by JL Paul
“Better,” she smiled. “The baby is due this winter.”
“And have you told Dane yet?”
With a heavy sigh, she rose to her feet. She dug a feather duster from beneath the counter, ambled around the counter, and began dusting a display of ancient trinkets.
“I will, soon.”
I jumped from my stool and stood in front of her, arms folded over my chest. “Why haven’t you told him yet? I don’t understand!”
She set the duster carefully on a shelf. “It’s complicated.”
“It can’t be that complicated. I’m sure Dane will be thrilled.”
She smiled softly and her face suddenly looked much younger. “He will be. But Aubrey, my life is finally coming together. I have a great man, the shop is taking off, we just bought the house. A baby is going to wreak havoc.”
“He’s going to find out soon,” I warned.
“I know. I plan to tell him this weekend.”
She turned her eyes from me and I was horrified to see tears in them. I placed my arms around her shoulders and pulled her into my embrace.
“Gwen, maybe it seems like a lot to take in but you’re going to be an excellent mother.”
She laughed as she rested her cheek on my shoulder. “What if I turn out like Mom?”
I eased her away to glare at her. “You’ll never be that way. You see what she’s done to me and you’d never put your child through that.”
She wiped her eyes and stepped away. “Mom isn’t that bad. She could have been much worse.”
My jaw fell. Gwen never really bad-mouthed Mom, per se, but she wasn’t exactly her biggest fan. “Are you actually defending her?”
Gwen shrugged. “When I think about having a child of my own, I begin to understand some of Mom’s madness.”
“So why are you so worried about having a baby?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m so confused. One minute I’m thrilled and can’t wait to tell Dane. But the next minute, I’m terrified and I don’t want Dane to know.” She bit her lip. “I know he’ll be happy and I know…” she sobbed and it startled me. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. “He’s going to want to get married.”
That was what she was worried about – the man she loved wanting to marry her? The man who positively adored her wanted to make her his wife and she was scared?
“What’s the problem?”
“I don’t know if I want to get married,” she admitted. “I don’t want to turn into Mom and Dad.”
I laughed and she glared. “You two will never be them! First of all, Dane isn’t a walking sports encyclopedia and you won’t hover over your child, determined to make it the next big celebrity!”
“I know it’s silly,” she said, smiling through her tears. “I’m just so confused and all these hormones aren’t helping any.”
I wrapped my arms around her again. “You need to talk to Dane.”
Sniffing, she nodded. “I know. Since when did you become so mature?”
***
I returned home feeling much better about Gwen. And the anticipation of becoming an aunt was almost stifling. I couldn’t wait for her to announce her pregnancy and was bummed that she didn’t plan on telling our parents for at least a week.
Kendra called me that night to reassure me that Troy and Derrick, as well as Jess, weren’t worried about any implications concerning the Gary incident.
Even though they weren’t worried, I still was. I kept checking entertainment news websites to see if the story had leaked to any of them. So far, nothing, but I wasn’t holding my breath.
I soaked in the tub that night and tossed the latest events of my soap opera life around in my mind. I was relieved that Gwen was doing well and had finally decided to come clean with Dane. I almost wished I could be there to see his face when she told him.
I slid down into the bubbles, allowing the warm water to soothe my fears. Jess. What would he say Monday? Would he tell me things wouldn’t work or would he say that we would find a way?
I dipped my head underwater and held my breath, hoping to send all thoughts of Jess into oblivion. When my lungs screamed for air, I surfaced and pushed my wet hair off my face. Of course, Jess could say absolutely nothing about our…relationship. I almost wished he’d say it was a no go rather than spend another day wondering where we were.
If I pressured him, would that send him scurrying for the hills? I didn’t want to chase him away, but would I be able to handle having him in my life if we were just friends? Or the casual whatever we were now? Could I live with him the way we were now or would I be able to live without him again?
One thing was for sure, I thought as I drained the water and dried my body, this weekend was certainly going to be long.
***
My mother suddenly forgave me for all my recent wrongdoings and spent the weekend suggesting music and outfits. Eager for peace, I allowed her to prattle about, though I had a couple of ideas for what I wanted to sing. And I had already secretly picked out my clothes. I was going to do as Richard and Marisa had suggested and just be myself. My mother wouldn’t be happy, I was sure, but it was my only hope if I wanted to win.
I sat on my bed as my last thoughts seeped into my brain. Did I really want to win? I hadn’t really thought about it before. I had just been going through the motions. But now that the end was so close, was this really what I wanted? Did I want a recording contract? Did I want to make CDs and tour the country?
I flopped back on my pillow and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t know what else I liked to do. I’d never tried anything. Music had been my life since third grade. I knew I liked to write music but did I like to write poetry? Love stories? Did I like to paint? Do pottery? I liked animals - I discovered that from the few times I’d visited Kendra’s house. Would I enjoy doing the work she did?
I groaned as I pulled my body into a sitting position. My head spun with all the questions for which I had no answers. Slipping off my bed, I walked over to the mirror and looked at my reflection. I loved my new hair but was there more to me than just that?
I took a deep breath and watched as the reflection in the mirror released it. I didn’t have a clue who I really was.
Chapter Twelve
I was a wreck, plain and simple, all day Monday. The only consolation I had was that my mother would not be home that night. She had plans with a bunch of women who had children or spouses in the entertainment business. She’d met them at different auditions and management offices over the years and had formed a weird sort of friendship circle. They weren’t technically a group or a club but they tried to meet once a week to moan and complain about the industry and their loved ones who were trying to make it big.
I dressed in a casual skirt and blouse. Jess hadn’t said where we were going but he was never one for fancy stuff and besides, if he showed up at my house in a suit and tie, I had a backup outfit I could change into in no time.
“Big date tonight?” my dad asked when I came down the stairs and peered unnecessarily out the window. He was watching the sports channel and I hadn’t thought that he’d notice me.
“Sort of,” I mumbled as I escaped to the kitchen. I grabbed a diet soda from the fridge and stood against the counter while I took anxious sips from it.
When the doorbell rang, I darted through the living room before my dad could heave his body out of his chair. I yanked open the door and found Jess, dressed in khakis and a blue button down shirt, leaning in the frame. My breath left my chest in a rush and I thought for sure I’d faint. His smile turned my heart to mush.
“Um, come in, Jess,” I mumbled. “I’m sure my dad would like to see you.”
He followed me through the foyer and to the living room. My dad was standing by his recliner, goofy, not to mention embarrassing, grin on his face. He stepped forward to shake Jess’s hand.
“How are you, Jess? It’s been awhile.”
“Hanging in there, Mitchell,” Jess responded as thou
gh it’d only been a couple weeks instead of a couple of years since the two had talked. “How’s business?”
“Booming,” my dad said. “It’s a shame about your shoulder. You were a shoo-in for the MVP game.”
Jess shrugged, tight smirk on his face. “There’s always next year.”
“Are you ready to go?” I asked, desperate to leave before they began breaking down the game of baseball play by play.
“Sure, Aubrey,” Jess said, smirk relaxing into a lazy smile. “Nice to see you again, Mitchell. I won’t keep her out late.”
“Okay, Jess. Good luck with the rest of the season.”
Grabbing Jess’s arm, I hauled him out the door. He chuckled.
“What’s the hurry? I actually like your dad.”
“I know but I’d rather if you two didn’t sit and discuss baseball all night,” I pouted. He opened the passenger door for me, unfamiliar look in his eyes. I slipped in and waited for him to join me. “Where are we going?”
“Wherever your little heart desires, sweetheart.”
“I don’t care, really,” I muttered. Some place private, I thought, so you can either break my heart or make me the happiest person alive.
“How about Moe’s?” he suggested as he whipped his huge truck out of the drive and onto the road. “You used to like that place.”
My heart quivered. Was he trying to relive our happier days? Was this a sign?
“It’s fine.”
Reaching over, he found my hand. He laced his fingers with mine and gave them a squeeze. “Relax, Aubrey. Geez, it’s just me and we just going to grab some food.”
I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek. My nerves were frayed and I didn’t want to blurt out something I’d regret later. I just held his hand and watched the scenery fly past my window.
He parked the truck and even helped me out. I was very impressed with his manners, even though it stirred more conflicting emotions inside my heart. Was he being nice because he wanted to let me down easy or because he wanted us to be together?
Oh, just stop trying to analyze every little move or word, that little voice in my head screamed. Just try to enjoy yourself for once.
He carefully draped an arm over my shoulders as he escorted me inside the quiet pub. A smiling waitress seated us immediately. We studied the menus and ordered, waiting for our server to hurry away before jumping into any sort of conversation.
“Are you excited about the show this week?” he asked as he sucked on his straw. His eyes weren’t on me at all but taking in the other diners.
The pub wasn’t very busy even though it was a Monday night and that suited me just fine. But there was a table full of college-aged boys not too far away and I feared they’d recognize Jess and accost him.
“I guess,” I said with a shrug. “At least it will be over.”
His brows dipped as he turned his attention solely on me. “You haven’t enjoyed the experience?”
I opened my mouth to speak but shut it quickly. Had I enjoyed it? Some aspects, sure. But the stress of facing Richard and Marissa, not to mention their disparaging remarks, were tearing me apart.
“I guess I have but I don’t think I’d ever do it again.”
His eyes darkened as he smiled and took my hand. “You won’t have to after you win this thing.”
His confidence lifted my heart and I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see my blush. “We’ll see.”
“Aubrey, you need to a little more confidence in yourself. You’re talented and you’ve lasted this long. You can win it if you’d only put your heart and soul into your music. I know you’re amazing; it’s about time to show the others.” His eyes were fierce and soft all at once. I couldn’t look away. “Show them what the American Sweetheart is made of.”
I laughed, releasing all tension from my body. “I will.”
“Have you heard anything else about the Samantha blog incident?” He leaned back in his chair, releasing my hand.
“Not at all. I’ve been watching the entertainment websites and stuff but I haven’t heard anymore about it. I don’t know how Miguel managed to keep this whole incident quiet,” I mused.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart,” he smirked, eyes shining devilishly, “but it wasn’t that big of a deal. So what if you got drunk at a party – you’re of age.”
He was right. So right. I’d worried about the entire incident for nothing – probably. But then, Jess and his friends had gotten involved and I didn’t want them in any sort of trouble.
“I know,” I said and voiced my concerns about him and the others.
He chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I told you not to worry about me. Let them drag my ass in; I’m not too worried about it.”
Our server returned with our food and we ate in companionable silence. I chanced a few glances at him from beneath my lashes and my heart leapt each time. He was unbearably handsome, especially dressed so casually, and I longed to get out of the restaurant and have a little time alone with him. The only problem was- did he feel the same? And if he did, was it just physical or were there any feelings behind it?
“Hey,” he said, thought popping in his head. “Did you ever figure out what Gwen’s problem was?”
I smiled. I’d spoken to my sister the previous morning, briefly, and she’d sounded flush with excitement. She’d asked if she could call me later. She hadn’t yet, but she would. I hoped it was a good sign.
“Yeah, but you have to keep this quiet.”
Curiosity flashed across his face as he tilted his head. “Sure.”
“Well, she’s sort of pregnant,” I said, the excitement at having a niece or nephew flowing through my veins.
“Really? That’s cool,” he said with a soft grin. “She’ll be a good mom.”
“She was a little nervous about it and I think she finally told Dane. I can’t wait to hear what his reaction was.” I paused to take a bite of my chicken.
“Hang on,” Jess said, leaning over the table. “She told you before the baby’s father?”
I set my fork down carefully. “She wasn’t sure how she felt about the whole situation. She was nervous about it.”
“I guess,” he said, tearing into his steak. “But if I ever knocked you up, I’d want to know right away.”
I choked on a green bean. My eyes watered and I gulped at my drink. Clearing my throat, I glared at his amused eyes. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
Laughing, he motioned for the waitress. She scurried over, batting her eyelashes. Anger burned my veins at her obvious flirtation but Jess ignored her overt attempts and ordered us each a beer. She nodded and walked away, sulking.
“Come on, sweetheart. You mean you wouldn’t want to have my baby?”
His tone was teasing but something else burned in his eyes. I didn’t know what to think. I swallowed.
“I don’t think the world is ready for a miniature Jess Rivers.”
He winked as he settled back into his chair. “You have a point.”
The waitress returned with our beers and Jess thanked her, a little too enthusiastically in my opinion, before sending her on her way. He sipped his beer with ease and raised a brow when I picked mine up. What the hell? Like he said, I was of age. I took a long drink and relished the cool liquid slipping easily down my throat. Approval flickered in his eyes as he set about finishing his steak. My heart twitched as I picked my fork up again. I thought for sure he’d bring up the subject of our supposed relationship. Well, I’d hoped he would. But it didn’t look that was going to be the case. I was going to have to be the one to bite the bullet.
I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Jess?”
“Hmm?” he said, pushing his plate away. “Something wrong with your food?”
I looked down at my plate. I’d eaten about half of my chicken and most of my potatoes but my stomach suddenly felt gorged. I shook my head and slid the plate to him. He grinned, his eyes soft, and picked up his fork.
“Um, I w
anted to ask you something,” I said. I had to strike now before my courage fled.
“What’s that?” he asked as he finished off my meal.
“Well, you said you were going to think about things while you were on the road.” I bit my lip. “Did you?”
“We don’t need to talk about this right now, Aubrey,” he growled, head bent over my leftovers.
“But we do,” I wheedled. “I can’t take much more.”
He set his fork on the plate and glared at me. “Much more of what?”
“Not knowing. I have no clue what we are to each other,” I said. My heart hammered in my chest as the words flowed from my mouth. It was out on the table and now it was his turn to go for the kitty or fold.
“Ah, Aubrey,” he whined, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want me to say? Huh?”
“How about the truth, Jess,” I whispered bravely even though fear began to seep into my body. “I just need to know.”
He sighed, turning his head, watching the college boys chug beers and laugh. He ran his hand through his hair before facing me again. “I’ve already explained all this to you. I told you how unfair it would be.”
“But you also said you would think about things while you were on your trip,” I reminded him.
“Have you?” he challenged.
“I haven’t thought of much else,” I admitted in a quiet voice.
“And you think that you and I are a good idea?” he asked, eyes blazing. “You think it’s cool that I’ll be on the road constantly, leaving you here to wonder if I’m hooking up with some strange woman in another city?”
“I know you better than that,” I mumbled.
He scrubbed his face in irritation. “Maybe. But what about when you win this contest? What about when they sign you to some huge record deal and you’re out on the road? What happens when I’m on the east coast and you’re on the west?” I bit my lip and bowed my head. He exhaled. “Aubrey, do you really think it would work?”
Battling my tears, I studied the shiny table surface. “You told me you love me. You told me you’d always love me.”
