by Aaron Crash
The demon whirled. “No, Featherhead, I’m doing it because I get a body, and I like having a body. You keep going on and on about clits, well, I have one, and I’m not afraid to use it. Also, the Septua coming off him is amazing. You’re getting Nefesh just sitting there, right?”
Gabby didn’t speak. She frowned. Then she inhaled and gave Bailey a sweet smile. “I don’t have to tell you a thing. I’m good, and you’re evil. But even evil has a place in the universe, and in the end, you’re part of a divine plan. And so we’ll all three go and see the Clockwatcher and then rescue Annie. I’ll learn more about Jack, and then when Pinturicchio calls me in for my annual review, I will brief him. I will say Jack is kind and soulful.”
“Not kind or soulful,” Jack said. “I’m an asshole with a heart of gold.”
“You’re soulful.” Gabby gave his shoulder a squeeze. Then she leaned back. “I’m rather hungry. I will only eat sweet sunshine, oatmeal, and vegetables. Because all living creatures have Nefesh, and I will not eat anything with a face.”
Jack glanced in the rearview mirror. “So you’re a vegan angel?”
“Veganism is the practice of not eating any meat or animal products.” Gabby grinned. “Yes. I am a vegan. Unlike some people in this car, I don’t want anyone or anything hurt as I move this body through the world.”
Bailey returned her hand to Jack’s arm. “Bacon double cheeseburgers for everyone!”
Gabby gasped.
Jack wasn’t sure how this was going to work. Or where everyone was going to sleep. He only had a small apartment. And what was he going to do for money now?
Jack drove straight to his apartment, parked on the street, then climbed up the steps with the angel and demon behind him. For now, they just looked like women. That was good. He didn’t want the neighbors talking.
Inside his place, he motioned around. “Make yourselves at home. If you’re going to fight, do it quietly. And no killing each other.”
He wasn’t going to fuck around. He got some old Vicodin from his medicine cabinet, gulped it down with some water from the sink, and then crashed on his bed.
He wasn’t sure which of the women brought him the wet washcloth. He would’ve bet it was the angel, but instead he smelled Bailey’s musky perfume. Even after her two showers at the Tarrington mansion, she still exuded that spicy fragrance. How had Mac Satterstrum described it at the bank last week? Like sex itself?
Well, it wasn’t Bailey who stole Annie, it was Horns, better known as Kerrata. And the Interim creature was planning something... something that Gabby might know about. He’d talk to her once he was able to think without it feeling like his brain would melt out his ears.
He woke, his stomach twisted from the drugs, but his head was better. He pulled himself up and padded out into the living room.
Gabby sat in his easy chair with her sheathed sword in front of her. She wasn’t sporting wings or a halo, but her horn was on the table. She glanced at him, then the door, then down to the floor. “Uh. Hi. Bailey went shopping. I’m not quite sure what that is. I’m assuming it has something to do with a market and trading goods and services for some kind of currency. However, your world is very strange. And I promised I wouldn’t move a muscle. I didn’t want to wake you, and Bailey said you could sense any movement. I’m very thirsty, however. Is that normal?”
Jack laughed a little. Bailey had totally pranked the angel. He went to the refrigerator, but all he had cold was beer. With her new body, the angel probably needed electrolytes. He pulled some Powerade—Mountain Berry Blast—out of a cupboard. It was warm, so he threw some ice in a glass and poured the drink over it.
He gave her the glass. “You can move. Bailey was just messing with you.”
Gabby sipped her drink. She let out a squeal. “It’s so sweet and delicious! Cold and refreshing! Is this a special drink of your kind?”
“Wow, you are new,” Jack said. He sat on the couch. “How old are you anyway?”
The angel beamed at him. “I’m young, but I am very ambitious. Most of the time I spent training in the legion, for the Tempus Bellum, but we can’t talk about that. Because it’s happening right now, will happen, and has already been happening. So don’t ask. I’m a billion years old, give or take. Like I said, I was training for most of that time, not really in the Tempus Influunt. Training and researching. I love to read. Do you like to read, Jack?”
“A billion years old?” he asked.
“About that. But it’s hard to say. I stepped into your world at the stroke of the New Year, or that’s how you mark it on your calendar. I was at a New Year’s Eve party! Bill and Steph were there, and they kissed for the first time! They’re still together. They have a lot of Nefesh when they make love. It’s so sweet. I visit them from time to time. Actually, I spend an embarrassing amount of time at their house. But that’s over now, I suppose, since I have this body, and a mission. To save Annie! And to stop you from stopping time. That kind of echoes. Is there a better way to say it? Ah, yes, the English language has so many different words. To prevent you from stopping time.”
“Prevent me?” Jack asked.
“Well, once you save Annie. Look, Jack, you don’t want to get involved in the Tempus Bellum.”
“Which you can’t talk about.”
“Which I can’t talk about. Correct.” She sipped her Powerade.
He had words to Google. She couldn’t stop him from grabbing his phone. He checked the internet, and as he thought, Tempus Bellum translated into time war. Is happening. Will happen. Has always been happening.
What did that mean, exactly?
Jack got himself some Tums, then grabbed a glass of water. He sat back down. “Bailey isn’t here, so tell me what Kerrata is planning.”
“Normally when the Interim drink Kairos from their victims, they go for the quick minutes. They drink and move on. Yes, it’s not good, because humans only have so much Kairos. Once they run out, they die. Very sad. But there are all sorts of angels watching over humanity, and if an Interim gets too hungry, we slay them. Or there’s a chance a demon finds it and eats it. Demons like eating the Interim.”
“Also known as Fugs.” Jack nodded.
“That’s so vulgar!” Gabby said, but she was smiling. “But yes. Anyway, you humans sure do procreate quickly, and there’s only a set number of angels, and so we’ve fallen behind. Two thousand years ago, the world only had 255,392,029 humans as of the summer equinox. Now? There’s nearly eight billion. That’s a lot. So the angels do what we can. There have also been...casualties. But I can’t talk about that.”
“Because of the Time War.” Jack quirked an eyebrow.
The angel shrugged, but she was a bit pale. “I have no idea what that is.”
“Back to Kerrata.”
The angel put her glass daintily on the coffee table, on a coaster of course. “Kerrata was pulling Kairos from Evelyn Mundi slowly. We call those the slow seconds. He was building up the Kairos in himself, slowly. In essence, he was charging himself. For what? I don’t know. But that was his plan. And we have to stop him, whatever he’s doing. We have to give Evelyn back her Kairos so she lives a long time. And we have to rescue Annie. After that, no more time hijinks, Jack. Promise me.”
“I’m not going to promise you anything,” he said. “But we’ll see.”
Bailey came barreling in, tossed Jack’s wallet on his tiny kitchen table, and set the bags on the counter. She’d scrubbed most of the makeup off her face but had missed some. Jack was no expert, but he thought some sort of remover was necessary.
Bailey winked at him. She still looked good, though those shoes and dress made it impossible for her to blend in.
“How did you pay?” Jack asked. He didn’t have the cash for all those bags.
The sex demon shrugged. “I kissed some woman, Becky, I think, so she showed me how to use credit cards. She was okay. She liked candlelit dinners, roses, and lots of lovey-dovey language from her boyfriend, Gary. Gary.” The
sex demon rolled her eyes. “Good thing Becky was also very bi-curious. She has these very elaborate lesbian fantasies. She should write romance.”
Jack winced. “And what did you buy?”
Bailey unwrapped a red Blow Pop and tossed the wrapper on the floor. She stuck the lollipop into her mouth. “You’ll see.”
Chapter Fifteen
JACK HAD ANOTHER QUESTION for Bailey, who stood in the kitchen part of his tiny apartment sucking on the Blow Pop. “How much money did you spend?”
“Five thousand dollars. Is that right? Does that sound right?” The demon shrugged and started taking things out of bags. “I got makeup. I got a few lessons, but the woman behind the counter said there are makeup tutorials on something called View Tube.”
“Close,” Jack said. “So you bought makeup, and what else?”
“Clothes, food, just stuff.” Bailey wrinkled her nose at him. “It’s not like it’s a big deal. You’re going to use your time-stopping powers and we’re going to rob people. And you did security at a bank. We could just go into the vault and grab all the money. Or I noticed there are cash registers in stores. Just take the money. Duh!”
Gabby stood and slammed her sword on the floor. “I will not let you corrupt Jack! He wanted to be a police officer. He wanted to serve and protect!”
Bailey rolled her eyes. “And now he can stop time. Things change, Gabby. If you weren’t so stupid and new, you’d know that.”
“I’m not new! I’ve been around humans for ten months now!” The halo winked on, filling Jack’s apartment with a glaring light. Gabby put her golden horn to her lips.
“I take it back!” the sex demon said. “Don’t blow that thing. I take it all back.”
Gabby’s halo slowly faded. She lifted a slim wrist and jiggled her golden bracelets. “If I need to, I’ll sell some of my celestial jewelry. I chose to bring it forth onto this body because I thought it made me look cute. But it is solid gold.”
“It looks fake,” Bailey sneered.
Gabby raised the horn again.
The demon threw up her hands. “No. It looks good. I bought you a present.”
Gabby put both the sword and the horn on the easy chair. She clapped her hands together with joy. “Really?”
Bailey reached into a Macy’s bag, and Jack expected the worst. Would she pull out a pig’s head?
Nope. Bailey drew out a white business suit with a peach-colored blouse, all on the hanger, and all ready to wear. She even had a pair of low white heels to match. “Listen, Feathers, you can’t walk around in those sandals and that tunic.”
Gabby got a little teary. She drew in the demon for a hug. “Oh, Bailey. You’re not just a core of Ijjinaya. You do have some Nefesh.”
The demon shoved the angel away. “Don’t kid yourself. I’m a sex demon. I just don’t want you embarrassing Jack. More than you obviously will.”
The angel held the outfit up. “I’ll go and change.”
“Why not change right here?” Bailey leaned back against the counter in Jack’s tiny kitchen. Her arms were crossed.
Gabby turned away, took three steps toward Jack’s bedroom, then spun back around. “I know what happened earlier might make you think that I want to have sex with you all the time. I can’t let that happen again, and any masturbating I do, I’ll be doing alone. So, let’s pretend that...that...”
“That you didn’t watch Jack and me fuck?” Bailey asked.
The angel nodded. “Sex is natural and good, but I have to focus. Otherwise, I’m afraid I won’t...I’ll get caught up.” She started spitting out sentence fragments. “I want a soulful connection. And kisses. Monogamy. Chastity is a thing people think is good. So, no more sex. You two can go at it, however, and I hope you have so much fun together!”
“But you’ll be thinking of us when you touch yourself.” Bailey’s smile was as demonic as her little black heart. “I know you’re not going to be able to stay pure.”
The angel rolled her eyes and went into the other room to change.
Bailey came over and grabbed Jack, kissing him. “You taste like how I want to smell. How about you cook us up something good?”
“I don’t cook. And I would imagine you and Miss Feathers don’t either. We should order burritos.”
“Definitely burritos,” Bailey agreed. “I don’t think I want dessert for a while. However, at the store, I didn’t know what else to buy, so I bought chocolate cake and cherry pie. I might want them at some point.”
Jack called in an order to the Burrito King and went down to pick it up. Walking through the chilly night, he noticed his stomach was feeling better. He didn’t think that Bailey spent five thousand dollars, but even if she had, she was right about one thing—stopping time did give him any number of advantages. If he couldn’t figure out how to turn his superpower into a money-making proposition, he could always ask Pinetree’s help. Besides, if Gabby was willing to sell her golden jewelry, he wouldn’t stop her.
Thinking about money exhausted him. He’d have to man up, though. They still needed to talk about finding the Clockwatcher.
The three of them talked about the strange entity over dinner at Jack’s tiny kitchen table.
Bailey had gotten Gabby’s size almost right, but the angel’s outfit didn’t fit perfectly. The chest was too big, the skirt too tight, and she kept pulling at the fabric. Had Bailey messed up the sizes on purpose? She was a demon, after all.
“Tell me about the Clockwatcher,” Jack said.
Bailey was eating like a hungry dog, stuffing big chunks of smothered burrito into her mouth. She had the manners of a rottweiler. When she wasn’t eating like a wild animal, she slammed down half a beer at a time. Beer and burritos just went together.
Bailey talked when she wasn’t being gross. “The Clockwatcher is an Interim Lord, which are rare. You’ve seen how a lot of the Fugs are just stupid animals. But some are—”
“I find the term Fug offensive.” Gabby was dainty with her burrito, a bean burrito, no cheese or sour cream. She’d take a tiny nibble of her vegan burrito and then chase it down with more Powerade. She said no to the beer. She would not be imbibing liquor of any kind. Sigh. Angels.
Bailey finished off her beer with a noisy gulp. “Some of the Fugs are smart. Some are really powerful. But they have to be careful. Since they’re not allied with either heaven or hell, they are easy pickings. Suffice to say, the Clockwatcher found a niche. He makes deals, bad deals, the original fucking Faustian deals. We can’t trust him.”
“Maybe we just need to give him a chance,” Gabby protested. “And if he double-crosses us, I will smite him. I’ve spent a billion years practicing my smiting.”
“Is that what you can do with the horn?” Jack asked. That thing had him curious.
Gabby raised her eyebrows mysteriously. “I would imagine you’ll see at some point.”
“This is still a bad idea.” Bailey threw a worried look at the horn on the table. “I’ll get behind you, Feathers, and when the Clockwatcher sends his Fug pups at us, you can hit them with your fancy-shmancy sword.”
“I saw your demon tooth. It was very toothy.” Gabby was at least trying to be polite and nice.
The demon shrugged and didn’t make eye contact. She just dumped more jalapeno peppers on her burrito and continued the shoveling.
Jack alternated enjoying his burrito and drinking his beer. “So where can we find the Clockwatcher? He’s in one of these eon palaces, right? I would imagine that is like owning your own dimension.”
Bailey shot him a finger gun. “And you’d be correct.”
Gabby nodded. “Normally, getting there would be very difficult. But with your power? I think we can get there relatively easily. The doorway can be found in both time and space, but you can control the time aspect. I can help with the space. Before I arrived, I studied the area. I know where the portals are. Mostly, they’re in the dead spaces.”
“Dead spaces?”
“Otherwise known a
s thin places. Or, as I like to call ’em, boring fucking places.” Bailey burped.
Both the cursing and the belch made Gabby crazy. “Bailey! Please!”
“Demon here.” Bailey winked. Even with her makeup still so shabby, she was sexy.
A dizzy smile came over Gabby’s face. Then she replaced it with a scowl. “Dead spaces are where people rarely walk. Normal space is a mixture of all the Septua energies, especially Kairos and Corpus, time and space, making up the wonderful stew of life on Earth. However, places like stairwells, or street medians, or even empty fields, those are the thin places, the dead spaces, the place without faces.”
“Or for the basket cases,” Bailey quipped.
Jack found the idea intriguing. “So when people walk or drive down the street, they are filling reality with their Septua energies.”
Gabby brightened. “That’s right. So, there’s a thin space in an office complex down the street. Only the dentist office is open there. We can use that to get to the Clockwatcher’s eon palace. With the world turning, with the solar system spinning, with the entire galaxy in the dance of reality, different portals lead to different places. It’s all so dynamic!” The angel couldn’t help but let her halo glow.
“But you’ll have to stop that dance, Jack,” Bailey said. “That’s how we’ll find the doorway to the Clockwatcher’s shitty eon palace.”
Jack felt a tremble go through his belly. “I don’t stop the universe, do I?”
Gabby and Bailey glanced uneasily at each other. Both had a mixture of awe and fear on their faces.
That was the clear answer.
“Holy shit,” he said.
“I’m shit,” Bailey said. “She’s holy. And yeah. At this stage, it’s clear that not every angel, demon, or whatever can feel that happening. That’s a good thing. The longer we can fly under the radar, the better.”
“She’s right,” Gabby said. “The only reason I know what’s going on is because I was worried about Annie. Don’t worry, though, Jack. Your ability, however odd, is surely God-given. You’re not breaking anything. You’re only trying to do good things.”
