Mrs. Landon, her keys clinking on her belt like a medieval jailor's, welcomed me, bade me give the maid my wet things, and sat me down at the table.
"Mrs. Landon," I said, deciding to broach the topic as quickly as I could. "I want you to tell me everything you know about my mother. Her last year, especially."
Mrs. Landon pushed a steaming cup at me, looking in no way surprised at my command. "You've found out about that, have you, dear?"
I clasped my hands around the coffee, my heart beating faster. "I discovered a journal she kept. Who was he, Mrs. Landon?"
She gave me a sad look from her watery blue eyes. "Well, dear, I suppose it's right that you know. It was Mr. Buckley, the publican. Young Mr. Buckley, that is. The one who's publican now."
* * * * *
Chapter Sixteen
"Buckley?"
I stood, my chair sliding back on the flagstones. Thomas Buckley, the youthful-faced publican who'd welcomed me home as the "young master," remembered what I liked to drink, and offered me cheerful advice about Terrance Quinn--had been my mother's lover?
"You must be mistaken," I said. "Buckley would only have been in his twenties at the time."
"I am not mistaken, dear. I remember it well. You never knew, then?"
I scrubbed one hand through my hair as I paced. "Of course I did not know. What mother tells her child that she is going to run off with the publican's son?" I stopped. "Did my father know?" A horrible thought entered my head. Had he found out? Had he killed my mother in a jealous rage and then claimed she'd died of illness?
Mrs. Landon was shaking her head. "I do not believe your father ever tumbled to it. Your lady mother was most discreet, as was young Mr. Buckley. I know only because I came upon them by chance one day, but I promised my silence. The poor dear didn't have much joy in her life. Who was I to destroy that, even if she committed a mortal sin? When you have lived most of your life in a vicarage, you realize that there is sin, and there is sin."
I sat down, my legs suddenly weak. "But she did not go with Mr. Buckley in the end. He is still here, and my mother is dead."
"I know." Her voice was gentle. "I nursed your mother to the last. Such a sweet woman. You say that Mr. Buckley was in his twenties, and he was, but you must remember that she was not much older than he. Five or six years at most. And country boys grow up quicker, as much fancy schooling as the gentry have."
I balled my hands. "What made her decide not to leave? She wrote in her journal that she was prepared to go, but nothing after that."
"I cannot say. She never told me. But one day, when she was bringing flowers for the Easter service, your ma took me aside and said that the matter with Mr. Buckley was at an end. She apologized to me for having to bear the secret. She apologized to me, poor lamb."
"But she never said why."
"No, dear. And I did not ask her."
I rubbed a shaking hand over my face The idea that my mother and Buckley . . .
Was I outraged because he was a lowborn publican's son, or because she'd fallen so hard in love with him that she'd contemplated leaving me with my father? Or was I angry that Buckley hadn't taken her off, out of my father's reach, where she might have been happy?
I did not know. I knew only that I had to put my hands on him.
I rose. "Thank you, Mrs. Landon."
She saw what was in my face and got to her feet. "You leave him be, Captain. It was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. He's got a good wife and a fine son and grandson."
"I'm sorry," I said.
It was all that would come out of my mouth. I shook off her well-meaning hand and strode out of the house.
I was so angry that I walked all the way. Terrance looked up from his tankard as I entered the public house. "Lacey . . ."
I ignored him and made for Buckley, who'd come out from behind his hatch to talk to a handful of fishermen. The smell of frying fish came out of the back, where Buckley's wife was preparing whatever the fishermen had brought her.
"Captain." Buckley turned his publican's smile on me. "Your usual?"
"I want a word," I said. "Now."
Buckley lost the smile, but he looked puzzled rather than worried. He nodded to the fishermen and Terrance, who also eyed me curiously, then Buckley followed me out the front door.
The trouble with villages is that one can not have a chat in a corner without half the place overhearing. The pub sat at the end of a row of flint cottages, each built slap against the other. The space between the row of houses and the one behind it was tiny, dark, and full of slops. Anything said there would echo up and down and through the back windows.
I walked out of the high street until I was well away from houses, on the path that ran up to the marshes. Buckley caught up with me, puffing. "What is it? What's happened? Is it Robert?"
When I determined we could speak privately, I turned to him, my walking stick firmly in my hands. "Why did she decide not to go with you?"
Buckley stared at me, perplexed, then the skin about his eyes pinched. He did not pretend not to understand what I meant.
"Because of you," he said.
"I was only a child." I clenched my walking stick so hard I feared the casing would break. "I was away at school. What could it have mattered?"
"It mattered to her. She did not want you to always be known for her transgressions. She did not want you to grow up in shame."
"And so she told you to leave her alone?"
"That's about the brunt of it. Yes."
I stood there, unsure what to do. My first instinct was to hit him, the small boy in me wanting to pummel the man who'd tried to take away his mother. My second instinct was to hit him for not persuading her harder.
"You should have made her go with you," I said. "She was miserable. Bugger what I thought."
Buckley stood with his arms loose at his sides, a stance of surrender. "I understood once I had a boy of my own. The sins of the parents, and all that."
"My father was a demon," I said. "He made her life hell, and mine. She died here, in that hell. If you'd taken her away, she might still be alive, and happy."
Buckley was shaking his head before I finished. "She would have died anyway." His voice was full of sadness. "She was belly-full. She lost the child, and that made her take sick."
I stood still while shock spilled over me. "Your child?"
"Aye."
He said it without shame. Only vast sadness for what might have been.
I remembered the words of my mother's diary: I wish, I so wish, I could have another, a daughter such as she! But perhaps I will not have to wait so long. My limbs tremble as I think on it.
I'd suspected she'd meant she was carrying a child, and now Buckley confirmed it. She'd hoped that the child would be a girl, a daughter. But she'd decided to stay here, to pretend the child was my father's, to raise her as a Lacey. My sister. Then the child had died, killing my mother as well. Buckley's child had killed her.
"Dear God," I said.
"She broke my heart, young master. That she did."
To resist the impulse to pull the sword from my walking stick and strike him down, I clamped my arm across my stomach and turned away. Not, alas, because I thought he did not deserve to be struck down, but because I knew everyone in the village would see me if I killed him.
"Tell me," I said. "I want to know. Everything. How long were you her lover?"
I heard Buckley move uneasily behind me. "Two years. I know she was older than me, and a lady, but she were a beautiful, beautiful woman. And so kind. Not condescending at all. Talked to me like I was the same as her. She always did."
I turned back as he paused. "What began it? Or did she one day decide to come to the pub and ask you to take her to bed?"
He reddened. "Nothing like that. I was helping with repairs to the church. We all throw in for that, one way or another, or the thing would fall down on us of a Sunday morning. Your mum was always there, assisting Mrs. Landon. She and I were al
one in the back of the church, and Mrs. Lacey was holding a bit of wood for me while I nailed it over a hole. We were talking and making jests, as we often did. And then . . ." He shrugged. "I do not know how it happened, I will tell you honest, Captain. All the sudden, I was kissing her. And it was like angels started to sing."
"Mrs. Landon caught you," I said.
"That she did. Not then. She caught us months later, kissing in the sacristy. Adultery in a church. Can you credit it?"
He spoke wistfully, an older man recalling the follies of youth. I turned away again, wanting to rail at him, and at the same time, hungering for this new view of my mother.
I'd barely known her, I realized. My father hadn't known her either, seeing her as a vessel for his seed, a woman to run his home and nothing more. Buckley had known her.
"Why did you not tell me?" I asked. "Why did you never tell me?"
"Well, it'd not be easy, would it? To explain to a young man something like that? And then you were off to war and foreign lands and then London, never to return, we all thought. It was the past. I married and I had children of my own."
I stood still, uncertain what to do. The desire to hit him and keep hitting had not left me. Though the reasonable part of me agreed that it had been long ago, that it scarcely mattered any longer, the rest of me was quivering from this new and painful wound.
I walked away from him. It was the best thing, under the circumstances. I strode up the path toward the marshes, my walking stick pressing into the mud. Buckley did not follow me. The wise man went back to his pub and left me alone with my thoughts.
*** *** ***
I was never certain how long I wandered. The rain poured down, and my knee started to ache.
At least, I came across nothing gruesome--no severed hands, no bodies, no blood. Only me, the grasses, the rain, and sheep.
I found the shepherd under shelter of the bank that separated the salt marshes from the wet sands. He hunkered under a canvas tarp, taking nips from a flask while he kept one eye on his charges.
I sank to my heels, my game leg protesting, and he greeted me with a nod. "Now then, Captain."
I did not know the man, but I could not be surprised he knew who I was. Everyone in the area was aware of my return by now.
He offered me the flask but I declined, not because I did not want the gin or whatever was in it, but because the mouth of the flask was rust-stained and covered with sand.
"Are these Lord Southwick's sheep?" I asked. I did not much care, but I wanted to speak of anything to take my mind off my encounter with Buckley.
"Aye. And some from the villages. Parson's Point and Blakeney. We don't tell his lordship that we mix them together."
I watched the wet bundles of wool crop the marsh grasses, the aristocratic sheep unworried about being mixed with the common sheep. "How do you tell them apart?"
He shrugged. "Sheep are like people, Captain. They all have their little ways that make them different. I know which are which." He chuckled. "That and we mark them with a little dye."
His humor washed over me, unnoticed. "I suppose when you're out here all day long, you see more of the sheep than people."
"That I do." The shepherd grinned, showing broken teeth, and took another sip from his flask. "But I don't mind. Sheep know where they are and what's what, and they never mind it. It's people that fuss all the time."
"And hurt one another."
"Aye. Though the mamas can get protective of their babies."
"Do many people wander out here?" I asked. "Besides me, I mean."
"Not many. Saw you out here yesterday, with a horse."
"Yes." I rested my weight on my walking stick, my leg truly starting to hurt. "I'd lost it, and I found it grazing here. Did you happen to see it come out? Or a man with it?"
"Don't think so. But I move about, sometimes here, sometimes elsewhere. And this land looks flat, but it fools you. Little hills and ridges everywhere."
I'd noticed that. "He'd have been a large man, quite tall and broad. He might have had another man with him."
The shepherd rubbed his chin with the hand that held the flask. "Don't think so." He kept rubbing. "Did see a man, but not yesterday, and not with a horse. A few days ago. And he were alone. I think he were tall, though."
My moroseness fled. "Where?"
The shepherd pointed to his right, north along the ridgeline. "Up yonder. Walking away, heading westward. Not much out that way, but that's where he went. Didn't know who he were at this distance, and I never saw him again."
I stood up, my leg aching as I straightened it. I gazed down the ridge, shielding my eyes from the rain and the glare from the leaden sky.
"Thank you."
"If I see him again, should I tell him you're looking?"
I continued to study the direction he'd gone, the grasses bending under the wind. "No," I said. "No, do not mention it."
The shepherd touched his hand to his forehead in a mock salute. "Right you are, Captain. I'll keep your interest to meself. Can't speak for me sheep."
I looked down into his twinkling eyes and smiled with him. I was a native son; the man the shepherd had spotted, a stranger. He'd keep my secrets.
Now to find out whether the person he'd seen was Cooper, Cooper's killer, or someone else entirely.
* * * * *
Chapter Seventeen
I debated what to do. I walked along the ridge path a little way, but I soon found that the mud and pelting rain would defeat me.
I'd left my horse at the vicarage. I began my trudge back there, raising my hand to the shepherd as I passed. All I saw of him was the flash of lifted flask.
The rain became a gray curtain, obscuring the world. I bent my head to the wind, keeping my eyes on my feet. Pools of wet lined the path, which ran across a little rise of ground. If I stepped off the path, I would be knee-deep in boggy mud.
I knew that the path the shepherd had pointed to led to nothing. Or at least, twenty years ago, it had led to nothing. I had to remind myself I'd been away that long. Estate holders could have added outbuildings, and windmills continued to be erected. I hadn't walked that way in a long time.
And I would not today. I was thoroughly drenched by the time I reached the vicarage. Mrs. Landon, watching worriedly for me, wanted to fill me with hot coffee. I accepted a brief cup, but I needed to return to Easton's.
Before I departed, a carriage drew up and deposited Reaves at the front door. I recognized the carriage and the other man inside it. Grenville.
Reaves looked at me in surprise as the vicarage maid hurried forward to take his things. "Captain Lacey? What are you doing here?"
"I am equally surprised to see you," I said. "Has Lady Southwick ended her house party?"
"Pardon? No, some guests are remaining for a time. But it is Saturday, and when I enter the pulpit tomorrow, everyone will expect me to have something to say. I find this house quite conducive for composing sermons."
"Much quieter here," I agreed. And more restful. The vicarage was an old-fashioned cottage with flagstone passages and plain, polished wood that lined whitewashed walls. "What will be your theme, if I may ask?"
"I have not yet decided," he said. "I might work in the camel and the eye of the needle, in light of recent arrivals to our part of the world. Not meaning you, Captain."
No, I was hardly wealthy enough to worry about riches barring me from the kingdom of heaven. But if he meant Denis, I doubted Denis would care. Denis was not bothered by heaven and hell as far as I could discern. Nor would Denis likely attend the service. Easton's house was in a different parish anyway.
I could have pointed out the irony of a man who obviously loved the comforts of soft living lecturing on the sins of wealth, but I refrained. I wasn't certain Reaves would see my point.
I said good-bye to him and to Mrs. Landon and stepped back out into the rain.
Grenville's groom opened the carriage door for me, and Grenville called to me to get in. The groom w
ould return my horse for me, he said.
I accepted. I'd had enough of the rain.
"You are exceedingly wet," Grenville said as my greatcoat spilled water onto the landau's floor.
The lanterns at our feet flickered as the groom shut the door. The welcome warmth of the coal boxes began to seep into my bones.
"I beg your pardon. I've been tramping about the marshes in the pouring rain. It is wet work."
Grenville drew his coat together under his chin. "Norfolk is lovelier than I thought it would be, but damp. Quite damp."
"Unlike London, which is only damp."
"You are in an interesting mood, Lacey."
"Exhaustion," I said, shutting my eyes. The carriage bumped hard over a hole in the road, and pain spiked in my cramped leg.
When I opened my eyes, Grenville was watching me. "Are you certain exhaustion explains everything? How goes the search?"
Grenville was canny. He'd learned the signs of my melancholia over the past year and a half, and he'd learned how to keep me from falling into it.
"Oddly," I said. I told him what the shepherd had said. "It is too foul to search today, but as soon as this lifts, I'll take a horse and go out there."
"With me," Grenville said. "Despite my performance as a soft-living dandy these past few days, I am a hardy sort."
"I know." I kept my tone light, still trying to banish the anguish of what Buckley had told me. "You've rowed on the Nile and across rivers in Canada, you've tramped across deserts and over the highest mountains."
Grenville shook his head. "Flippancy does not become you, Lacey."
"So Lady Breckenridge tells me." Donata. I'd sent her away, and I was happy I had, but at this moment, I longed for her warmth.
"Has something else happened?" Grenville asked me.
I debated what to tell him. I was still sifting through Buckley's confession and his revelation that my mother had carried his child, the miscarrying of which had led to her illness and death. Emotions chased through me--anger, shock, sadness, guilt. I could not fix upon one.
A Death in Norfolk (Captain Lacey Regency Mysteries #7) Page 14
