Another big event was when we went rafting down the Colorado River with your Grandpa John and Grandma Darlene. I still remember us all sitting around the raft with our oars and our guide telling us when to row. All of a sudden, he picked up one of your legs and you screamed as you fell out of the raft. To all of our surprise, the water was only a couple of feet deep at that point. We realized that when you stood up! I don’t think I ever laughed so hard. Our life seemed complete with you in it, and we could not imagine it being any better. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, and thanked God each day for the joyful life He gave me.
It seemed that the darkness that once threatened our marriage only made it stronger. We realized that love, and marriage, took work to make them successful. It was the hardest job we ever had, and we were so determined to see it happily through to the end. Yes Lisa, we were happy, and in love. If I could do it all again, I would still pick your father. I felt so complete with him and was filled with overwhelming joy.
You finally graduated from the eighth grade, and we were so proud of you. You were terrified to start high school. The first year, you tried out for cheerleading, and of course being as talented as you were, you made the squad. It did not take long for you to get the hang of school, and into your studies. You knew right away what you wanted to do when you grew up. You had it all planned out. You wanted to be a teacher right from the beginning. I remember when you asked me if I thought you were smart enough to go to college and I was so excited that you even considered that. We told you how important it was to achieve high grades to get into college, but that was never a problem for you due to your dedication. And we were so happy that you wanted to go, because we never had the chance to go to college. It was thrilling to know that our daughter would exceed beyond what we were able to accomplish in life.
Next came your opportunity to get your driver’s license. You forced me to let you drive me around the neighborhood, and to school every day. Remember the time when you hit the mailbox down the street from us? I made you stop at the house and apologize for knocking it down. You were not sure you liked the idea, but I stood behind you. When the people answered the door, you explained what happened. They were so kind about it. You took responsibility for your actions, and I was so proud of you. Remember that it is important to be responsible and honest in life.
Do you remember your sixteenth birthday? We had a party at the house with helium balloons filling the ceiling, and the various colored ribbon hanging down from the balloons all over the living room. Helium balloons were also tied to the chairs in the kitchen and the table was full of lunchmeat, potato salad, baked beans, and chips. You let me know later that you would rather have had pizza. You invited twenty kids and I’m pretty sure they all showed up. Well, maybe even more! The volleyball net was put up in the yard, and music played. Kids were everywhere, some playing volleyball and others in corners gossiping. We sang Happy Birthday, and everyone had a good time eating and talking. To our surprise, some of your classmates planned a performance for you afterward. Remember? Everyone pulled chairs to the center of the lawn, and then one of your friends put on some music. Then a fellow wearing a black slip, black nylons, and black shoes appeared. He had lipstick and eye makeup on too! He sang, “Sweet Transvestite” from the movie Rocky Horror Picture Show – something your father and I had never heard before. That was a birthday I would never forget!
Chapter Twenty-One
Memories
Lisa’s Story Continues
Lisa was left with such a good feeling in her soul. Reliving her youth, things she forgot, and how proud her parents were of her gave her such a warm feeling. She laughed aloud as she thought about some of the costumes she wore for Halloween. Her memories were good ones growing up with her parents, enjoying holidays and vacations with them as well as her grandparents. Her mind drifted back in time to that birthday when her friend dressed up.
She was so afraid that her mother would kill her when the party was over and everyone left. How could she explain something that she had no control over? Not only did she not know they were going to do that skit, but also she had never heard of a transvestite before! After that birthday, she found the movie and watched it with her parents. They enjoyed the actors, but were not quite sure that the movie was really appropriate. Then every year after that for Halloween, she watched it while she passed out candy.
Laughing to herself, she picked up the journal and continued reading.
Lisa, life is an adventure. You have to take the ups with the downs. You never know what’s going to be thrown at you. You have a choice to take what is given to you and complain for the rest of your existence in that kind of negativity, or you can take it with a grain of salt and keep positive thoughts being thankful for the blessings you already have.
When your father started showing symptoms of kidney disease, we did not know what was wrong with him. He was so sick. He was dizzy all the time, chilled to the bone, and threw up often. I tried to take care of him at home, thinking he had the flu. Why would we think anything else? Eventually, it went away and he returned to work, but after a while the symptoms came back. We couldn’t figure out why he kept getting sick. Finally, he woke up one morning complaining of back pain, and he broke out in a rash. Your father really did not like seeing doctors, but I talked him into it. They took blood, did lab tests, and other vitals. A few days later, we received the devastating news. His kidneys were failing.
Lisa, you have no idea how hard it was to hear that. How can two people who had such a great life, a beautiful daughter, and worked so hard to keep their marriage alive hear such tragic news? We both cried in the car before we came home to see you. Your dad was far too young to have that disease, and I didn’t want to even consider a life without him. We didn’t want you to feel bad or see the terrible things life could sometimes bring, so we didn’t tell you right away. You were still in high school, the same year you turned sixteen, and we didn’t want your father’s illness to interfere with your studies in any way. We were survivors, and we knew in our hearts that we could conquer the disease.
The first thing we had to do was watch his diet. Next, he had to go regularly for dialysis. He was able to work for a while and we thought we had it licked, but as time went on he became so weak that he had to quit. The dialysis did not seem to be working that well for him anymore. His blood pressure was low, and he was so exhausted. After a few more doctors’ appointments, we were told he needed to have a kidney transplant. I volunteered to give him one of mine, but he protested. As it turned out, I was not the right blood type to be a donor anyway. Do you remember that he grew weaker during your senior year? We prayed, and kept the doctors’ appointments as well as his dialysis three times a week.
I have to tell you, Lisa, it was during this difficult time that I truly learned what love was really all about. I could feel my heart hurt with the sadness of losing him. In sickness and in health were some of the words we spoke when we married - till death we do part. I was afraid he would die, and I prayed to change places with him. I could not imagine living without him, and I could see the fright in his eyes even though he tried to hide it. He did not want to leave me either.
You graduated high school, and of course we were so pleased. The plan was for you to go to college to become a teacher. We didn’t want anything to get in the way of your studies, so we insisted that you live at school. You have no idea how proud we were of you. It was so gratifying to see our child finish high school and go on to attain a higher education.
That night, Lisa slept in her parents’ room again. She had not changed the sheets yet, and could still smell her parents in them. Bringing them to her face, she took in her parents’ scent. As she tried to settle down and sleep, tears swelled in the back of her eyes. Her head still spun with the words she had just read.
“I love you mom and dad,” she said aloud. “Can you hear me?”
Lisa could not fathom living without them either, but she had no choice. W
hen she awoke the following morning, she heard a knock at the front door. When she opened it, she saw Joey with two coffees in his hands.
“Remember you told me you had some closets to clean, and some boxes you wanted me to help you get rid of?” He asked.
Lisa smiled. She needed to talk to him to tell him more about what she read. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. Then, she led him to the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster. While eating their toast and drinking their coffee, she shared what she had learned about her father’s illness.
“You ready to clear out the clothes in your parents’ closet now?” Joey asked.
Lisa picked up her head and shook it with a half smile.
“It’ll be all right,” he assured her.
Together they went upstairs to her parents’ room. There were boxes on the floor along with strapping tape. Lisa started with her father’s clothes, as Joey opened the folded boxes and taped them. She slowly took each item from its hanger and carefully folded it before setting it in a box. She planned to take the clothes to the Goodwill. Lunchtime approached as she finished her father’s side of the closet. The job had been much more difficult than she anticipated, but she was glad that Joey was there for support. Taking a break for lunch, he took her to a fast food restaurant for burgers and fries. Afterwards, it was time to return to the house and finish the job.
Joey took down the boxes and photo albums from the shelves, while Lisa packed up her mother’s clothes. When he brought down the white box with the black paper, he opened it revealing her mother’s wedding dress.
“Would you ever think of wearing your mother’s dress when you get married,” he asked casually. “Do you have any pictures?”
Lisa scanned the albums until she found their wedding album.
“My mom was such a beautiful bride,” she noted.
She looked at the picture again before gazing at the wedding dress in the box. Tilting her head and smiling she said, “Maybe. Are you asking me to marry you?”
She again recalled her mother suggesting she hem the dress so she could wear it. It would mean so much to her, she had said.
“You’ll know when I ask you,” Joey said with a wink.
Finally, Lisa came to the last dress in the closet. It was a pretty purple, and the one her mother wore when her father had proposed. Along with the wedding dress, she decided to keep it. After that, Joey helped her pack the car so they could drop off the clothes. As they drove away, sadness filled her spirit, and tears escaped without permission. An empty feeling haunted her, becoming bigger and hollow. Suddenly, she felt as if she had nothing left. Getting rid of her parents’ clothes, made everything seem so final. They were gone forever, and there would be no evidence that they were ever alive. She turned her head toward the window hoping Joey could not see her cry, but he was so compassionate with her. He pulled into a parking spot at a nearby park and held her as she continued to sob. Joey could not place his feet in her shoes, but his love for her was so strong that he believed he could feel her pain. He drew her close and let her hide her face in his chest. He could feel her body tremble as he stroked her hair like her mother used to do. He was quiet, did not rush her, and was amazingly patient as he held her waiting for her to calm down.
When she finally lifted her head, she looked into his soft blue eyes. Lisa knew at that moment that he was the one. Who else would display that kind of gentleness? There were only two people she knew who were sympathetic like that, and they had died.
“I love you,” she whispered softly. “Thanks for being here with me.”
“I love you too, Lisa. Where else would I be?” He replied and leaned in for a kiss.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Natalie’s Journal
It was the summer before your freshman year of college when I felt a lump under my arm. I tried to ignore it and funny but it seemed as if it would go away for a while, but then come back. Finally, it was so big and so sore that I complained to your father, and he told me I should see the doctor. Your dad was at dialysis when I went. It was scary to go alone, especially with all that I was going through with your father. However, the staff knew my situation with your dad, and was so kind and polite. They took some blood tests before they sent me to a specialist. I have to admit that scared me even more, even though they told me not to worry because it was just a precautionary measure. The new doctor took some tissue from the tumor under my arm and sent it off for analysis, along with more blood tests, which were sent to another lab.
I was very secretive about these things, and did them on days that your father was at his dialysis so he would not become alarmed. As for me, I was scared to death. I had no one to share my fears with, choosing to also keep it from your grandparents. I knew they would not agree with my decision to not tell your father. Of course, I couldn’t tell you, because I knew you would quit school to take care of us. I knew I must do it all alone. After tissues were taken and analyzed along with the blood work, I learned that I had lymphoma. Plus I was told that it was a fast spreading cancer, and had already entered my lymph nodes.
I did not believe them at first. I never felt sick, nor did I have any pain, so how could it be? I was told it had spread quickly and that if I didn’t do anything to stop it, I would not have long to live. It was all over in my body so they could not take it all out. They also said that with all the pills I would have to take and the chemotherapy treatments, I would be left tired and weak. Added to that, they said there would still be no guarantee how much longer I would survive. Needless to say, I was devastated.
I did not know what to do, Lisa. We were paying out so much already for the medical treatments for your father. Then with my health at risk, I worried about who would take care of your father? The doctors said I would need someone to take me to chemo, as well as someone to take care of your dad. They asked me if I had a support group that could make us meals. The doctors said I would soon not be able to do that on my own. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn’t live without your father, and I did not see him getting any better. There was no kidney transplant in the near future for him. As he grew sicker and weaker, the chance for a transplant would be lost to a healthier person. In the end, I decided not to tell your father, and to kept taking care of the man I loved until the day he died. I found that when I made that decision, it became a great weight off my shoulders. The pain was gone; I felt good, and made a conscious choice to forget about the cancer.
I hope you understand, Lisa. I do love you, and I loved your father. Life was a gift, and I truly appreciated the love I received from both of you. But just as we are born, we must also die. It is a part of life. However, I do want to apologize to you. I won’t be there for your wedding or when you have your first baby and that hurts my heart, but there was no guarantee that I would have been there even with the chemo. I wanted to live my last days taking care of the man I loved, my best friend. I don’t know how long I will live, but I do know that I love you so much. I am very proud to say that you are my daughter.
Lisa laid back on the bed as tears streamed down her cheeks over the unselfish thing her mother had done. She was so strong and wise, and had so much love in her for everyone in the family. She was the most generous-hearted person she knew, with so much compassion and caring for everyone she met. Lisa fully understood what her mother was trying to tell her. If you want love to stay, you have to work on it, not just throw it away because you don’t see eye-to-eye. She was not sure if she could ever be as strong as her mother, but she knew she was in love with Joey and would fight to keep their love alive.
For the next year, Lisa continued to live in her parents’ house while continuing her studies. She did the things her parents did when they were alive. At Halloween, she dressed up as Raggedy Ann, and Joey became Raggedy Andy while they passed out candy to the neighborhood children. At Christmas, Joey helped her pick out a tree and put it up for her. He put up the lights, and she took out the old ornaments to place them
on the tree. She went to church with her mom’s parents on Christmas Eve, and with her dad’s parents that night for dinner. Her memories were good ones, when Santa Claus came to the house for the little ones reminding her of when she was young. On New Year’s Eve, Joey took her out. They stood on a high floor in the John Hancock building to watch the New Year roll in. And she finally knew what her mom meant about tinsel all over the carpet after the tree came down. Joey came over often, and sometimes spent the night. Her plan was to marry him one day, and of course become a teacher. It was a good time in her life, and she enjoyed each moment. Lisa graduated in December with her Bachelor’s in teaching. Then came the hardest part – getting a job.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The Proposal
Lisa’s Story Continues
It was in the first week in February when she received a phone call.
“Hey, Lisa,” said that familiar voice.
“Hi, Joey.”
“May I have the honor of taking you out on Valentine’s Day?” He asked without waiting for an answer. “You need to dress up.”
“Where are we going?” She asked.
“I want to take you someplace special, if you don’t mind.”
“You’ve got a date!”
Lisa had over a week to get ready, and her intuition told her to put on her mother’s purple dress. In preparation, she took it to be shortened and cleaned.
Sometimes Love Hurts Page 9
