by Meg Harding
“I noticed what you were buying that time at the grocery store. You’ve got a junk food soft spot. So do I.” He grinned widely, his eyelashes fluttering. Jaden’s stomach swooped. “I brought you something else, but it’s for after lunch.”
Jaden’s eyes widened at the many possibilities (most of them involving Chase’s mouth and Jaden’s body), and he must have given something of his thoughts away because Chase snorted. “Food, Jaden. I brought you something to eat. That wasn’t me trying to be sexy.” He winked and it was ridiculous. “I’m saving that for later.”
Anticipation settled as a heavy buzz in his bones, made him feel restless and excited. He dug his pocket sanitizer out and liberally doused his hands—the underside of his nails were filled with dirt from petting the horses. He offered the tiny bottle to Chase when he was done, and was pleasantly surprised when Chase accepted. He stuffed an Oreo in his mouth so he didn't jump Chase then and there.
He liked watching Chase. The man didn't have to be doing anything in particular, he could be sitting still and looking serene or he could be methodically separating two Oreo halves so he could scrape the icing in the middle off the cookie part with his teeth. There was something about his movements that Jaden found inherently soothing. Chase had an expressive face, easy and open, and his eyes were the kind that reflected his feelings plainly. His body language was as big of a tell as his mood. Chase bit the corner of his lip when he was trying to work the cookies apart, and when he accidentally dropped one into the grass, his mouth twisted in an undeniable pout.
Jaden twisted his halves apart and handed Chase the one with the majority of the icing on it. “Will you show me how to do yoga sometime?” He wasn't even consciously aware he wanted to learn until the question sprung from his tongue. It had helped with his panic attack following the call with Drew, and he’d had more than one person tell him the benefits were vast. Given the decisions Jaden was finding himself faced with, mental relaxation and Zen seemed like a damn good idea. Did he choose his brothers over his mom? Did he prove to her once and for all he was her ultimate disappointment? She’d been there longer than his brothers. She’d given time and affection to him, in her own way. Could he really ignore what she wanted?
“Yeah, of course.” Chase licked his lips, swiping up a stray crumb. Jaden’s focus diverted, his gaze following the peek of Chase’s tongue. “We can start now? I always get a better vibe when I’m surrounded by nature.”
“Is that why you go to the beach to do it?”
Chase dusted his hands together. “Yep. Plus the ocean is like a soundtrack. I don’t have to close my eyes and pretend I’m in my happy place. It’s easier to connect than doing it in a classroom setting.” He stood, and then held his hands out, wiggling his fingers until Jaden grasped them to be pulled up.
“I’ve got to warn you,” said Jaden, a different kind of nervous tension bouncing in his belly, “I’m not all that flexible.”
“You honestly don’t need to be.” Chase positioned him so they were standing side by side but with a good three feet or so of space between them. “Keep your hands at your side, and then bring them up over your head. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. I’ll tell you when to release.”
He took Jaden through several breathing exercises, never once telling Jaden to do anything complicated like he’d seen. He didn't even ask Jaden to do anything involving flexibility or stretching.
“Are you going easy on me?” asked Jaden finally. “I don’t want you to.”
Chase moved to stand in front of him, and he rested his hands on either side of Jaden’s waist. “You want to learn to relax, right?”
Jaden nodded.
“This is how you do that. There’s a lot of things you can do with yoga, but if you’re looking for more of a settling feeling and not a stretch till your muscles feel like jelly, something closer to meditation is the way to go. Your breathing is the key to calmness. When it’s steady and slow, your body responds in kind and the mind follows.” He squeezed Jaden once and then let go. “Sit down and we’ll try something.”
Jaden went to sit on the sheet they'd been using as a table.
“Not on there,” said Chase. “Sit in the grass.”
Jaden grimaced, but complied. Chase sat beside Jaden, their knees touching. “All right, now put your hands on the ground, fingers spread. Don’t make that face. You can wash your hands later, dirt comes off. Close your eyes. Focus on what you can hear and feel around you. Take your focus out of your headspace.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” admitted Jaden.
Chase shifted and a second later his fingers were touching Jaden’s. “So, after my accident my parents insisted I see a therapist. When she found out I’d been doing Pilates and yoga to keep limber before the crash, she suggested that I resume the activity but with a focus on relaxation and mindfulness. She’d take me into the lot behind her practice—it was next to a retention pond—and she’d ask me to sit in the grass, take my shoes off, lie down. That kind of thing. It varied every time. And then she’d ask me to tell her what I could feel and hear. Things like how the grass felt against my hands, and the ripples of water around my ankles. The sounds the birds were making. Could I distinguish just how many birds were chirping? If it helps, you can talk to me as you do it. I’ll tap your hand when a minute is up, and you tell me what you picked up on during that minute.”
Jaden wasn't sure how this was supposed to relax him, but he went along with it. At first his mind was a mess, a jumble of his problems as he tried to distinguish something specific, but with each minute and each new try, it got quieter.
“Where your knee is touching mine, there’s a scar. Not mine. Yours. Right in the middle of your kneecap.”
“Very good,” said Chase. “When I was six, I ran into a parked car at the end of a hill with my bike.”
“And the horses… Gwen, I think, is in the water. She’s slightly larger than Fern, and she’s splashing around.”
“You’re doing great.”
Jaden listened to the horses’ soft noises, the crackling of leaves beneath the feet of eager squirrels, the calls of what sounded like millions of birds, and the singing of crickets. He told Chase everything, describing it as best he could. By the time Chase instructed him to open his eyes, he felt completely at ease.
He slumped into Chase’s side, even though it was hot as hell and if he didn't move away in the next thirty seconds, he’d probably overheat. He rested his head on Chase’s shoulder and breathed in his scent, outdoors and the faintest hint of apple. “So what’s the treat you brought for me?”
Chase laughed and slid a supporting arm around his back. He rucked up Jaden’s shirt to touch bare skin. It made Jaden shiver, his breath catch. Chase patted him once, and then withdrew. “We’ll have to get a move on after.” He rifled through his bags. “Come here.”
Jaden crossed to him. Chase had pulled something out, and he hid it behind his back.
“Are you going to make me guess?” asked Jaden, laughing. He went on tiptoe, trying to see over Chase’s shoulder.
“Nope.” He brought it around, and Jaden made a pleased noise deep in his throat. “Jelly beans, right from Universal,” said Chase, beaming. “Bet you’ve never had them before. And, in case they’re not your cup of tea, I’ve got a bag of Twizzlers.” Jaden slung his arms around Chase’s neck and planted a kiss on his lips. Chase stumbled back a step but quickly righted himself. He grinned when Jaden pulled away. “Guess I know the way to your heart.”
Jaden thought he might know it a little too well.
After dropping Gwen, Fern, and the truck off with Phoenix—who didn’t outright ask them questions but wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, although it looked like he was developing a twitch—Chase drove Jaden home in his car.
The air around them felt thick.
Jaden picked at his cuticles, searching for the easy vibe they had kicking up until five minutes ago. Drake was on the radio, and if Jaden had to
hear the whiny cellphone song one more time, his head might explode. Chase kept changing the stations, but on every one it was the same song. Jaden was going to have the damn thing memorized by the time they reached the house.
There were fifteen or so minutes of light left, the sky pink and red and the moon already partially visible. The streets of Serenity were mostly empty of other vehicles, almost everybody already at home and going about their nightly routine. Jaden glimpsed a few people walking their dogs and a couple more jogging. He’d learned they didn’t do that kind of thing in the morning in Florida. It was too hot. Jaden didn't think anyone would run at night in New York City alone. They’d have to be crazy. But here, in this tiny town, everyone felt safe.
Soon the sidewalks and neatly aligned houses with their big yards gave way to sprawled-out houses hidden from view by trees and bushes. Some of the homes had fancy metal and block fences, with gates that required a code to pass through. His grandmother’s home only had a fence for the back, and while there was foliage in the front, it didn't conceal the house. Her home reflected the openness she possessed in character.
A pang resonated through his chest, and Jaden rubbed at it. It didn't do him much good to wish he’d got to meet her. Got to know her. It was a little too late.
Chase placed his hand on Jaden’s thigh and tapped him. “Penny for your thoughts?” His sunglasses were pushed up into his hair, the strands sticking out around them. The bridge of his nose was redder than the rest of him.
Jaden felt a tug inside him, a mental, emotional kind of pull. He stopped fucking with his fingernails and rested his hand over Chase’s, curling his fingers around his palm. “Phoenix told me Lily-Anne added the PT wing of the gym because of you.”
They were slowing for a stop light, and Chase didn't say anything for a long moment. “She did it for more than just me. She worked with plenty of people who needed it.”
Jaden pursed his lips. “But you were the motivating factor.” The light turned green, but they didn’t go anywhere. There wasn't anyone behind them, so Jaden supposed it didn't matter. He bit back the urge to tell Chase it was green anyway.
“She was telling me about a patient who needed to learn to walk again. Might not ever learn. And she mentioned how expensive his therapy would be. Guy couldn’t afford it for too long. He definitely wouldn’t be able to do years worth of upkeep. I told her about my shoulder, and how if my parents hadn’t been well off, I’d have been fucked. I said it would be great if someone put a unit in a gym, and just charged a gym membership rate for it. And she did it.”
“When people talk about her, she sounds like a saint,” said Jaden.
Chase squeezed his thigh. “Lily-Anne was a nice woman, and she cared. But she wasn’t a saint.”
Jaden frowned. “What does that mean?”
“She ran mailboxes over on purpose.”
Not what Jaden was expecting. “Are you joking with me?”
Chase finally drove through the light. While it was red. “Nope. Whenever anyone in town really ticked her off, sometime in the next week their mailbox would be mown down. Sometimes she went for lawn ornaments instead. I remember she once tossed Mrs. Blacker’s garden gnomes in the town retention pond. She was a big believer in getting even.”
Jaden tried to picture a little old lady stealing gnomes and throwing them in a pond. “I never got that impression from anyone when they talk about her.”
Chase turned onto Lily-Anne’s street. “No one likes to speak ill of the dead, and she more than made up for her ugly moments. People don’t want to remember that about her. They want to remember when a kid fell off the swing at the playground and she fixed him right up. They want to remember when Mr. Turner—dude’s old as a bat and blind as one—ran his car into the front of the gas station and she stitched his forehead.”
They pulled into the drive, and Jaden stared at his grandmother’s house. All the windows were dark, but the porch light was on and illuminating the entryway with its wide stairs and glass framed door. It looked like a scene from a movie. The kind of thing you’d see on a postcard from the countryside. What would his life have been like if he was raised in Serenity? Would he be the same person he was now? “What did Mrs. Blacker do to piss her off?”
“I think she called her an old cow.” He said it with a completely straight face, and Jaden busted out laughing. When Jaden had calmed down—he didn't know why he found that so funny—Chase raised his eyebrows questioningly. “So, how do you want to do this?”
By this, Jaden assumed he meant end the night. The car was in park and the date portion of the day was over. Did Jaden want to be prim and proper and send Chase home alone or did he want to invite him in? Well considering what you did with him the other night, it’s not like you have virtue to protect. He’s not going to think less of you for wanting to jump his bones promptly.
“Do you want to come in?” he asked, his stomach tying itself into knots of anxiety despite being ninety-nine point nine percent sure Chase was going to say yes.
Chase grinned and leaned over the console to kiss him, their noses bumping and their lips brushing softly. “I’d love to.”
Jaden’s fingers trembled and he fumbled the keys while trying to open the front door. Magneto scratched on the other side, rumbling growls interspersed with high whines clearly audible. Chase’s hand was on the small of his back, his fingers splayed. The tip of his thumb was resting on the waistband of Jaden’s pants. Jaden could feel his warmth though the fabric of his shirt.
“You need help?”
Jaden shook his head. “I’ve got this.” He repeated it to himself, and the key finally went into the hole.
Magneto greeted them exuberantly, and it actually served to break up some of the awkward tension that had settled between them. Chase let Magneto bowl him over, and he scratched behind Magneto’s ears and right above his tail, which sent the Great Dane into spasms of joy.
“I’ve gotta feed him before we….” He stopped before he said “do it.” He wasn't in high school. Hadn’t been for a while. He was a grown man and he could totally say sex. He took a deep breath. “Before we have sex.” He winced. He sounded clinical about it. Not at all sexy.
But Chase smiled at him and stood, gently pushing Magneto away. “Sounds good. How much does this horse eat?”
Jaden’s shoulders loosened a notch. His lips quirked upward just a little. “Not as much as you’d think.” He led Chase through to the kitchen and crouched in front of the pantry to get Magneto’s food. He was mid scoop when he remembered his manners. “Do you want anything to drink? Something to eat?” He glanced over his shoulder at Chase.
The man in question was leaning against the counter top, all long lines and lean muscle. His legs appeared to go on for miles at this angle, and they were crossed at the ankles. He’d left his shoes in the entryway when they came in and his feet were bare. He had a very faint flip flop tan line. His calves looked like someone had carved them from marble, and Jaden knew from his brief experience with Chase that they felt it too. A lot of him was hard. Most of him. A really important part of him….
Jaden’s fingers tightened around the cup handle.
He glanced up, past the minuscule line of visible stomach with a hint of dark happy trail, over Chase’s crossed arms—the veins were visible, the hair a light sun kissed brown—and defined biceps, and finally landed on his face. Chase raised an eyebrow and smirked.
Yeah, he knew exactly what he was doing to Jaden standing there like human perfection personified.
“I’m good,” he said, smirk growing. “How about you?”
Jaden’s mouth was feeling kind of dry. He didn't think it had anything to do with being thirsty, though. “I’m good,” he said, echoing Chase.
Magneto barked, not caring about the moment he was interrupting, only interested in getting his food pronto.
Jaden dragged his gaze away from six plus feet of distraction and finished what he was doing before all his thoughts raced
south and he had nothing left. He was conscious of Chase’s stare on his back as if it were a physical touch and anticipation churned low in his belly. His hand shook and a few kibbles clattered to the floor. Magneto vacuumed them up in no time.
“Nervous?” asked Chase. His expression was serious now. His eyes were concerned. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready.”
Jaden shook his head. “I’m not nervous.” Well, a little, miniscule bit of him was, but mostly he was excited. He couldn't wait. “I really want this.”
Chase studied him, taking everything in, whatever was there. Jaden didn't know what he was broadcasting. But Chase nodded a minute later, so maybe Jaden’s eagerness came through loud and clear.
He vibrated with the need to touch Chase. To explore more of who he was with Chase and get to know Chase better. He licked his lips. “Was last time… good?” He liked the control he’d had, and he wanted to make sure Chase would be comfortable with a repeat.
Chase’s eyes widened. His cheeks flushed. “Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair, sending the strands every which way. “That was good. Really good.” His blush deepened.
They left Magneto to eat in the kitchen, and Jaden led Chase through the living room and to the guest room he’d only recently claimed as his own. It’d felt odd to give up the couch as his sleeping headquarters, but at the same time, right. He wasn't really a stranger here anymore.
Chase let Jaden push him to the bed—but not until Jaden turned the lamp in the room on—and straddle his lap. He automatically grabbed Jaden’s waist, pulled him closer.
“You confuse me,” admitted Jaden. He grazed his lips over Chase’s cheekbone.
Chase bit his earlobe. “Yeah? How so?”
“Sometimes you’re so confident, and you give off this really… extroverted vibe. And then sometimes you’re shy. You get all awkward like me. I like it. I’m not complaining. But normally people aren’t both.” Jaden sighed. “I want to know what makes you tick. How you’re you.” He didn't know if he made any sense, and this probably wasn’t the best time to have this conversation. Why couldn’t his brain-to-mouth filter let him wait?
