by Woods, Karen
Finally Ged spoke about getting more, “I know some girls who will bring it in, but you need to get some cash to them before they will do shit. Can you get hold of some cash on the out or what?” Shaun screwed his eyes up. The only person he had on the out was his mother Gladys. He knew she was skint but it had never stopped him before to play on her emotions. He told Ged it wouldn’t be a problem and winked at him. Shaun had a visit from his mother and his sister later that day. He knew if he turned on the tears he would surely get them to hand over some cash.
*
The visiting room was filled with inmates waiting to see their loved ones. They all wore red bibs over their clothing and sat at the small tables watching the door to see their visitors. The door opened and one by one the visitors walked in. Shaun watched as a man near him gripped his wife in his arms. He could see the torment in the convict’s eyes and felt a lump in the back of his throat. Behind the line of people walking in Shaun could see the smile of his sister Katie walking in. She looked thinner than he remembered. Gladys was now in sight. Shaun waved his hands in the air so they could see him. His mother looked twice her age. Her once golden locks now looked like grey wire. Deep wrinkles filled her face. He knew somewhere deep inside he was the one to blame for them.
His family sat down at his table and he leant forward and kissed them both on the cheek. His mother smelt of tobacco and her yellow teeth suggested she was still a heavy smoker. A queue was now forming at the back of them for the canteen. Katie asked him if he wanted something to eat. Shaun squirmed. He looked at the other inmates at the side of him and told her to get him a sandwich and a drink. She asked if he wanted any chocolate but he refused for now. Once Katie left them he knew he only had a few minutes to get into his mother’s ribs for some cash. Pulling her hand over the table he looked directly into her eyes.
“Mam. I need you to sort me some money out. I’m seriously fucked if you don’t.” Gladys wriggled away and pulled at her cardigan.
“Where the fuck do you think I’m gonna get money from? I don’t have enough to live on never mind give it to you!” His head sunk and he secretly watched her through his hands that covered his face. Gladys could be heard sighing.
“What do you need money for anyway?” Shaun knew he had her attention and checked where Katie was.
“Mam, you don’t know what it’s like in here. Some guy’s giving me shit. If I don’t pay him what he wants he’s gonna do me in big time.” His mother looked horrified. She was already looking around the room to report her son’s problem to an officer. Shaun screwed his face up. Gladys spoke with a huff in her voice.
“Well what have you done? You must have done something for him to be demanding money from you.” Shaun forced a tear from his eyes and shook his head.
“It’s a guy who I owe money to from when I was outside. I never paid him and got off with his stuff. For fuck’s sake mam are you gonna sort it or what.” His voice was loud now and she tried to calm him down. She could see people looking over to their table.
“How bloody much? I’m just as skint as you. I don’t fucking believe this! You better pay me back!”
Shaun’s eyes opened fully now and he placed his arms around her neck across the table. “I will Mam, don’t worry. I need fifty quid. I’ll get someone to call to your house for it.” Gladys looked puzzled. He told her to have the money ready by the following day. Katie now joined them and she could see Gladys looked annoyed.
“What’s up Mam?” Shaun stared at Gladys and she tried to shake the anger off.
“Oh nothing. It’s just this place. It’s so depressing.”
Katie studied the other convicts. She was amazed at some of the characters and asked her brother what some of them were in for. The screws paced the room and let everyone know they were present. In the middle of the room four wardens sat higher up than everyone else. They scanned the room for anything untoward. Katie looked at Shaun and started to fill him in on all the local gossip. She made him laugh and for a moment he forgot where he was. Shaun’s eyes focused on the visiting room and planned his next visit to get the drugs in.
The noise in the room was filled with kids crying and talking. As his eyes focused he could see a couple on the next table. The inmate was raising his voice at her and it was obvious the woman was upset. She looked scared to death of him and he could see him dragging her jumper closer to him.
Katie looked at her mother and they all pretended not to watch them. Shaun felt uneasy and told them to stop being nosey as he didn’t want the prisoner on his case. Katie now told Shaun that one of his old mates was now selling drugs on the estate. He looked shocked as he never expected it from his clean-cut mate Dillon.
Gladys remained silent. Her face looked stern as she sat back in her chair. Every now and then she would speak. Looking around the room she spoke in a harsh tone.
“They’re all in here for a reason, Katie. No good feeling sorry for them.” Shaun shook his head and knew she was on one. He sighed.
“Mam why are you always Chief Black Cloud? We know they have all done something wrong, that’s why they are in fucking jail ya muppet.”
Holding her head up and shaking it from side to side she made her point anyway. “Fucking three meals a day. No bills, no worries. Tell ya what I could do with a few years in here. It’s a holiday camp not a prison.” Katie smiled at Shaun and they both knew Gladys wasn’t happy. Once she’d finished moaning the visit was nearly over.
Shaun watched as all the visitors stood to leave. He could see them kissing and hugging each other. The inmate who sat near him sunk his head on the table as his wife left and you could see him pulling at his knuckles making them crack loudly.
Katie stood first and hugged Shaun. As she started to walk off Shaun gripped his mother. “Mam, don’t forget that money. I’ll tell em to call tomorrow for it. Alright?” Gladys nodded but her face was full of sadness. She wanted to take her son home with her. In her eyes he was just a mixed-up kid. She never classed him as a murderer. He would always be her blue-eyed boy no matter what.
The visits were now over and each inmate walked back to their cells with their heads hung low. They were searched first. Shaun made a mental note of every part of his body they searched. He felt heavy and he seemed to be in a world of his own as he entered his pad. As he flung himself onto his bed he noticed Ged ruffling about under his bed sheets. He smiled to himself and knew he’d been masturbating. It was an unwritten law in jail that when your pad mate was out on a visit you could bash your bishop until your heart’s content. Looking at Ged’s face, it seemed he certainly had taken advantage of this rule.
Shaun took the pen in his hand and rolled it about in his fingers. He had no one really special to write to. As he sat staring at the piece of paper in front of him, his mind was blank. Standing at the window he could see a pigeon on the far wall. The bird looked at him as if it was smiling. There it was: free to go wherever it wanted and there he was locked away behind bars. Shaun smiled and spoke to Ged.
“Tell ya what mate. Even the pigeons in Manchester walk around with a fucking attitude. Come and check this cocky fucker out over here.” Ged pushed his head to the bars and they both laughed as they watched the bird balancing along the ledge. Shaun was right, the bird’s chest was stuck out in front of it and it walked about as if it didn’t have a care in the world. Ged shoved his arm through the bars and held a small mirror out so he could see the pad next door. He shouted out of the window and within minutes he could see a man’s reflection in it.
Shaun was learning all about prison life every day. He learnt how to get a light when he didn’t have one. Ged had shown him how to shove two pieces of foil into the plug socket to get a spark. At first when he watched the whole episode he thought Ged would end up killing himself but as he watched further he was amazed. Prison life was funny and if he didn’t laugh about it all he would have cried his eyes out all day long.
Months went by and Shaun was soon a full blown addict. E
ach day that passed was all about where he and Ged could get drugs. Shaun had been devastated when he heard the news about his friend Colby and not even the smack could take away the hurt he felt in his heart. Colby had committed suicide. Apparently he’d strung himself up. Shaun had received a letter from him weeks before and he knew even then that his mate wasn’t coping well. He’d tried to get to the funeral, but because he wasn’t direct family his application had been refused.
Shaun now had a girlfriend. He’d met her through Ged. She was the one bringing the drugs into the prison. Over time they’d become close and started to write to each other. Julie was an addict too and her life hadn’t been easy either. Just like most addicts she had a story to tell. Her kids were in care and all that she had left in the world was drugs. Julie had strawberry blonde hair. The perm she’d had many years before was still growing out. Her body was thin and her complexion was spotty. Julie tried to make herself look respectable but no matter how much make-up she caked on she could never cover up the damage years of injecting heroin into her veins had caused.
Shaun and Julie got on well. She was all he had to keep him going. To kiss a woman made a big difference to any man serving a sentence. The first time he kissed her he cringed. Her stump like teeth were brown and her breath stank of horse manure. The kiss wasn’t that bad he thought and he told her to get some mints when she came on the visit to freshen her breath. Julie had no inhibitions. She would touch his cock and squeeze it all the time on the visit. At one time she nearly made him come she rubbed his nob that much. They were both making plans for when he was released from jail. After time passed Shaun thought he really loved her.
The years passed and Shaun was due to be released. Ged had been gone a long time ago and life inside the jail had been hard. Drugs were still a big part of Shaun’s life and he couldn’t get enough of the stuff. He’d fleeced his mother of any money she had. Lying in his bed the night before he would be a free man was hard. His eyes were heavy but he couldn’t sleep. He lay there thinking of life on the outsdide and planned to turn his life around once he was a free man.
Chapter Sixteen
The light hit Shaun’s face as he stepped from the prison gates. He was a free man. Ged and Julie were waiting for him outside. He smiled at them as he dragged his belongings towards them. The sunlight hurt his eyes. Holding his hand up he walked towards his friends. Ged stood out from the car with one arm resting on the roof. He looked more or less the same as he did before. His visits had been few to Shaun during the remainder of his sentence but he always promised him he would be there to meet him on his release date. He’d kept his promise.
“You alright mate?” Ged shouted. Shaun grinned and ducked his head to get inside the car. Julie smiled at him as he turned his head over to kiss her. Sitting in the back of the car he dragged his belongings to the side of him. Ged quickly got in and turned the engine on. The music was low as Ged spoke.
“Right I’ve still got that flat in Harpurhey. Are you getting ya head down there or what?” The thought of going to his mother’s house depressed him. He quickly accepted the offer. Julie looked wrecked as she sat in the passenger side. Her hair was roughly held in a ragged bobble. Her clothes stunk and looked like they needed a good wash. Shaun looked at her and spoke.
“Fuck me Julie; you look as rough as a bear’s arse. Are you okay?” She smiled and turned to face him.
“Yeah I’m just knackered that’s all. Why I don’t look that bad do I?” She pulled down the car mirror and shoved her face towards it. Licking her finger she wiped under her eyes. Shaun could see her eyes in the mirror and watched her. She saw him looking and quickly folded the mirror back. She giggled and spoke in a sarcastic tone.
“I think I look alright. Fucking hell you’ve only been out a few minutes and you’re going on.” Her face turned sour as she retaliated. “Shut it anyway, and take a look at yourself. You’re no oil painting ya know.” Shaun could see he’d upset her and laughed at Ged in the rear-view mirror. Shaun gazed through the window as the journey to Harpurhey began. Everything looked so different around him. Even the people walking in the street seemed to be walking quicker. The world had changed and he knew it . He felt strange inside and a worried look appeared on his face.
Ged’s flat was a dump. Car radios were scattered all over the floor. Bits of burnt foil were tossed all over the place. Every ashtray and old cans of drinks were full of dimps. It was a proper shit tip. Shaun opened the window and looked from the high-rise flat. His breath was laboured as the wind hit his face. Ged could be heard shouting him. He trudged back inside.
Ged prepared the drugs; after all this was a celebration of his mate’s freedom. Julie held herself and rocked as she sat patiently waiting for her hit. Ged was now injecting heroin into his veins. He tied a shoe lace tightly around his arm and was shooting up. Julie was also preparing herself and told Shaun to do the same. At first he refused and said he would just have a toot but Julie moaned. She told him he would get a better buzz if he injected it. Copying her he tied a shoelace around his arm and clenched his fist in and out repeatedly. Within a few minutes his veins were prominent. He watched the others inject.
Julie pulled the needle from her arm and passed it to Shaun. Ged was at his side and nursed the sharp needle into his vein. As the needle dug deeper Shaun could feel the rush of the smack entering his body. His body folded as he collapsed onto the draylon chair. Three bodies lay staring into space. Each of them looked in a world of their own. Julie kicked off her tattered shoes and held her head back. Her eyes were flickering slowly and spit hung from the corner of her mouth.
The flat wasn’t even decorated. Old wallpaper hung from the walls. The black fungus at the top of the discoloured ceiling looked like it had years before. Ged had told him earlier the local council had given him a wallpaper and paint grant to do the place up but he sold it all for next to nothing to earn a quick few quid.
Shaun’s mind was awake but his body was motionless. His arms hung from the chair as if they had died. He tried to speak but it took a few seconds for him to get himself together.
“Have you got a bedroom for me or what? I don’t wanna be kipping on the floor.” Ged didn’t answer straightaway and took a few seconds to register what Shaun had said.
“Nar mate. You don’t need to sleep on the floor. I rescued a double bed from the skip last week for ya . It just needs a wipe down.” Julie wriggled about on the floor and finally managed to pull herself up. She stood near Shaun swaying and bent down to grab his hand. Once she managed to get a grip on it she led him to the bedroom. “Fun time,” she whispered.
The bedroom looked like a bomb had hit it. The bed stank of cat piss. Shaun looked disgusted as he pulled the mattress onto the bed. Looking around the room he realised there were no sheets to cover it. Julie didn’t mind and threw her stinking body onto it. Falling beside her Shaun complained about the smell.
“Is that the mattress I can smell, or your sweaty fanny?”
She smiled and dug him in his stomach. “You cheeky cunt. I’ve had a wash today.”
Shaun smiled but as he looked at her he knew she was lying. She’d stunk all the time in the past and he couldn’t see today being any different. Julie struggled to focus as she un-zipped her jeans. Her legs looked white as milk. They hadn’t seen daylight in a long time. Shaun clocked her knickers and wondered how long she’d been wearing them. He looked disgusted. The knickers were a faded grey colour. The once sexy white lace at the front of them had seen better days. Shaun lay beside her. He wasn’t ready for sex but she was touching his cock and getting him aroused.
Julie leant in to kiss her beloved. She had never been in love before but she told herself things would be different with Shaun. Julie had been selling herself for years now and every punter that came along she thought they could be the one that saved her. That day never came. Shaun was her world now and nothing else seemed to matter. She hid this secret from Shaun and hoped in time he would understand. Pulli
ng his pants down Julie swallowed his cock. She watched his face fill with pleasure as she saw his eyes close. Shaun was a million miles away. His thoughts were not on the job in hand. Within minutes his penis shrunk. It looked like a walnut whip and he sat up looking at it in disbelief. Julie was annoyed.
“What’s up? Don’t I turn you on or summat?” Julie scowled. His voice was defensive and he slapped at his manhood trying to bring it back to life.
“Must be all the shit of coming out of jail. Fucking hell this has never happened to me before. It might be the drugs ay?”
Julie flung herself back on the bed and felt deflated. “Well it must be the drugs because this kind of shit doesn’t happen to me. I suck a mean cock so it must be you,” she moaned.
Shaun lay flat next to her and hugged her closely. She was still moaning and he knew he would have to kiss her. He braced himself as the smell of shit from her mouth hit his face. Taking a deep breath he connected with her lips. Julie kissed him passionately and he was forgiven. She still stroked his cock but it didn’t respond. Ged could be heard shouting from outside the bedroom.
“Ay lazy fuckers. We need to get some graft done. We need some cash don’t we?” Julie looked at Shaun and knew he was right. She told him she had to get off anyway. She never told him that she was off to Cheetham Hill to sell herself.
Shaun reached into his belongings. Digging deep he searched the large transparent bag. All the years of his prison life were stored inside it. His hands trembled as his pebble fell into his grip. Touching the stone gave him instant calm. He dragged himself up from the side of the bed he stroked the pebble across his face. Julie left the room shouting “goodbye” but he couldn’t be arsed replying to her. Ged entered and dragged at his feet.
“Come on then. We can get down town for the last hour. Loads of mountain bikes are left unattended round about this time. Me and one of the lads got one each last week. Top bikes as well,” he poked Shaun in his arm. “Come on pull your sweaty arse out of bed.”
