by Lauren Bach
His compliment prompted her next question, one she’d been thinking about since Elise arrived. “So why did you two divorce?”
Her blunt inquiry took Grey by surprise. He didn’t think she’d like the answer.
He shook his head, pouring a glass of water and handing it to her along with the pills Elise left. “You’re gonna get sick of me pressing you to drink more, but Elise said the dehydration thing’s serious.”
For a moment Tess thought he’d ignore her question. Then he moved to sit on the bed beside her, sprawling his legs out before easing her gently into his arms.
“We were college students when we married,” he began. “I had just been discharged from the Army and was returning to finish my degree.”
“So you really were in the Army?” His nod made her feel better. He had shared some personal information after all.
“Did you know Elise before your stint in the Army?” she continued.
“No. We met in Chapel Hill. Elise was a medical student. We were young and idealistically opposite, but madly in love. Then Elise started her residency. I was offered a job with the Bureau after I graduated from law school..”
“Did you do undercover work back then?”
“No. But I worked a lot of overtime trying to make a name for myself. In the meantime Elise had started delivering babies and knew she wanted a couple of her own.”
Grey tightened his grip on her shoulders, wishing there was another way to explain, to cast the blame somewhere other then on his shoulders. He pressed the gentlest of kisses to her temple.
“I didn’t want children, Tess. It was selfish. I liked our lives just the way they were. I volunteered for an overseas assignment, thinking the distance would help bring our focus back on each other. It didn’t. In her loneliness Elise grew even more desperate, begging me to come home and start a family. I refused, using every excuse in the book to avoid returning.”
He pushed ahead with his story, knowing it was too late to turn back now. “Before I returned, I had a vasectomy. I don’t think I could have come up with any worse way to hurt Elise. It destroyed our marriage, and drove Elise straight into the arms of another man, a man who’d been there for her when I was gone. My best friend, Kevin Barnes.”
Stunned, Tess didn’t move. “You, you had a vasectomy? But how?” Her hands went to her stomach.
He covered both her hands with one of his own. “As soon as I realized what an idiot I’d been, I had the surgery reversed. Obviously, it was successful, but unfortunately it was too late.”
Grey hadn’t wanted children. The knowledge tore through her. “Too late?”
“To save the marriage. We divorced, and she eventually married Kevin. Oddly enough, there’s never been a moment’s animosity between Kevin and me over their marriage. Kevin was there for Elise that whole time I was overseas, at first as a friend, then later... Well, the further apart we grew, the closer they became.”
For a moment Grey wondered if Tess had drifted off to sleep. She didn’t move or make any noise and briefly he regretted his honesty. When she finally spoke, her question surprised him.
“Do you still love her?”
Trick question.
He took a deep breath, wanting to answer honestly, praying he didn’t stick his foot in his mouth. “Not in the sense you mean. We obviously care for each other, but on a platonic basis. And Kevin and I are as close as ever.”
She grew quiet once more, and Grey couldn’t stand it. He knew exactly what was bothering her. Shifting to his side, he nudged her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. He hated that he’d caused them.
“Would you believe me if I told you I’d changed my mind about wanting a family a long time ago?”
“How do I know you’re not just saying that?” She shook her head. “This pregnancy wasn’t planned by either one of us.”
“Which doesn’t mean the child’s any less welcome.”
Grey leaned down, tugged at the hem of her nightshirt, exposing her stomach. He brushed his fingers across her skin, reverent, then bent low and pressed a kiss to her abdomen, just below her navel. “There’s a lot of things I wish I could change, Tess. But this isn’t one of them. I want this child. Our child. How can I make you believe that?”
Tess searched his eyes, eyes that didn’t lie, finding sincerity, assurance, in the silvery depths. A single tear ran down her cheek.
He did care about the baby.
He caught the tear on the tip of his finger. “I’d also like the chance to spend time with the baby’s mother. It’s no secret I’m attracted to you. That there’s a certain magnetism between us.”
She looked away, fumbling for the covers, feeling too...exposed. “That’s what scares me most. From the very beginning we’ve either been operating on falsehoods or under duress. What happens when it’s all said and done, and it’s just you and me? Will we even like each other?” As much as she was attracted to Grey, she knew she’d never settle for only a physical relationship.
His heart squeezed at the uncertainty on her face. He knew he’d cared for her, had avoided trying to quantify it. But the thought that she might not feel the same for him was sobering. Trying to imagine her not in his life was impossible.
“Look, if we take Elise up on her offer of staying at the cabin, we’ll have a shot at some quiet time. Why don’t we see how things go there?” He placed a finger over her lips to prevent her from saying anything else. “Let’s sleep on it. Fair enough?”
Tess blinked again, suddenly unable to hold her eyes open. The medicine she’d taken was starting to ease the pain in her hands, and tucked in beside Grey, she finally felt warm.
“But--”
“Shhhhh. Sleep. Remember?”
Suppressing a yawn, she bid him good night, and within minutes fell asleep.
Easing off the bed, Grey made sure the blankets were tucked securely around her, then kissed the top of her head. More than anything he wanted to keep this woman safe, to give her peace.
Spending time alone at a cabin did seem like an ideal solution. It would give him a chance to prove to her that he would be the perfect father. And the perfect...what? Lover? Boyfriend? No commitments unless she wanted them? Was that what she wanted?
Mind restless, he moved to the couch, knowing it would be a while before he drifted off to sleep.
* * *
The cabin brought a smile to Tess’ face. Snuggled in a hollow against a backdrop of the Blue Ridge Mountains, the cedar A-frame welcomed them.
“What do you think?” she asked anxiously.
After getting the key and directions from Elise’s husband, Kevin, Grey had once again taken a roundabout way to their destination, driving an additional forty miles before he was completely satisfied they weren’t being followed. She desperately needed a bathroom.
He peered at the cabin over the rim of his dark sunglasses. Secluded was an understatement. The long, private drive was only accessible via a locked gate. And the cabin itself, located in a valley, wasn’t even visible from the highway.
The house was surrounded by endless acres of wilderness. Kevin had done some discreet checking and learned that the nearest neighbor was five miles away. Most of the homes were used only in summer and again in January, when the ski resorts opened.
While the seclusion was perfect for hiding out, Grey was concerned about the distance to medical help. The closest hospital was thirty minutes in good weather, with no traffic. He’d feel better after Tess had a complete physical, which was scheduled for later that night at Elise’s clinic.
He saw the concern in Tess’ eyes, and was tempted to kiss her. Instead he smiled and stuffed his hands in his coat pockets. He had decided last night that he would give her some space while they were here. Let her be the one to make the first move. Already he doubted his ability to keep his hands off her, but how else could he convince her they had more than lust going for them?
“I think it will be perfec
t,” he said finally. “Let’s go inside and take a look.”
The interior of the cabin was sumptuous. The soaring great room had a two-story glass wall split by a huge stone fireplace.
“Wow,” she said gazing out on the view of the mountains.
“I’ll bring in firewood later,” Grey said. “Right after I bring in groceries.”
“I’ll help.” Tess followed him out to the garage. “Do you really think we’ll be here long enough to eat all this?”
“You’re supposed to put on weight, remember? How can I get you to eat if I don’t have choices to offer?”
She grabbed a paper sack, only to have it removed from her hand. “That’s too heavy.”
She reached for another one, only to have her hand lightly smacked. “So’s that one,” he said.
She frowned. “Don’t treat me like an invalid.”
Grey handed her a bag with two loaves of bread. “You’re confusing chivalry with chauvinism. I was trying to be polite.”
As soon as the car was unloaded, they quickly stowed the groceries and supplies. Grey looked through the cabinets.
“The place is well equipped. Right down to crystal wineglasses.”
“Too bad I can’t have any wine,” Tess murmured as she folded the last of the empty bags. “I’d love a glass of Chardonnay.”
Grey came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Tense?”
She nodded, clasping then unclasping her hands. “It feels like we’ve been on the run forever. I sometimes wonder if my life will ever be normal again.”
He watched her fidget, wishing he could snap his fingers and make it all better. But as long as Bogen and Snake were on the loose she was in danger.
He’d checked with Barry that morning, but there’d been no news on the fugitives. They had arrested a man suspected of slipping a knife to Bogen during the courtroom melee, which Bogen then used in their escape. The man claimed to know nothing of Bogen and Snake’s whereabouts.
“Change your shoes, and we’ll explore outside. A little exercise will do us both good.” He lowered his hand to cradle her abdomen. “Junior here could probably use a little fresh air, too.”
She stepped away, still feeling his touch. It was odd, but for a moment she could have sworn she felt the baby move -- respond to Grey’s touch. But that was impossible -- it was too soon. At least she thought it was. She needed to ask Elise about that. In fact she needed to start a list of things to ask about.
Grey was on the deck when she appeared a moment later. “We’ll have a great view of the sunset,” he said, casually reaching forward to zip her jacket.
At the edge of the lawn, a path disappeared into the woods, wide enough so they were able to walk abreast. Two squirrels scampered ahead, leapt to a tree, their tiny claws clattering against the bark. She took a deep breath, the air heavy with the scent of pine.
Grey’s knowledge of the area amazed her. He told her some of the history, of how the Cherokee Indians had lived and hunted across the Carolinas.
“How long did you live here?” she asked.
“Four years, off and on, while Elise completed her residency in Chapel Hill.”
“I visited Chapel Hill once, a few years ago. Shopped on Franklin Street. The stores there are fabulous. I remember having lunch at a grill in a quaint little drugstore.”
“Sutton's Drug Store. It’s been there forever and has the best french fries around.” The connection, however slight, brought a smile to Grey’s face.
“You liked living in North Carolina,” she noted.
“Yes. Even after I transferred to Washington, D.C., I found myself coming down here every chance I got to camp or hike.”
“Do you consider D.C. your home?”
He shook his head. “I have a condo there. My job is currently there. But home? Where my heart is? No, it’s not that kind of home.” Funny. He’d given that a lot of thought lately himself. Home would be wherever she was.
Tess nodded. “I guess that’s how I feel about Boston.”
“Do you plan to reopen your shop?”
“Yes. If only to prove that I can. I’ve got plenty of new ideas. I bet I filled ten notebooks with designs these past months.”
“Have you given any thought to where you’ll live after the baby comes?” With me, he wanted to say. But didn’t.
She shrugged, a wistful look on her face. “Not really. I’m still considering a farm. The question is where. I mean, kids need space. A yard, a swing set. Maybe even a puppy. God, listen to me. I don’t even know how I’ll manage with a human baby, let alone a baby animal.”
“I hear puppies are easier to housebreak.”
Tess laughed. “Boston was a good choice for my business goals. I didn’t exactly have a family in mind when I moved there.”
So she wouldn’t necessarily mind moving, Grey mused. Even at that Boston was only an hour from D.C. by plane. He could look into transferring to the Boston office. He definitely wanted to be close.
“So where else would you go?” he asked. “New York?”
She shook her head. “New York never felt right. I think because of my parents’ divorce. My childhood was spent being shuttled between the two of them.” She halted abruptly looking up at him. “I don’t want that for my child, Grey.”
“Our child,” he corrected. “And don’t borrow trouble. We’re two sensible adults with the baby’s best interests at heart. We’ll do fine.”
She looked unconvinced, but started walking along the path once more. “You still have me at a distinct disadvantage. You know a lot more about my family then I do yours,” she said.
“That’s easy to remedy. The Thomases were one of the first families to settle in Pennsylvania. My ancestors fought in the American Revolution. They helped found the railroad and the steel mills.”
“Wait a minute. Are you related to Thomas Steel Works?” Then she remembered his mentioning that his father had retired from a railroad company. “And Thomas & Stone Rail Lines?”
“They needed an efficient way to get ore to the mills.”
Tess shook her head. Grey was a member of one of Pennsylvania’s finest families. And one of the wealthiest. Yet he didn’t act like...
She cut off that train of thought. There was no comparing Grey to anyone else she’d ever met.
“Will my family tree impress your mother?” he asked.
“Undoubtedly.” But Tess had no intention of telling her. At least not right away. If she knew Grey’s background, Madeline would switch from pressing for an abortion to demanding a marriage.
Grey tugged her to a stop. “You’re the only one I care about impressing, Tess. I hope you know that.”
He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. The raw emotion she saw frightened her. And beckoned her.
For a sparkling second Tess wanted to throw caution to the wind, live for the moment. She’d been fighting a growing desire for Grey ever since seeing him again. And being this close made it worse, fanned the longing, the hunger. She wanted to feel his lips on hers, feel his hands on her bare skin. She wanted to see him naked again, feel him harden in her greedy hands. He was the only man who’d ever made love to her...
He was also the only man who’d ever seen her naked, though she wasn’t so sure she wanted him to see her that way right now. The changes her body was going through, well...she looked different. And she hadn’t accepted those changes herself yet.
It was just one more reason to say no.
Grey saw the struggle in her eyes and secretly rejoiced. For a second she had looked ready to pounce on him. Then just as quickly she’d banked the passion, listening to her self-doubts.
It was all he needed to know. His hands were already on her shoulders and it was easy, natural, to pull her closer. When she didn’t resist he lowered his mouth and captured her lips. Sliding his hands through her hair, he grasped her head, slanting it slightly as he deepened the kiss. His tongue delved into the sweetness of her mouth
, stealing her breath, giving his own in its place.
She swayed in his arms, releasing the softest of moans. Small, hungry sounds that enflamed him.
She was standing between his spread legs, her body pressed fully against his. Her hands tightened at his waist, her fingers fidgeting, trying to loosen his shirt, then moving forward to tug at his belt. She made an impatient noise, her hand drifting lower.
He felt himself harden, knew that if she so much as touched him there, he’d shoot off like a firecracker with a short fuse. Grey pulled back first, stepping away from her.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t push you,” he whispered hoarsely. “But I can’t take much more of this. I want you too damn bad.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then stepped away. “We need to head back. Don’t forget we’ve got an appointment with Elise tonight.”
Tess had forgotten. That’s what his kisses did to her. It was darn right scary. She’d felt Grey’s erection the moment he’d pressed against her and for a wild moment she’d wanted him right there, right then, in the pine needles on the forest floor in front of God and all the squirrels.
But what about later? When Snake and Bogen were recaptured and the trials were over? Would the passion burn as brightly without the fuel of constant excitement? She needed to know it would always be like this. She wanted guarantees.
Unfortunately, if she’d learned nothing else in this lifetime, it was that life offered no guarantees.
Even tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed.
They walked back to the cabin in silence. “Go on in,” he said. “I’ll bring in some firewood for later.”
Tess watched him saunter off, torn between wanting him and being afraid. Afraid she couldn’t keep him.
Except...
They had just shared one hot kiss. And Grey had been as affected by it as she was. After leaving Montana she told herself that she’d imagined their affair being so sensational, so intense. It had been part and parcel of the overall drama. Nothing was that spectacular.
But it was.
She closed her eyes against the memory of his body over hers. Hot. Hard. Grinding. Grey was a demanding lover, greedy, but not selfish. Her nipples constricted at the thought.
