by Nina Levine
He dropped his shirt and reached for his belt buckle. With a frown, he said, “You didn’t eat much, darlin’. Are you not feeling well?”
His movements continued to distract me as he removed the rest of his clothes. I had to force myself to drag my gaze back to his. “I feel fine, I just wasn’t very hungry because I ate a huge lunch.”
A moment later, he positioned himself on the bed next to me and pulled me onto his lap so I straddled him. His gaze dipped and he trailed a finger along my collarbone. “Why are you wearing clothes?” When we’d arrived home after our date, I’d changed into my favourite piece of clothing to wear to bed—one of his shirts.
I grabbed his finger and halted his progress. “Do you have any idea what your voice does to me when it sounds like that?”
His eyes met mine. “Sounds like what?”
“All gravelly. I’m surprised you don’t have more women lining up at your door with that voice.”
Those eyes of his flashed heat causing my belly to do somersaults. God, this man. He only had to look at me like that and talk to me in his I-wanna-do-bad-things-to-you voice and I would let him have his way, any way, with me. “I don’t want other women, angel. I only want you.”
I let his finger go. “That’s a good answer, romeo.” Our lips met and I pressed my body hard against his. My fingers threaded through his hair and I moaned as our tongues found each other.
I will never taste him enough.
Or have him enough.
He slid his hands down my sides and around to grip my ass. Pulling his mouth from mine, he rasped, “These clothes really need to come off.” As he said this, he hooked his fingers over my panties and forced them down.
I moved so he could remove them and then sat back down, loving the feel of his hands cradling my ass and his thumbs stroking my skin. “We need to talk,” I whispered.
Raising his brows, he said, “Really? I’m kinda in the middle of something here.”
“You’ve only just started.”
“Like fuck I have. You wore that tight-as-hell dress to dinner. This started then, sweetheart.”
I grinned. “I’m surprised you managed to wait this long.”
“That makes two of us.”
“So you can wait a bit longer then. This is important.”
He moved his hands from under me and glided one up to hold my waist while the other rested on my thigh. “What’s up?”
“I’ve been thinking about us and about the fact you move around a lot. And I’ve been wondering what your plans are for that?”
His lips pressed together before he replied. “Settling back in Brisbane was never on the cards for me but everything’s changed since meeting you. Now I wanna be where you are. Problem is, I love being on the road so I’m not sure where that leaves us.” I loved his honesty and the way it bled into his voice. Havoc had gone from being closed off to me and anything a relationship between us could offer, to being willing to lay his feelings down and open himself up.
I ran my fingers along his arm. “Would you take me on the road with you?”
His brows pulled together. “That would be hard when your work is here.”
“What if my work could be done from anywhere?”
After taking a moment to process that, he said, “If you’re telling me you’ve figured out a way to be on the road with me, I’ll be packing you a bag and sitting that beautiful ass of yours on the back of my bike as soon as I can.”
I looped my arms around his neck. “Looks like you’re gonna have to pack me a bag. I only see one problem.”
“And what’s that?” His hands landed on my ass again. One of my favourite places for them to be.
I pressed my mouth close to his ear. “You told me once that putting me on the back of your bike wasn’t your best move so I’m concerned that your cock will be in permanent pain.”
He laughed and found my gaze again. “Looks like I’ll just have to pop a painkiller and man the fuck up.”
“Good to see you listen to me sometimes,” I said as I savoured the sound of him laughing. Laughter looked good on Havoc and I loved that I’d caused him happiness.
His hands left my ass so he could grip my waist. In one swift movement he had me repositioned with my back to the bed. He hovered over me, his eyes dark with desire and his hands wrapped around my wrists, planted to the bed either side of me. “Now, can I get back to where I was?” he demanded and I quivered at his tone.
Yes.
I nodded but didn’t say a word. I simply waited in anticipation for what was to come.
He pressed my arms into the bed before letting go of my wrists, and ordering, “Don’t move.”
My pulse spiked.
Bossy Havoc could order me around any day.
He removed my shirt before bending to lick one of my nipples and then the other. I almost whimpered at the loss of his mouth when he moved to press kisses down my stomach. Shifting on the bed, he settled in between my legs, drawing them up to rest on his shoulders.
His eyes found mine.
He stilled.
The air vibrated with electricity as we watched each other.
This man was the one for me.
My passion.
My protector.
My love.
I would never want a man as much as I wanted Havoc.
“Fuck.” The word tore from his lips, bruising the air with its intensity.
I forgot his order to not move my arms. Placing my hand on his cheek, I whispered, “I know.”
“Do you?” He forced his demand out on a heavy breath.
I swung my legs off his shoulders and sat. Moving my face close to his, I nodded. “It’s this feeling of being overwhelmed, of being so thankful for this and yet being unsure of where it will end up and hoping it won’t ever end, but knowing if it does, that you’ll have done everything you could to try and force a different outcome. It’s a rush of need, feeling like you can’t ever have enough or be close enough, and wanting it all right now in case you miss out on it later. It’s happiness that shit went down in life because it led us here, to each other, and for being so fucking glad that plans got fucked up even though at the time it sucked.” I paused to take a deep breath. “And it’s relief to have found my person, the one who accepts me in all my screwed-up glory and loves me in spite of it. My soul mate.”
I searched his eyes, waiting.
My words lingered in the room as his eyes searched mine too.
He gripped my neck and crushed a kiss to my lips.
Powerful and demanding, he consumed me. I lost my bearings as he revealed his need for me.
He pushed me for more and I gave it all to him.
He could have everything.
Anything he wanted.
So long as I had him.
As he thrust inside me, he gripped my hair and stilled for a moment. “It’s every-fuckin’-thing you said. Except I know how this is gonna play out and there’s no chance it’s ever gonna end. You’re mine now, Carla.”
I am.
And I’d fight like hell to make sure I always was.
* * *
Havoc’s hand glided down my stomach to my pussy where it settled. His groan next to my ear was the kind of sound any woman loved to wake up to. And the erection he pressed against my ass resulted in me reaching my hand up to wrap around his neck. As I pulled his face down, he growled, “I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life.”
I parted my legs to give him access to what he craved. A moment later, I moaned when his finger entered me. “I want you to wake up next to me every morning and do that.” My words came out in a pant. I’d woken up wet for him and if he continued his finger action, I’d come fast.
“Roll onto your back, darlin’, I want those tits in my mouth.”
Obeying his direction, I stared up into his brown eyes for a beat.
I love those eyes.
Havoc’s eyes told me everything I needed to know. Turn
ed on, happy, frustrated, pissed off, avoiding me—it was all there and I had learned how to read him much better. That morning they told me how much he wanted me. And how much he loved my boobs.
After he dedicated some serious time to my breasts, he gave me back his eyes. The need I saw there shot heat straight to my core. “Fuck, you could make me come from that look alone,” I said as I writhed under his gaze.
A knock on the front door distracted him. “You need to get that?”
I took hold of his face. “No, just ignore it and finish me off.” My reply came out more as a beg than a request and he chuckled.
When the knocking on the door grew insistent, I grumbled, “Fuck, they need to go away.”
He moved off the bed and pulled his jeans on. “I’ll take care of it.”
I watched him leave, annoyed at whoever had dragged him away. When I heard his voice raise a couple of minutes later, I figured I should see who had caused his mood swing.
After throwing some clothes on, I joined him at the front door. An older man, probably in his sixties, stood talking to Havoc. His facial features reminded me of Nash and when he uttered the word daughter, the room spun.
His eyes met mine. “Carla,” he murmured.
Havoc’s arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me close. “Angel, you don’t have to do this. I can take care of it for you.” Love and protection wrapped itself around me as he spoke.
I gave him a smile to let him know I was okay. “Thank you,” I whispered, “but I need to do this.” My arm wrapped around him to let him know I wanted him to stay. Havoc’s support would get me through this; there was no way I was letting him go.
Turning back to my father, I said, “You shouldn’t have come. I don’t want to see you.” Ice coated my words as years of rejection and hurt slammed into my heart.
“I had to come,” he started before stumbling over his words. “I’m sick and I don’t know how much time I have left.”
Anger bubbled up and out of me. “You’re kidding, right? I’ve been here for over twenty years waiting for you. We had all the fucking time in the world!” I shook my head in a frantic motion. “You don’t get to come here now that you’re dying and tell me we don’t have much time.”
As my emotions engulfed me and I yelled at him, I couldn’t help but take in every inch of him.
My father.
The man who helped give me life.
The man I’d dreamt of since I was a little girl and whom I’d have given anything to know.
The man who should have taught me all the things Nash did and protected me in all the ways Nash had.
It killed me that I wanted to commit him to my memory. But the heart wants what it wants and she could be a hypocritical bitch at times.
Regret blazed from his eyes. Green eyes like mine. “You’ve gotta understand, your mother and I weren’t in a good place when I left. I wanted to come back to see you kids, but I couldn’t. I had to fix myself before I did that. The trouble was, I never fixed myself.”
My eyes widened. “That would have to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. And a load of absolute bullshit. No one’s perfect.” I took a deep breath and added, “No, wait, there is such a thing as a perfect father, he’s the father that does stick around. Because even in his imperfect ways, he’s doing the one thing a man who has a child should do—he raises that child up and is there for it every step of the way regardless of the doubts he has.” I clung to Havoc as I tried to catch my breath and silently willed my father to leave.
“Carla—” he began but Havoc cut him off.
“She’s made her point and it’s pretty fuckin’ clear where she stands,” he snapped.
“Just go,” I said. “I’m never changing my mind.”
My father stood on the doorstep silently for a few moments, almost as if he still held hope I’d take everything back and welcome him inside. In the end, though, he shoved a piece of paper at me and left.
His phone number.
I crumpled the paper up.
But being the bitch she was, my heart didn’t allow me to throw it away.
* * *
“These are exactly what I was hoping for, Carla,” Jack said a few hours later as I showed him the dress designs I’d been working on. Havoc had gone home after dedicating more time to my boobs and I started work soon after. Thoughts of my father had consumed me and I’d been relieved when Jack arrived.
“Oh, thank God,” I said. “I mean, I love them but I had no idea if they would be what you’d love.”
“They’re fresh and I think they’re exactly what our market is looking for. Something new, you know?”
He’d asked me to design dresses that I’d love and thought the market wasn’t catering to. His praise gave me the confidence to show him some other designs I’d been playing around with.
“Can you give me a minute? I’ve got some more in my room that I want to show you.”
He nodded. “Sure, I’d love to see them.”
“I’ll be right back.”
It took me longer to retrieve the designs than I thought because Havoc had moved them the previous night and I couldn’t locate them. When I returned to the kitchen where Jack waited, I found him talking to Nash.
“Hey you,” I greeted Nash with a smile.
He gave me a chin lift. “Hey.” Jerking his thumb towards the designs I’d already shown Jack, he said, “These are good.”
Nash had always supported me in my studies and while he knew next to nothing about fashion, he’d watched as my skills improved over the years. He’d been there for me when frustration had set in while trying to master my talent. He knew what my work meant to me. We may have had countless arguments over the years, but he always had my back.
“Thank you,” I said as a smile spread across my face. “So you two have met?”
Jack nodded. “Yeah, Nash was just telling me how you used to put on fashion shows here and make your family sit through them.” He grinned as he recalled their conversation.
“Oh God, I’d forgotten about that.” My gaze met Nash’s and I found him watching me with that same thoughtful look he’d given me at the clubhouse recently.
Jack checked his watch. “I’ve got about five minutes until I have to leave for another meeting. Do you have those other designs?”
I handed them over. “These are a little different to what’s on the market at the moment so I’ll totally understand if you don’t love them or if you think they won’t sell—”
“Fuck, these are stunning,” he said, cutting me off. “The ones you showed me before were great, but these are just wow.” He looked up at me. “I’d love you to work on more of this line.”
My breathing slowed at his compliment and a giddy sensation spread through my body. Taking the designs back as he passed them to me, I said, “Okay, great, I’ll get onto that.”
He nodded and scooped his keys up off the table. “I’ll check in with you in a couple of days. Message me if you need anything in the meantime.”
After he left and the door had definitely closed behind him, I turned to Nash, threw my arms up in the air and squealed. “Holy fuck! He loves my shit!” This high would last for days.
Nash chuckled. “Yeah, I got that impression too.”
I took a moment and recovered my breathing. I then cocked my head to the side and asked, “How come you’re here?”
“I haven’t seen much of you over the last few weeks and I’ve got the morning off so I figured I’d drop in and see how you’re going.”
His voice held none of the anger or tension it had since he’d discovered I was seeing Havoc. The combination of that and my high caused my frustrations with him to subside. “I’ve missed you,” I said. It was the truth. Feeling disconnected from him had been hard, but my stubbornness had prevented me from reaching out.
He rubbed the back of his neck, a pained look settling on his face. “Fuck, this has all gotten out of hand. I was just trying to look out for you.�
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I reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I know. And I just wanted to do something in my life without you going all dad on me. Between us we had no chance. We’re both so damn stubborn.”
“That’s the fuckin’ truth.”
I let his hand go. “So where are you at with Havoc?”
He blew out a long breath. “I’m reserving judgement for now, but I’m not gonna give you hell over it anymore.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I saw the way you were at the clubhouse the other night and now here today. You’re different, more confident, and I think Havoc has helped with that. He’s not the guy I’d choose for you, but even I can see what being with him has done for you.”
A smile tugged at my lips. “How hard was that for you to admit?”
I’d expected him to scowl or to tell me where to go. Instead, he surprised me again. “Let’s just say I won’t be having this same conversation with Havoc.”
“What do you mean? You’re not going to talk to him at all?”
“Oh we’ll be talking. I’ll be making it clear what will happen if he fucks you over.”
“I love you, Nash. Thank you for looking out for me.” Where annoyance would have once sat, gratitude pushed its way in. I wasn’t exactly sure how that had happened, but somewhere along the way I’d changed. And thank God because it was a hell of a lot easier not to argue with him.
He nodded. “Always, babe. Anytime you need me, I’m here for you.”
I dropped my gaze for a moment, thinking about our father’s visit that morning. When I found his eyes again, I said, “Dad came to see me this morning.”
He clenched his jaw. “What did he say?”
“Just that he’s sick and can’t I understand why he never came back.”
“Did you let him in?”
“Fuck no. His excuses are weak. He’s weak. I’ve gotten this far in my life without him and I sure as hell don’t need him now.”
He pulled me close and wrapped me in a hug. His lips brushed across my forehead as he held me.
No more words were exchanged but we didn’t need them.
All I needed was his assurance he would always be there for me.
