by F P Adriani
My lips shook in anger, but before they could form a response, he turned to me and demanded, “Whose side are YOU on?”
“I know what my job is. You, apparently, do not.”
“You know what your job is? You don’t even know who you are! I did some heavy back-searching on your image and fingerprints. It took days but I finally found who you are. There was a kid on Diamond years ago till right before the first rebellion, and then that kid vanished. So what have you been doing all these years? What happened?”
“My parents were killed back then, you asshole!” I shouted. “How can someone with such great legs be such an asshole?”
He raised a dark brow. “Is that a pass at me?” The brow fell back into place. “I didn’t know that about your parents. Those records didn’t say what happened to you or them. But at least I know why you’re doing this now.”
“You don’t know shit,” I said, but he continued talking as if I hadn’t spoken.
“You must think you’ve gotta avenge their deaths. As far as I can tell, that’s been your whole adult life, making up for something else: them. How long you gonna keep doing that?”
“As long as it takes,” I spat out. “After they were killed, my mother’s cousin on Earth took me in. But that didn’t last. Her and her husband said I made their kids feel—and look—inferior. So they dumped me at a government home. The UPG recruited me when I turned seventeen. And here I am now. I’m paying them back for helping me pay back the kind of people who killed my parents. And I do the job I’m paid by the UPG to do.
“So let’s cut the bullshit. Do you know where she is?”
He shook his head fast.
“How do I know you’re not lying?”
“Because. If I knew where she was, I’d say so. I just wouldn’t tell you where. Like I said, I don’t want her hurt, but I also don’t have anything to do with her anymore. If she’s responsible for the violence here, then she has to answer to that.”
I laughed then, a sharp loud bark. “Look at yourself, Tan—you make no fucking sense! You work for the UPG too. You let in their people like me. And you even feed them information. Even if you think she ain’t involved, the UPG’s got her targeted as The Evil Thing, so any information you give them will be USED somehow and could ALWAYS wind up hurting her, whether she deserves it or not.”
Assuming he gave the UPG correct information. Now, I started wondering about him. It could be either way: that he fed the UPG false information or correct information. If the latter, could he be getting back at a woman who might have dumped him? But then if he disliked Hu now, why wouldn’t he help me find her? None of it made sense. On the other hand, sometimes people’s behaviors just didn’t make any sense, even to themselves.
His head had turned to stare in the distance. And now he slowly said, “I’ve never…I’ve never really looked at it that way, Pia.”
I stiffened, my back straightening. “Well, I’m glad I’ve enlightened you, Tan Onyx, and this has surely been a lovely conversation, but I’ve got to get back to my shift. While I’m here, I’ll do the job you’re paying me to do. But you better leave me alone otherwise. See ya around, Tan Onyx.”
Turning away, I walked back toward the North Entrance.
*
I spent the rest of my shift feeling agitated; then I had to go back to my room and pack the rest of my stuff, shove it into my car and drive to the hotel.
My fingers gripped the steering wheel hard. I was tired, disgusted, the conversation with Tan had brought up memories I didn’t like to think about so rarely did. I normally pushed them back, to places that didn’t see the air much. It was better that way. Yeah, it was better.
*
The next day I had a morning shift at the North Entrance again, and that left me half an afternoon and a night afterward, and then the next day free till mid-afternoon. After my morning shift, I went back to my hotel room and changed into my black dress. Then I hit the road for the Blue Sand County.
It took me almost three hours to reach the County. I’d never been there before, and now I saw that the land pretty much looked as the title suggested: between areas of forest sat sinuous hummocks of rich blue sand, from pulverized sapphires and blue diamonds; wherever the pale yellow sunlight struck the sand, the rays bounced back in many jewel-like shimmering directions.
The place was so beautiful, my throat tightened in awe. Unfortunately, as I got closer to where more people lived, I saw that area was NOT beautiful. Basically, it was a dump, with lots of run-down grimy gray houses and businesses, lots of wind-touched garbage scooting along the streets, and lots of poor stoned-looking people milling around.
My throat caught a bit again, but painfully this time: no one should have to live like this, especially near such beautiful natural areas. All that rich sand around the town—why didn’t that richness make it into the town?
I kept driving and the area started looking better, better-looking businesses, better-looking houses. I passed a gorgeous park with a lake and saw some kids happily playing on the grass there.
In this better area, I found a hotel and got a room.
A few hours later I walked into The Space Mariner. Not so bad-looking inside, not so good-looking either. The air stunk of beer and grease; simply breathing it made me feel drunk and fat.
I took a seat at one end of the bar and, when the bartender came over, I ordered a whisky on the rocks. Once I’d finished that one, and he’d come over again, I ordered another one.
“Hey,” I said when he’d brought the second drink, “I wonder if you know where I can find some extra excitement?” I pointed at my nostrils and sniffed. “A friend of mine told me about some big people who come here. Fred and then there was someone else—now what the hell was the name?” I rubbed my forehead hard as if I couldn’t remember. Then I snapped my fingers. “Oh yeah! Arlene. Fred and Arlene.”
The bartender shook his head, his long scraggly dark hair jumping around a bit. “Don’t know them. No ‘big people’ here. Though…Arlene, that could be Arlene Hu. But she’s not a customer here. Maybe years ago. Her crowd maybe lately, but not her.”
Wrinkling my nose, I shook my head now, then pulled a disappointed face. “Nah, that’s not who I mean then. Jessie told me some people would be, uh, selling now. Oh well. I thought maybe I could find what I’m really looking for. Guess I’ll have to be satisfied with this tonight for a lot longer than I thought!”
I held up my drink, and the bartender laughed and walked away.
I left the bar an hour later, empty-handed of fucking info and feeling fucking disgusted. I’d come all that Diamond distance, and forget about the distance from Earth! And so far I’d found shit. And I was supposed to find something and help fix something else by less than two months from now? This job was bullshit. I wasn’t a miracle worker.
Nevertheless, the bartender did indicate Hu’s crowd still came to the joint. Another night I’d come back to the joint too.
*
Sometimes in certain parts of the North Pine Mine, like at peak drilling times, the air contained too many particulates for the ventilation system to handle, so everyone working there was forced to don suits and helmets with built-in ventilation systems. And, of course, everyone also had to do training inside these. I hadn’t known this before; somehow, I’d missed that information in the prior training sessions.
Being in the mines would be bad enough. Now I’d have to be inside a tight suit-space inside a tight mine-space?
The night after I’d gone to The Space Mariner, I found myself half in one of those suits, with Nell standing beside me as we listened to Derek Wilkes’ instructions. I was angry that even he hadn’t told me about this.
“Dammit. What next?” I grumbled near Nell as I adjusted my suit’s front zipper.
But it seemed she hadn’t heard me. She said in a half-mesmerized voice, “Oh my Universe, who is he? How come I never saw him before?”
“Who—who?” I asked, my head shooting
up and spinning around.
“The instructor—those eyes! So blue I can see them shine from here.” Nell sighed, her head tiredly falling to my side a bit. I realized then that her eyes had been locked onto the front of the room, where Derek stood.
I looked at Derek, then back at Nell, then back at Derek again, who was saying, “Make sure when the front lid slides onto the gasket, you hear that sharp POP! before the seal tightens. Otherwise, it isn’t tightening properly. If it doesn’t, it won’t kill you quick or over the short-term…”
“Well, that’s comforting,” I said dryly.
“Shh!” said an annoyed Nell.
Derek continued, “…so it’s a day-after-day thing, protecting your lungs if you work the dustier Y sections a lot….”
“Nell, his name is Derek Wilkes, Sergeant Derek Wilkes,” I said to her now.
But her melting brown eyes were still on Derek’s big blue ones. “Oh, I know his name, Pia! What are you telling me that for? Where have you been?”
I just looked at her rapt profile. Then I shook my head and sighed.
*
We had to go through the same training the next night; and then the next day, a peak drilling one, Nell and I were supposed to work in the same mine section in the uncomfortable suits.
However, when I got into The Complex that morning and looked at the wall roster outside the barracks, I saw Nell had been transferred to another section, a no-suit one.
Why couldn’t that be me? I thought, then I felt bad for the thought. I was being selfish. Good for Nell she didn’t have to deal with this shit today….
…But, I did. So I was in a bad mood by the time I stepped off The Complex’s inner bus transport to the mine. I hated the fucking suits, it was my very first shift in an actual mine, and I didn’t know who I’d be working with. I’d come to realize that working in such dangerous scenarios was even more dangerous if you didn’t know the other people working in them too, didn’t know if they were competents, idiots, drug addicts, thugs—whatever.
My feet pounded the ground too hard as I neared the entrance to my assigned section. I waited outside there for about ten minutes while a few people passed me and went inside, but, as far as I could tell, no one else showed up for my section. The suits were stored inside in cases; I’d probably have to dress in there alone.
Groaning, I finally marched into the mine. I passed the very same people who’d passed me, then I went in deeper to near where I was supposed to work. Immediately I noticed this section was quite dark. The damp heavy air pressed at the skin on my face and neck, I felt my hands shake.
When I got to a dusty suit case, I yanked open the door, and pulled out a suit bottom along with a big puff of dust. I waved my other hand around, coughing. Wonderful.
And wonderful again: I’d forgotten to remove my weapons first. I dropped the suit onto the floor, began unclipping my stick and gun. Then I slipped my legs inside the suit legs, slid up the whole, but the zipper kept snagging because my sweaty fingers kept slipping on the tab so couldn’t pull it up right.
“What are you doing?” asked a voice. Tan’s voice.
My head shot up. His pale face appeared a little distance ahead in the darkness. He wore his usual all black, so only his face was visible. And now that floating pale unsmiling face came toward me.
“I’m trying to put on this fucking thing,” I said, fiddling in frustration with the tab, unsuccessfully again. “Nell Goulet’s been reassigned. I don’t have a partner today.”
“Yes you do,” Tan said, standing about a foot away now and looking right at my face. And then I understood.
“Oh great. Wonderful,” I said, more determined than ever to get the suit on myself quick, but I knew that was impossible.
“You didn’t do well in the training with the helmet. You have a problem in confined spaces,” Tan said.
“Oh, you think?” I replied, rolling my eyes hard toward the wall beside me and dropping my hands. Then, instantly, I realized why he’d be working here. My eyes shot to his. “Oh I get it now. Nell wasn’t reassigned—I was, beside someone higher up! Because I’m handicapped at this, is that it?”
He didn’t answer me directly. “Pia, if you want out, I can put that on your record. And then you can quit easy. I can help you in that way. If that’s still what you want.”
“Trying to get rid of me again? I can do this job. And I don’t need your help,” I said, fixing him with a hard look and fingering my zipper again. This time, I got it to go up, but then I had trouble adjusting the gasket on my left shoulder, where the helmet would fit in place. My shaking sweaty hand slipped off the suit, and I could feel the sweat coating my forehead now.
“Just relax already,” Tan said then in a soft voice, the softest voice I’d so far heard him use.
Then he reached forward, and in each of his hands, he took one of mine. I let him as I stared at him, as I could not stop staring at him, at his dark eyes, looking so round, so open. This was a Tan I’d never seen before; I thought of Derek’s description, how I hadn’t seen that Tan either. The many facets of Tan continued to surprise me.
Slowly, his pale face moved closer, his eyes staring at me with a certainty now, a certainty I didn’t feel. His dark eyes grew larger and larger….
And then, as if an inexorable gravitational force floated between us, our mouths finally collapsed together. Tan’s lewd mouth instantly became Tan’s soft mouth, his lewd teeth and tongue instantly became Tan’s delicious teeth and tongue. The tip of it slid into my mouth over and over again, and my fingers grabbed his hair, finally felt its smooth silkiness.
Then I felt something else from his mouth, a deep moan, and then his lips pushed at me harder, faster, as if we were naked in bed together and not wearing clothes in a dirty mine, as if our mouths would make up for the contact we lacked elsewhere in reality. Until that moment, I’d never experienced such a total body-feeling kiss—
—A LOUD rumble and BOOMS. And then the wailing alarm siren sounded. Tan’s mouth yanked from mine, and I caught a glimpse of his wild dark eyes before he ran to the nearby wall sensor monitor. His right hand punched the alarm beside there, and then he ran toward me again, shouting, “Leave the mine—now!”
“Tan!” I shouted back over the sirens, my heart seeming to pound almost as loud. He was about to turn the corner into where the booms apparently had come from, and he wasn’t wearing a helmeted suit!
“Just do it—get out!” he shouted before disappearing around the corner.
I turned to the entrance’s direction. Then I stopped, turned back, yelled “Shit!” and ran in the same direction as Tan.
With the flashing siren lights and the thick cloud of dust filling this section and the confusing crossing mine-car tracks along the floor, I could barely see and feel where I was going. Gagging on the chalky dust, I fumbled-ran on, and then there was a gust of air and a bit of the dust cleared; the emergency ventilation fans had kicked in.
I turned a corner and finally spotted Tan ahead. He was bent over someone, who was lying collapsed against a wall. Another mine worker sat coughing and bleeding from the head. Rubble filled the floor behind them.
When I ran up to them and Tan spotted me, he coughed first and then he shouted at me, “I told you to get—the fuck out!”
“I want to—help—it’s my job!” I half-shouted half-coughed back.
He seemed to grit his teeth, then he pointed to the opposite wall and said, “Go get that pallet! Don’t know if—anything’s broken, gotta keep his back straight….”
Setting up the prostrate worker on the steel pallet seemed to take us an eternity, but just as Tan was finishing strapping the guy onto the metal and I had tied a rag around the other guy’s wounded head, an emergency worker in full head gear ran up to us, shouting, “We’ll take it from here!”
I finally began running out.
*
When I shot from the mine, the clean air hit me like an electric shock. I immediately started shak
ing and took such hard fast breaths, I started coughing even worse than in the mine.
Why the fuck had I ever come here! Every minute was a disaster waiting to happen! It was insanity, and I was insane for doing it!
I was screaming this inside my head when Tan finally appeared. By then lots of people had shown up, more emergency workers, who now began shoving an oxygen mask in my face.
My arms pushed back at them. “Leave me alone!”
“You’re pale, you’re in shock,” an emergency medic said as she began wiping the dust from my face.
“No I’m not! Just leave me alone,” I repeated to her. “Help the others—Tan!”
She sighed hard and went over to him. I followed her and realized he looked even paler than I felt; he didn’t refuse the mask.
He dropped onto his ass on the ground, and I watched as the medic gave him oxygen and checked his vitals—and it seemed Tan never took his eyes off me the whole time. He was covered in so much dust, his black outfit looked gray; so did his hair.
When the medic had finally finished, removed the mask and wiped the dust from his face, Tan got to his feet—and glared at me.
His right forefinger pointed at the dusty embroidered red nametag on his shirt. “You see how this says Commander Onyx? That’s right. I’m a Commander. When a Commander tells you to do something, you don’t argue, you don’t disobey. YOU DO IT. When I tell you to leave a fucking place, you obey and you leave, period! No arguments—you get out!”
By this point everyone there had fallen silent and just stood staring at the two of us, at Tan’s enraged face and at what must have been my humiliated face; I could feel the heat in my cheeks.
My mouth fell open, my lips shook. When our mouths had been locked together before, his had been so tender, and now here his mouth was, shouting at me abusively—and publicly. How dare he! Goddamn fucking scumbag creepy pain-in-the-ass male.
He continued glaring at me, as if expecting a response. Now my whole body began shaking with my lips. But instead of giving him what he clearly wanted, I spun around and stalked off in the opposite direction.
