“That’s fine then,” Doc said, nodding in approval. Then his glare returned. “She’s pregnant, so her hormones are gonna make her a little more emotional than usual. You two need to remember that and act accordingly. Whatever it is you have to tell her, go easy on her and pay attention to her reactions at all times. Try to get into your heads that her life and the lives of her unborn babies are more important than whatever the two of you want. Clear?”
“We’re clear, Doc, don’t worry,” Cole said. “We’ll take real good care of her from now on, I promise.”
Jenna frowned at that, but let it go. She avoided looking at either Dillon or Cole and kept her eyes on Doc who was now looking at her again.
“I’ll discharge you as soon as I’m assured arrangements have been made for you to be taken care of in the manner I’ve prescribed. Call my office and make an appointment to see me in two weeks.”
“What about stairs, Doc?” Jenna asked. “I can’t get home unless I climb the stairs.”
“That’s not going to be a problem since you’re coming home with us, Jenna,” Cole said. “We just promised Doc we’d take care of you and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”
“No,” Jenna began, only to have Cole place a finger over her lips.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Doc said. “But I’m warning you, do not upset my patient.”
“No sir,” Dillon said. “We’ll take real good care of her.”
Jenna watched Doc leave the room, then glared at Cole as she reached up and pulled his finger away from her mouth.
“Jenna,” Dillon said, his gentle tone diverting her attention just before she uncharacteristically lit into Cole. “We understand this is difficult for you. There are some things we need to talk about, and we have a lot of explaining to do. Will you please listen to us before making up your mind?”
Jenna wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what they had to say, but the pleading expression in Dillon’s eyes was impossible for her to ignore. She found herself nodding in agreement before she could stop herself and that irritated her.
“Fine,” she said, her impatient tone surprising both men. “Say what you have to say.”
“All right,” Cole said. “We’re gonna keep this as simple as we can, Jenna. After we’re done you can ask us anything you want and we’ll tell you nothing but the truth, no matter what it is. Agreed?” She nodded. It was reluctant, but at least she was willing to listen.
“About a month before our date with you we were over in Jackston on business and stopped at a local bar,” Dillon began. “We had a drink, met a woman named Lyssa, and made an extremely bad decision. We took her back to the ranch, drank a whole lot more and the nicest way to put it is to say we slept with her. We woke up the next morning with hangovers from hell and she was gone. We didn’t see her again and as lousy as it sounds, we pretty much forgot about her.
“Fast forward a month to the morning after our date with you. By the time we were half way home after walking out on you, we knew we’d messed up. We planned to go the rest of the way home, get cleaned up, then go back and apologize to you on our knees if we had to. When we got home there was a message for us from a woman named Tina. She said she was Lyssa’s sister, that Lyssa was pregnant, by us, and that she was in bad shape and needed help. We called her back at the number she left and even though it wasn’t even eight in the morning, Tina told us that Lyssa was already drunk and on her way to a bar. She said she’d tried to stop her, but couldn’t, and that she suspected Lyssa was doing drugs, too.”
“Oh my God,” Jenna gasped, her own hands tightening on her stomach protectively. “What did you do?”
“We went to get her,” Dillon replied. “We didn’t know if it was true that she was pregnant, or if it was ours, but even though we used condoms we knew there was a chance, so we couldn’t turn our backs on her. We found her too drunk to stand in a dark and dirty bar. We took her back to the ranch and called Tina to let her know we were going to keep Lyssa with us and try to get her dried out.”
“She was a hellion, and that’s putting it nicely,” Cole said with a scowl. “The first thing she told us after she sobered up was that she expected us to fork over a good chunk of cash before she’d get an abortion. We honestly didn’t wanna have her as the mother of our child, Jenna, but we’d never agree to an abortion, let alone pay her to get one. When we told her that, she threw a screaming fit the likes of which I ain’t never seen from an adult before.”
“It took her a while to come to grips with the fact that we weren’t going to help her get an abortion,” Dillon said, picking the story up again. “We finally told her that we’d give her double what she asked for if she had the baby, but she had to stay clean. No drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol. She agreed.”
“She lied,” Cole said. “Every time we turned around she was either drinking or smoking. We tossed out all the liquor in the house, so she bribed a hand to bring some in. It was ridiculous. We were like jailers in our own home. We couldn’t leave her alone for a minute so we were pretty much stuck on the ranch with her for weeks on end.”
“The worst part was her constantly trying to get us to have sex with her,” Dillon said with a grimace. “It only took us about five sober minutes to realize we couldn’t stand the woman, which didn’t help matters. We had absolutely no desire for her at all, and the longer she was there, the more our dislike of her grew. But she was pregnant with our child, so we were as nice and polite as we could be about turning her down. It didn’t matter though. She threw a tantrum every time we refused, yelling and swearing, and throwing things. It was a nightmare.”
“It sounds like it,” Jenna said, unable to stop herself from feeling badly for them. “What did you do?”
“One day she disappeared,” Cole said. “We searched everywhere we could think of until finally, a few days later, we found her back over in Jackston in the same place as before. She was so loaded she didn’t even recognize us. We took her home and dried her out again.”
“We were at the end of our ropes,” Dillon said. “We made an appointment for her to see Doc and insisted she keep it. She flat out refused to let us go into the clinic with her, and afterward she refused to let Doc talk to us about her or the baby. She told us she was fine, the baby was fine, and there was nothing to worry about. It made our insistence that she see Doc to begin with completely useless. We didn’t like it, but we couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
“We didn’t know what to do so we took her back to the ranch with us. For about three days she actually stayed sober. Unfortunately, she spent most of that time trying to get us to sleep with her, which we honestly didn’t get. As many times as she’d tried and we’d refused, she had to know we didn’t want her, but that didn’t seem to matter. She just kept on trying. Then one morning she took it out of our hands. She called her sister to come get her and of course we had no choice but to let her go.”
“It was a huge relief to be rid of her,” Cole said. “But we were worried sick about the baby. A couple of days later she left a message on our answering machine. She called us a few names, then said that no matter how much money we were willing to pay, it’d never be enough for her to have our kid, so she’d gotten an abortion.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Jenna said, unable to hold back the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
Cole reached over and caught one on his fingertip. “It hit us pretty hard,” he said in a low voice. “We didn’t leave the ranch after that for weeks and we spent most of that time drunk. We finally got our heads on straight and started paying attention to the ranch again. A few weeks ago we were over in Jackston and she saw us coming out of the feed store which is across the road from a bar. She was drunk, as usual, and we tried to avoid her, but she had something to tell us and wouldn’t let up till we listened, so we stopped right there on the sidewalk and told her to say her piece, which she did. We’d wondered how she ended up pregnant since we’d used condoms, but figured we must have mes
sed up and just didn’t remember it since we were so damn drunk. She wanted to set us straight on that.”
“She did something to them, didn’t she?” Jenna guessed.
“Yeah, she did,” Cole said. “She poked holes in them. An entire box. We checked ‘em as soon as we got home and sure enough, they all had at least one tiny hole.”
“That’s why I got pregnant.”
“It is,” Dillon agreed. “The first thing we should have done when we found out was come and tell you, and we’re real sorry we didn’t, Jenna. We just didn’t have the guts to face you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jenna said. “Even if you’d found out and told me the next day, it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d never terminate a pregnancy, not for any reason. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“Still, we should have told you the minute we found out.” Cole sighed. “There’s no good excuse for our behavior, we know that. But we really have spent the last few months feeling shell shocked by the whole mess. We know Lyssa would have been a horrible mother. She was more interested in drinking, drugs, and designing her next tattoo than anything else. But she killed our child, and that’s been hard for us to deal with.”
“Tattoo?” Jenna asked, frowning.
“Yeah, she has ‘em everywhere,” Cole said.
While they’d been talking something had started to nag at her. A wisp of a memory that flitted by too fast to catch, a similarity that she couldn’t quite identify. Suddenly, she was beginning to see the shape of the idea that was forming in her mind. “When she gets mad, does she swear a lot and kick things?”
“Yeah, she does,” Dillon said, frowning. “We had to have three walls repaired and a door replaced.”
“When did you send her to see Doc?”
“About two and a half, three months ago, right Dillon?”
“Yeah, that’s right. What are you thinking, Jenna?”
Jenna stared at her hands, twisting her fingers nervously as she tried to make up her mind. “What does Lyssa look like?” Before either Cole or Dillon could answer she held up one hand. “Wait, no, don’t tell me. Is she kind of tall, five eight or nine, with short white-blonde hair, and a tattoo by her left eye? I heard her last name but I can’t remember it. I think it started with an O, though.”
“The tattoo is a ladybug, the last name is Owen, and yeah that’s her,” Cole said with a grimace.
Jenna looked down and sighed. “I don’t know if it’s right or wrong to tell you this but I’m gonna do it and if it upsets you, then I’m sorry in advance.” She paused, took a deep breath and said, “That woman wasn’t pregnant.”
“What?” Cole asked, wondering if he’d heard her right.
“How do you know?” Dillon asked.
“I know because I was sitting in an exam room when she started screaming and swearing at the top of her lungs after three pregnancy tests came back negative. The entire clinic must’ve heard her.”
“You were there that day?” Cole asked with a pained expression on his face. Jenna nodded.
“How did you know who she was?” Dillon asked.
“I didn’t,” Jenna replied. “I just put it together after hearing your story. The screaming fits of temper, the swearing, the tattoos, and the timing. Also, I asked Doc if she was new in town cause I’d never seen her before, and he said no, she was just staying with a resident.”
Cole looked up at his brother, seeing his emotions reflected in Dillon’s eyes. It hurt something inside of him to know that while they were sitting outside in the truck waiting on Lyssa, Jenna was in the clinic at the same time, all alone and pregnant with their children.
“Will you please tell us what happened?” Cole asked.
Her eyes still on her hands, Jenna told them the story. “When she yanked her boot out of the door it flew open and I saw her.”
“Then what happened?” Dillon asked.
“I have no idea.”
“You can tell us, Jenna, whatever it was.”
“I don’t know what happened next,” she said, frowning. They clearly didn’t believe her, which was both irritating and hurtful. “I had chest pains, couldn’t breathe, and passed out,” she said, her voice as calm as ever, but her words hinting at her anger. “I’m afraid your girlfriend wasn’t my biggest concern when I came to.”
Cole frowned when she referred to Lyssa as their girlfriend, but a warning look from Dillon told him that now wasn’t the time. “We’re sorry Jenna,” Dillon said. “That was rude of us. Were you hurt?”
“No,” she said shortly.
“We really appreciate you telling us this, Jenna,” he said. “Thank you.”
“You’ve just given us one hell of a gift,” Cole added. “We’ve been feeling so guilty for not doing a better job protecting the child she carried. I should be furious that she lied the whole time but I’m too damn relieved that she wasn’t even pregnant.”
“I feel the same, but I also feel guilty for not helping you and the children you’re carrying, Jenna,” Dillon said. “I don’t think we’ll ever be able to say we’re sorry enough.”
“There’s no need,” Jenna said. “You didn’t know and besides, you had your own troubles to worry about. I would like to ask you a question though.”
“Go ahead, ask us anything you like,” Cole said. “I swear we’ll be nothing but honest with you.”
“Why’d you tell me all this?”
“We thought you had a right to know,” Dillon replied.
“Why?” Jenna asked. “We didn’t have a relationship. I was nothing more than a one night stand, just like Lyssa was. It’s none of my business what you did either before or after that night.”
“You weren’t a one night stand, Jenna,” Cole said sharply. She glanced up at him quickly, then over to Dillon before dropping her eyes.
“Sorry,” she said. “I’m really tired now. I’d appreciate it if you’d leave so I can rest.”
Dillon and Cole looked at her in surprise. Then Dillon remembered Meg telling them that Jenna never argued and never fought. “Jenna,” he said, using his gentlest voice. “We told you because we want you to understand why we stayed away so long. We wanted to come back to you more than anything, but we couldn’t do that with Lyssa at the ranch, pregnant with our child, or so we believed. After she left we stayed away even though it about killed us because we were so ashamed of ourselves that we just couldn’t face you. And because we thought you deserved a helluva lot better than us. But we were so unhappy without you, Jenna.
“That’s why we came to the shop last week. We wanted to apologize for how we acted that morning and the horrible things we said, tell you about the condoms and the rest of the whole ugly story, and ask you to forgive us. If you can’t forgive us, if you don’t want us, we’ll have to accept that. But we hope you’ll let us try to make it up to you, that you’ll give us a chance to prove how we really feel.”
For a long moment Jenna didn’t look up, and didn’t speak. Finally she took a long breath and asked, “Why’d you get so angry without even asking me who Jacob was?”
Cole and Dillon looked at each other across the bed, then back at her. “Because we panicked at the thought that you were in love with someone else, and because we let our fear and anger get the better of us,” Cole said. “We were wrong and we knew it, Jenna. Then we got that message from Lyssa’s sister and decided it was for the best that you were left with a crappy impression of us, for your sake.”
“Jacob wasn’t a boyfriend,” Jenna whispered.
“Yeah, we know,” Dillon said, a wealth of sadness in his voice.
She frowned up at him. “You said you hadn’t looked at the files on the flash drive.”
“We haven’t. Meg told us when we admitted what we’d done to you, and why. We knew we messed up bad, but we had no idea we’d messed up a fraction as badly as we actually did. We’re so sorry for everything we said that morning, and for hurting you so much.”
Jenna dropped her eyes ag
ain. “Since you’re being honest, I might as well admit that I lied to you that night. I intended to tell you the truth the next morning, and I fully expected you to leave in anger when I did anyway.”
“You mean when you said the scars were from an accident?” Dillon asked. She nodded.
“Why’d you lie?” Cole asked. “Why not tell us what really happened to you?”
Jenna closed her eyes for a moment. They’d been painfully honest with her, and she felt like she needed to do the same. There’d been enough secrets between them and she wanted the slate clean once and for all.
“I’d thought about the two of you for months,” she said softly. “You were the first men I ever felt anything for, the first men, the only men, I ever wanted. From the first moment I saw you in Flo’s on my first day in Sparx, before I knew anything about the charter, I wanted both of you. Even though I felt like that should be wrong, I couldn’t help it or change it. That’s just the way I felt.” She picked nervously at the blanket covering her, not looking directly at either of them. “I’d talked to you enough to know how much you wanted to start a family. You never said it straight out like that, but I knew. I also knew you wouldn’t want anything to do with me once you found out there wasn’t much chance I’d be able to give you that.”
Jenna paused to swallow the tears that threatened. “That night, at dinner, when you asked if I was a virgin, I knew you didn’t understand my answer, but I didn’t explain it. That felt like a lie too, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth.” She paused again. “I just wanted one night,” she whispered, unable to say it any louder. “That’s all. Just one. I’d been raped, but I’d never been made love to, and I wanted, just once, to know what it felt like. But you were the only men I could even imagine touching me. It was you, or no one. It took me a long time to work up the courage to tell you that one lie, but I swear I intended to tell you the truth the next morning. I couldn’t have lived with myself otherwise. But it was wrong of me to lie to you in the first place no matter what my reasons were, and I’m sorry.” She took a long, deep breath, glad that was off her chest.
Jenna's Cowboys Page 20
