‘I know nothing about choosing a pram.’
‘You know more about children than I do,’ she said.
‘That would be children aged eleven to sixteen. They’re not generally known for being pushed around in prams.’
‘Pretty please,’ she whined.
I wasn’t going to win this one. Lesson to self: When someone asks you what your plans are for the afternoon, you ask why first, so you can make an excuse if you don’t like the suggestion. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘What time and where?’
I turned in a circle and shrugged. ‘Sorry, Jess, I knew I’d be no use.’
‘We can rule out most because they’re for single babies. I need a double and I’ve already told you that Lee and I have narrowed it down to three choices. This one, this one and this one.’
As the shop assistant demonstrated each one, I started to see why Jess had wanted my help. She was taking a very emotional approach to it, thinking about which one looked the most snug for her precious babies whereas I could step back and consider the practicalities: how easy was it to apply the brake, how small was it when collapsed down, would it fit into their car, was it too wide to fit through their front door? We were left with an outright winner.
‘Now’s the even trickier part,’ I said. ‘Colour.’
‘That’s the easy decision,’ she said.
‘Neutral just in case?’
‘No. Neutral because there’s one of each.’
I gasped and grabbed her arm. ‘You’ve found out? I thought you weren’t going to.’
‘We weren’t and I wouldn’t have done if there was only one baby, but it seemed so much more practical to know when there’s two.’
‘A boy and a girl? Oh my goodness! How do you feel?’
‘Couldn’t be happier. I thought I might like two girls, but as soon as she said one of each, I realised I had my perfect ready-made family. I’m so lucky.’
I hugged my sister and said all the right things about being a delighted auntie with my first nephew and niece to spoil, but her words cut right through me. She wasn’t a cruel person. She wouldn’t have meant anything by it, but “perfect ready-made family”? I should have had one of those by now instead of a gay husband and an impending divorce.
It didn’t end with the pram. Fighting our way through throngs of tourists ignorantly walking ten-abreast, oblivious to busy shoppers, we visited every single baby shop in Whitsborough Bay; even those with just a few items of clothing in them. We looked at cots, changing stations, bedding, baths, nappy wrappers, baby grows, teddy bears.
My head thumped as I placed the third armful of carrier bags in the boot of Jess’ car. My face ached from the forced smile, and my throat burned from the restrictive lump in it. It had been harder than bridesmaid dress shopping. Much harder. With every purchase, the reality hit home more and more that my dreams of motherhood were just that; dreams. Daniel was fun, but it was lust, not love. He was the tonic I needed to get over Gary and I knew I was helping him with Amber in return. He wasn’t my future, which begged the question as to whether I should end it and find someone with whom I could see myself settling down and having a family? Could I imagine life without Daniel? Easily. Not just yet, though. But every day I stayed with him was a day that I wasn’t working towards my dreams of being a mum. Dilemma.
Jess slammed the boot of her car shut. ‘Are you sure you don’t want a lift home? It’s no bother.’
I shook my head. ‘Look at that blue sky. I fancy a walk along the beach.’
‘As long as you’re sure.’ Jess gave me a hug. ‘Thanks for today. I’m really glad you were there to help me.’
‘Me too. It was fun.’ I smiled and hoped it looked sincere.
I waved her off then strolled the ten-minute journey down the hill towards South Beach, dodging tourists draped in soggy sandy towels, their arms loaded with buckets, spades, and picnic hampers.
By the time I reached the caves the beach had cleared quite a lot as families headed back to their hotels and caravans for tea, so I managed to find a quiet spot amongst the sand dunes just beyond the caves. I sat down and wiggled my bare feet until they were buried under a small pile of sand, and gazed at the twinkling azure ocean.
Closing my eyes, I willed my busy mind to empty, but all I could see was Michael’s face staring out of the back of the 4x4 and hear his warning. Stop thinking about it. He’s trouble. But what if he wasn’t? What if Michael was right and it was Daniel who was trouble? I opened my eyes and glanced across to where I’d had my first ever experience of sex outdoors. My body tingled at the thought of it. If Daniel was trouble, he was pretty good trouble. My Blackberry beeped and I smiled. Were his ears burning?
* From Daniel
My last customer cancelled so I’m back early. Had the day from hell. Missing you so called round at yours, but there’s nobody in. I know we weren’t meant to be seeing each other tonight, but I could use the company. Are you free later for a drink? Or a cuddle? Or both :( xxx
* To Daniel
Was just thinking about you. Sorry you’ve had a rough one. Me too. I’m on the beach now if you want to come and find me. I’m near the caves, but I think it’s a bit too light to re-live what happened last time we came here ;) xx
* From Daniel
LOL. Got a couple of errands to do then I’ll come and find you. Thanks. You’re my saviour xx
I put my phone back in my bag. Had it been the right thing to do? Should I have said I was busy and taken advantage of some me-time instead? We’d seen so much of each other lately that I never seemed to have a moment to sit down and take stock of what I wanted from life after Gary. He’d sounded so down, though. I couldn’t be so selfish when he clearly needed me.
The sound of a crying baby pushed Daniel from my thoughts and Jess into them. I closed my eyes again and held my head in my hands. My mind swirled with the news about the genders of the twins, our shopping trip, my own longings for a child and how Daniel didn’t seem to be the one for that next step.
A shadow blocked the sun and I looked up.
‘Elise? Are you okay?’
I scrambled to my feet. ‘Stevie? Hi. Erm… long time no see.’ Oh gosh, I never had got round to texting him after the Stardust incident.
‘I wasn’t sure whether to come over or not. I kept meaning to get in touch after Stardust to say sorry.’
I shook my head. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Stevie. I do. I kept meaning to text you, but the longer I left it, the harder it became.’
‘Same here,’ he said. ‘What a pair we are. So, we’re good?’
‘We’re good.’ I noticed his attire. ‘I take it you’re out for a run?’
‘I’m meant to be, but it’s still too warm for me so it’s been more of a walking-jogging combo. I normally come down and meet Sarah on an evening when it’s cooler, but it’s my Uncle George’s birthday so we’re going out for a meal tonight.’
‘Anywhere nice?’
‘The Apple and Peach. It’s his seventieth so he’s pushing the boat out.’ The Apple and Peach was a Michelin-starred restaurant not too far from where Daniel lived. I’d never been, but I’d heard amazing things about the food there.
‘Very nice,’ I said. ‘I’m jealous.’
‘Have you got any plans tonight?’
‘I’m not sure. Did Sarah tell you I’ve been seeing one of her reps?’
Stevie lowered his eyes. ‘She mentioned something. Darren, is it?’
‘Daniel. Anyway, he was out of the area and expected back late, but he’s had a cancellation. He’s going to join me shortly so we’ll probably do something together.’
‘You don’t sound too pleased about that. And you looked pretty deep in thought just now. Penny for them?’
‘Believe me, Stevie, they’re not worth that much.’
‘Ha’penny the
n?’
I smiled. ‘You really want to know? You’d best take a seat then.’ We sat on the sand and I drew swirly lines in it with my fingers as I told him about my shopping trip with Jess, my longing for a baby, Gary’s proposition and the decision to turn it down, and my concerns that I’d never become a mum.
‘You don’t see Daniel as dad material, then? Sarah said it was going well between you two.’
‘It is. He’s been great for me and we have such fun together, but…’ I searched around for the right words.
‘But he’s not Gary?’ Stevie suggested.
I shook my head. ‘No. It’s not that. I don’t actually miss Gary the husband. Maybe that’s because we’d already grown apart when I found him with Rob. What I miss is Gary the best friend and, even though I really like Daniel, I don’t feel like he’s my soul-mate like Gary was. Or at least how Gary was up until a couple of years back.’
‘Then Daniel isn’t the one for you?’
I brushed my sandy hands on my dress. ‘I don’t think anyone’s the one for me right now. I don’t want to end it with Daniel as he’s doing me the world of good, but I’m wondering if I should cool it a little and see less of him. I was looking forward to an evening to myself tonight, but it looks like we’re spending it together.’
‘Why didn’t you just tell him you had plans?’
Because I was doing it again. I was pushing aside what I wanted for the sake of someone else. Same old default mode. ‘I felt guilty,’ I said. ‘He’s had a bad day and needs the company. I don’t want to let him down when he needs me, especially after he came to Jess’ wedding when I needed him. I just worry that I never seem to have any time to discover me.’
Stevie picked up a shell and twiddled with it. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve been part of a couple since I was fourteen. We did everything together. I don’t have any hobbies or interests of my own outside of work so I don’t know who I am or what I like instead of what we like. I used to manage the house, plan our weekends, and organise holidays. I don’t have any of that to do now, but I have nothing with which to replace it. All I have now is my job and a rented room. I actually feel very lost.’
‘Hey, don’t cry.’ Stevie put his arm round me and I cuddled gratefully against his side. We sat in silence for several minutes, watching the sea. I felt the tension easing away from me, replaced by a feeling of calm as I snuggled into his super-hug.
‘What did you do before you met Gary or maybe while he was studying to be a doctor?’ Stevie asked after a while, still holding me. ‘Did you have any hobbies back then?’
I thought for a moment. ‘Actually, I did. I used to write.’
Stevie let go and turned to look at me. ‘Really? What sort of stuff?’
‘Fantasy books. It didn’t start out that way, though.’ It had actually started by me making up stories to distract Jess from Mother’s increasing reliance on drink and the horrific arguments with Dad. A unicorn whisperer called Ashlea was Jess’ favourite heroine and, before long, the fantasy world of Ellorinia had developed; a beautiful land far removed in time and location from the warzone at home. I found that I needed the escapism even more than Jess and started to write my stories down accompanied by a few basic illustrations during the times when the screaming matches were so loud that I couldn’t concentrate on words.
‘It sounds like you loved writing,’ Stevie said when I’d finished explaining. ‘What made you stop? Meeting Gary?’
I shook my head. ‘No. He was really supportive. He encouraged me to write regularly and even gave me a few ideas. He bought me a wooden unicorn for my sixteenth birthday and called her Serenity after the most magical of the unicorns in my books.’ I smiled. I hadn’t thought about Serenity or Ellorinia in so long. Then I sighed. ‘It was Mother who stopped me.’
When I was sixteen, Mother went on a drunken rampage one summer’s night after overhearing Dad on the phone telling his best mate, Bryan, that he planned to move to Spain when Jess turned eighteen and could leave home. Dad, Jess and I had returned from an evening bike ride to find Dad’s clothes strewn all over the front lawn, clinging to shrubs and trees, and Mother emptying more out of the front windows whilst necking a bottle of vodka. I vividly remember dropping our bikes and dashing towards the front door. Dad had no sooner unlocked and opened it when there was a loud crash as my precious hand-carved wooden jewellery box (a gift from Dad on my twelfth birthday) landed on the parquet floor in the hall and smashed to smithereens. Vases and various other ornaments of Jess’ or mine swiftly followed. Dad slammed the door before anything hit us. It was at that point that we smelled the burning. We dashed down the path at the side of the house to find a large fire in the middle of the back garden; a fire burning books and toys. Dad grabbed the hose, but it was too late. Nothing could be saved.
While Dad tried to reason with Mother in her bedroom to stop her wreaking any further damage, I had the heart-breaking task of leading my little sister by the hand and taking her into our shared bedroom to see what — if anything — had escaped from Mother’s attack. Fortunately for Jess, most of her belongings had survived. Mine hadn’t. The three things I cared about the most were Marmite, my jewellery box and my exercise books. Marmite had been hidden under the duvet so had thankfully survived. I already knew my jewellery box’s fate, but there was no sign of my exercise books. Distraught, I stormed across the landing and demanded to know where they were. Mother pointed out of her bedroom window to the pile of ashes in the garden and cackled.
My voice cracked as I finished the story, a memory I’d buried for years now so vivid in my mind. Stevie put his arm around me again and held me close. ‘Gary tried to encourage me to write them again, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk recreating that world and having her destroy it again.’
Stevie kissed the top of my head. ‘I’m so sorry about your Mother. That’s such—’
‘What the hell are you doing to my girlfriend?’ I fell back into the sand as Stevie was yanked away from me.
‘Daniel? What are you doing?’ I scrambled to my feet.
‘What am I doing?’ he yelled. ‘What are you two doing? I thought this was our special place, Elise, or do you bring all your conquests here?’
‘Don’t speak to her like that,’ Stevie shouted. ‘We’re just friends.’
‘I wasn’t talking to you.’ Daniel shoved Stevie.
‘Daniel! Leave him alone!’ I pulled on his arm. ‘This is my friend, Stevie. I was upset and he was comforting me.’
‘I bet he was.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘It means he’s a man and men don’t do friendships with women. They always want something and, if I hadn’t shown up, I bet he’d have made his next move. And you’d have let him, wouldn’t you? Not quite the innocent you pretend to be, are you?’ He took a step towards me and I backed away, shaking. Who was this person? He certainly wasn’t the fun, caring Daniel who’d helped me through one of the darkest times of my life.
‘Stop it!’ Stevie stepped between Daniel and me. ‘She’s done nothing wrong.’
‘Move out of my way or I’ll…’
‘You’ll what? Hit me?’
And that’s exactly what he did. I cringed at the crack of Stevie’s nose before he fell to his knees, blood spurting onto the sand and down his white T-Shirt.
‘Shit! Stevie!’ I knelt down, grabbed some tissues out of my bag and held them to his bloody nose. I turned to Daniel. ‘What the hell were you thinking? He’s a FRIEND and even if he was more, you don’t go around punching people.’
Daniel’s face was pale. His mouth kept opening and closing, but no words came out. Then he turned and ran up the beach. I put my arm round Stevie. ‘C’mon. Let’s get you to your feet. Is your car nearby?’
‘Yes. Why?’
‘Because I need to drive you to A&E.’
He fished in his pocket and handed me his keys. ‘Good plan,’ he said. ‘But promise me one thing.’
‘Name it.’
‘You’ll dump that bastard before the next person he hits is you.’
Chapter 23
Stevie’s nose was definitely broken. I’d suspected that as soon as I heard the crack, but a three-hour wait in A&E and a missed birthday meal at The Apple and Peach confirmed it.
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ I said as I drove his car back to Bramble Cottage.
‘Eighty seven,’ he said.
‘What is?’
‘The amount of times you’ve said sorry since the beach.’
I smiled weakly. ‘If I’ve said it that many times, then you’ll know I mean it.’
‘It really isn’t your fault,’ he said. ‘Although it’s just as well I don’t have any hot dates lined up this weekend because the nurse said I’ll be bruised and swollen by the morning, possibly sporting two black eyes.’
I opened my mouth to speak, but Stevie beat me to it. ‘Don’t you dare say you’re sorry again.’
‘Okay, sorry, I won’t. No! I just said it. Sorry!’
We both giggled then Stevie groaned. ‘It hurts to laugh.’
It was just after nine when we pulled up outside Bramble Cottage.
‘Cup of that disgusting green tea?’ he suggested.
I laughed. ‘You need to work on your sales technique. I’ll politely decline although I could really do with using your loo if you don’t mind.’
‘Be my guest.’
Meg came bounding over to us as soon as Stevie opened the door and she obediently lifted her paw for me again.
‘The bathroom’s up the stairs and on your right,’ Stevie said. ‘Feel free to have a look round while you’re up there, but excuse the mess.’
The bathroom was lovely: neutral tiles, large shower cubicle, and a roll top bath. Opposite the bathroom, a small bedroom acted as Stevie’s office with floor to ceiling bookshelves on two walls housing a mix of books, files and CDs. A large desk was home to two huge Apple monitors. At the end of the corridor, taking up the full width of the house was a spare bedroom and, judging by the peeling floral wallpaper and swirly carpet, this was obviously the room that he hadn’t yet tackled. With dual aspect windows — one with a window seat — and exposed beams on the wall adjoining the neighbour’s property, it would make a gorgeous child’s bedroom.
Getting over Gary (Whitsborough Bay Trilogy Book 2) Page 17
