The girl lived in a nicer neighborhood than Lucy. The lights were on in her apartment as dusk settled, and once I’d parked, I didn’t hesitate to sprint up to the porch. Moments later, when she opened the door to my knock, her face hardened instantly.
“Wow.”
“You’re her best friend. I need to find her.”
With pursed lips, Henley propped her hand on her hip. I seriously didn’t have time for this.
“Please,” I added.
“She wants to be left alone.”
I nodded. “I understand. But, I need to talk to her.”
“Why? According to your story, nothing was going on. Why would you need to talk to her?”
I blew out a long, slow breath. This was not going to get me anywhere. “Look, Henley. I fucked up. Please, if you speak with her, tell her I’d like to talk to her.”
I didn’t wait for her response.
Back in my car, I decided I’d do the one thing I didn’t want to do. I texted her.
I’d like to speak with you.
I sent the text while stopped at a stoplight and by the time I’d gotten home, I’d still heard nothing. Using any professional contacts to find out what I needed was out of the question given what was happening in the news. But I needed help to find her. After four long minutes passed, I sent another text.
Please.
It’s not that texting wasn’t a valuable means of communicating, it was. But I’d seen so many cases where texting records and actual texts had led to a conviction. As I sprawled out on the sofa, my body ached. Maybe I was coming down with something. I closed my eyes thinking back about the night I’d met her. That night at the club. Rarely did we even go there, but Jeff wanted to hit the club. Looking back, I should have known she was a virgin. She had virgin written all over her. The comments Henley made that grabbed my attention to begin with. The blood that invaded Lucy’s innocent cheeks. Tell me what to do, Lucy said. How easy it was to make her come. How tight she felt. I didn’t pay a lick of attention to the condom when I pulled it off or the sheets beneath us. God, how I wanted a do-over. The one thing I did know…where Pops was staying. She’d come there to see him soon enough.
Chapter 21
ADMONISHMENT
LUCY
The entire trip into the city, Ethan and I talked about Claire and Jenner. He and Claire had so much more history than Jenner and I. He and Claire had been together for as long as I could remember. High school sweethearts. Jenner and I—we were electric from the start. Mimi always said love was the closest thing to magic, and after I met Jenner, I believed that. There was definitely magic in the way he touched me without using his hands. His words. His eyes. His honesty. His stupid wealth words. I smiled as I sat shotgun in Ethan’s truck. I missed Jenner’s big words.
“Why not text him back? The reason you were staying apart is gone now.” Ethan asked.
“Ethan. I have no idea if he is in trouble. If he will be going before an ethics committee. I had a United States Supreme Court Justice in my living room. Complete asshole, by the way. This whole thing blew up in our face—just exactly like we feared.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes, but it is more complicated… Pull over, now!” I shouted, unlocking and opening my door before Ethan came to a complete stop. I vomited my breakfast all over the shoulder of the road.
Ethan grabbed a napkin from his console and handed it to me.
“Lucy, are you ok?”
I nodded silently. Damn I was tired of this bullshit.
“Probably just all the nerves right now.” I wiped my lips and took a deep breath of air, trying to settle my still roiling stomach.
Ethan just stared at me. Assessing me like the crops we took to market.
“What?” I asked, a little put off by his serious expression.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Little Miss,” Ethan said evenly, forcing me to hold his gaze. “But is there any chance you might be pregnant?”
The shock of his question stole the answer that came immediately to my head. I wiped my bottom lip again as his question ricocheted around in my head.
No. Not possible. But…I had been exhausted lately. And nauseous all the time. Shaking my head in denial, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my calendar to when I marked my last period. Mid September. My eyes glanced at the date at the top of my phone. November 18. Crap!
I started scrolling again, this time looking at the dates Jenner and I had been together at the conference.
Stomach acid scorched the back of my throat as I searched frantically for the dates. October 5. Holy fuck me.
“Ethan...” I whispered.
He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s ok. Nothing is certain. Let’s get a test and then you’ll know.”
“I can’t. Ethan. I can’t.”
Henley’s comment about me being pregnant with the judicial spawn rang through my ears. Was that even a possibility?
I relived that night over in my head as I sat there in shock. I vividly recalled watching Jenner first undress me, then undress himself. After he went down on me, I remembered him crawling on top of me almost immediately, then slowly burrowing himself inside of me. My entire body quaked as I thought about that moment…that night. In my subconscious, I knew he hadn’t put on a condom. And in the heat of the moment, I wasn’t about to ask him to stop. Even laying there after he’d finished, I felt the wetness…our wetness… between my legs, and I hadn’t given it a second thought. I wasn’t mad at him for not having protection. I was more irritated with myself for not thinking this could even be a possibility.
I’d never been on the pill. I’d never needed it. Now it was too late to take the morning after—hell, I needed the month after pill.
Ethan had started driving again.
“I never wanted kids,” I whispered.
He glanced over at me then back to the road. “Why?”
“Because of my mother. Well, and my father too, I guess. I have the world’s worst genes. Severe mental illness. Criminality.”
“Lucy. We aren’t our parents.”
“How do you know? My mother seemed to have a fairly normal life until she had me. What if something clicks inside of you one day and you just start hurting your child or those around you?” My voice cracked.
“You’re being silly, Miss. You’d never hurt a fly.”
Looking for relief, I turned the temperature knob down for some cooler air.
Twenty more minutes of running what-if scenarios through my head convinced me that I was indeed pregnant. Somehow, I just knew. And the rest of the trip, I sat quietly thinking about my options. No matter how many options were out there…I knew there was only one for me.
I cried on the way to Pops and I cried in the truck on the way home. The visit didn’t go anything like I’d hoped. Nothing in my life at this point has gone like I’d hoped. Jenner was the best thing that had happened and that had only lasted about a week before I realized who he was and what that meant for us.
As Ethan and I road in silence, I thought about the things Jenner had said. He was so very right—I never would have gone into those Judge’s chambers on either occasion had I not slept with him. I wouldn’t have challenged him on any level.
Being a child in need of care prosecutor was everything I’d ever wanted, and I would never have jeopardized my career…until I met Jenner.
When Ethan shifted the truck into park, I glanced out the windshield. He’d parked in front of a drug store.
“Want me to go in and buy it or do you want to?”
“I can go.”
“Why don’t we both go?”
I smiled at him. “Deal.”
As we walked through the aisles, Ethan stayed close.
“I know it isn’t any of my business and I may sound older brotherish, but you should’ve used protection, Miss.”
The irony of that statement was not lost on me.
“Yep, just my luck. Jenner and I o
nly had sex twice, once without protection, and here I am. Stupid, I know.”
“You two only had sex twice?”
I nodded as my eyes scanned the variety of pregnancy tests. Wow, there were a lot. Didn’t know if I wanted a plus sign, or 2 lines, but I went with the one that flat out spelled pregnant. Nothing lost in translation there.
I shrugged, a little embarrassed about where this conversation was headed. “My only two times ever actually. What are the odds of getting pregnant your second time out of the shoot?” I grabbed one of the boxes.
“Wait. You and he had sex twice or you’ve only ever had sex twice?”
“Yes.” I shook the box of the one I chose.
“You were a virgin until you slept with this guy?”
I nodded. “Just my luck.”
“Do you even like this guy?”
“First time around, I barely knew him. It was just about the sex. No judging! I was done being the only virgin left in the world. Second time around, I was falling pretty hard for him. See if this helps with your understanding. He is the nicest, funniest, wittiest, handsomest, prick judge I’ve ever met.”
Ethan chuckled a deep belly laugh. “Sounds like true love.”
After we’d paid and gotten back on the road, the reality hit me. Tonight, or tomorrow morning, I’d know if my entire life was changing. If the one thing I never wanted to be—was going to be.
JENNER
Pops’ appearance was worse than the night I’d seen him in the emergency room. He sat staring vacantly out the window at the birds flying around the birdfeeders.
I cleared my throat to draw his attention, wondering if he was lucid today.
“Hi, Pops.”
“Hello.”
I stepped into the room.
“Forgive me, I sometimes don’t remember people the way I should.”
I extended my hand, moving toward his wheel chair.
“We’ve not met, sir. Not officially anyway. I’m Jenner. I’m a friend of Lucy’s.”
His eyes narrowed just a bit. If someone hadn’t been looking for it, they may not have noticed.
“Nice to meet you. How do you know my granddaughter?”
The continual thud of my heartbeat was resounding in my throat. “I’m in love with her, sir. I’ve spent the last five months getting to know her. I just wanted you to know that I’m going to take care of her.”
“Why hasn’t Lucy told me about you?”
“I don’t think she knows how much she loves me yet. Our relationship has been a little complicated, and I’ve made a few mistakes along the way.” God that was an understatement. “It won’t be today, and probably not tomorrow or maybe not even this year, but I plan to ask her to marry me. It would be my hope that when that time comes, I could have your blessing.”
“I’m confused. Why didn’t she come with you?”
I sat next to him. I didn’t want to lie to him. I didn’t know what he might possibly remember. “I am a judge and Lucy worked for me. We found each other before either of us knew that. Things have kind of gone haywire, and I’ve lost her for a bit. But, I love her, Mr. Walker. I love her.”
The elderly man’s face crumbled as his frail hand reached out for mine.
“Ethan. Find Ethan. He will help. He loves her too. She’s so darn stubborn.”
Ethan? A single tear found its way down the maze of wrinkles on his face.
“Who is Ethan,” I asked jealousy coursing through every vein, artery, and cell in my body.
Pops stared out the window again.
“Mr. Walker. Who is Ethan?”
“My dad died.”
My eyes closed. I couldn’t lose him. Not now. Not when I was so close to finding her.
“I love her,” I repeated.
His vacant eyes shot up toward my face. Shit. I’d lost him.
“I’m sorry. Do I know you?”
I shook my head, frustrated and sad. “No, sir. Just checking on you. You need anything?”
“My granddaughter is coming today.”
I gave him a comforting smile. His love for Lucy held no bounds. I wouldn’t let him down. Ever.
After a four-hour stakeout in my car waiting for Lucy to possibly show, I left the facility and drove to her apartment—where once again, I knocked repeatedly. The older lady across the hall must not have been home. No rolling pin. No smart-ass remarks. Desperate, I placed my ear on the door but heard nothing. Henley. I wondered if she was staying there. Hiding out.
***
Staring out the window of the train, I gazed past the snow-dusted trees, completely lost in thought. I barely even noticed the sparkling light dancing off of the branches or the winter birds fluttering about searching for seeds. There was very little that excited me these days. Five weeks had passed since I’d gone to see Pops. The five longest weeks of my life. After following every lead I could think of, I still had no idea who this Ethan was, but I hoped he wasn’t spending his nights with her. Just thinking about that possibility made me see red. Christmas was three days away. I’d fought to stay in my routine. Otherwise I would go crazy. Thankfully, the judge sex scandal was old news, at least in the media. Probably because Lucy was completely missing in action, making it lose its juicy news value. All of my transcripts and recordings from the past few months were under review. Honestly, I didn’t care, but my father cared enough for both of us. I thought it would grow easier not seeing her, not hearing from her, but the crack in my heart became a canyon.
The two-hour trip on the train to DC wasn’t how I’d planned to spend my day, but I was done playing games. I was done with everything it seemed except her. It’s amazing how losing something precious to you can put your life into perspective. My father had no problem showing up at my door on a whim. This time, I was going to his.
Grace had been his assistant for as long as I could remember. When she saw me duck through the door, her eyes smiled before her mouth.
“Jenner!” she whispered with a shushed enthusiasm. “My, oh my. Look at you, handsome boy. Does he know you’re coming?” she asked as she hugged me—all enthusiasm gone from her tone.
“Hi, Grace.” I hugged her back, ashamed for not at the very least giving her a heads up. “No. He is not expecting me.”
She tsked as she glanced at his schedule. “Jenner. You know that he doesn’t like…”
“Me? Yes, I know.”
“That’s not what I was going to say. Interruptions. He doesn’t like interruptions.”
As I walked toward his door, I faked a grin. “I think he dislikes me more than interruptions.” I winked, hoping to alleviate some anxiety.
“He loves you. He just isn’t good at showing it, and this stuff in the news, you have to understand…”
“I do,” I interjected and opened his door.
He looked up from whatever he was reading, peering over his thick reading glasses. Immediately, he sat back in his massive chair and tilted his head to the side, staring at me in that intense way that always set me on edge. Always the judge.
“Well. Well. Well. As I live and breathe, my son steps into the halls of justice.” He tossed his glasses onto the desk. He was one damn smug son of a bitch. “Let me guess. You’re done with the girl, don’t want to be appealed, and you are looking for guidance.”
“From you? Not a chance in hell. But I do expect help.”
“With regards to?”
“Lucy.” I waited for his lame reaction.
Only a deep breath. “What do you want, Jenner?”
“You’ll need a piece of paper to write this down.”
He didn’t move.
“You will help develop and implement a private foundation for abused children.”
“Why would I do that?”
“She lost her job. Her life. Because of me. And we are going to extend her an opportunity.”
His hands ran the length of his face.
I continued, “Don’t act all put out by this. Someone will reach out to
her by cell phone to request she apply for the director and legal advisor of the foundation. You will put together a small board to oversee it.”
“Why would I do this?”
“Because I asked you to. Because you had no right to pay her a visit. Because I love her.”
“Then you do it.”
“No…I can’t have any ties to it.”
Confusion colored his face. “There will be a tie. I’m your father.”
Holding up a finger, I said, “Albeit a terrible one. This is your chance for redemption. You have connections. You know people who can pull this off and who can fund it. You have people eating out of your damn ass. Make. It. Happen.”
For the first time in a long time, I could see him mulling over my words as he leaned back in his massive chair.
“Fine. Let me see what I can do.”
“She was making about $65k with the county. I’d love to see that doubled.”
“Glad you aren’t asking for much,” he said with sarcasm, shaking his head.
“I gotta go,” I added as I turned back to the door. “It was good to see you…Dad.”
I could feel his eyes burning a hole through my back. The name Dad hadn’t come out of my mouth in many years. Like, maybe since the Da-da stage. The jab left me feeling victorious. As I walked out, my smile for Grace was much more genuine. She blew me a kiss, and I caught it.
Chapter 22
REBUTTAL EVIDENCE
LUCY
“Oh, Lucy. I’m so sorry.” Claire held my hair as I hurled into the toilet again.
Ethan and his wife had been a godsend. Pregnancy didn’t agree with any part of my mind or body. Claire came over to help me when my days were bad. It was another bad day. I’d wept enough tears over the past few weeks to fill the Hudson. My abs screamed from the tightening that came along with the daily retching.
I sat upright. “Claire, you don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.”
“You are so weak, girlie. I’m worried about you.”
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