by Woods, Karen
“Right you two. As you may be aware Shaky has been removed from the building. He came to us in a right state.” Bernard shook his head in disgust. “It’s bullying at its worst what you two have done to him. He wouldn’t even wait for his clothes to be packed. He was in a right state.” Bernard starting writing a report as Marion asked them further questions. Her glasses hung over her nose as she looked Colby straight in the face.
“So have you anything to say young man?” Looking at Shaun for guidance he shrugged his shoulders.
“Nar,” he mumbled. Bernard started to read the allegations aloud and they both looked at him in disbelief. They knew they weren’t going to tell them the truth and sat staring around the room with nothing to say. Bernard wrote as Marion told them to leave the room. She told them this situation was far from over and to be expected to be called back to the office at any time. As they left the room they looked scared. The thought of the police being involved sent shivers down their spines. Shaun suggested they run away but Colby wasn’t having any of it. Walking back to the room Colby had a brainwave.
“Right we need the lads to go and see Bernard and tell him Shaky was the one who started it all. We’ll tell them to say he jumped on me and you came to pull him off and he set about you as well.” Shaun looked anxious but agreed. They ran to the bedroom and spoke to the lads. Once Colby told them what he wanted them to do he was a bit calmer knowing that they would get away with the allegations.
They all sat on the bed and went though the scene they were acting. Some of the lads were acting it out in front of them. Colby knew they could pull it off and sent two of the lads down to Bernard’s office.
Around fifteen minutes passed and the youths returned with smiles across their faces. They nodded their heads and high-fived each other on their acting skills. Shaun went straight over to them and made them go through every word they had spoken. Colby remained on his own bed and looped his arms behind his pillow looking satisfied. Shaun looked happy and celebrated by jumping on Colby’s bed.
“It’s sorted mate. No need to worry now. I hope the prick is put somewhere where they bum him every fucking night. That will show the dinner masher.” All the others laughed and even Colby had a smile to his face. Shaky was now a bad memory to the lads and they could all get on with their time spent in care knowing their arses were safe at night. Shaun and a few of the other lads planned a celebration and decided the next night they would all sneak into Blackpool town centre for a night of fun.
Chapter Seven
Three weeks passed and Shaun was still in a coma. Gladys looked at her son’s face. His facial expression seemed to have changed. She stroked his head and looked at all the machines for any signs of distress. The doctor had now confirmed he wouldn’t have to have his leg amputated but it would never be the same again. He told her that it was deformed and he would not be walking fully for a long time. Her face was sad as he told her the news but she was just glad he was still alive and didn’t think about the days that lay ahead.
The hospital door opened and in walked Ged. He looked ill and his hands shook rapidly. His face was covered in spots and Gladys looked at him with hate in her eyes.
“What the fucking hell do you want?” her face was leant towards his. “It’s been three weeks and you haven’t been near the hospital. I thought you were his friend?” Ged dipped his head. It looked like tears were forming in his eyes. He walked to the side of the bed and sighed.
“Gladys I wanted to come but I’ve been skint. I didn’t even have the bus fare. I was scared as well. I’ve not slept since he’s been in here ya know.” His lips were trembling and as he sat down he dropped his head into his hands. “Gladys all I can see in my head is his body lying at the bottom of the flats, twisted up.” She looked at him in disgust. She blamed him for her son’s downfall and wasn’t afraid to let him know.
“Yeah whatever Ged. It’s always the same old story with you lot.” He screwed his face up and looked at her.
“What do ya mean by that?” She pulled at her cardigan and walked to the chair at the side of the bed.
“You know what I mean. Fucking smackheads. You’re all the same. No respect or morals.” Ged seemed to be calm when he answered her but his shaking hands told her she was right.
“Gladys, he jumped from the flats. We didn’t push him. I know what I am and I feel ashamed the way my life has turned out but don’t blame us for the way Shaun has ended up. He’s a heroin addict.”
He watched her turn her eyes away from him, and he knew he’d hit a nerve. Gladys had always been the same about her blue-eyed boy over the years. He knew she would never blame Shaun for anything he’d ever done. It was always someone else’s fault. He sat at the side of the bed and Gladys grabbed her cigs. She left the room with an angry look on her face. “I’m going for a fag. Hurry up and piss off because I want you gone when I get back.” She left the room.
Ged was roasting and needed a fix. He looked round the room and looked for anything with any value. He was talking to himself as he searched the drawers near the far wall. Once he’d pocketed a few bandages and syringes he walked back to Shaun. His mind was already doing overtime thinking who he could sell the bandages to and his words were shaky as he spoke to the lifeless body.
“Fucking hell mate. It’s been hard without you .We’re not even earning anymore.” His hands were placed on the bed now and he looked at all the machines hooked up to his friend.
“I should just turn the machine off on you, shouldn’t I?” His hands now stoked the wires at the side of him. “What’s the point of living ay? At least you’re not shaking for smack all the time like I am.” Ged stood wiping the sweat from his brow. He chewed on his lip as he held the tears back. “It’s fucking hard mate. I wish it was me lying there and not you.” He dropped his head on the bed as his hand played with the bandages in his pocket. Gladys walked back into the room and he knew it was time for him to leave. He placed his hand on Shaun’s head but never spoke. His face was filled with sadness as he left. The sweat dripped from his head into his eyes. He quickly wiped it with the sleeve from his coat. As Ged left Gladys mumbled “Scumbag” under her breath. She was glad to see the back of him.
Ged sat in the flat once he was home. He sat staring at the walls. His body couldn’t rest as Shaun played on his mind more than ever. Gladys was right, he hadn’t been near the hospital since he’d been admitted and it felt like his right arm was missing without his side-kick. Ged and Shaun had met years before and they were like brothers in arms. They grafted together and shared everything they had. Life for them both had been at rock bottom lately and he too had thought about ending his own sad life.
Looking at his bruised veins his head sunk low. His arms were just skin and bones. If a gust of wind came along he would be blown away. His family had given up any hope of him sorting himself out years ago. He still saw them every now and then but that was only when he needed a fix and was desperate for money. The last time he’d seen his mother was a few weeks before. He promised himself he wouldn’t put her through any more pain after that day. Ged had been desperate for cash and waited for his mother outside the Post Office in Harpurhey where she cashed her pension. He knew she couldn’t bear to see him roasting and joined her in the queue with his rattling bones. Everyone watched him as he begged her for cash.
“Mam, please. I’m ill. Come on it’s only a tenner. Just until I get myself back on my feet.” He grabbed at her arm and sunk his head onto her sleeve as the onlookers turned away in disgust. His body looked cold as he shivered. Spit hung from the side of his mouth as his eyes rolled. Ged’s legs looked as if they were going to give way as he pleaded further. After a while his mother broke down and cried. Searching in her tattered purse she pulled the money out and threw it at him.
“Go on take it. If all you care about is drugs then you’re welcome to it. Get out of my sight and don’t ever come near me again.” Ged picked the money from the floor and stood to face her but her eye
s were filled with tears and he couldn’t bear what he’d done to her. As he held the money in his hands he wanted to return it back to her but the drugs were calling him and he needed a fix. He left his mother’s side that day with sorrow in his heart and would never forget the way she looked at him with disgust.
Heroin had been his life for many years. His life was ruled by it. Ged had no real friends and the only person who understood him was now lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. Ged stood up and walked about the flat. All the other druggies were out trying to earn some cash. He looked lonely and depressed. Tears poured from his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his rattling body. He so desperately wanted to change his life around and he’d spoken about it so many times with Shaun in the past but that day never came. All he wanted was to feel normal again, perhaps even have a family. Ged had had girlfriends in the past but all they wanted him for was for him to supply them with smack. His last girlfriend had overdosed on heroin and burying her nearly finished him off. He still thought about her every now and then, but the drugs seemed to help numb any emotions he felt about her.
Drying his eyes he looked for his coat. The flat was a shit tip and everything was a mess. Clothes were all over the place. The CD that Shaun always played was still in the CD player. The Smiths CD was Shaun’s pride and joy and no matter what, he never sold it. Probably due to the fact it was worth only a few quid. Slowly Ged turned the CD on and sat with his arms wrapped around his body. His head nodded as each word seemed to relate to him. Shaun had told him the history about what the CD meant to him and how much he cherished it. Ged sat listening to the music.
The sound of the door opening made him lift his head and he could see Donna and Steve walking in holding a briefcase. As he watched he could see the excitement in their eyes as they flung it onto the floor in the living room. They were desperate to open it.
“Get a knife out of the kitchen Steve. We can open it with that.” The woman’s voice shouted. Donna had long blonde hair. It looked like it hadn’t been brushed for months. The dark circles round her eyes showed that she too was another heroin addict. Donna had been staying at the flat for a couple of months now and she was known to sell herself down Cheetham Hill when times were hard.
Steve hurried to the kitchen. You could hear him searching the drawers. The kitchen was filthy and brown grease was all over the few tiles around the sink. Once he’d pulled one from the sink he wiped it on his pants and headed back to them. Steve was thirty six but looked like death warmed up. His hair was long and the beard that grew around his mouth hid the unsightly spots.
“Give it here then,” he moaned. Steve grabbed the briefcase from her hands and sat on the floor with his legs spread. Ged was now sat upright watching. Donna urged him to open it as fast as he could. Minutes passed and finally the case flung opened. They were like flies round shit and Steve told them to fuck off out of his way while he rooted about in it.
Papers were being slung across the room. They were all looking for something of value. A mobile phone was uncovered and they sighed with relief knowing they could at least sell it for drugs. Donna examined the phone and knew they could get at least fifty quid for it. It was one of the latest models. She eagerly watched the rest of the case being emptied and when she knew there was nothing of any value she told them she was off to sell the phone. Steve told her to hurry up and carried on reading the letters in the case. As he read them Ged picked up the briefcase and walked around the front room with it held at his side.
“Does it suit me? Do I look like a businessman or what?”
Steve chuckled, “Do you fuck, ya nob. You just don’t have that look.” Ged looked disappointed and threw it to the floor. He would have loved to have been a man who carried that kind of briefcase about. He sat back down disheartened. He watched Steve as he read one of the letters from the case.
“Listen to this Ged. Fucking hell this cunt must be loaded. Check this out.’Dear Sir. having looked through your account I can now tell you that your account is in credit of five thousand and sixty two pounds’.”
Ged shook his head enviously, “More money than sense some people haven’t they. I mean I can’t get a borrow of a tenner never mind five fucking grand.” Steve agreed.
“Tell me about it Ged. Tell ya what, this week has been so hard. There is nowt about to have off. We got lucky with this case. Donna saw a guy through the window in Costa Coffee putting his case at the side of him. We got straight on it. She just walked straight in, no fucking about and picked it up as if belonged to her and walked out.” Steve slid all the paperwork to the side of the room and lay on the floor. You could tell he needed a fix as he looked agitated.
Ged sat thinking about the life of others and how successful they were. He started to look back at his own life and tried to see where it had all gone wrong for him. As he lay back he could still see the demons he tried to rid his mind of every night. He knew he would never lead a normal drug free life because of his past.
When Ged was sixteen he was abused by his uncle. To this day he’d never told anyone. It all started when his uncle came to stay with them. His mother was always working and she saw it as a chance to get some help with her four kids. Ged’s dad was working away from home. Ged was the youngest of the four children and his three sisters had always called him a puff because he was always whinging. His uncle always protected him and let it be known to his sisters that they didn’t stand a chance of hurting him while he was around.
At first Ged loved it and was never far from his uncle’s side. His uncle Mike even slept in his bed sometimes and told him stories about things from his past. He looked up to him as his second dad. One night when his sisters were asleep in the next room Ged’s nightmare started. He’d fallen asleep with Mike at the side of him. At first he thought he was dreaming but as he opened his eyes he could see his uncle knelt above him masturbating. Once Mike saw his nephew was awake he rammed his penis in his mouth and nearly choked him to death. Ged was wriggling about but he yanked his hair and made sure he didn’t move. Once he’d finished he lay next to him and touched Ged between his legs, before long he was doing things to him that the child knew was wrong. Ged cried and dug his head into his pillow. He sobbed all the way through the ordeal. Once it was finished he lay staring into space as his uncle’s breath warmed his ear at the side of him. Mike grabbed his face in his hands and whispered.
“If you ever breathe a word of this ya little prick. I’ll kill you. Do you understand?” Ged nodded and watched as his uncle left the bedroom.
Ged became a nervous wreck over the next few months and his mother kept asking him if everything was okay. Ged just nodded to her as Mike was always sat there watching him like a hawk. As he left the room he could hear Mike telling his mam that his sisters were still giving him a hard time and he would deal with them. “Lying bastard,” Ged whispered. His skin crawled when he heard him telling his mother that he would move his bed into his bedroom so he didn’t feel lonely anymore. As his words filtered through the wall his body crumbled and he knew he couldn’t go on. His head was spinning as he left the house and he wanted to die.
Ged walked over a bridge towards school. He looked over it and watched the traffic underneath. His legs started to shake as the thought of throwing himself over hit his mind. Tears fell onto his cheeks and he screamed out. His knuckles were white as he held the iron railing. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Dressed in a black hooded top he pulled it tighter round his head and fell to the floor. His knees were up at his chest as his head sank between them. He didn’t have the courage to jump.
Ged walked away from the bridge that day and came up with a plan that would stop the torment he felt inside. Later that night he searched the kitchen drawer for his mam’s sharpest bread knife. Once he’d found it he placed it under his bed out of sight. As night-time fell he waited in his bed with fear running through his body.
“Move over then,” Mike whispered as he climbed in his bed beside
him. Ged could feel him at the side of him and shook with fear. The smell of his breath was all over him and he knew he was pissed yet again. Ged waited until he placed his hand down his boxers and knew it was now or never. His breathing was rapid. He had to get the knife from its hideout without Mike noticing. He dropped his hand down onto the floor and Mike didn’t seem to notice. He could feel the cold blade in his grip and slowly he raised it up onto the bed. As he watched Mike’s face he lifted the knife up and quickly dug it into him as fast as he could. Mike screamed in pain as he jumped out of the bed with a menacing look on his face.
Ged thought about running out of the room as Mike stood up, but as he looked at him he realised he was the one in control now. Mike was shouting aloud and Ged could hear his mam shouting from the other side of the wall.
“What’s going on in there? Will you keep the fucking noise down? I’m trying to fucking sleep.” Ged remained silent and waved the blade near Mike’s face. As he saw him fall to the ground he kicked him with all his might. Ged’s words were low and fierce.
“You dirty fucking perv. I should kill ya for what you’ve put me through. I’m a kid, you’re my fucking uncle. I thought you loved me?” Mike realised that he was in danger of getting caught and lifted his body up off the floor. Ged paced the room with the knife firmly in his grip. Mike was bleeding from his leg and holding his arm as blood pumped from his wounds.
“Get out of our house,” Ged spoke with a chilling voice. “If ya don’t, I’m going right in there to my mam and telling her everything you have done to me. Do ya hear me?” He was pointing his finger to his mother’s bedroom. Mike stood and grabbed his clothes. He remained silent for a few seconds. Mike looked at his nephew with a menacing look in his eyes.
“No one would believe ya anyway. You’re a little puff who needs to grow some balls,” Ged ran at him and tried to hurt him further, but Mike just threw him to the floor as he collected his shoes. His words were whispered as he left the bedroom.
