we can to try and save it, but he still might lose his leg.” His face now looked serious as he peered over his silver framed spectacles. Gladys sat back down and now held her knees up to her chest as she jerked hard to and fro. Her lips quivered as she struggled to speak. “Is he going to die doctor? Please don’t let him die?” she screamed. The moment was heart wrenching and he took a few minutes to reply.

  “I can’t give you an answer Mrs Cook as to whether your son will ever regain consciousness, but he will be cared for the best we can whilst he’s here.”

  Gladys was trying her best to keep calm as tears fell from her eyes and trickled onto her cheek. Her sister Marie held her hand and cried with her. The doctor now led them to the room where Shaun lay.

  Lots of tubes were attached to Shaun’s body. All you could hear was the beeping of his heart monitor at the side of him. Gladys screamed at the sight of her son. Quickly she sat next to Shaun and held his cold hands in her grip. She rubbed at them with her two hands placed together. “He’s freezing Marie.” Her lips trembled as she spluttered her words.

  “Why son? Why?” her words were hard to understand but as her head fell onto his lap, years of frustration were released. Marie sat by her side and patted her head trying to comfort her. She didn’t know what else to do. Gladys broke her heart crying as she fired her words.

  “It’s my fault, I know it is son. I should have done more and helped you.” Marie couldn’t hold her tongue and hated that her sister was blaming herself for her nephew’s addiction. She bent her head down and spoke softly into her ear.

  “You did all you could love. The things you have done to help him are countless.” Marie looked at Shaun’s face and shook her head. He’d always been a handful from being a child and she knew just how badly he’d treated his mother in the past. Even she had told him to never come near her house again. He’d even pinched money from her. Gladys sat up and rocked in the chair as she gazed at the bag of bones that lay on the bed. Regaining her strength she looked at her sister.

  “It was me and his dad splitting up that done it you know? He was fine until then. I feel so guilty, that’s why I can’t ever give up on him.” Marie was hanging on her every word and listened as she watched her sister trying to defend her son yet again. “He’s been through so much, you don’t know the half of it.” They both looked at Shaun as Gladys stroked his forehead. She sat looking at his face taking in every line and wrinkle spread across it.

  Marie hugged her sister. She knew she hadn’t had the best of lives. In fact every member of her family had hit rock bottom at one time or another. Gladys was a tablet away from a breakdown and her own tormented life had been something she found it hard to come to terms with. Gladys’s life had left her weak and without any self confidence. She’d stopped caring about herself many years before. All she cared about was her youngest son.

  As they watched Shaun sleeping Gladys could see his eyes flickering rapidly. “He looks like he’s having a bad dream or something doesn’t he?” Gladys whispered as her hand slowly stroked across her son’s face trying to calm him down.

  “Ssshhh.”

  Chapter Two

  Lying in a coma Shaun went over his life. He was unaware of where he was. He’d drifted off to a place where his life had started to go wrong. Everything seemed real and it was as if he was watching his life over again.

  Shaun’s thoughts took him back to when he was thirteen years of age. He broke into a smile as he lay in the hospital bed. Shaun was watching himself in his youth. He was a rum fucker and a loveable rogue and everyone loved him. He had dirty blonde hair that felt like a Brillo pad to touch. All his mates had joked about it in the past and it was a long standing joke amongst them. His nickname was “Fanny head” and he’d had many a fight about that down the years. Shaun’s mother had bought him every type of hair gel on the market but nothing seemed to control his dry frizzy mop. Shaun was a handy lad amongst his friends. He was known as “The Cock” and nobody ever messed about with him unless they wanted their arses kicking. What he said was gospel and no one ever threatened him. Shaun’s skin always had a tanned look about it. His mother had told him that his ancestors were Red Indians and that’s where his colouring had come from. What a load of bullshit. His tan was nothing but ground in dirt. Nothing that a bar of soap wouldn’t have removed.

  Shaun was all skin and bones. A “lean mean fighting machine” he called himself. His mother constantly fed him food supplements in the hope that he would fill out but he never did and he still looked like a bean sprout. Shaun always struggled to finish any meal that was put in front of him. He was always too busy to eat and he couldn’t wait to get back outside playing with his friends. He was the champion at the game of British Bulldog and he was as fast as a whippet. Shaun lived on chocolate and crisps that he’d stolen from the local shops in Tavistock Square. All the local kids shoplifted from there and for most of them it was the only way they stopped the hunger pangs. His mother didn’t know he was eating heaps of the stuff and always said she couldn’t understand why he had so much energy for someone who didn’t eat. Shaun’s brother and sister hated the attention he got and knew the little fucker was having their mam over.

  The family home had been happy back then. Shaun was living life like most other families living on the breadline. The kids on the estate all got by any way they could. The local ice-cream man Marco Rea knew that more than anyone. He was the victim of theft nearly every day and hated his ice-cream round in Harpurhey. Many a time the kids would run off from his van without paying. There was nothing he could do about it and he took it on the chin most of the time. The youths would do anything to earn a few bob and they were all involved in petty crime about the area.

  It all started to go wrong when Shaun was laid in his bed one night and he heard the screams from downstairs. He recognised his mother’s voice and realised she was arguing with his father. Of course he’d heard them argue before but as a young child he never really took much notice of it. Tonight was different though.

  Sitting up in bed he rubbed at his eyes and looked over at his brother. The moonlight shining through the window just gave off enough light to see his face. Paul held one finger firmly to his mouth and stared at Shaun with an anxious look on his face.

  “What’s going on?” Shaun whispered.

  “Get back to sleep ya nobhead!” Paul replied angrily. Shaun sat listening and could see his elder brother now chewing the edge of his pillow in front of him. He could see his teeth gnawing at the cotton. Paul looked distraught and he could see his hands gripping tightly around the white pillow slip nearly ripping it.

  “Why’s my mam crying?” he asked again. Shaun pulled his quilt up around his neck as Paul bolted from his bed. He was now gripping his younger brother round the neck and squeezing his throat restricting his breathing. Choking noises could be heard.

  “Get to sleep and stop being a little nosey bastard.” Shaun knew he’d pushed Paul
’s temper and once his hands dropped from his neck he turned over and sobbed. He would have had a go back but he knew his brother would have wasted him. He had in the past and he knew to keep his mouth closed even though he wanted to ram his fist into his face.

  Suddenly, Shaun’s legs felt warm as he lay frozen in his bed. He could feel something trickling down his legs. His face looked frozen. He was pissing himself. This wasn’t the first time and it always happened when he was upset. He remained still.

  Paul had witnessed the violence between his parents on many occasions and knew there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. His father’s voice shook the room and all he could do was lie there feeling a failure. Covering his ears with his hands he stared out of the window and prayed for the day to come when he was strong enough to defend his mother. Shouting from the stairs could be heard. Paul lifted his head and listened with one leg hanging from the bed.

  “What have I told you about answering me back, you slut! You know how it makes me feel don’t you?” Gladys could be heard screaming and she was pleading with her husband not to beat her further. Her voice was low and you could hear in her voice that she’d had enough of his abuse.

  “I’m sorry. Please stop it. The kids will hear you.”

  “Do you think I give a fuck about who hears me?” he screamed. A banging noise could be heard. The sound of her body being dragged up the stairs filled the bedroom. Paul was sat on the side of his bed shaking. His knees were moving up and down towards his chest at speed. Shaun lay in his bed and closed his eyes tightly hoping it would all be over soon. After around twenty minutes the disturbance finally subsided. Silence filled the house.

  Paul was now asleep and it was time for Shaun to try and get rid of the evidence that he’d pissed the bed. Creeping out of his covers he peeled his wet pyjama bottoms from his shivering legs. They clung to his skin and he was finding it hard to shake them off. Screwing his face up, Shaun could smell the stench of his piss as he brought them up to his nose. He struggled to breathe and threw the soiled pants into the corner of the room. Looking over at his brother’s bed he sneaked over and grabbed the spare blanket from the floor. He wouldn’t miss it. Paul was snoring his head off and wasn’t likely to wake up. Shaun made his move and grabbed the clean blanket. Placing it on the wet bed he smoothed it out with his fingers. Grabbing a clean pair of shorts from his chest of drawers at the side of him he pulled them over his bony body. His heart was pumping inside his chest and he looked scared as he checked his brother was still asleep. Shaun’s eyes were wide open as he stared around the bedroom. All he wanted was some love and affection but it never came. Shaun drifted off to sleep hoping tomorrow would be a better day.