“Are there any points in the document that worry you?”
“Not too much. I don’t understand the bit about a mutually satisfying agreement if I don’t graduate, but it doesn’t matter. If I agree to this, I intend to graduate. Dr. Harried has already told me that she is willing to let me work part-time while going to school, as long as she gets first dibs on me when I graduate.”
“They would add a third vet?”Timothy asked.
“It turns out Dr. Harris is retiring sometime around the time I would finish school. She said the practice is too big for just one vet to handle alone.”
“Wow,” Timothy said, “Your whole life is falling into place, isn’t it?”
I was sure this would segue into the marriage discussion. It was the perfect opening, but he did not say anything else. He had told me I was to think about the marriage question until I was ready to give a certain answer. Apparently that meant I was to be the one to bring the subject up. I was grateful because my heart was thumping wildly thinking he was about to ask how marriage fit into my falling-into-place life. I was not ready to answer that with certainty.
“Will you be talking to Mr. Zeller this week? As I recall you said Dr. Thanatos wanted an answer by then.”
“I guess I need to set up a time to meet with him. Maybe Friday I can leave work a little early.”
“I can be there with you if you want me,” he said.
“I would like that.”
While I was thinking of it, I called Dr. Harried to tell her my decision and ask if it would work for me to leave an hour early Friday. She was ecstatic that I had made the choice to accept the offer, and her only concern was me coming to work at all this week. I assured her I felt fine as long as I didn’t speak too loudly.
Next I called Mr. Zeller to arrange the meeting time. He said that worked for him, but that for the final signing of the documents, Dr. Thanatos requested he be there as well. This was not at all what had been initially agreed upon. I was willing to give him a second chance to redeem his life but not ready to have me be a part of his life. His request to be at the meeting worried me. I told Mr. Zeller that I would prefer that not happen. Mr. Zeller said he would get back to me after discussing my concerns with Dr. Thanatos.
“Would you not agree to the deal if Dr. Thanatos insists on being there?” Timothy asked.
“I am not sure,” I said. “I don’t want him in my life. I don’t really even want to take his money but it seems foolish not to…and I keep reading verses that make me think God wants me to do this.”
Timothy’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “God is talking to you?”
“I think so. I am not really certain since He never really has before.”
“Why do you think He is now?”
I showed Timothy the verses I had read about not turning away from your own flesh and blood.
“Don’t get me wrong. I will only go so far…he doesn’t deserve anything from me, in my opinion. But I keep thinking about what Talia has told me about Jesus. I sure don’t deserve any attention from God, other than maybe being tossed into a lake of fire. Talia says that is not what He desires for me though. She says He loves me and if I turn to Him, He is ready to throw His arms around me. She says He died for me before I ever even acknowledged He existed. I feel like if I am worth that kind of forgiveness…maybe I should be a little more forgiving myself.”
Timothy didn’t say anything. I may have scared him into silence. I could hardly believe it was me speaking those words myself.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I am not going to stand on a street corner with a Bible and a microphone. But I feel like I maybe haven’t given God a fair chance. That’s all.”
“I wasn’t worried at all,” Timothy said laughing. “I am amazed at where your thoughts are taking you so quickly.
“Well my other thought is that the money is his profits from abortion. I am still not certain it is right for me to use that.”
“Maybe if he is at the meeting, you could ask him about that. See what he has to say.”
“I could,” I agreed, “Though what is there to say about that?”
“I don’t know. But maybe it opens an opportunity for him to explain what he expects out of you. I mean I agree with you that he seems to be adding caveats to the original offer that sound like he expects to remain in your life. I’m a little worried about his motives.”
I pondered that, and agreed. In the end, I called Mr. Zeller and told him that it was all right for Dr. Thanatos to be at the meeting. Thankfully, the next two days zoomed by, with very few clients at work and no major crises. Lakisha was discharged and recuperating at home. Talia said there would be another sonogram in a week to check the baby’s heartbeat.
My own heart was pounding a mile a minute as Timothy and I walked into the bank for the meeting with Dr. Thanatos and Mr. Zeller. When I saw him sitting in the glass-wall cubicle as we followed Mr. Zeller to his desk, I almost turned to run. Timothy gripped my hand and squeezed. I took a deep breath and entered the room.
Mr. Zeller closed the door behind us and pointed to the chairs around a little conference table. I sat in the chair furthest from Dr. Thanatos, avoiding any direct eye contact with him.
“Hello, Ruth,” Dr. Thanatos said. “I heard about the assault against you and am sorry.”
Now how did he hear about that? Again, the self-preservation radar in me, finely honed by a lifetime of abuse, went on full alert. Had he been responsible in some way for the attack? I couldn’t see how, or why…but I also could not imagine how he had heard about it.
Mr. Zeller explained that he had informed Dr. Thanatos about my hospitalization when I missed picking up the papers the previous week. I had given Mr. Zeller few details. Dr. Thanatos would have had to investigate what had happened to know I had been assaulted.
When I didn’t respond to Dr. Thanatos’ or Mr. Zeller’s explanation, Mr. Zeller suggested we get right to the business of discussing the offer Dr. Thanatos had made. He summarized the offer as he had done in the first meeting I had had with him, and then asked if there were any questions or concerns.
Here Timothy squeezed my hand again.
“I have a question,” I said.
My voice cracked, but it was not from any residual swelling I don’t think. I could not look at Dr. Thanatos without seeing bodies of discarded babies in piles all around him. I mean I didn’t see that literally, but in my mind, they were inescapable.
“Sure,” Mr. Zeller said.
“Why are you doing this?” I blurted. It was not exactly what I intended to ask, nor in the tone or decibel I intended to ask it.
Dr. Thanatos looked down with a pained look on his face. Almost. It could have been a smirk. Like I said, I was struggling to look at him directly.
“You are my only child,” he said.
(That survived…)(That we know about…)
“And I did a great deal of re-evaluating when I could have died in that car accident. The agreement I made with your mother was not to interfere in your life while you were a minor. That was not my desire, but it was hers. I want to make up for the years I was not able to be a part of your life.”
“The money…that will go to pay for my college,” I said. “I have a problem with that.”
“In what way?” Mr. Zeller asked when I fell silent.
“I think I understand,” Dr. Thanatos said. I was surprised by that. “Your college fund. I can assure you none of it came from my work as a doctor.”
Now that was an even bigger surprise. Did he have a business on the side that no one was aware of? Did he sell the baby parts? I would not have been surprised by that and I could see how he might feel that was not strictly from his work as a doctor. Maybe he would think of that as a sales job; a black-market sales job peddling baby parts.
“Where did it come from?” Timothy asked. I was grateful for him chiming in because I couldn’t speak. My mind was swirling through the many illegal and reprehensible things Dr. Than
atos could have done to earn enough money to fund four years of college.
“I am not at liberty to disclose but Mr. Zeller can attest to the truth of that statement,” Dr. Thanatos said.”It is not blood money, if that is what your fear is, Ruth. I told you, the accident made me reassess many things. I understand why you would ask that question.”
Now I did not for a moment believe that Dr. Thanatos’ motives were pure, nor that I was getting the full story. There was something he wasn’t telling us…clearly. However, Mr. Zeller nodded and assured me that I would not find the source of the money objectionable.
“It didn’t come from abortion in any way?” I asked, incredulous.
“No,” said Dr. Thanatos. I glanced at Mr. Zeller, who also shook his head.
“Are there any other concerns?” Mr. Zeller asked.
Timothy turned to me, and waited. “The clause about if you don’t graduate…” he prompted.
Mr. Zeller turned to that and read it out loud. “If your studies must be terminated, you, Ruth, will need to come to him, Dr. Thanatos, in person to formally end the contract to mutual benefit.”
“Yes, that,” I said. “What is our mutual benefit?”
Mr. Zeller turned to Dr. Thanatos. “I met with Dr.Thanatos to define what he meant by that phrase. He amended the phrase to be more specific: all prior agreements will be null and void and no further funds for future needs shall be provided. In return, Dr. Thanatos will respect your desire to restrict any intrusion in your life by him.”
I looked at Timothy. He waited to see if I had any objections and then said, “What do you mean prior agreements?”
“I think that is self explanatory,” Dr. Thanatos said. “Any inheritance agreement involving Ruth will be terminated, including this offer.”
I cringed at the word ‘terminated.’ A natural response to that word and both my and Dr. Thanatos’ former work.
“Is that satisfactory to you, Ruth?” Mr. Zeller asked.
Since there were no agreements I had ever entered into nor would enter into with Dr.Thanatos, I could see no objection.
“Will this be the last meeting in which I will be required to meet with Dr. Thanatos?” I asked.
He flinched when I said that. I don’t know what he expected. I was willing to let him salve his guilty conscience by giving me an education. I wasn’t going to be a doting daughter, not by a long shot.
Mr. Zeller looked at Dr. Thanatos, waiting for any objection, and then said, “This is the last face to face meeting stipulated in the agreement.”
We spent another hour going over each specific phrase of the contract. Timothy asked most of the questions from that point on. Nothing else of much note, nor a make or break point. I was worn out. It had been a long day and the after effects of the assault and emotional trauma were all taking their toll.
“If we are in agreement, are you prepared to sign the document?” Mr. Zeller asked. I nodded wearily, after Timothy gave an encouraging smile. Dr. Thanatos signed, and then reached for my hand, I suppose to shake it, but I was already turning and heading out the door. Mr. Zeller assured me he would be sending me the full document in the next few days.
Timothy put his arm around me which was good. My legs felt a little wobbly. I was grateful for his support. It was done. I was going to be a college student. Me. The girl of a thousand foster homes and well known in juvenile court was going to attempt to make something of herself.
Chapter Ten
Bo must have sensed that there was something special inside me now that I was on this new educational path. She pranced around my feet when I got home, calling out, “boorroooofrrrroooooo.” I think that was DOG for “good for you.”
Now this was honestly not true cause for celebration yet. All I had done was sign forms agreeing to accept a boatload of money to fund college. I still had to actually apply to the college, get accepted, and then work up the nerve to walk through the front doors. However, it was a major hurdle. Timothy had to get back to Dumbo, and his own college work. But he told me that over the weekend, we could look at college application forms together, and he would help me overcome that next obstacle to becoming highly educated.
He hugged me a long time after kissing me goodbye. I thought for sure he would break his silence now about my decision regarding marriage, but he didn’t. I was too excited to think about anything else, so popped open my laptop to start exploring what one had to do to get into Mirror Lake University.
Just as I was beginning to freak out over the to do list, my phone buzzed. It was Lakisha.
“I might be miscarrying,” she said, instead of hello.
“Oh no,” I said, “Why do you think that?”
“I’m spotting. To go through all this and have the baby die anyway…”
“Where are you?” I asked. I realized I had no idea where she had gone after leaving the hospital. As far as I’d known, she’d been living with her boyfriend.
“I’m at my sister’s,” she said. It sounded like she was crying.
“Have you called your doctor?” I asked.
“I don’t have a doctor.”
“Have you called Talia?”
“No. I thought since you worked at that…place…you would know. Is this what happens when you take the pill? Is this how it starts?”
“Sometimes,” I admitted. “Usually it starts after the second pill. What about the person doing the abortion pill reversal? You need to call them. Sometimes people spot and then it stops. Maybe it will be ok.”
“I will.” She sniffed. “I have a question for you. Why would God want me to reverse the abortion, get beat up…and then make me lose the baby anyway?”
Good question.
That’s not what I said however. What I said was a surprise even to me. I said, “I think there is a big difference in taking your own baby’s life, and the baby dying after you tried to save it.”
“Not to the baby,” Lakisha said.
“No,” I agreed. “But to you. And I think you need to call the nurse right now. Then maybe we can talk more later. Or call Talia. These are the questions she lives for.”
We got off the phone. Bo had hunched at my feet, and was looking at me with dark, unblinking eyes. It was clear she was waiting to hear what was up. I filled her in. She raised her snout and howled. A lament. The only reason I thought of that word was Talia had read me verses from a prophet named Jeremiah. The verses were about God’s plan and purpose even for the unborn. She told me Jeremiah was called the weeping prophet and also wrote a book in the Bible called Lamentations.
“Why is he called the weeping prophet?” I had asked Talia.
“Because God sent him on a mission to bring his people back to the Lord, and for forty years he preached the word of God with no apparent fruit. God used Jeremiah’s life as a word picture of the faithless rejection of the Israelites towards God. Jeremiah was never to marry, or have children. He was thrown into a muddy cistern and left to die. One terrible calamity after another befell him. But he said that if he didn’t preach what God wanted him to preach despite no one listening, it burned inside him like a fire scorching his heart.”
I pulled out my phone and punched in Talia’s number.
When she answered, I told her what Lakisha had said. She said I had done the right thing in directing Lakisha to call the abortion pill reversal nurse. Now we had to just wait, and pray.
“Talia…I was remembering what you told me about Jeremiah. How despite all his work for God…he never really saw any positive effect. I guess that was sort of what Lakisha was asking me today as well. Is that the way God works? Asking us to do impossible things that only end in failure?”
Talia sighed. “God does sometimes ask us to do things that don’t seem to bear fruit. But we know the end of the story. In the end, God wins. Nothing we do for the kingdom of God returns void. It is all used to accomplish His purpose. However, there are many great servants of God who only had glimpses of victory in their lifetimes. Jeremia
h is one who really never saw the results of his ministry. However, I would encourage you to read Jeremiah. Then we can talk more.”
She asked if I would pray with her then. I agreed, though I didn’t say a word. She prayed and I listened. As soon as we got off the phone, I turned to the book of Jeremiah. I would strongly recommend that no one who wants a life of ease and comfort after believing in God read the book of Jeremiah. If his life is any indication of how God treats His followers, it’s a wonder real followers aren’t more few and far between.
Jeremiah’s life was even harder than mine…and he didn’t sin and rebel against God even close to as much as I did. It made no sense to me. Why would God treat His faithful servant this way? There were times even faithful Jeremiah asked what was up with that???
Leashed to Faith Page 8
