“So will you?” Cole asked, surprising her.
“You want an answer now?”
“We’d at least like to know which way you’re leaning.”
“I need to think about it,” she said, not wanting to refuse outright. She really didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
“What’s to think about?” he asked. “You’re carrying our babies. It’s the right thing to do.”
Jenna raised her head again, this time narrowing her eyes on both of them. “The right thing to do? How dare you say that to me? I’ve spent months doing every single right thing I can for my babies, and I still am or else I wouldn’t be here right now. Don’t try to tell me I have to tie myself to you two for the rest of my life just because some woman you slept with poked holes in a box of condoms. If and when I get married it won’t be because it’s the right thing to do and it sure as hell won’t be because of something like that.”
“Now, honey,” Cole began, but Jenna leaned forward and pointed a finger at him.
“Don’t you now honey me, Cole Howard,” she said. “I’m not getting roped into this. You two have been getting your way in every single thing you want for the last couple of days and now you’re like two spoiled little kids, thinking all you gotta do is say you want something and it’s yours. Well this is one thing you’re not getting just because it’s what you want.”
“Don’t you love us, Jenna?” Dillon asked.
“Don’t push me, Dillon,” she said, swinging her gaze to him. “I’ll tell you how I feel when I’m damn good and ready and not one minute before. Back. The. Hell. Off.”
“All right,” Cole said, holding up his hands. “You’re getting upset now, and that’s not good for you. We’re backing off, honey.”
Jenna glared suspiciously, but they kept silent so she laid her head back and took a few long, deep breaths. “Besides,” she said after her breathing returned to normal. “We still have a long way to go with these babies. If things go all pear shaped, you may just walk away again.”
“Do you really think we’d do that to you again?” Dillon asked.
“I didn’t think you’d do it the first time,” Jenna pointed out, suddenly too tired to lift her head. “If I lose these babies, yeah, I think it’s a definite possibility. Can’t say that I’d blame you, either.”
“Dammit Jenna,” Cole said angrily, “what the hell do we have to do to convince you?”
Jenna raised one hand very slowly, then let it drop. “I’m real tired now,” she said, her eyes starting to close. “Can you please finish yelling at me another time?”
Cole clenched his teeth, then gave in when he saw that she really did look tired. She looked worse than tired actually. She was pale and drawn and the crease between her eyes spoke of pain. “Of course,” he said, remembering belatedly that they weren’t supposed to argue with her or upset her. And that they’d agreed not to push her on this subject. “You want to lay down here?”
“I’d rather go to bed, if they’re finished with the windows,” she murmured without opening her eyes.
“They are,” Dillon said, getting to his feet. He picked her up with an ease she was becoming used to. “Those pills help the pain any?”
“Yeah,” she said as he carried her back to the bedroom. She barely noticed when he put her down on the bed and tucked her in, didn’t even try to listen when Cole and Dillon began talking in low murmurs. All she wanted was a respite from worry, stress, fear, anger, and pain, so she gratefully embraced the oblivion of sleep.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” Cole said with a sigh. “We agreed not to push her, and then we went ahead and did it anyway.”
“I hate to even think this, Cole, but what if she’s right?”
“About?”
“What if we do turn our backs on her if she loses the babies?”
“You’d do that?”
“I don’t want to think I would,” Dillon said. “But I don’t like knowing we turned our backs on the woman we both love once already, and I really don’t like the way we did it. I would never have guessed I could do something that cold and mean, but I did. We both did. How do we know we wouldn’t do it again? More importantly, how can we convince her we won’t do it if we don’t know ourselves?”
Cole swallowed hard. As much as he wanted to deny the truth of what his brother was saying, he couldn’t. “That scares me, Dillon.”
“Me too.”
“I’ve got something to tell you that’ll scare you even more.”
“About Jenna?” Dillon asked, glancing over to where she slept.
“Yeah, it’s about Jenna,” Cole said. He told Dillon what Doc had told him.
“I noticed that blue around her mouth too,” Dillon said. “It’s not the first time, either.”
“No, it’s not,” Cole agreed. “What really bothers me is that we listened to Hank tell us about what happened to her, even saw those damn pictures, then we asked Doc every question we could think of on keeping her from losing the babies. We didn’t ask one single thing about her injuries, the effects of them, or what they’re doing to her.”
“Damn,” Dillon said softly. “You’re right, we didn’t.”
“I love her, Dillon. I love her so much that the thought of losing her gives me nightmares. But maybe she really would be better off without us. Maybe we should hire body guards and nurses for her and take her back home.”
“Maybe we should,” Dillon agreed. “But we’re not going to do that, Cole. We already tried to live without her in our lives and that didn’t go so well for us or for her. So we’re going to keep her here where we can protect her, watch over her, and make sure she gets everything she needs. We’re gonna take care of her, Cole. You and me. We’re gonna make more mistakes like we did today, but we’re gonna learn from them and we’re gonna keep at it till we get it right. And if we’re really lucky, maybe she’ll eventually see that we really do love her.”
“Okay, Dillon,” Cole said, nodding. “But we’re gonna have to do a lot better job than we have been. We have to stop causing her so much damn stress. That conversation we just had was for ourselves, not her. We have to stop being so damn selfish and pay more attention to her, like Doc said.”
“Agreed,” Dillon said. “Which reminds me. No more backing her into corners.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like earlier when you were trying to make her agree to us bathing her. She’s been backed into too many corners the last couple of days, and she’s at the point where she’s feeling defensive enough about it that she’s digging in her heels. The minute I gave her a choice and let her make the decision she was fine.”
“I wondered about that. But you know me, Dillon. When I want something to move, I push at it, and if it doesn’t move I push harder. You need to help me learn not to do that to Jenna.”
“Of course. We need to help each other. No matter what it takes, we can’t lose her again.”
“Agreed,” Cole said, his jaw set with determination.
Chapter 13
Jenna was pleasantly surprised over the next few days to find that Cole and Dillon made a real effort to stop questioning everything she said, did, or asked for. All three of them started to relax as they settled into a routine and made an effort to get to know each other again. They had long conversations on a wide variety of subjects. They didn’t always agree on things, but the conversations themselves revealed a lot to Jenna about the kind of men they were, and reminded her why her feelings for them had grown so much over the months before their date.
They were smart, caring, and protective in a way that wasn’t too suffocating unless they were worried or tense. Like when there were so many men in and around the house working on the windows. That was an important revelation for her. And, as difficult as it seemed to be for them, they stopped hovering over her constantly after she promised to stay put, and to use the intercom to call them if she needed anything.
Their thoughtfulness and generos
ity never failed to surprise her. When she got a craving for ice cream and admitted under questioning what her favorite flavors of Ben and Jerry’s were, Cole got on the phone with Flo to find out how many she had in stock. Then he hopped in the truck and drove all the way into town with a cooler to buy her out. When she mentioned that she was dying for a hot pastrami sandwich with Swiss cheese and dill pickles on sourdough, Dillon got one delivered within the hour though he refused to tell her how he’d managed it.
They spent a lot of time trying to distract her with stories, jokes, music, movies or whatever came to mind when she wasn’t reading or sleeping, and she knew it was their way of keeping her from going crazy. They even carried her out to the barn a few times, which she enjoyed a great deal. Partly because it got her out of the house, and partly because she loved horses. She worried that they were letting their responsibilities on the ranch go, but they assured her that Peter had everything in hand. She started to understand that taking care of her was important to them. Especially when she considered how easy it would have been for them to hire people to take care of her rather than doing it themselves.
And every evening they helped her bathe in the shower with the hand sprayer. She had to admit that she wouldn’t have managed on her own. Especially with her hair since she couldn’t raise either arm high enough to do it herself. The first time she’d been extremely embarrassed, but they were both very matter of fact about it, not making any comments or trying to touch her in a sexual or provocative manner.
Not that she thought resistance took much effort since, when she looked in the mirror, she saw nothing remotely attractive. Aside from the bruises, scrapes, scratches and stitches, she was too skinny, too pale, and the bump of their babies looked enormous to her. She still had dark circles under her eyes too, even though she was sleeping all the time, eating better than she had in months, and following all of Doc’s instructions to the letter.
One afternoon, a few days after the shooting, Dillon carried her into the living room after lunch and set her on the couch just as the doorbell rang. Cole shouted that he’d get it and Dillon handed Jenna her iPad and made sure she was comfortable. She opened the browser and started searching online for baby things, something she’d been putting off. A few minutes later Cole came in with a pint of Chunky Monkey and a spoon, and she grinned happily.
“Dig in, honey,” Cole said. “Dillon and I have something to do in the office. Just use the intercom if you need us.”
“Okay,” she said around a mouthful of frozen chocolatey goodness.
As good as the ice cream was, she quickly had her fill and set it aside with a sigh. When Bess came in to check on her, she took it back to the kitchen with her. Jenna picked up her iPad again and, deciding she wasn’t really in the mood for shopping, opened her book app and started reading. Even though she wasn’t as involved in the book as she would have liked to be, it was better than doing nothing at all. Before long she was fast asleep.
When she woke up a little while later it was to see both Cole and Dillon entering the living room pulling something behind them. She frowned as they walked very close to her, then stepped aside to reveal a ten drawer organizer on wheels. The drawers were clear plastic and of different sizes, revealing items in each one. On top sat a long neck true-lite lamp and a portable drawing board with spring clips on both ends.
She looked at Cole, then Dillon, then back to the organizer, too stunned to say anything. Dillon rolled it closer to her so she could reach out and pull the drawers open. She was surprised to find it stocked with pencils, erasers, drawing pads and just about every conceivable drawing tool available from eraser shields to frisket.
“This is incredible,” she said finally. They’d bought her favorite brands of several items, and had clearly spent a lot of time researching to include some of the lesser known products and tools. “Thank you both, so much.”
“You’re welcome, angel,” Dillon said. “If there’s anything we missed, which I’m sure there will be, or anything you’d like changed, just let us know, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, offering them a watery smile as she went through each drawer. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“It was fun,” Cole said. “We learned a bit in the process, too. It was interesting to see all the different tools and supplies available.”
“We wanted to get you a drawing table,” Dillon said. “But we figured it would be better to let you make that choice.”
“I appreciate that,” she said. “I’m kind of picky about what I want in a drawing table.”
“Yeah, we figured that might be the case when we saw how many different types there were,” Cole said.
“This was extremely thoughtful and generous, guys,” she said. “Thank you so much.”
“We’re glad you like it, honey,” Cole said. “Oh, you’ll find an electric sharpener and an electric eraser in there too, both with batteries so you don’t have to worry about plugging them in.” He frowned. “I admit, I’m curious as to why anyone would need an electric eraser. Doesn’t it just take a rub or two to erase pencil marks?”
Jenna laughed. “They give more precision in tight places with an eraser shield, and they also erase more thoroughly.”
“Maybe some time you’ll let us watch you draw,” Dillon said. “But for now, just enjoy yourself. We’re gonna go get some work done in the office.”
“All right,” she said, looking up at them with sparkling eyes that near took their breath away.
“Have fun, baby,” Cole said, then turned and left the room with Dillon at his heels. They went into the office and sat down, leaving the door open.
“We did good,” Dillon said.
“For once,” Cole said as he reached for a stack of documents he’d been putting off reviewing. While he did that, Dillon turned on his computer and tried to catch up on some of his own work. Every now and then one of them got up to take a quiet peek at Jenna. She’d spent a little time going through her new art supplies. She’d reorganized a few things, which they’d expected, and thoroughly checked out each item. Then she’d put a sheet of paper on the board and settled back on the couch with a pencil. She’d been sketching away for over an hour by the time Dillon turned off his computer and went into the living room.
“Hey angel,” he said, not going too close in case she preferred to keep her drawing private. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” she said with a smile. “It’s been so long, but so far it doesn’t look like I’ve lost it.”
“Do you mind if I look, or do you prefer to keep it to yourself?”
“I don’t mind you looking, but there’s not much to see. I’m just doodling.”
He moved closer until he could look down and see the paper she’d been drawing on. There was a kitten with a ball of yarn, the wide eyed look of deviltry in its eyes so realistic he could almost feel it getting ready to pounce. There was also a horse, not just any horse but his horse, an appaloosa with a distinctive pattern of spots that she’d duplicated exactly, racing across the grass with mane and tail streaming in the wind.
“Damn, Jenna,” he said. “You call this doodling? How did you manage to get Kicks down so perfectly?”
“I saw him running in the pasture yesterday when you guys were carrying me back after we visited the barn.”
“You really do have a photographic memory. And one helluva talent for drawing.”
She shrugged and set the drawing board aside. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the urge to pick up a pencil and let it flow across a sheet of paper, showing me the hidden images. That’s what it feels like to me sometimes. Like that little kitten was hidden in the paper, waiting for me to draw it out. You know what I mean?”
“No,” he said, caressing her face gently. “I’ve no idea what you mean, but then I don’t have your talent. To me, what you do is almost mystical. You captured not just the way a kitten looks, but what it’s feeling. It’s incredible.”
Cole joined t
hem and looked down at the drawings as Dillon spoke. “This is fantastic, baby. I can’t hardly believe you just sat there and drew all this with an ordinary pencil without even looking at a picture or anything.”
“Thank you guys so much for doing this,” she said, her head going back against the couch as she spoke. “I think having this to pass the time with is gonna help me a lot.”
“You’re looking real tired now, angel,” Dillon said. “Sofa or bed?”
“Bed, please,” she said, her eyes closing without her permission. Dillon looked worriedly at Cole, then picked Jenna up and carried her back to the bedroom. Once they had her tucked in and the blinds closed to darken the room, they stood in the doorway where they could watch over her while they spoke without disturbing her.
“She’s getting tired faster,” Dillon said. “She seems to do okay for about two hours, then it’s like she hits a wall and can’t even keep her eyes open.”
“Yeah,” Cole said. “Doc said it was going to get worse as the babies grow but it hasn’t even been a week. Maybe it’s because her body is trying to heal from all her injuries.”
“You think we should call Doc?”
“I don’t think it’ll hurt to keep him posted, but there’s nothing to be done that we aren’t doing, Dillon. This is why we can’t let her walk. It’s not that walking itself would hurt her or the babies. It’s that it takes effort and energy she doesn’t have to spare. I had a hard time understanding that before, but not anymore. Just sitting in one place, eating a meal that’s brought to her exhausts her sometimes. Every scrap of energy she has is being used to keep her heart going, and those babies where they are. If something happens to take that energy from those two things, then one of them will have to give, and neither one of them is an option.”
“So we keep waiting on her hand and foot, pampering her senseless, and keeping her mind busy while keeping her body still,” Dillon said. “We can do that.”
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