by Meg Harding
Jaden stared at him when he glanced over, eyes heavy lidded. “What?” asked Chase.
“You weren’t born here,” said Jaden. It wasn't a question, so Chase waited. “You mentioned that when I first met you. You moved here. Is it nosy of me to ask why? You’d be a big hit doing what you’re doing in a city.”
After all these years, after space and acceptance that that part of his life was over, it blew Chase’s mind when his throat clogged and the words stuck. His accident—or fuckup, rather—had never become easier to talk about. He cleared his throat, steering around the topic for now, aiming for playful and casual instead. “Doing what I’m doing? What am I doing, exactly?”
He’d said the right thing. Jaden’s cheeks flushed under the dim bar lights, and his fingers twitched against his beer bottle. Jaden shrugged, glanced down. “You know, yoga and Pilates. It’s a fad—is that the right word? Anyway. I always see people dressed for it, with their mats and all. And there are flyers everywhere. One of my accounts used to be for a big gym, and the money coming from those classes is unbelievable.”
There was a time when Chase used to dream of having lots of money and a mansion with the newest sports cars parked in his multiple garage bay. His life had since been put into perspective. Not to mention, if he were to teach classes in a city, he was fairly sure someone would recognize him. Or maybe he was being conceited. He didn't know, and he didn't want to find out. “I’m not doing this for money,” he said. “I’m doing it for me. I enjoy it.”
Jaden nodded, expression thoughtful. “How’d the smoothie thing come about?”
Chase had no idea when this turned into all-about-Chase-hour, but he wasn't going to discourage Jaden from asking questions, especially harmless ones like this. “My brother broke his jaw way back when, and he got stuck eating everything in smoothie form. After the first week, he was choking the stuff down, completely miserable. Tasted bad. I started experimenting with drinks for him, trying to find something he looked a little less pained to eat. I kept up with it.” At the time, he’d been fourteen and he’d never considered making the damn things would become a career.
The smile on Jaden’s face made Chase’s heart skip a beat. “That’s sweet,” he said. Their ankles brushed beneath the table. Jaden sucked on his bottom lip for half a second. “Do you remember the first one you ever made?”
Chase did, in fact, remember. His brother, Max, loved pizza, ranch dressing, and Cheez-Its. He’d blended the three together.
It had been truly disgusting.
He told Jaden this, sinking into an easy conversation about smoothies of all things, letting everything else fade to background. It wasn't how he imagined this night going, but much like that first night on the couch watching TV, it somehow worked. And if he caught himself trailing off mid-sentence once or twice, gaze caught on Jaden’s beer damp lips or his slender fingers as they absently picked at the bottle’s label, well… he was only human.
Chase stopped after one beer, but Jaden drank two more, his cheeks pink and his soulful blue eyes glittering in the dim lighting. Much like the night on the couch, Jaden relaxed, tension bleeding from his body in waves.
“Tell me something about yourself,” said Chase, deciding he’d had enough of talking about himself.
Jaden’s lips parted, his brow furrowing. Chase curled his hand around his empty beer bottle so he wouldn’t reach out to smooth it away. “Like what?” asked Jaden. He poked his tongue out to lick the corner of his mouth and a stray drop of beer.
Feeling bold, Chase rolled with his curiosity. “Like… what do you do in your spare time? Who is Jaden Matthews when he’s not playing accountant?”
Jaden brought the bottle to his mouth and sipped slowly, staring at Chase from behind lowered thick, dark lashes. It clinked when he returned it to the table. “I like comics, hence my dog’s name. I collect them. I used to draw, but it’s been a while.”
“How come?”
“Hmm?”
“How come you haven’t drawn in a while?”
“Ah.” Jaden shrugged, casting his gaze to the side. “Life got busy. I was working all the time, and bringing it home with me, trying to impress the guys at the top with my dedication. I barely had time to eat and sleep most days, let alone do anything else.”
Chase gently bumped their knees together. “You should set aside some time to relax. You’re not working now, take the time to enjoy it.”
“I’m helping the guys out at the gym.”
Chase raised an eyebrow. “They don’t care what you’re doing, as long as you’re there.”
Jaden bit his lip. “I don’t get them,” he admitted. “I don’t get any of this.”
“What’s not to get?”
“None of them know me. My grandmother didn’t know me, but she left me things that matter. She never visited. She didn’t call. But she left me part of her business. And everybody just thinks that’s normal.”
Chase grabbed his hand, stilling Jaden’s tapping fingers. “I don’t know what Lily-Anne was thinking, and you might never find out. But you’ve got to understand, your brothers felt the same as you at one point in time. They came here looking for answers and for family, and they stayed because they found that in each other. They didn’t know a damn thing about one another to begin with. Believe me, they know exactly how you feel.” He squeezed Jaden’s hand. “Have you talked to them about anything?”
Jaden’s expression was sheepish. “No.” His fingers trembled against Chase’s palm. “I’m working up to it. I think.” He sighed. “Talking is hard, and what if I don’t like the answers?”
Chase waited till Jaden made eye contact. “Talking is crazy hard to do sometimes, but you’re an adult and it’s what mature ones do. Straighten your spine, think of what you want to know, and have the conversation.”
Chapter 7
Jaden’s brothers and Chase showed up on his grandma’s doorstep at eight in the morning while Jaden was in the middle of a phone call with Drew. Of all people. He couldn't hear him over the immediate outburst of barking from Magneto, who’d raced to the front door and was wiggling his hind end so much he might fall over in a minute.
He was tempted to yell, “Sorry, tunnel,” and hang up. He didn't want to be having this conversation. It figured he’d left some things in his hasty exit, and it wasn’t like he could have taken everything and brought it to his mom’s place anyway. But hearing that he needed to move it out pronto cause the med student was moving in? Yeah, Jaden could do without. The house wasn’t even Drew’s yet. It wouldn’t be until Drew paid him his half and they signed the papers.
He opened the door, and then pointed to his phone, making an apologetic face before walking away and leaving them with a now quietly whining Magneto, who’d rolled to his back and was writhing for belly rubs.
“I’m not in New York at the moment,” he said, grabbing the coffee tin. He needed another cup, stat. “What did I leave, anyway? I told you to keep the furniture.” He’d taken most of his personal items. The rest was just a reminder of the things he and Drew had done together. He could do without the couch they’d bought and christened soon after. The bed they’d shared. No doubt Drew’s lover had been all over it by now, anyway.
“Tom wants us to get new furniture together. And I found your vinyls.”
Jaden impatiently tapped his fingers on the countertop as the coffee brewed. “You can throw it all away, give it away, whatever.” He didn't want to go back there to get any of it, and he certainly didn’t want the furniture. If he wanted anything out of the divorce—other than Magneto—it was his dignity. Drew had done a number on it. He started to say bye.
“Wait.”
He snapped his mouth shut.
“So, I didn’t call because of the furniture. Sorry. I just didn’t want to get right to it. Seemed rude. But obviously I should. Did you take your wedding ring? I can’t find it.”
Jaden stared at his bare finger, at the slowly fading tan line from where a ring
used to sit twenty-four-seven. He thumbed at it. He hadn’t worn the ring since Drew ended things. It sat in a box, in his suitcase. “Yeah, I took the ring. It’s mine.”
“I need it back.”
Would it be childish to hang up? Yes. “You gave it to me,” he said, numbly.
“I did, but I need it back. You know it’s a family heirloom. I need it for proposing to Tom.”
Who cared about being childish? Not Jaden. He pressed End Call. He could hear the murmur of voices in the house, cooing directed at an always needy Magneto. He had to grip the counter to keep himself upright. He rested his forehead against the cool wood of the cabinets. He should just give the ring back. It didn’t mean anything at this point, anyway. And they weren’t together, so who cared what Drew did with Tom-the-med-student. Not Jaden. Nope. Nope. Nope.
He needed to get his shit together. His brothers were in the other room. Chase was in the other room. Chase, who brought him food and rescued him from the side of the road and took him out and who spent hours and hours talking to him. Twice now. Making him feel comfortable and included. Chase who Jaden had a crush on when he shouldn’t.
His phone rang. Drew’s name and face flashed on the screen. Jaden turned the phone off.
Jaden could admit he’d been having a good time in Serenity, and the guys were here to go do something no doubt. He needed to let this go and return to enjoying himself. This was a vacation. There were no such things as dick soon-to-be ex-husbands on vacation. Squaring his shoulders, sucking in a deep breath, and then letting it out slow, he left his phone on the counter and headed toward the voices.
All four men were sitting on the floor, petting an over the moon looking Magneto. His tail was beating with a constant thump, thump onto the tile.
Jaden forced a smile. “Sorry about that.”
They all turned to stare at him. Jaden noticed they all were in boardshorts and nothing else. He didn't know how he’d missed that before. Well, he knew how he didn’t notice it on his brothers, but on Chase…? He had to have been blind for a minute. If Chase looked good in clothes, he looked holy mother of God hot not in them. And he knew this, because he’d seen him shirtless on the beach, but it hit him all over again.
How did normal human beings have abs like that? How?
“You all right?” asked Phoenix, concern filling his tone.
Jaden had to force his attention away from Chase’s nipples, had to divert his thoughts from wandering down “what would they feel like on my tongue” lane. Don’t say peachy. “I’m fine.” He meant to leave it at that, but apparently he’d lost the ability to hold his tongue, and for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, he put his private business out there. “My husband—well, he won’t be for much longer—called. You know how it is.”
Their expressions clearly said they didn’t. With the exception of Chase, they were all wide-eyes and raised eyebrows. Jaden had to root himself to the spot not to walk away. Shit. What if they were homophobic? What if he had just made a colossal mistake? Why couldn't he breathe? His chest felt unbearably tight.
“Woah, woah,” said Elliot, and suddenly he was right up in Jaden’s personal space bubble, and so was Chase. They were making him sit down, rubbing his back. Their hands were warm on his chilled skin, and he tried to push them away even though part of him wanted to give in and melt into the touches.
“You need to breathe. You’re having a panic attack.” Chase’s hands were on either side of his face, forcing eye contact. “Watch me and try to follow.” He exaggeratedly inhaled and exhaled, gently shoved Magneto’s big head out of the way so he couldn't lick Jaden’s face.
Jaden imitated Chase’s breathing, and they repeated it till he could drag air in without feeling like someone was squeezing him to death. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m not usually this much of a mess.”
“Dude,” said Phoenix, “don’t apologize. Everyone has panic attacks.”
“And we’re 100 percent cool with you being gay. You just caught us by surprise, cause like, you don’t really talk about yourself,” said Zane. His normally stoic expression had given way to open concern and understanding. He pointed at Chase. “He’s gay. And Phoenix slept with a guy once. Not Chase, though.”
“Zane,” said Elliot, interrupting.
“You slept with a guy?” Chase asked Phoenix.
Jaden glared at Chase. “You’re gay?” Does that mean last night was a date? Did he go on an actual date with a guy he had a crush the size of Mars on and not even realize it?
Chase twisted back to look at him. “Yeah,” he said. “I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I couldn’t think of how to do it other than blurting it out, and I didn’t really want to go that route. It didn’t seem like the time.”
Jaden’s brows furrowed. He was going to make himself dizzy trying to figure this out. Or maybe that was the momentary lack of oxygen from his freak out. He sucked in a deep breath before he could repeat the negative cycle. “Why are you all here?” he asked, deciding to avoid the whole gay thing right now. He could only cope with so many things at once. “I was planning to come into the gym.”
Elliot nudged everyone out of Jaden’s personal space, and then held out a hand to help him up. “We’ve got our employees running the show. We thought it’d be nice to do a beach day. Have a picnic. Properly introduce you to this guy,” he pointed at Chase, “who you apparently know from more than just a car ride.” The look he sent between them had “I expect to be informed of what I’m missing” written all over it.
Jaden adopted a look of polite bewilderment. Who knew what that glare meant? Not him. He pretended to brush lint off his pants. He ignored Chase’s snort. It was weird to know someone was picking up on his bullshit. “A beach day? Like we’re spending all day at the beach?” he asked. He was pretty sure that’d involve getting in the water. And even if he wasn’t terrified of the unknown depths, he didn’t own swim trunks.
Elliot rolled his eyes. “Yes, exactly like that.”
“I don’t have a bathing suit,” said Jaden, tamping down the triumph in his voice.
“We figured. We brought you one just in case. We’ve got sunblock too. And a beach towel and chair for you.” Elliot removed Jaden’s excuses one by one.
Phoenix smiled wide. “We thought of everything. Magneto can even come. I have one of those portable water bowl things dog walkers use.”
“I brought a tennis ball for him too,” said Zane. He’d noticeably warmed up to Magneto faster than he had with Jaden.
Jaden sighed. He wasn't getting out of this.
Serenity Beach was either located in Hell or on the surface of the sun.
“People really lay out here for hours?” he asked Elliot, the only one who hadn’t abandoned the tent for the water. Even in the shade, Jaden was covered in a sheen of sweat and his skin felt gritty from the sand. It was as if someone had put him in a crockpot and was proceeding to slowly cook him. They'd only been here for half an hour. He wanted a shower and the comfort of cleanliness.
“Yep,” said Elliot, laying still as a statue. He looked like he’d fallen asleep, he was so still. “This is nothing. A lot of people go fishing, and then they’re out all day on the boat. No shade. I don’t have the patience for fishing.”
Jaden had never been, so he couldn't say either way. The idea had never appealed to him, though. If he wanted fish, he’d go buy it from a supermarket or go to a restaurant. He moved the cold water bottle he had resting on his forehead to his neck. He hissed at first contact, and then relaxed into the coolness. So good. Jaden closed his eyes, listening to the waves and the rustle of the brush near the road in the wind. He could hear Elliot shifting, probably rolling from his back to his stomach. He seemed to do so every five minutes.
“Want one?”
Jaden cracked an eye open, turning his head enough to see the proffered bag of Sour Patch Kids.
He should resist.
Holding up a finger for Elliot to wait a minute, he reached
for the pocket sized hand-sanitizer he took everywhere and liberally coated his palms before he held his hand out. Elliot shook a small pile into his cupped palm. They were cold, and when Jaden popped a red one into his mouth, it was harder than normal. He chewed, swallowed, and licked the sugar off his lips. “I refrigerate them too,” he said.
“Tastes better,” said Elliot.
Jaden ate two, humming agreement around them.
Elliot tipped more onto his palm when Jaden ran out.
The silence was comfortable, and while Jaden still felt like he was being suffocated by heat, he wasn't tempted to go sit in the car and jack the AC to full blast. Well, he wasn't as tempted. They should have brought a big ass fan to blow air on them.
He swore the breeze was nothing but sandy, hot air.
Jaden wasn't good with stillness and doing nothing. He shifted restlessly.
“So you were married?” asked Elliot, out of the blue.
Jaden stared at the off-white ceiling of the tent. They were talking about this then? “Yes.” One of the guys in the water shouted, and Magneto barked. The world kept spinning. “For nine years.”
Elliot whistled, low. “Recent divorce?”
Jaden grimaced. He must have a sign on his fucking forehead. “Couple months ago.” He thought of all they'd shared with him. The way they'd accepted him in. The effort they'd put into getting to know him. Zane’s words from earlier. “You just caught us by surprise, cause like, you don’t really talk about yourself.” Chase’s words that he should talk, be mature. He had the power to change things. He may not be staying, but this was the twenty-first century. They could text and Skype, and leaving Serenity didn’t mean he had to leave them. Deep breath in. Slow one out. “He’d been seeing a med student, Tom, behind my back. When I lost my job, Drew decided it was time to call it quits with me and focus on Tom. He called today ‘cause he wants the wedding ring back. He needs it to propose.”
Elliot reached for his hand, squeezed it. He was always so quick to touch, to share physical comfort. “Sounds like you’re better off without him.”
