by Woods, Karen
“Where the fuck did you get off to last night. I sat waiting for you, for ages. Where did you go?” Shaun fidgeted about and made some poor excuse up. She didn’t believe him for one minute. Julie sat down and stared at him.
“If I find out that you’re banging someone else Shaun it’s over, trust me.” Shaun sniggered and loved that she got jealous. He reached over to her and grabbed her hand.
“Why would I be shagging someone else when I’ve got you? I’ve told you it was my mate who wanted a quick job doing. It took longer than I thought so I just got my head down at my mam’s that’s all. Come here and give me a kiss.” Julie was onto him and she knew in the future she would have to keep a closer eye on him. He was up to something. She gave into him and kissed him passionately. Once he had her back into his grip he asked her if she’d seen anything of Ged or Lizzy. Julie shrugged her shoulders and told him she stayed at her mates last night and this was the first time she’d stepped in the flat all day. Shaun didn’t seem too bothered about Ged and Lizzy’s whereabouts. He flicked through the tunes on his CD . He held the cover to his chest and sang the words loudly. Julie smiled and tried to join in even though she didn’t know the song.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Shaun shit himself as it sounded like the dibble. He quickly picked the drugs up from the table and shoved it into Julie’s hand. “Get that shit shifted. That’s all we need, getting done for possession.” Julie quickly shoved the drugs down the front of her knickers. They were both running about the living room like headless chickens. Shaun stood still and told her to open the door.
“Right, fuck it. Go and see who it is. They’ve got fuck all on us anyway.” Julie was hesitant but he grabbed her shoulder and pushed her towards the front door. She could be heard moaning as she trudged up the hallway.
Julie opened the door. It was Lizzy. She looked distraught as she pushed past her without saying a word. As she entered the front room Shaun was by her side and could see something was wrong.
“What’s up Lizzy. Where’s Ged?” Julie stood watching her and Lizzy began to tell them what had happened.
“I knew it was on top. It’s Ged, he’s a raving fucking lunatic. We saw a handbag on a car seat near Asda. It looked as if it had something worth having away in it.” Shaun passed her a roll-up and waited until she lit it before he urged her to continue. “He had his iron bar in his pants. You know the one, don’t you Shaun?” He nodded and she carried on. “It was on top straight away. As soon as he smashed the window the dibble were more or less at our side. I fucking ran off. They weren’t arsed over me. They just wanted Ged.”
Shaun blew a long breath from his mouth. Julie couldn’t help but feel happy. She wanted Lizzy to go under and now Ged was gone from the house it made her feel like the alpha female. Lizzy was angry as she ranted. “We’d just fucking scored as well. The fucker has still got the drugs on him. What the fuck am I gonna do now. I need a fix and I’m skint?” Shaun looked over to his girlfriend. He could tell by her face she wasn’t willing to share any drugs with her. Julie wanted to see her roast her tits off and spoke in a cocky voice as she screwed her face up at Shaun.
“Well we’ve got nowt. You’ll have to sell ya motty with me tonight down Cheetham Hill.”
Julie loved watching Lizzy’s face sink. The times in the past when she’d called her for being on the game and now it was payback time. She smirked as she watched her face crumble. Julie was on her high horse and took great pleasure in watching the bitch struggle.
“The first time is the worst love. Just get off ya head and you don’t care after that. That’s what I do innit Shaun?” He nodded as he sat watching Julie getting the better of Lizzy for the first time ever. Julie was triumphant and Lizzy knew what she was doing. The two women carried on discussing the new job opportunity for Lizzy as Shaun put his coat on.
“I’m just nipping down to Collyhurst police station. I’ll see what they are charging him with and that.” Lizzy asked if he wanted her to go with him but he declined. Julie walked to his side and quickly kissed him. She watched Lizzy from the corner of her eye. She wanted to show her how in love they were and to warn her off from ever trying to get it on with her man.
Shaun broke free from her grip and looked at her strangely. It was quite out of character for her and he wondered what she was up to. Quickly he checked himself in the mirror and said goodbye to the girls. Shaun’s feet were on fire .He had no intentions of going to the police station and headed to his mother’s house. He knew he had some decent clothes there to get changed into. The weather was quite warm. He slung his coat over his shoulder as he walked through the Shiredale Estate in Harpurhey. All day he’d thought about a money-making idea and tonight was the night to put his plans into action. Opening his mother’s back gate he kicked an old mattress from behind it. The back door was open and he walked straight inside. Quickly glancing round the living room he shouted.
“Mam, where are you?” Gladys appeared at the top of the stairs with her toothbrush still hanging from her mouth. She had an angry look on her face and he remembered the twenty pound she’d given him earlier. Thinking quickly on his feet he started to walk up towards her with both his arms held out in front of him. He pleaded with her and tried to wrap his arms around her. She wriggled and pulled the toothbrush from her mouth.
“You can fuck right off. I trusted you. You lying no-good bastard. Don’t think I’ll ever listen to your bullshit again.” Shaun still tried to grip her and knew he would have to work harder to get her back on side.
“Mam, I know I’ve let you down. For fuck’s sake. I just shit myself. It’s hard ya know. I’m going for a job tonight in Yates’s bar in town so hopefully that will start me off on my road to recovery.” Gladys looked at him. She wanted to believe him so much but she couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. He walked into his old bedroom and searched the old pine wardrobe. As he sat on his knees he looked at his old clothes. Pulling a light blue pair of jeans out he searched inside until he found a white shirt. Standing back to his feet he kicked the other clothes back inside. Shaun listened to his mother pulling the ironing-board out and gathered his clothes.
Gladys was stood with her back to him on the landing. He sneaked behind her and slowly reached his head round her face to kiss her on the cheek. His mother wasn’t angry anymore and smiled at him.
“You’re still a letdown Shaun. And you owe me twenty quid now, because you can think again if you think I’m paying for your drugs.” Shaun agreed and told her when he was back on his feet he would pay her back in full all the money he owed her. He even told her he would pay for a holiday for her in the future. Gladys believed every word the lying toe-rag was telling her. He handed her his clothes and smirked as he asked her to run the iron over them. Gladys loved the change in her son and took the clothes from his grip with a smile on her face. She watched him go into the bathroom and once she heard the bath being run she shouted to him.
“Shaun are you getting a bath?” He stuck his head from behind the door and nodded. Her face lit up and she joked with him. “It’s not Christmas you know son. I’ll have to stop hiding my money under the soap now.” Shaun looked puzzled at her words. His head came back to the door.
“What do you mean hiding your money under the soap?” As she chuckled she gripped between her legs as she nearly pissed herself laughing.
“Well you never touch the soap. So it’s a safe place to hide anything isn’t it?” Shaun rolled his eyes and closed the bathroom door behind him as Gladys was left laughing out loud on the landing. She was singing now.
Dipping his toe into the bath he hopped back onto the floor. As he added more cold water he looked at his toe nails. They looked black and overgrown. In fact they looked like hooves more than toe nails. Grabbing his mother’s nail clippers from the window sill he placed his foot on the side of the bath and leant down to cut them. His feet looked weird after he’d cut them. Shaun smiled as he thought he’d now gone from a size nine feet to
a size seven once he’d lost the long toe-nails. His skeletal body dipped into the warm water. As he submerged himself beneath the water you could see all the bruises where he’d injected heroin. Rubbing at his black and blue skin he knew the marks would never disappear from his arms. Heroin would always be trapped inside his body and he didn’t need to look at the track-marks to know how much of a low-life he’d become.
Shaun lay soaking in the bath. He even started singing as he washed his hair. Gladys could hear him from outside and thought the dark days of dealing with her drug addict son were almost over. She placed his neatly pressed clothing over the banister at the top of the stairs and entered his bedroom to get him some clean boxer shorts. Gladys knocked on the bathroom door holding his clean underwear and a fluffy white bath towel. The door briefly opened and he took the items from her.
Shaun paraded on the landing wearing the bath towel hung round his waist. Walking into his mother’s room he looked at her deodorants on her set of drawers. Quickly spraying his armpits he inhaled the fumes. Lifting the towel up he sprayed the floral scent between his legs with a smile on his face. From the corner of his eye he saw his mother’s brown tablet bottle at the side of him. His fingers trembled as he tried to get the lid off it before he was detected. Shaking the white pills onto his hand he checked what they were. His face lit up when he saw the words “Diazepam” written on the small white tablet. Leaving the room he kept the pills clenched tightly in his fist.
The feel of fresh clothes on his skin felt good. It had been a long time since his clothes had had that clean smell about them. He held the shirt up to his nose and inhaled the freshness, before he stood in the mirror and put it on. His old trainers looked shabby. The once white laces hung from the shoes in a desperate way. Pulling the wardrobe door open he searched for some shoes his brother Paul had given him years before. The shoes were a family joke. All the family referred to them as Shaun’s dancing shoes. The shoes were dusty and needed a good wipe down. As he placed them on his feet he turned his heel up and looked at the black shoe in the mirror. A smile came to his face and Shaun did a little dance in the mirror with his sparkling clean shoes on.
As he walked into the front room his mother smiled. She hadn’t seen him look this good in a long time. He looked like the son she once knew. Her face looked proud as she stood up behind him straightening his collar. Shaun looked presentable and Gladys reached inside her purse as he was set to leave.
“Here, get some cigs or something.” He didn’t hesitate and took the money straight from her hand. Shaun kissed her on the side of the cheek.
“Wish me luck ay mam. This could be the start of the new me.” Her eyes filled with tears and she hugged him.
“Let’s hope so son. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be okay.” He nodded and smirked.
“Right mam. I’ve got to go. I’ll come and see you later if I have any time.” Gladys went on to tell him not to bother as she would be asleep by the time he’d finished work. Shaun agreed and left the house with a spring in his step. The old aftershave he’d found that must have belonged to his dad smelt clean and fresh. The Old Spice had done its trick and he inhaled its fragrance as he walked into the night air.
Chapter Nineteen
Shaun sat in Cheetham Hill for ages but still there was no sign of a punter so headed to Manchester city centre. He’d heard in the past that a lot of rent boys use to hang about near Sackville Street.
As he walked through the dimly lit streets he looked at a few of the men who stood there. Some just looked liked everyday guys but some of them looked like death on legs. Standing near a wall one of the lads came to his side and asked him for a light. He dug in his pocket and flicked the flame for him. The young male passed him a cig and Shaun didn’t have to be asked twice. The lad introduced himself as Ralph. He had red hair but it was cut very close to his head. His body looked toned and a nipple ring stood out from under his tightly fitted white t-shirt. He quickly interrogated Shaun and within a few minutes he knew Shaun was fresh meat to the streets.
Ralph smiled as a car pulled up. He winked at Shaun and told him if he was still there when he got back he would come and see him. Shaun flicked his cig onto the pavement. As he twisted his pebble in his pocket he felt the tablets he’d stolen earlier. Popping them one by one he swigged at a bottle of White Ace he’d bought from the shop earlier. He necked all the tablets in one go.
A white transit van now pulled up and the passenger-side door flung open. Two white males sat looking at him. They looked quite manly and both of them had goatee beards. The one nearest to Shaun spoke.
“You getting in son? You can earn some good money tonight if you’re up for it?” The man patted the seat and waited on Shaun’s reply. Shaun’s eyes rolled as he tried to focus. Before he knew it, he was sat in the van being driven away from the city centre. The journey wasn’t long and few words were spoken. As they pulled up at a block of flats Shaun realised he was in Ancoats. Shaun followed the men as they left the van. They were laughing and joking between themselves. The punters looked toned and very strong. One of them had a scar above his left eye that made him look rough and ready. Standing in the lift one of the men spoke to Shaun.
“You don’t speak much do you?” Shaun couldn’t have spoken if he’d wanted to. He tried to answer him as the lift door opened but nothing came out. Shaun’s legs manoeuvred forward. He was so spaced out he felt as if he was walking on air. The red door opened in front of him and he followed the lead of the men into the house.
The flat was well presented. A red leather sofa sat on one side of the room with a glass table in front of it. Cream curtains hung neatly from the window. They looked like silk. Every pleat in them was perfect and you could tell someone took pride in them. One of the men went into the kitchen and came back with a large bottle of Brandy. He poured three glasses and handed one to Shaun. Before long cocaine was being cut into neat lines on the table and all three of them were snorting it like pigs.
Time passed and the man with a scar over his eye grabbed at Shaun. He pulled him in front of him and began to undress him. Shaun was off his head and oblivious to what was about to happen. The two men were now both naked and dragged at Shaun’s body like a piece of meat. They ripped the shirt from him and began to pull his lifeless body between them. He was like a rag doll. His face was now pressed down into the floor and he could feel his arse being penetrated. Wriggling around he tried to fight them off but they were too strong. His head was pulled up from the floor and the other punter tried shoving his cock into his mouth. They were sick bastards.
With a cock stuck in his mouth and one up his arse Shaun knew he was being raped. He only ever wanted to give a wank out or a gobble but this was horrific. The two men subjected Shaun to at least two hours of sick perverted sex. When they’d finished with him they threw the money at his trembling body. Shaun’s legs felt like jelly as he got his clothes together. Once he was dressed he couldn’t wait to get away from the two arse bandits. Shaun picked up the crumpled money from the floor and staggered from the flat. He was mumbling under his breath as the tears fell. “Fucking sausage jockeys. Don’t think you’re gonna get away with this.”
Fastening his jeans in the lift he vomited. His arsehole was on fire and he had difficulty walking. The buttons from his shirt were gone and he held it together with one hand as he left the lift. All that was on his mind was to get more drugs inside him. He wanted heroin and anything else that was going. He retched as he hit the cold night air. Shaun spewed his ring up again as he carried on walking. Tears were stored in the corner of his eyes now but not a single tear fell. His eyes glazed over as he struggled for breath. Finding a nearby bench, Shaun keeled over onto it. He lay across it and hugged his arms around his body rocking. He’d been through some shit in his life but this was by far the worst. He’d been raped. How could he ever tell anyone? He searched his mind for the answers but all he came up with was that he deserved it. After all he was now a rent-boy what did
he expect?
His eyes rolled as he stared into the night. His vision was blurred as he tried to focus at the stars but he was fighting a losing battle. Losing his balance from the bench he rolled onto the ground. His body felt like lead as he tried to pull himself up. Scanning the area he knew he needed to get home somehow. But which way was home? He tried to think as he leant against an overfilled litter bin at the side of him.
On autopilot Shaun somehow found himself heading towards the flats in Harpurhey. The lifts were broken again as he stood with one hand on the wall waiting for it to come. As he read the notice saying “Out of Order” he kicked at the lift doors and headed towards the staircase. His legs felt tired and at one point he sat on the cold concrete stairs unable to go on. His emotions were ready to burst and his trauma was still there at the front of his mind. Holding his shirt together he held onto the wall to stand up. His face twisted up as his anger now boiled inside him. His clenched fist holding his shirt together looked white. You could see his bones through the paper thin skin. As he knocked on the door he kicked the bottom of it hoping someone would hear him.
Julie answered wearing one of his old t-shirts. As she turned to walk back inside he could see her baggy knickers hanging down. Julie went straight to bed. She was angry as she quickly glanced at him before she left his sight. Shaun quickly ran a bath. When it was ready he ripped his clothes from his body as if they were on fire. The soap didn’t clean him the way he wanted it to. Nothing would ever wash away the man he’d become. Rubbing at his skin vigorously his skin looked red. As he washed his arse hole he wanted to be sick. It felt different. He quickly jumped from the bath and grabbed an old white towel at the side of him.
