by Kate Morris
“That’s not really the point I’m trying to make here, Samantha,” he states.
“I think it’s important,” she rebuts.
He shakes his head with confusion and a bit of irritation. This isn’t how he wanted this to go. He’d planned this conversation, played it over and over in his head for weeks. It had sounded so convincing, so perfect. Now, it’s turning into a jumbled mess.
“I’m trying to tell you that I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he says with mounting frustration. “You didn’t deserve that, not from me.”
“It sounds like you’re angry about it,” she returns, poking her little nose in the air. “Not sorry at all.”
“What?” he asks, his voice rising an octave. “No! I mean it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m only angry at myself, not you. I was an idiot.”
“Tell me something I didn’t know,” she says impudently.
Simon growls low in his throat. Why won’t she stop being irrational and just listen?
“Fine,” he blares and then tries to back it down. “Fine. I’m an idiot. I was an idiot. I’m not anymore. I realize I was just blaming myself and felt guilty over what happened to you. That’s what I’m trying to explain.”
“Good for you, Simon,” she states without sarcasm this time. “I’m glad you aren’t going to carry guilt around on your shoulders any longer. Nobody should.”
She tries to go past him to the door, but Simon steps in front of her again.
“Wait, damn it,” he says forcefully. “I’m not done.”
“I am,” she asserts.
He swipes a hand through his hair. “Just another minute. Please. That’s all I’m asking for, Samantha.”
“Fine. One minute. Go.”
He tries not to groan. “I don’t like being separated from you like this. You used to call me your best friend.”
“Used to. Not anymore. I told you that already, too.”
“I know,” he states, coming off as angry and not how he really feels which is sad and, if he’s being honest, depressed over their relationship’s demise. “It’s just that you are my best friend.”
“Cory’s your best friend. You’ve told me that many times. You remember that part, right? When you constantly pushed me away and rebuked my feelings for you?”
New waves of guilt are coming over him. She’s so angry, and all he wants is to make it all better.
“I know. That was wrong,” he admits and jams his hands into the pockets of his chinos to keep from hugging her. “I was wrong in all of that. I did push you away. I felt like I didn’t deserve you, though, Sam. I didn’t feel good enough to deserve your friendship, let alone anything else you had to offer.”
Her eyes narrow suspiciously.
“My hands were so soiled already. My heart was contaminated with the guilt that I couldn’t protect you from them. It was all I could do to even be around you.”
“Well, that’s not a problem anymore. Now, is it?”
Simon grinds his teeth together momentarily before answering, “No, it is actually. It’s a bigger problem now that you’re gone out of my life and living over there.”
She rolls her eyes as if he is annoying her.
“I understand why you had to leave…”
“I’m not coming back, either,” she brags haughtily.
He sighs. “I know. I’m not asking you to come back today…”
“Ever!” she corrects him,
This makes him clamp his lips together for fear he’ll say something stupid and reckless that will drive her away.
“Fine,” he says through gritted teeth. “You don’t have to come back ever if you don’t want to.”
“Good!” she retorts and then looks surprised that she isn’t coming up against him on this.
He stops himself from repeating her snotty response. He replies calmly, “I understand, but I want you to know how I really feel about you. No more lies. No more rejections.”
“Simon, stop,” she says firmly and holds up her hand.
Simon clasps it and holds fast, although she tries to pull back. “Wait, I need you to know this, Sam. I’ve needed you to know for a long time, but, honestly, I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. For so long, I couldn’t get past the only feeling I thought I had when it came to you, Sam. And that was guilt.”
“I’m glad you’ve reconciled that within yourself then,” she states.
“No, that’s not all,” he says and rubs his thumb over the top of her hand. “I’m trying to move past the guilt and regret, the horrors we went through. But I know, I’ve always known that my feelings for you weren’t just based in darkness and negativity.”
She stops looking at him and stares at the counter near them instead.
“The first time I saw you- it was when you were hiding in that closet in your parents’ house- I knew. I just knew. It was like a bolt of lightning shot through my whole body. I feel like that every time I’m around you, especially lately since I don’t get to see you very often.”
“Simon, stop,” she pleads.
“It’s been really hard, not seeing you,” he admits. “Actually, I hate it. I hate this separation.”
“It’s not up to you,” she says.
“I know,” he acknowledges with a nod. “It doesn’t mean I can’t dislike it. I want you here, but I know that isn’t going to happen. I know you’re still mad at me.”
She glances up, sucks in a deep breath and holds it.
“But I want you to know how I really feel, Sam. No lies. No hiding my true feelings. I felt like I didn’t deserve you or what you had to offer. It felt wrong, like I was just like them for the feelings I always had to hide around you. But now, when we’re separated, I feel…sick, unwell, unbalanced. It’s like there is this giant, gaping hole in my chest where something is missing, and I can’t put my finger on it. It’s just a void. You’re the only one who can fill that void, Sam.”
“Simon, don’t,” she whispers, although he thinks he sees tears in her eyes. “It’s too late for all of this, for us. I’m not leaving Dave’s compound. I like it there. I’ve moved on. I have a life and friends and a job. People need me there.”
“People need you here, too. You have friends here. Me. I need you,” he admits helplessly.
“You don’t need me, Simon. You’ve got Paige now.”
This stuns him. She is truly not understanding his meaning. “I don’t have the same feelings for my sister as I have for you, Sam. That’s not what I meant.”
“You said that you’re my friend.”
“I want to be more than that,” he confesses and swipes a long, black wave behind her ear. Her eyes slide up to meet his. Her mouth is slightly parted.
The urge to kiss her is so entirely overwhelming, and all thoughts of finishing what he needs to say are gone. All of the eloquent, practiced speeches forgotten. There is still so much to tell her. He needs to concentrate on that and not her dark pink lips that are so full and beckoning or her sad blue eyes or her tiny hand still in his. In slow motion, Simon leans down and lightly presses his lips against hers. Just the smell of her makes him crazy. Her dark hair curtains them in shadow. Her breath is fresh and minty as if she’s just finished a hot mug of mint tea. Simon steps closer and begins to slide his hand around her back to pull her snugly against him.
Before he can stop it from happening, Sam rears back and slaps her full palm against his cheek. The sting is actually painful, and the cracking sound reverberates in the small building. She flies out the door with barely a limp, leaving Simon standing there stunned, feeling about as foolish as one man could feel. As if to accentuate her point, an icy wind gust also hits him in the face.
A few seconds later, Cory jogs up to the door. “Shit, bro. That didn’t look like it went too great with Sam.”
Simon glares at him and rubs his smarting cheek. Then he turns around and stalks to the area he’d just worked to clean his space. He places the gauze and scissors in the drawers
and slams them shut.
“Did you take my advice and apologize for whatever it was that pissed off little Sam?” Cory asks.
“I was trying to,” he explains.
“So, you told her you love her? Is that it?”
“Shut up,” Simon answers evasively. “And, no, I didn’t tell her that part.”
“What? Why not? That’s kind of the important part,” Cory jokes. “That and a good apology. Or you could always fall back on your charm and wit.”
“Yeah, right,” Simon scoffs. “That really works for me. My charm and wit are nonexistent.”
“Nah, you just haven’t ever tapped into them yet. You’ve got charm in there somewhere.”
“Sure,” he self-criticizes.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, bro. What happened?”
“I didn’t get to it,” he admits with embarrassment. “I was trying to tell her how sorry I am and…other things. It’s… complicated.”
“All relationships with women are complicated,” Cory says and sits in the corner near the door in a chair as if he has nowhere else to be. “They’re women. ‘Complicated’ could sub in as the universal middle name of every woman on the planet.”
Simon scowls at Cory’s simplification of the opposite sex. “I don’t think so. Besides, what would you know?”
He laughs loudly. “A hell of a lot more than you!”
“Obviously not,” Simon tells him and slams another drawer shut. “You’re still alone, too.”
“I’m workin’ on that,” Cory says. “You just don’t like that the object of my affections happens to be your sister.”
“You’re damn right about that,” Simon says with a glare over his shoulder.
“You’ll come around,” Cory says with confidence.
“Don’t count on it,” he retorts and wipes down the counters and the table.
“I am actually. Because, brother, I don’t really have a backup plan,” Cory admits quietly. Then he adds, “You ready for tonight?”
Simon places the wet rag in the bucket to be taken to the house for washing and walks toward the door. Noting that Cory changed the subject, he says, “Yes, and you’re still not dating my sister.”
Cory laughs again and follows him from the room, shutting the door behind them. “Catch you later, brother. I gotta feed the hogs before dinner.”
Simon watches him jog away into the setting sun. His eyes narrow as he considers Cory as a companion for his sister. Paige is his responsibility. Their parents are gone. There isn’t anyone else to look after her, to speak up for her. She has stated that she doesn’t want to marry Cory, but he wonders if she is saying that because she’s afraid of hurting him. He wishes his mother was still with them. She was good at giving advice. She’d know what to do. She’d probably sit Simon down and have one of her talks. They used to be more like career counseling talks or how to make good choices talks. He could use one of those talks now about relationships, and so could his sister. They are both failing at adult relationships. Simon considers this as he walks to the house.
If Paige actually seemed like she is in love with Cory, he wonders if he could let go of the past, the betrayal of his friend, and give her his blessing. It doesn’t matter because she does not have feelings for Cory. She told him so, despite what Sam said about them. Sam is probably just wrong. Simon scowls. She’s usually never wrong about such things. He shakes his head to clear away those thoughts.
He grabs a fast shower in the basement since he’d also worked in town earlier this morning with Herb. Then Reagan had relieved him and took his place. One of the men in Pleasant View was injured in a skirmish against a group they ran into on the road, which they all presumed were the highwaymen. He took a bullet, but it passed through the fleshy part of his shoulder. He’ll heal well but won’t be jumping into any gunfights for at least several weeks.
Simon finishes in the bathroom, runs into Huntley in the hall, and heads upstairs to find Sam again just as dinner is being called. He turns back around and helps transport platters and trays of food to the dining room and takes his usual seat next to Paige. Sam never sits by him anymore. She always sits across the table instead. Tonight, when she joins them, she is glaring at him, as well.
“You guys ready?” Derek asks from the seat at the head of the table where Herb usually sits.
“Yes, sir,” Cory replies.
Simon nods absentmindedly. The blue-eyed angel across from him consumes his thoughts.
“Good,” Derek replies. “We need to let them know of our plans. Be careful, guys.”
“Yes, sir,” they both reply this time.
“Keisha told John the other night when we went back in that they found one of the dead bodies, someone in a locker room in a shower?”
Simon looks at Cory, who shrugs. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Cory, did you kill someone in the locker room and not hide the evidence very well?” Derek questions.
“No, he didn’t,” Paige answers. “I did. Well, one of the women and I did. We did it together.”
Simon nearly shouts, “What? You never said anything about that!”
“It was nothing,” she says with a deep sigh and a shake of her head. “We just got spotted on the way out. I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of hiding his body. Sorry, Derek.”
Derek nods with a frown, but Simon is ready to blow a fuse. Why hadn’t she told him about this? She was apparently in a lot of danger the other night.
“It’s fine,” Derek forgives. “Don’t worry about it. That was bound to happen. They’ll eventually find the others we’ve dealt with, too. It won’t be long now. The bodies will begin to…well, you know what I mean.”
Everyone looks to Hannah, who has stopped eating and has paled slightly.
“Sorry, baby,” Kelly tells his wife and touches her shoulder gently.
“It’s ok. I know this…this is going to bring an end to all of the violence. I hate it. I don’t understand why people have to act like this, not now, not anymore. Why? There’s already so much despair in the world.”
“I know,” Kelly says.
“It’s ok, Hannah,” Sue comments. “It’ll be over soon.”
Derek breaks back in to say, “Yes, it will. We’re planning our attack for next week some time if all goes as it should. We can’t keep taking women out of there and expect the absence of so many not to go unnoticed.”
“Agreed,” Cory says.
“They think that one of the women killed the dude in the shower or that they’ve got some problems from the inside, the men fighting amongst themselves,” Kelly explains. “Either way, she said she doesn’t think they’ve noticed that some of the women are missing.”
“John and Cory have been racking up the body count over there,” Derek states. “We’re lucky they haven’t figured it out yet.”
“And Dave’s dudes have taken out over twenty on the roads when they go out on their runs,” Cory adds. “I don’t think they keep a very accurate count of their people.”
Derek says, “Tonight, we want you to meet Gabriella in the parking garage in the west corner. She’s bringing women and two more kids. That leaves only a few children in their compound. If we help them all get out, they’d definitely notice that. The last of the women and kids will have to make their move the night of our attack.”
“We’re planning on ambushing their day shift runners on the day of the attack,” Kelly says. “When they send out their QRF, we’ll take them out, too.”
“Q what?” Sue asks.
“Quick Reaction Force, their elite force. We’re assuming they have one. With a compound of this size, they’ve got ex-military dudes in there somewhere.”
Cory says, “Yeah, Lilly told us the other night that there are a few ex-military guys that work with the big boss. Not sure what went wrong in their freagin’ childhoods that they’d work for dirtbags like these guys.”
“Usually money,” Kelly says.
Simon puts in, “In thi
s case, probably security, power, promises of something.”
“Lilly told us that they have plans of taking over some huge new compound,” Derek tells them. “Just like we heard about from Cory’s intel. They’re all being promised a lot. Wealth, women, whatever they want.”
“Sounds like b.s,” Sue says.
Derek nods, “I’m sure it is.”
“So, we’re meeting with Gabriella in the parking garage?” Cory asks, interrupting their enemies’ pipe dreams of a utopian society.
“Yes,” Kelly answers. “She’s bringing women and a few kids. You’ll hand her the escape plans. We wrote it all out for her. Tell her to burn it once she’s memorized it. We don’t want one of those idiots finding it and killing her because of it.”
“Ten-four,” Cory says and takes a massive bite of venison stew.
Simon looks at Kelly but catches a glimpse of his sister in his peripheral vision next to him. Paige is trying to conceal a smile. He looks at Cory and sees the tail end of a wink aimed at Paige. When Cory notices him, he turns his attention back to Kelly. When Simon looks at Paige, she stares at her stew. Then he makes the mistake of looking at Sam, who is openly staring at him. Simon feels like slinking under the table at her direct stare. He cannot read her. Normally, he can tell what Sam is thinking about. When her moods are dark, he knows she is thinking about their past. When the kids are around, she usually has a smile plastered on her sweet face. Not tonight. She is staring emotionless, expressionless at him. He attempts a smile but is sure it comes off as dorky and crooked. Her expression changes to one of contempt, which causes him to shrivel.
“Right, Professor?” Derek asks.
“Yes, sir,” he answers automatically.
Derek gives him a look that lets him know it was not a yes or no question. Then he rolls his eyes and keeps going. “Anyway, make the connection with Dave. He’s taking the next group to Hendersonville. Oh, Sam, he also said he’d give you a ride back to your uncle’s if you’re ready.”
She attempts to say ‘yes,’ but Simon blurts, “No! I don’t think Herb was ready for her to go yet. He was concerned about her returning too soon and injuring her leg again.”
“I’m ready,” she argues.
