by Pryke, Helen
‘Everything seems strange now, but it’ll be all right,’ she tried to reassure Jane. ‘Your parents will be here soon. They’ve missed you so much.’
Jane looked away without speaking. Maggie didn’t know what else to say.
‘There’s plenty of time for catching up back at the hospital,’ the paramedic said, coming over to them. ‘We’ve just about finished here, and the police and fire brigade need to carry out their investigations.’
There were a few moans from the others, but Maggie was relieved to get away from all the confusion and smoke. She took one last look at the burning farmhouse as they lifted her stretcher into the back of the ambulance, then lay her head back down on the cool cotton sheet and closed her eyes.
TWO MONTHS LATER
Charlotte was sitting on her bed, headphones on, when her mother knocked at the door. ‘Come in,’ she called.
‘Hello, love, I just brought you a tea and biscuits.’ Luna shoved her nose through the door and jumped next to Charlotte.
Laughing, she took off her headphones and made space on her bedside table for the mug and plate. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘How are you doing today, love?’ Carol stood in the middle of the floor, hesitant, as if trying to make up her mind to speak.
Charlotte patted the bedcovers. ‘Want to sit with me?’
‘That’d be nice.’ She sat down with a heavy sigh. ‘So, are you looking forward to seeing Rosie at the weekend?’
Charlotte shrugged. ‘I guess. It’ll be weird after all this time. She’ll have changed so much, while I…’ She stopped, unable to continue.
Carol stroked Luna’s head as they sat in an uncomfortable silence. ‘I still can’t believe you’re back with us,’ she said after a while.
Charlotte dunked a biscuit in her tea. ‘I never thought I’d see you all again,’ she whispered. ‘But I never gave up hoping.’ She swore as the soggy end of her biscuit fell with a splosh into the mug, then glanced guiltily at her mum.
‘It’s okay, swear as much as you like.’ Carol gave her a tired smile. ‘I never gave up hoping either. Even when the police stopped searching for you, even when everyone said you must be dead, I knew, deep inside, that you would come back to me.’
Charlotte left the tea on the side and threw her arms around her. ‘Oh God, Mum, it was horrendous. He was crazy, he kept telling me that you didn’t want me anymore, that you’d abandoned me and told him to look after me, that you never really wanted me and you were happy you just had Mike.’ Tears streamed down her face as she hugged her mother tightly. ‘Then when he started talking about the fire cleansing us, I knew we had to get away. He wanted to kill us.’
‘Sweetheart, I’ve read the police report, you don’t need to go over all this again.’ Her mother was crying too now.
‘I need to, if you don’t mind. I’m just starting to get things straight in my head, it’s taken a while.’ Charlotte reached for a tissue and blew her nose. ‘I need to talk about it, otherwise I’ll explode.’
‘Then I’ll listen, as long as you need me to,’ Carol replied. ‘And the police have suggested counselling, if you feel up to it.’
Charlotte nodded. ‘I think I’ll have to.’ She hesitated. ‘How did Mikey cope?’
‘Like Mikey always does. Holding everything in, getting suspended from school for hitting a classmate, then throwing himself into his studies. He was the one who found Maggie and asked her to help.’
‘Yeah, he told me. She was great, wasn’t she?’ Charlotte paused. ‘Mikey really got suspended?’
Her mum laughed. ‘Turned out the other kid was winding him up about you – I didn’t have the heart to get upset. Between you and me, I’m glad he did it.’
‘Mum!’ Charlotte giggled.
‘Don’t tell him though.’ Her mum winked at her, and Charlotte was transported back to the days before everything happened, when she and her mum had had their secrets no one else knew about, not even her dad. Tears filled her eyes once more, and she turned away, sniffing loudly.
‘What’s up, love?’
‘Nothing. Just me being silly.’
‘Whatever you feel, it’s not silly. Talk to me, maybe it will help.’
Charlotte closed her eyes and leaned back, her head against the wall behind them. Chaotic images flashed through her mind of those last moments in the cellar, when Maggie had persuaded her to get up, to climb the stairs to freedom. She’d come so close to giving up, she’d wanted to lie down and never move again, she’d relished the thought of the flames coming to claim her. Maggie’s voice had seemed so far away, her words muffled as if coming through a dense fog, words that hadn’t made any sense. She’d struggled to carry on ever since, and she wondered if one day there’d be a time when she could stop struggling and feel safe once more.
‘Love?’ Her mother was bent over her, a worried expression on her face.
She opened her eyes and shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the memories. She wanted to forget him, forget the last four years and return to her life as it was before, free from the horrors of the past. Luna’s nose nudged her hand, and she stroked the dog’s silky ears.
‘Mum?’ she said tentatively.
‘Yes, love.’
‘Will I ever feel like I belong again?’
Her mum enveloped her in her arms and they remained there for some time, holding onto each other.
* * *
Maggie watched as the teenagers greeted each other like long-lost friends in the middle of the pizzeria. They piled into the booth and grabbed the menus, chattering excitedly. The food ordered, they all settled down.
‘It’s a pity Jane and Charlotte wouldn’t come,’ Chloe said, her face flushed. ‘But Charlotte said she couldn’t stand everyone staring at her, and Jane’s just got out of hospital with the baby.’
‘Can’t say I blame them,’ Maggie said. ‘It’s been pretty full-on the last few weeks. Even I’m feeling the strain, and I should be used to it. Oh, and Andy sends his love. He would have come, but apparently he got a better offer.’
‘Pity. I was looking forward to seeing him again. He promised he’d give me some tips on women,’ Mike said. ‘Ouch.’ He rubbed his arm where Chloe had thumped him.
‘Idiot.’ Chloe tutted, then turned to Maggie. ‘Thanks for organising this weekend, Mags.’
‘I wanted the chance to see Leek in the sunshine! I hope we can go and see Butterton tomorrow, although maybe we’ll give the farm a miss. It was such a beautiful journey up here, I’m glad we came,’ Maggie replied, feeling tears prick at her eyes. ‘I thought you deserved it. If it hadn’t been for Ollie, Kayleigh and Doug here, we’d never have found the girls. You’ve all been fantastic.’ She glanced at Sally, sat next to her. ‘And thank you, too, for all your support. I know I haven’t been the nicest person in the past.’
‘That’s okay. Just don’t make a habit of it.’ She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’m glad you got back in touch,’ she whispered.
Maggie was too. As soon as she got to the hospital, she’d phoned Sally to let her know she had important information on her nephew’s murder. Sally had told her that a colleague would phone her back, her tone as brisk as ever when she spoke, but Maggie had heard the tremble in her voice when she said her name.
She left the hospital before she could witness the emotional reunion between Charlotte, Jane and their parents, but managed to share hugs and tears with the girls, Mike and Chloe. They hadn’t said much, there wasn’t much they could say. How could they even begin to talk about what they’d all been through?
Andy had driven her home later that day. She’d eventually crawled into bed, her body shutting down from sheer exhaustion, and slept for twenty hours straight. The doorbell had awoken her, and she’d opened it to find Sally on her doorstep, carrying two large coffees. They’d talked, spilling their hearts to each other, making up for the years they’d lost. For the first time ever Maggie felt as though she’d found someone she could spend
the rest of her life with. Sally was with her when she broke the news to Nicola and Richard about Thomas, silently supporting her as her sister’s marriage collapsed before their eyes.
She looked across at Nicola now. She’d invited her sister along to get her out of the house where she’d taken refuge ever since the news, and hoped she’d done the right thing. Nicola’s eyes were smudged with black shadows and her cheekbones stood out in her gaunt face, but she was laughing at something the teenagers had said. Maggie’s heart ached for her sister, but all she could do was be there for her when she needed someone to hold her.
Over the last few weeks, the full story had slowly come out as the police pieced together all the information. James’s medical records were accessed, where they discovered that Doctor Pearson, shortly before his death, had filled out and signed the forms for James’s release. The article they’d read online had been overlooked in the chaos that ensued after the doctor’s death, and James had been free to leave the psychiatric hospital. He’d drifted down south, finding temporary jobs as a cleaner in schools in the area, always using a different name, never staying in one place for long, carrying on the charade during the four years he had the girls. Maggie had cried bitter tears that day, when she realised that Thomas and the girls could have been saved, if only someone had remembered the article.
The police were also now treating Doctor Pearson’s death as suspicious and had reopened the case, after she’d told them about her conversation with James. She couldn’t imagine how he’d managed to kill the doctor, and wasn’t sure she wanted to know. That would be another story for another journalist to write.
Her musing was interrupted by the pizzas arriving, and there was silence for a while as everyone attacked their food. Their initial hunger sated, the chatter began again.
‘So, kids, are you all set for award day?’ Sally asked.
Mike groaned. ‘I can’t understand why they want to go to all that fuss, it’s what anyone would have done.’
‘Well, not really,’ Maggie said.
‘Yeah, it’s going to be so embarrassing,’ Ollie interrupted, rolling his eyes. ‘We had reporters camped outside on the front lawn for days, and now this.’ He sighed. ‘We haven’t been able to go to the hideout since it happened, the others are really upset with us.’
Maggie waggled her fork at him. ‘It’ll die down soon, I promise. Today’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chip paper, remember!’
Ollie and Mike grunted, with identical frowns on their faces. Maggie stifled a laugh.
‘How are Jane and Charlotte doing?’ Kayleigh asked. ‘It must be hard for them.’
‘It hasn’t been easy,’ Chloe admitted. ‘Jane lets Mum take care of the baby, and she stays in her room by herself most of the time. Since she came home, she doesn’t seem to want to be with us. It’s like she can’t let herself relax, like she’s going to be taken away at any moment again. At least, that’s how I see it. Mum says she just needs time to come to terms with things.’
‘Charlotte’s worried about her,’ Mike said. ‘She texts her every day, and phones her when she can, but she says just lately Jane’s been saying some weird things.’
‘Like what?’
Mike shrugged. ‘She says James was a good man, it was his bitch of a mother who turned his head funny, that he didn’t want to hurt them, he only wanted his sisters back, things like that. Charlotte says if she tries to make her see sense she gets upset, so she backs off.’
‘I think we should go and see Jane, let her know we’re here for her,’ Kayleigh said in a sympathetic tone.
‘She’s going to start seeing a psychologist soon,’ Chloe replied.
‘Maybe we can help as well,’ Kayleigh insisted.
‘Jane’s been through a traumatic experience, I think it’ll do her good to know she’s got friends who love and support her,’ Nicola said. ‘You and Charlotte should go together, Kayleigh, make a fuss of the baby, see how she’s coping.’
‘Maybe you’re right,’ Chloe conceded. ‘Let’s sort something out.’
Maggie smiled as the two girls bent over their phones, discussing dates and times. The group had kept in touch since that day in June, and she was glad they were there to support each other. God knew they needed all the support they could get. She moved her empty plate to the side, knife and fork neatly placed in the middle.
‘Bet you could do with a cigarette now.’ Sally nudged her.
‘Nope. I don’t smoke anymore.’ Maggie leaned back and folded her arms, looking smug. ‘Someone once told me smoking can kill you.’
‘Touché.’ Their eyes met, a look of understanding passing between them. Maggie clung onto the moment, content to forget about the past and the future for now, and just live in the present. Everything else could wait.
Epilogue
Jane checked on baby Daisy fast asleep in her cot. The baby was lying with her arms above her head, her face relaxed as she made a suckling motion with her lips. She sat down gingerly on the bed, her stitches still painful after giving birth a week or so earlier. She picked up the book on her bedside table and opened it to the last page she’d read, four years earlier.
She closed it again almost immediately, unable to carry on, and sobbed as she realised how much of her life she’d thrown away. She’d believed him, had let him turn her against her family, against the people she’d loved, and now she had nothing, just an empty hollow where her heart used to be. His words had poisoned her soul, his lies had created layers of hatred within her, and now she had to accept that she had been wrong to listen to him, to believe him. Her family loved her, she knew that now, and had never given up on her. While she had given up on them. She hated herself for it. All the angst she’d kept inside over the last four years, all the emotions she’d shut away, came pouring out, her mind a confused chaos.
She hugged the book to her chest, crying silent tears, her shoulders shaking as she wept. Everything she’d had was gone, lost to her, as if those she’d loved had died. It was like a physical pain, like her heart had been carved out of her body, leaving behind a gaping hole that would never be filled.
She opened the drawer of her bedside table and took out the box of sleeping tablets. Her mother hadn’t noticed they were missing yet – Jane guessed she hadn’t needed to take them since she’d come home.
She wished they’d been prescribed for her. The doctors had advised her not to take anything during her pregnancy and after the birth for Daisy’s sake, but every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, she would see the fire rushing towards her; hungry, unstoppable, consuming everything in its path. And he was behind the fire every time, charming and benevolent as ever, smiling at her with warmth and love as he approached. While her mind screamed at her to run, her body stepped hesitantly towards him, wanting to feel his hands stroking her hair once more and hear him say how much he loved her. As she reached out to him, his face would change to a contorted sneer of hate and disgust, the fire leaping around him, caressing him with its brilliant white flames, until he was a glowing torch. Then he’d wrap his arms around her, pulling her into the fire, and she screamed as her skin crackled beneath the scorching heat, shrivelling and blackening, the pain so real it woke her up.
Every night it was the same. Exhausted as she was, she would try not to fall asleep, dreading the nightmare that would inevitably come. And every night, she would wake up screaming.
It was almost as bad as the thing that had really happened, after he’d hit her and taken her down to the cellar. He’d thrown her inside the room and dragged Charlotte in with her, then stood over her as she cowered against the back wall. Groggy and confused, she’d watched as his face changed – there was no other word for it, it had changed – into that of a woman, with silky black hair that curled over his shoulders. The woman’s eyes had flashed with hate as he’d taken a step towards her, a sneer on his face as he beckoned to her, and then he’d spoken. That voice. She’d never forget it as long as she lived. She shudde
red as she remembered the terror that had coursed through her at the sound of a woman’s husky voice coming out of his mouth. A voice filled with hate, spewing obscenities against all the women he’d ever known. The voice of someone who would show no mercy to anyone… and then her head had cleared, and it was him standing there before her once more, lip curled in a snarl of fury as he shouted.
She hadn’t told anyone, but she could still see the face when she closed her eyes, and wondered if it had been real, if he was somehow both himself and his mother. She could imagine what they would say if she should voice her thoughts; they’d think she was crazy. Sometimes she thought she was crazy. But she knew what she had seen, and it terrified her.
She looked down at the packet in her hands and began to pop the tablets out of the blister packs, placing them on the bedspread. She wondered how many she would need to make sure she never had the nightmare again. She counted them, and hoped there were enough.
She stood over Daisy’s cot and watched her daughter sleeping. She could already see his features in her, and her throat tightened in fear. Had her daughter inherited her father’s madness as well? Would she be so fascinated by fire that one day she would kill them all, just to satisfy her lust? No. She couldn’t imagine her innocent baby turning into a monster, she had to believe her daughter would be different.
She went to her desk and took an envelope out of the drawer. She looked down at it for a moment, hesitating as she fought the conflict inside her – she knew she should be strong and work through the trauma, as the police psychologist had said, but she was too tired. She no longer wanted to battle against the world, trying to fit in, trying to understand her place among these strangers who used to be her family. She just wanted to sleep. An eternal, dreamless sleep, where nothing could harm her anymore. She kissed the envelope, then put it in the cot, next to her sleeping daughter.
Jane picked up the glass of water she’d prepared, sat down on the bed, and scooped the pills into her hand. She was ready.
