by Meg Harding
“Fuck,” gasped Chase, hands scrabbling at the sheets for purchase. “Holy fuck.” He squeezed his eyes shut, his legs shifted restlessly, and his heart raced for the finish line while Chase fought for a shred of control.
Just a sliver.
Jaden pulled off of him with a wet pop and trailed kisses along the underside, working his way to Chase’s balls, and then back up. He did it again. And again. Chase simultaneously hated him with every ounce of his being and loved him. Jaden gave Chase the time he needed to get a grip, but he was killing him in the process. Slowly. Evily.
On his next sweep down, Jaden diverted and gently bit the inside of Chase’s thigh. Chase’s legs snapped around Jaden in surprise, an instinctive jerk. Jaden ignored him, turning his head for a better angle. He sucked a bruise into Chase’s skin, worrying with his teeth and his tongue and his lips till the patch felt tender, and Chase thought there’d be a mark for at least a week.
“Jaden.”
Jaden hummed, his nose grazing the side of Chase’s cock. Yet more exquisite torture. A barely there touch.
Chase shook, muscles quivering, and had to pause to breathe before he could attempt to articulate. “Please.” He didn't know what he was asking for. He thought maybe anything. He'd take whatever Jaden wanted to give.
He wasn't expecting Jaden to rise over him, knees spread wide, to grasp his cock and sink down on it like it was the easiest, most natural thing he’d ever done. Chase groaned loud and long, the sound torn from deep within his chest. Jaden made a similar noise as he tilted his head back, baring his throat. Chase watched his Adam’s apple bob with his moans, imagined he could see Jaden’s excited pulse making his skin twitch.
It was his turn to grab Jaden’s hips and sink his fingers in, leave marks.
Jaden hunched, bringing them mouth to mouth. They exchanged panting, lazy contact that barely classified as kissing and was more a sharing of hot air. Neither of them cared. Jaden was steady over him, his movements a slow roll. This was the definition of morning sex. Time had become a glacial trickle and nothing existed other than the two of them and their sweaty bodies moving in sync.
They came one after the other, and their orgasms were like their sex. It wasn't so much a wave of pleasure cresting, but a steady wave coming into shore. They swallowed each other's quiet noises, their lips sealed together much like their bodies.
Jaden may have been graceful leading up to this, but when he separated himself from Chase it was anything but. He collapsed to the side, aiming for the bed probably, but half of him ended up sprawled on Chase. Chase didn't move him. He stared with hazy eyes at the ceiling, waiting for his body to stop tingling with residual oh hell yes shocks.
Best way to be woken up. Ever.
His brain needed a bit to come online after that, and since Jaden was unmoving beside him, Chase thought he’d be in no better shape. Their skin was sticking together and the sheets were gross, but Chase felt like moving was way too much of an effort. He contemplated retreating to dreamland for a morning siesta when it hit him.
“Fuck. We didn’t use a condom.”
“I don’t have anything,” murmured Jaden, breath muggy against Chase’s chest. “I got tested when I found out Drew was cheating.”
Chase was negative too, when he was active he got regularly tested, but Jaden didn’t know that. “You still took a risk. That was stupid.” Felt like heaven though.
“I know this doesn’t make it better, but I honestly wasn’t thinking about it. M’sorry.”
Chase could give Jaden a lecture on how in the future he should be more careful, but doing so meant he had to acknowledge Jaden would have sex with other people in a way that felt all too real. Especially after what they just did. So he went the cowardly route and let it go. “I’m supposed to open Healthy Blends today.”
Jaden bit his pec, pinching the skin with his teeth. “Is that code for ‘get off me, I need to leave’?”
“Yes, but that’s a crude interpretation of the code. I like to think of it as me saying, ‘I don’t want to leave, but I need to make money to afford living, and to do so I need to get up so my employees don’t revolt when they have to cover for the boss.’” Chase scratched the short hairs at the base of Jaden’s neck, loving how he pushed into the contact and sighed his enjoyment. He was so vocal, and Chase was a glutton for it.
“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be able to move. I don’t possess the willpower.” To prove his point, Jaden clung tighter. “I’ll pay you to stay here.”
Chase laughed. “If you pay me, then this became very sordid.”
Jaden nipped him again before rolling to the side. He sprawled out dramatically, limbs flung wide. With his eyes closed and his expression lax, he resembled an angel. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Chase froze for half a second, everything in him going still. It wasn't a question Jaden was asking him. It was a statement. He just assumed—rightfully Chase knew—that Chase would be back. Would spend every minute of free time with him. Panic beat at his chest, and he wanted to protect himself, to say “not tonight, I’ve got a thing.” He didn't, though. He pushed the panic down. He was living in the moment, and he wanted to take every one he could get. After all, they were limited.
“Of course.”
Chapter 13
What do I want?
Jaden ran the pad of his pointer finger over the ridges of his wedding band resting on his grandmother’s kitchen table. Chase was the first answer to come to mind. It was instant and accompanied by a fierce throb of something warm and glowing in Jaden’s chest. It wasn't the first time he’d felt this way in conjunction with Chase. He’d felt it a lot the night before. The sensation was something new, and he wasn't entirely sure what it meant. It scared him as much as it set his pulse racing with excitement.
Chase made Jaden different. Or had Jaden always been different and just never known? Was that even possible?
He glared at the ring hard enough that it should have melted. He picked it up and slid it on his left ring finger. He held his hand in front of his face and looked. The metal was cool against his skin, and it felt awkward. He was acutely aware of how it pressed against his other fingers and how the band was just a smidgen too loose.
Maybe Drew was never the problem.
Maybe they were never the right fit.
He took the ring off, returning it to the table.
Jaden hadn’t been unhappy in his marriage till the end. He hadn’t even paid attention to something being not quite right. He’d existed in a complacent state, content to let things roll as they were and not upset the balance. The sex between him and Drew was good, but it was nothing exciting. Nothing like what he’d done with Chase. What he wanted to do with Chase. Compared to Chase and the feelings he elicited, Drew was a rain shower and Chase was a hurricane. They weren’t adventurous in the bedroom. And after the first several years, they weren’t doing much of anything in there.
But their relationship wasn’t based on sizzling chemistry.
He’d always figured sizzling chemistry was what led his mom to his dad. That something purely physical was where she’d went wrong and lost herself for a hot minute. His dad was a wild impulse for his mom, and she certainly didn't indulge in those anymore. But what if it wasn’t chemistry? What if it was a moment of stupidity, a lapse in judgment?
What if they were lacking the chemistry to keep things alive?
He wished he could ask her. Well, he could ask her, but he highly doubted she’d answer. So he wouldn’t bother. He flicked the ring and watched it skid a little way across the table. He wondered if his mom ever loved his dad. It was possible she had, because from what he’d seen the experience had changed her entirely. It had made her a new person practically. That was probably due to popping out a child and having her life momentarily derailed.
He snorted.
He may have been an “oops” but that wasn’t on him.
The realization stilled him, caused his heart
to skip a beat. His mom’s attitude, her past actions, they weren’t on him. He didn't have to carry any guilt around for her. He shouldn’t have to.
He dropped his forehead to the table and breathed in slowly. It only took him thirty-five years to have this epiphany. He was either the densest man in the world or he secretly loved to feel like everything was his fault. Probably a combination of both.
He had his iPhone in his hand before he could think better of it, and he called the person who was still his emergency contact a second later.
“Jaden,” said a familiar voice, a question in his tone.
“Drew,” he said. He had meant to say something else, but awkward silence reigned. There was a big difference between thinking, “Oh, I’ll do this,” and actually doing it. He needed a minute.
“Jaden? Is everything all right?” Jaden didn't think he was imagining the hint of concern coming from Drew.
What would Drew do if Jaden told him no? Jaden curled the fingers of his free hand into a fist. His nails bit into his palm. “Can I ask you something?”
“Uh, sure.”
“Did you ever love me?” He felt pathetic asking, but the words burst free like a dam breaking, and he just wanted to know. He focused at the wedding band on the table hard enough that it became blurry.
“Of course I did,” said Drew. “I still do.” He sighed. “I just haven’t been in love with you for a while now.”
His words weren't sharp like a knife, they were blunter like a hammer. They made Jaden go momentarily breathless as he processed them. A kernel of irritation and anger popped inside him. His right eye twitched. “And you thought to leave me when I was at my lowest? Why? You could have told me sooner. You didn’t have to cheat. You didn’t have to make yourself out to be the biggest asshole in the world. I trusted you.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jaden. I can’t go back and undo any of it. We had a comfortable thing going. I didn’t want to rock the boat till I was sure.”
It was the lamest excuse Jaden had ever heard. “What do you feel for Tom?” he asked. “What about him is better than me?”
“Jesus, Jaden. It’s not like that. There’s no competition. It’s just different. There’s something there with Tom that we didn’t have.”
Lots of sex, Jaden thought snidely and a little meanly, bitterness rearing its ugly head. He didn't give voice to it. “And you’re going to propose.” It wasn't a question. Jaden knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it anyway.
“I’d like to.”
Jaden picked up the ring and dragged his thumb over the smooth surface. If he kept this ring, he was holding onto something he no longer had. Something that only hurt him in the end. It’d be petty on his part. Done simply because he didn't want anyone else wearing what he considered his. Done to hurt Drew, like Drew hurt him.
Did he want to be that person?
“I’ll mail you the ring,” he said.
Jaden could ignore his other problems and try to put them off for forever, after all he’d taken care of one and that had to count for something, but he knew they'd never go away. If it sucked, it had a way of coming back to bite him in the ass. He’d spent a lot of time pretending the shitty things in life weren’t there and doing his best to steer around them. Now he wanted to try being proactive.
He glanced at the clock.
Chase had eleven minutes left in his evening yoga class, and the gym closed in roughly an hour. Jaden was pretty much done for the day, free to leave whenever he felt like it. Zane had given him the gym’s financials to look over, and he’d spent the last couple days getting things in order. Whoever was handling this stuff before him had an awful organizational system. Everything was a mess. One of the files on his desk was literally full of receipts and nothing else.
He saved his work, and then pulled up the sticky pad on his Mac to leave a note about where he left off.
Tension churned in his gut.
He checked his phone, thumbing through to his missed calls. There were seven of them from his mom. It was probably the most she’d ever called him in one condensed period of time. She didn’t leave a voicemail for any of them, but she didn't need to for him to feel her agitation and ire.
The gym was fairly quiet on Sundays, and today was no different. There were a few regulars on the machines, and they all nodded at him in silent greeting when he walked by. Other than the creaking of machines and the faint tinny sound of music through headphones, there was no noise.
Yoga was the only class in session and the last for the day. Jaden propped his back against the wall opposite the door and watched Chase walk his pupils through the motions through the large glass window. He was bent in half, facing the class, with the mirror behind him helpfully broadcasting a view of his sculpted butt in his tight pants.
Jaden had no issue with waiting here for him to finish. Chase had asked him a few times to join some of the groups, but Jaden preferred the private sessions with Chase far more. He liked having an audience of one, and he especially enjoyed how those one-on-one lessons ended.
He waited till everyone filtered from the room—ignoring their smirking and too interested expressions—and it was just Chase in front of the mirrored wall, rolling his mat, to walk in. The door clicked shut. Jaden wished he were here to find peace and tranquility. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Looked like a good class.”
Chase glanced at him from beneath his lashes, his hair hanging over his forehead but not yet in his eyes. “Looks like you could have used it.”
“I want to ask you a favor.” He might as well get straight to the point.
“Shoot.” Chase slid the strap over his mat so it couldn't unroll and then straightened.
“I’m going to ask my brothers over to dinner tonight. To talk about some stuff. Is it… okay if you’re not there?”
“You asking me to go home?” He didn't sound mad or hurt. He didn't appear it either.
Jaden nodded. “But you can come over once they’re gone. I can text you. It’s a family thing, you know.”
Chase’s intense green gaze dropped to Jaden’s right hand. He had it in his pocket, playing with his phone. “Any chance it has to do with you suddenly being so popular?”
“A hundred percent.”
Chase strode over to him. “Take your time. If I don’t see you tonight, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He brushed his lips over Jaden’s cheek, his jaw, and finally his lips. He deepened the contact there, lingering for a long moment. He sighed when he pulled away. “Good luck. Don’t lose your gumption.”
Jaden’s brow furrowed. “That’s an odd word choice for you.”
Chase grinned. “Zane has a word of the day calendar in the staff room. You didn’t notice?”
Jaden shook his head, helpless to do anything but return Chase’s smile. Every time he saw it, his stomach dipped and his heart tripped a beat. “I won’t lose it,” he said. “I’m turning over a new leaf.”
Chase bussed another kiss to his cheek. “Remember, babe. Be selfish.”
In preparation for this evening, Jaden had two of Lily-Anne’s crockpots running all day, fixing a chicken parmesan recipe he found on Pinterest he thought they'd all like and some mixed vegetables. He put it together after Chase left for Healthy Blends, figuring if he set plans into motion in the morning, he’d have no choice but to go through with them later.
When he got home, he checked on the chicken parm—half expecting it to be burnt or otherwise ruined—and found it done. At least he thought it was done. He wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to tell, but it’d been cooking for hours so it couldn't possibly be undercooked. Jaden told his brothers to give him half an hour, so he was out of time if it wasn’t. He plated it up, arranging it so it was pleasing to the eye, and spooned the vegetables onto the sides around it. He heard the front door open as he finished setting the dishes on the table.
“In the dining room,” he shouted over the sound of Magneto’s barking. He wasn't sure they
could hear him, but he figured they could follow their noses. “Please don’t give them food poisoning,” he whispered to the chicken. He was normally a fairly competent cook, as in he could make salads and things from boxes, and he was great at breakfast foods. He’d never tried to make a fancy from-scratch dinner.
“Something smells good.” It was Phoenix talking, his voice coming from the hallway. “Yo, Magneto, chill. I want to investigate.”
All three men appeared in the dining room doorway a minute later and gazed with wide eyes at the table. Magneto’s head poked out from between Zane’s legs. “Man,” said Elliot. “What’s the occasion? You looked over the books and somehow discovered we’re millionaires? Cause that’d be awesome.”
“Ah, no. Sorry.” He put a bottle of wine at the center of the table. “Thought we could do dinner, talk some.”
“Are you leaving soon? Is this like a goodbye dinner?” asked Zane, frowning.
Jaden’s stomach flipped sickeningly as it always did at the mere mention or thought of leaving. “No. I mean, I am leaving. Probably within a week.” The month had seemingly flown by. Real life creeping up on him. He had divorce papers to sign and a mother to disappoint. “But that’s not what this is.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I can make a goodbye dinner if you want me to?”
Zane opened his mouth and Phoenix squeezed his shoulder. He shut it. Phoenix sighed. “We want you to stay, man.”
There was a list—a mile long one—of reasons Jaden couldn't stay in Serenity. His life was in New York, and yeah it was in somewhat of a shambles at the moment, but he’d piece it back together. Because that was where the pieces were. All of his stuff was there. His mom was there. His future job was there. It was what he knew.
The list sounded hollow even to him. He couldn't bring himself to say it aloud to his brothers. He straightened a fork and didn't say anything at all. Someone sighed. Jaden wasn't sure who since his gaze was firmly on the table, unable to meet their matching blue ones.
“So, what’re we here to talk about?” asked Phoenix, several awkward silent moments later.
