by JL Paul
I didn’t know what to say. I bit my bottom lip and watched her grow weaker and weaker by the moment.
“I’m so sorry, Mom,” I muttered.
“Don’t be,” she said. She looked at me. “Be glad you broke away and did what you wanted to do. I wasn’t able to do that when I was your age. I guess I was trying to make your life into what I’d always wanted mine to be.” She pushed away from the sink and gingerly held me in her arms. “I need to be a mother first. I’m working on it.”
“I know,” I murmured in her shoulder. “You’ve made a good start.”
“Not really,” she laughed. “But I hope to get there.”
I broke out of her arms and pointed at the pizza. “Eat your dinner. I have to work in the morning.”
“Okay, honey,” she said, tentatively picking up a slice and dropping it on her plate. “Um, are you…living…with Jess?”
“Well, I’m staying at his place for now,” I said. I didn’t want to get into my whole living arrangements issues. That was a discussion for another day.
“Oh. Do you think, maybe, you could come by this weekend?” she said, eyes as hopeful as a dog begging for a bone. “Maybe we could talk.”
“I have a wedding Saturday,” I said, heart sinking. “But I could come by Sunday.”
“That’d be nice,” she smiled.
***
“So you’re going to spend Sunday with your mother?” Jess asked in total astonishment. “After all she’s done?”
I took a breath to hide my sigh and discourage my eye roll. “She is my mother. And she’s trying hard to fix things.”
“She just wants you back in her house so she can mold you into some sort of superstar.”
“No, she’s not, Jess,” I said through clenched teeth. “Didn’t you hear a word I said?” I’d just spent the last fifteen minutes describing my talk with my mother.
“Yeah,” he said. “We should order pizza.”
With a groan, I stormed out of the living room to the kitchen. I yanked the refrigerator open and surveyed the contents. How could he be such an idiot at times? Jess ambled in, amusement sparking little lights in his eyes. It only served to rile me up further.
I slammed the fridge door and glared. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, leaning against the counter. “Just came to see where you stomped off to.”
“You’re an ass,” I fired at him. “I’m trying to tell you something and you make it into a joke.”
His eyes changed quicker than a flash of light and anger burned in their depths. “No, Aubrey Rose, I am not. I just don’t want you falling for her act.”
“It’s not an act!” I shouted. “It was genuine. She didn’t guilt me like she used to do. She’s honestly sorry.”
“Sorry that you’re not making money for her?” he asked, nonchalant, brow lifted.
“Is that what you think? You think she used me to be her money maker?” Bile burned my throat and for a second I was afraid I’d projectile vomit on him worthy of The Exorcist.
“That’s exactly what I think.”
I yearned to throw something at him – to hurt him some way. Even though I’d not seen eye-to-eye with my mother for years, I never once felt as though I was some scheme to make her rich. “You don’t understand.”
I was horrified to feel tears again. I was so damn tired of crying at the drop of a hat.
And he knew. In two strides he was before me, gripping me shoulders. “So make me understand. Tell me what makes your mother tick. Why is she the way she is?”
I deflated. I sank to a chair as all hot air left my body. I was the only one she’d shared her secret ambitions and failures with - I wasn’t even sure she’d told my father. My heart ached as I pictured my mother as a teenager or maybe a young woman close to my age.
“She can sing. She has a beautiful voice,” I said as mine grew scratchy. “She had more potential than me. She didn’t need some reality show to tell her that. She was in a talent show at a country fair and was approached afterwards by an agent.” I sighed, tears blurring my vision. “Her parents embarrassed her. Her father physically threw the agent out of the tent while her mother rushed her away. When they got home, they told her she was finished singing – it wasn’t proper. They told her they’d only humored her but they wouldn’t allow her to pursue it as a career. They told her it would be an embarrassment.”
I paused to breathe as Jess’s expression changed to one of wild wonder. “No way.”
I nodded. “She always wanted to sing. She had three older sisters who married well and when my mother entered the contest at the fair, my grandfather thought it would be a good way for her to attract a husband. He thought it was only a hobby. When my mother tried to explain that’s what she wanted to do with her life, he exploded.”
“How old was she?” he asked.
“Sixteen,” I said, matter-of-factly. “I think she craved their approval so much – wanted to stand out from her sisters – that when they called her talent a waste of time, she lost her heart. She didn’t dare try to strike out on her own.”
“Geez, Aubrey, it’s not like it was the medieval times or anything,” Jess said with a bit of disdain.
“No, but she once told me that she was always last in everything she did. She thought she’d finally get noticed and when her father acted the way he did, she said she just couldn’t sing anymore.”
He snorted. “So she thought she’d mold you into the life she always wanted?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I admitted. “And I guess when she told me the story, I felt horrible. I just wanted to do it for her. That’s what drove me.”
“You did it for her and not you.” He wasn’t asking.
“Yeah,” I admitted. I took a deep breath and finally, from the depths of my soul, brought forth the jiggling idea that had tickled me for days. “And now I think I might want to do it for me.”
I cringed, waiting for him to explode. Surely he would after all I’d said – after all the times I’d railed about how my mother was forcing me into this life.
“It’s about damn time, Aubrey Rose,” he said with a grin. “I’ve been waiting to hear you say you want to sing for you and not for anyone else.”
My jaw fell as I stared at him. “You’re not…mad?”
“Why the hell would I be mad?” he asked, eyes wide.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said, sarcasm rolling off my tongue. “Because of all the indecision I’ve put you through.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Aubrey, I know you love to sing. I see it in your face and I hear it in your voice. The only thing stopping you was that you thought you had to do it. Now that you’ve kind of sorted things out and realized that you want to do it, maybe you’ll do it for the right reasons.”
I opened my mouth to speak but ended up closing it. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him and a smirk touched the corners of his mouth.
“You know me too well,” I whispered.
He grabbed my hands and tugged me to his chest. “Good thing, too,” he said as his lips crashed into mine.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Let’s go, Aubrey,” Jess bellowed.
Startled, I finished shoving my cosmetics into a bag before hurrying down the hall. I smiled, heart pumping wildly, as I faced him. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, his hair curling slightly on the collar of his jacket. His face was screwed up in a scowl as he tugged on the bow tie around his neck.
“Let’s get this over with,” he muttered, taking the bag from my hand. I grabbed my dress from the kitchen door and followed him to the car.
He fussed the entire way to the church about his tux and the shoes and the tie – whatever he could think of – and I had to turn my head and grin.
“We’re not dressing up this fancy when we get married, Aubrey Rose,” he threatened. “We’ll run off to Vegas or Mexico or something.”
“Whatever you want, Jess,” I murmured, patronizing him. I knew he’d give
me what I wanted if I insisted.
He glanced at me, his scowl changing to astonished confusion. “Really?”
I shrugged, still waging a battle with a smile. “Sure. Not every girl needs a fancy ceremony with a gorgeous gown, you know.”
He snorted scornfully. “Just the ugly ones who are desperate to get married.”
“Jess!” I chastised. “That’s not very nice. It’s downright rude.”
His lips curled into a smirk. “It’s true.”
I shook my head in disgust and watched the scenery fly past my window. To be perfectly honest, I’d never really thought about what I’d want my wedding to be like. I didn’t think I’d like to have a tacky drive-thru Vegas wedding but a ceremony on the white sandy beaches of Mexico didn’t sound too bad.
We pulled into the church parking lot and I gathered my things, pecked Jess on the lips, and scurried to find Kendra. She was sure to be a trembling ball of nerves.
And she was.
“Aubrey! I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. I literally lost my breath at the sight of her. Her gown was simple, but lovely. It clung to her waist and flowed to her feet in swirls and swirls of lace. The bodice was strapless and sparkled with tiny beads. Her hair had been pulled to the top of her head and adorned with white roses. She’d balked at a veil, telling me once that the dress was fancy enough.
“You look beautiful,” I gushed. Her pretty face radiated happiness through the nervousness and she smiled.
“Thanks. Can you help with this stupid skirt so I can sit for a second?” Laughing, I gathered up the material, allowing her to sit in a chair. She fanned her face and took a deep breath as she introduced me to Troy’s two older sisters and to her sister-in-law, Kelly.
Three little girls toddled into the room, ushered in by Kendra’s mother and Troy’s mother. Kendra explained the tiniest was her niece and the other two were Troy’s. They were darling in miniature gowns almost exactly like Kendra’s, except they had spaghetti straps and were pale lavender – the same color as the bridesmaid gowns.
I dressed in a hurry and stood still as Troy’s sisters painted my face.
All too soon, Kevin, Kendra’s brother, was knocking on the door announcing it was time to go. I handed Kendra her bouquet of white roses while Kelly collected lavender rose bouquets for each of us bridesmaids.
The girls marched beautifully down the aisle with only one minor incident when little Chelsea, Kevin’s daughter, started picking up the rose petals the other girls were dropping.
I followed Kelly down the aisle and smiled warmly at Troy, hoping he’d get a little color in his pale face before he fainted. He tried to smile back but failed and I had to suppress a laugh.
I chanced a quick glance at Jess and the look in his eyes caused me to falter. Heat shot through my body and I had a sudden urge to push him behind the pulpit and ravage him. I flushed, embarrassed by my feral thoughts while in a church and concentrated on the pastor instead.
Kendra floated down the aisle on Kevin’s arm. Her pretty face shone brilliantly as her eyes remained firmly on Troy. Her dress trailed behind and never before had I ever seen a fairy tale come to life.
Kevin handed her off after a quick peck to her cheek and Troy eagerly took her hands. The color had finally returned to his face as eyes devoured every inch of Kendra. He loved her so much that it was painfully obvious. It made me long for Jess. I glanced at him and was mildly surprised but extremely happy to see him watching only me.
Once the ceremony finished, we all headed to the reception hall. Chandeliers sparkled from above and cast subtle light on the intimate tables below.
Yards of lavender and white chiffon streamers weaved in and out on table tops and pillars as crystal candle holders held twinkling candles.
The dinner finished and the new couple was asked to go to the dance floor for their first dance. Jess draped a careful arm over my shoulders as we watched Troy sweep Kendra in his arms. I looked up at Jess’s face, expecting to see a smirk on his lips and amusement in his eyes, but I found neither. He watched them carefully and, feeling my gaze on him, smiled at me before pressing his lips to mine.
When the time came for the attendants dance, I looked around for Derrick as he’d escorted me down the aisle but Jess stopped me.
“You’re with me on this one, sweetheart,” he said, conniving look in his eyes. “I bribed the groom.” He held me close as we twirled to the music. “Is this what you want, Aubrey? Something like this?”
I peered around the hall at the beautiful decorations and the simple elegance. I lifted a shoulder before meeting his eyes. “It is beautiful but I’m really not too picky. I just want to be your wife.”
The smile that broke out on his face was even more breathtaking than Kendra in her gown.
***
The semester ended as the holidays approached. I couldn’t be happier, either. The excitement I’d felt when I’d enrolled in college had disappeared rather quickly.
I hurried to my car after my meeting with my advisor, feeling as if one huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I’d finally decided what I wanted to do and college wasn’t it.
I eyed my watch in disdain. Jess would be expecting me soon but I had one more stop to make. His surgery before Thanksgiving had gone extremely well and he was able to do more things for himself. But I still couldn’t resist pampering him when I could. Of course, he ate it up.
I smiled softly. Jess would always be Jess.
I parked at Spitz Records and rushed inside. The December wind chilled to the bone and the clouds threatened to dump snow at any given time. I wanted to finish my errands and get home before it happened.
“Hey, Aubrey!” Jon greeted. “I wasn’t expecting you today. Is everything okay? Jess isn’t having complications, is he?”
“Nope,” I grinned, eyes sparkling. “Everything is fine.” I herded him to his office and closed the door. The worried frown on his face caused his forehead to crinkle. “I just need to talk to you.”
“What?”
“I want to sign.”
His face changed in a snap. His eyes lit up and his face couldn’t hold his smile. He hugged me close, thanking me over and over.
I pulled out of his embrace, trying to appear stern. “There are a few stipulations, though.”
“I knew there would be,” he said. “Name them.”
“I want to be able to travel with Jess as much as possible. I don’t want my career to interfere with my relationship,” I demanded.
“I’ll do everything I can,” he promised. “But you know, sometimes the stress of the road and recording can put a strain on any relationship. That’s why a lot of the musicians go through spouses like underwear.”
“I know,” I conceded. “But I’ll quit before I let that happen.”
He nodded, apparently not doubting my words. “Make me a list and we’ll put it in the contract.”
“Thanks,” I said as I hugged him. “I’ll give it to you next week.”
“Thank you, Aubrey,” he repeated.
I left him still smiling and rushed home. I found Jess lounging on the sofa watching a cheesy Christmas movie. His left arm was propped on pillows and I fluffed them before leaning over to kiss him softly.
“Everything set?” he asked. I sat next to him so he could wrap his right arm around me.
“Yes. He said to make a list of stipulations and it would go into the contract.” I snuggled into his shoulder.
“How do you feel about all this, Aubrey?”
He’d asked me this several times over the past few months as I’d agonized over my future. He’d listened patiently to each of my suggestions and had thrown in a few of his own. And he’d supported me one hundred percent when I’d come to the decision that I really wanted to sing.
“I feel pretty good,” I said, meaning every word.
“Good,” he sighed, kissing the top of my head. “Now maybe you’ll shut up about it and we can have a little peace and
quiet around here.” I smiled at his teasing tone as I slapped him lightly on the stomach. “Maybe things can finally return to normal.”
“Maybe,” I said, wondering vaguely what normal would be like living with Jess. I was about to find out.
