by Aaron Crash
Chapter Thirty-Six
HALLOWEEN WAS NEVER so wonderful as it was with Bailey in full demon gear and garb, on the rooftop patio of Pinetree’s Bar and Grill. Bailey wasn’t afraid to show her gleaming scarlet eye, which cast her face in a spectral light.
Gabby was there, with wings out, and her halo glowing. Everyone was super impressed with their costumes, though no one could figure out how Gabby’s halo worked. She said it was LPDs, even when Jack had told her to say it was LEDs. No one corrected her because she was too pretty and nice.
It was two weeks later, and Pinetree was doing well enough that he’d opened the roof, turned on the kerosene umbrella heaters, and even added a gas-powered firepit, which looked like a collection of human skulls. Bailey had laughed at the burning skulls and claimed that it felt like home.
Other firepits just burned pine, but all the heat kept them warm despite the chilly mountain air. Besides, the fire was fun and made the rooftop smell good.
Pinetree had thrown a costume party at the bar to celebrate everyone’s favorite spooky holiday of the year. Jack had invited his mom and his aunt, and they’d driven up with Evelyn Mundi and Hugo. It was a night of celebration. Not only could Bailey and Gabby walk around without hiding their true appearances, but Pinetree had closed the deal on both the Enochian gold and the dozen goblets. He wanted to announce the total sales in person. He said it was life-changing money. Not only had the Austrian, Heinrich Hofer, bought the angelic items, but he’d also brokered the deal for the sales of the twelve golden goblets. And he’d done it for free. Gabby insisted that proved all of humanity was virtuous. Bailey was never going to buy that...not even with other people’s money.
Hugo was on his meds, drinking Cokes and looking fairly normal. That was good, and wouldn’t you know it, Evelyn had become friends with both Jack’s mom and his aunt. They were of a similar generation, though Evelyn looked like she was only in her forties. The three old women got each other’s references. Evelyn had come to the party dressed like someone from the movie Grease, a 1950s beauty school dropout with a poodle skirt. Hugo was a greaser with oil in his hair and the leather jacket, jeans, and engineer boots.
Moms and Aunt Sue weren’t about to dress up as anything, but they were good sports to be there. It was good for them to get out.
A few of the regulars had come outside, to smoke, to enjoy the fire, and to hang out. One guy had brought his shy niece, a bigger girl, who was dressed like Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Both Gabby and Bailey were doing their best to set Hugo up with a date, but he wasn’t so sure.
Evelyn wasn’t pushing her son too hard to be nice to the shy niece. However, you could tell she wanted her son to date more.
Giving Evelyn back her minutes had been simple, though the moment of transference had been odd. He’d had a vision of another life, the life she’d have lived if Kerrata hadn’t kidnapped her and siphoned off her Kairos. He saw her working at the bank, working with Annie, at the same branch of the Rocky Mountain Bank. That was the reality at the moment. However, Jack saw Evelyn’s future. After a few years, she’d change jobs, meet a nice woman, and settle down with her. With his mother’s steady hand, Hugo found a job repairing old toys, as well as working with buyers to sell toy collections. In that life, Evelyn had died in her eighties, a happy old woman, with grandchildren and a loving partner.
Bailey hadn’t been wrong—Evelyn Mundi was a total lesbian with a very healthy sexual appetite.
Then Jack had been given another timeline, where the woman died that summer. Yes, he was seeing into the possible futures of these other timelines. She’d die of a sudden and unexpected heart attack. Jack had a hazy impression of how her Kairos interacted with her Nefesh, but then all the Septua energies worked together to create the human soul.
He’d left her house with the heart attack future gone. He was pretty sure that she would go back to working at the same bank, become friends with Annie, and live into her eighties. But what if Jack could truly manipulate the Kairos of other people? He just might be able to do some good there. Being only third level, though, he had a lot to learn about how the Septua Influunt worked. The Septua Influunt—all of creation, every reality, every timestream.
Jack stood on the rooftop of the bar, holding a beer and watching Evelyn laughing with Moms and Aunt Sue. Those visions had perplexed him. They also gave him hope.
Standing there, his thoughts turned to Annie. When it came to the bank teller, Bailey never, ever wanted to talk about her or their rescue mission into hell. The demon could be so volatile and secretive at times, which made sense for a demon. Jack hadn’t forgotten how quickly Bailey had zapped Annie’s memory, or how Bailey had wanted to be done with the girl. Bailey had been hurt, though she’d never admit it.
Gabby said when she thought of Annie, she was happy. Annie would live a normal, human life, which to Jack seemed like it was both boring and stupendous all at the same time.
Pinetree saw Jack by himself, so the bartender went and pulled him off to the side. It was time to talk business. The pair stood at the railing near a firepit popping and crackling sparks up into the night. The parking lot was full, as was the main room below, but Pinetree’s people were doing a great job taking care of everyone.
“So, Jack, are you dying to know how it all went?” Pinetree wore his vintage Batman gear, which was costume enough since Pinetree literally had Batman everything. Including a very expensive black-and-yellow leather jacket.
Jack himself hadn’t really been worried about money for the first time ever, or that’s how it felt. Having a superpower helped him feel better. He’d paid his rent, paid for food, and eventually got Bailey to slow down with the credit cards. Gabby was also cooking more, which saved them a ton of money.
After their adventures with Annie, the Clockwatcher, and Kerrata, they’d been taking it easy. Jack had spent a lot of time playing guitar, and they’d started doing something else fun. Jack would stop time and they’d practice shooting in the bank’s parking lot. Unlike in hell, when he fired a bullet and it froze, target practice in the Tempus Influunt allowed his bullets to fly as far as he wanted. Again, it was about his intentions. So he put a hundred-yard limit on his regular old bullets. After shooting, he’d go and pluck them out of the air, matching shell casings with the rounds.
During target practice, they’d also found some Fugs feeding on people, but they were easy to kill, and Jack got all the Kairos.
Pinetree saw that Jack wasn’t dying to know about the deal. And that surprised his old friend. Then Pinetree got it. “Oh, I see how it is. You can stop time, so you’ve been getting the ol’ five-finger discount.”
Jack gave his friend a long look. “No, that’s not what I’m doing. You know me better than that.”
Pinetree appraised him for a long time. “Right. Jack Masterson’s moral compass. I forgot. But you’re still going to rob from the rich and give to the poor, right? I mean, families like the Malcolms and the Tarringtons have enough money. I’m calling it now.”
“Maybe.” Jack shrugged. In the grand scheme of things, rich people weren’t as evil as the other shit he’d seen. “Come on, PT, tell me the news.”
Pinetree grinned. “Heinrich came through. He wasn’t kidding. He bought the belt and the bracelets for seventy-five thousand dollars. But when I showed him the horn? He doubled that. I didn’t have much to do with that deal, so I don’t want a cent for that transaction.”
“But it was in your bar. You’re going to take your five percent of that. I insist.”
Pinetree shook his head. “That’s just it. I don’t need the money, man. Not when I got five percent of the goblet sale. We found a buyer who wanted them as a set, not melted down, not stripped into jewels. The full set for a million five. Yep. That’s right, one million and five hundred thousand dollars. Five percent of that is seventy-five thousand dollars. Better yet? All under the table. The buyer didn’t want anyone to know. They sent a courier over with a fucking box o
f cash. You probably should get a job because the government might be interested in how you’re making a living.”
The amount of money hadn’t really sunk in yet. He was a millionaire, a million dollars in cash, which he couldn’t really put in the bank, but that was a shitload of money. Jack found he couldn’t talk for a second. “Maybe I could open an LLC.”
Pinetree switched gears for a minute. “Jack, I’m wondering something. If you can stop time, does that mean you can’t die of old age? Can you mess with the aging process?”
The idea had occurred to Jack. He quoted Bailey. “Dammit, Pinetree, I’m a Time Knight, not a gerontologist. I don’t know.” But he had the idea that if he could convert the Septua energies into their different forms, he might just be able to keep his Corpus healthy, which meant he wouldn’t age or die. And what if he could do that for other people? He certainly had given Evelyn minutes of her life back.
The Clockwatcher had called Jack a godling, and that seemed to be the case.
“Okay, back to business.” Pinetree continued to dole out the good news. “The buyer is interested in any other artifacts we might find. They did offer to start paying us in bitcoin, which might not be a bad way to go in the future. We do want to stay under the radar, and with that cryptocurrency going apeshit, we could make a crap-ton of money. I’ve been thinking about buying in and riding the ride. I can help you get something set up if you want to go that route.”
“Definitely.” Jack paused. “Who’s the buyer?”
Pinetree squinted until his eyes were closed. “That’s just it, the buyer isn’t a person. It’s someone connected to the Achaean Orthodox Church, which dates back to the Great Schism of 1054. That was when the Catholics splinted into two groups, or so most people think. But there was a secret, third church started. Kind of like a shadow church as far as I can tell. The Achaean Orthodox Church has deep pockets, I’ll tell you what. And they have a love of antiquity.”
“Great Schism?” Jack had to smile. “What the hell, PT, are you earning an honorary history degree?”
The bartender shrugged. “Research, baby. I wanted to see if I could trust these people. I can. If you can find any more relics like that, they’d be interested. Looks like we have a buyer set, which makes our lives easier.”
“Looks like we do,” Jack said.
Right then, Bailey and Gabby approached them since Hugo was chatting nicely with Sally the Nightmare Before Christmas rag doll.
Bailey leaned in close and gripped Jack’s ass. “So, what are you two talking about over here?”
Jack leaned back into the demon’s heat. “Money, mostly, and the Achaean Orthodox Church. What do you two know about them?”
Gabby’s face lost all color. She looked infinitely worried.
Bailey laughed. “Demon hunters, hardcore demon hunters, and hell’s biggest enemy. The Catholics and the Eastern Orthodox churches turn over anything that has to do with the Tempus Bellum over to the Achaeans. They’re like the CIA of Catholicism. Why are you so shocked, Feathers? You know something I don’t know?”
“They would kill you, Bailey,” the angel said quietly. “If they knew what was going on here. And there’s a good chance they might know I went to hell to rescue Annie. They might see me as a fallen angel. They might kill me as well.”
The sex demon drained her drank and threw the tumbler over her shoulder.
Jack stopped time and reached out over the railing to retrieve the glass. He put the glass snuggly back in Bailey’s hand. “Come on. Don’t destroy Pinetree’s stuff.”
That made the demon sigh. “Dammit, Jack, I’m a sex demon, not a waitress.”
“Where is that from?” Jack asked.
Bailey blew out a breath. “These two guys in California said it all the time. I think both of them were named Gene. Or maybe one was named Don. Anyway, I heard it and kinda liked it. Oh, Gene, where are you now? You were so horny.”
Gabby held up a hand. “I don’t want to know.”
Pinetree was as frozen as everyone else on the rooftop, along with the flames. The bartender did have a surprised look on his face because Bailey had thrown the glass over the railing and probably through someone’s windshield.
Bailey leaned in and kissed the corner of Gabby’s frown. “It’s been two weeks, Feathers, and you haven’t heard from your legion or your commander. Pinocchio or whatever.”
“Pinturicchio,” Gabby corrected.
“Like I care. The point is, if the fucking heavenly legions haven’t come for you, the Achaean demon hunters won’t give a shit about you.”
Jack stepped in. “If the Achaeans are dangerous, we won’t sell them anything anymore. We made a huge amount of money on the goblets. We can be done selling artifacts.”
Jack started time. The fires took up their burning, and the chatter erupted, as did a little breeze that was warmer than it should’ve been—just another gift of the night.
“I refuse to be poor like some mortal son of a bitch.” Bailey tapped her glass against her lip. “I say if we can fleece the Achaeans, we should milk every fucking drachma we can out of them.”
Pinetree held up a finger. “Uh, Greece uses the euro now. The drachma is a dead currency.” He pointed at the glass in Bailey’s hand. “I thought you threw that. Did I miss something?”
Bailey pretended to embrace Pinetree before slipping the empty glass into his hand. “I’d never destroy your shit, Paul. Just like I’d never tell people about the porn you like.”
Pinetree got flustered, but the sex demon left him to hug Gabby. “Feathers, don’t worry. Even if they send Sister Hortensia after us, we can deal with her. We can deal with anyone. We have the Time Knight on our side.”
Jack still had the same question. “The Time Knight or a Time Knight?”
Gabby found a smile. “You’re Jack Masterson. I trust in you. I love you, Jack. Just like I love Bailey.” The angel nuzzled the demon’s neck.
Bailey’s nipples hardened in the red tunic she’d added to her black leather armor.
Pinetree stared with his drink half raised to his mouth.
Jack elbowed Pinetree. “Don’t look too long, man. I’m the jealous type.”
The bartender held up his hands. “I’m not looking. Okay, maybe I am a little, but I’m really trying not to.”
“You don’t need to be jealous, Jack.” Bailey was deadly serious for a minute. “I only want you. No one else can give me what you can.”
“No one else,” Gabby agreed. “We’re both yours for as long as you’ll have us. You know I’ll be faithful to you. And I think Bailey will as well.”
Jack expected the sex demon to say something sarcastic, but she didn’t. Bailey nodded, a look of love on her face.
Pinetree cleared his throat. “You’re a lucky man, Jack Masterson. But hey, about the other thing we were talking about. Do you really want to go the Equalizer route? The A-Team? The wolf man from Pulp Fiction? Look, man, I know a shit-ton of people who could use your help. Running a bar, dealing with the public, I hear of all kinds of hard luck stories. They probably can’t pay much, but they can pay some. That might help you with the IRS.”
Jack would have to pay off his credit cards at some point, and that left a money trail that might be problematic. However, in a very real sense, money was no longer a problem in Jack’s life. He didn’t need to start up a business helping people.
However, Pinetree had made a severe error.
Gabby’s eyes brightened. “We can help people? I was literally made for two things. To war with hell and to provide comfort and support to humans as they travel from the cradle to the grave. And to be honest, I’d much rather help people than kill demons.”
“Because some of your favorite people are demons!” Bailey’s giggle turned into a guffaw. She was always the fucking loud one. “And do you know what I was built for, Feathers? I was literally made to eat people’s lust, so if we can fuck the people we help, I am so fucking into that.”
Pi
netree threw a quizzical look at Jack.
Jack held up a hand. “Long story. But yeah, PT, if you have anyone that needs help—”
“Sexual help,” Bailey purred.
“Any kind of help,” Jack finished, “just let us know. We can figure out a price later. But we should charge. People have a way of not valuing things they don’t pay for.”
Gabby frowned. “But it’s going to be a sliding scale. We’re not doing it for the money. If all else fails, we can sell my Enochian gold.” She shook the bracelets on her wrist.
Jack was feeling good, not just about the money, but about the possibility of helping other people. And with Bailey’s ability to read people’s sexual desires, helping people might take all sorts of interesting turns.
In the end, though, he thought he could do some good by rescuing people who might have run into trouble with the supernatural as well as people having issues with humans because humans could be such dicks to one another. He’d seen that firsthand. And while killing Jennifer’s rapist had completely changed Jack’s life, he didn’t regret putting that asshole in his grave.
They heard a car crunch onto the gravel of the parking lot. Pinetree smiled. “More customers. Maybe I should throw a Halloween party every night.”
Jack went to the railing. He saw Annie’s car—a blue Rio sedan—turning into a parking place. What was she doing here at the bar?
Jack put the pieces together. Evelyn must’ve mentioned the Halloween party, and Annie was just showing up fashionably late. How did he feel about her being there? He wasn’t sure.
Bailey arched her eyebrows. “Oh, the bitch is back, but she’s not here looking for love. There’s something else going on with her. Unfortunately. I might really love that girl, but then again, I probably hate her so much!”
Gabby nearly sprinted over. “It’s Annie! Oh, and she’s troubled. Her Nefesh is all over the place, and something else, something strange.”
