by F P Adriani
His face hardened some. “Like I need to do more of that?”
My open lips shook; I couldn’t believe the way he was acting. He had pursued me, and now that I was here and doing the pursuing back, he wasn’t so keen anymore. Typical. And this surprised me because he’d never seemed typical.
I bent forward and yanked my clothes from the floor, quickly stepping into my pants.
“I’m sorry, Pia,” he said then in a softer voice. “I shouldn’t have said that like that.”
“Too late,” I said, pulling up my zipper, then slipping my arms into my tops and pulling them down.
“I’ll leave it on,” Tan said now in an even softer voice. “I’ll just wash my head. …And I’ll be back here after ten. See you then?”
I didn’t look at him, I didn’t respond; instead, I walked across the room and out the door.
*
No way was I going back to him later that night. Asshole. All these days and he never had a free fifteen minutes to at least contact me? Bullshit.
He’d been blowing me off, treating me like some simple two-night stand he wasn’t interested in anymore. He’d gotten what he wanted and now he didn’t want me, didn’t want to be bothered with me anymore. This had never happened to me before. I felt humiliated.
But I didn’t have time to analyze the feeling as the next week proved a very busy one: I had to work more hours, and we new guards finally got to see the Festival site.
In one of the factory halls there, we did a three-day orientation training about what would be going on that Festival weekend, about what our jobs would be. And during the training I learned I’d be in the back auditorium that faced the Diamond Sand Sea where the outdoor events would be. I might also be on one of the flying transport patrol shifts. I wasn’t looking forward to that possibility, especially when I wound up barely able to do the transport training.
“Who the hell designed these?” I asked the other trainees right after I’d fallen on a transport for the fifth time during the second training day. The ride was bumpy, the transports seemed too angular for gliding through the air, and the sides were sometimes open.
Everything we had to know for guarding The Complex we also might have to use on the transports. We just never knew what would happen, who would show up where making trouble, who was who.
But I could not get through the carplane’s jarring motions or any physical jostling without falling at some point; I came pretty close to falling out. Though I wasn’t the only one, and, it turned out, I wasn’t one of the worst.
At the end of that second orientation day, Commander Moore looked down at her clipboard and said, “Roper, Senda and Gonzalez—you did the best. You’ll be on the transports for the second-shift.”
“Wonderful,” I said sarcastically under my breath.
*
A few days later, back at The Complex in the Orientation Building as I was signing in for my shift there, the secretary nearby said I had a message.
From Tan, I thought, my heart skipping around wildly. …But then the secretary handed me the slip of message paper, and I saw James’s name there.
My face must have fallen a bit because the secretary looked up at me and asked, “Something bad?”
“No, just someone annoying,” I said.
Fifteen minutes later when I reached James on the Communications line, I said curtly, “What is it? I’m gonna be late for work here.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something, Pia? Your real job? You’re late reporting back to me. Well? What have you got?”
“Nada,” I replied.
And he burst out in a furious voice, “You’re not being paid to get your rocks off.”
“What—what the hell are you talking about—” I started to say. But then I knew James well, and he wouldn’t mention something specific unless he was pretty certain of its veracity. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“Who the fuck told you that?” I persisted.
“He did. I could hear it in his voice.”
“Oh from millions of miles away? And when the hell have you been in contact?”
“Just twice and yesterday, when I tried to reach you and couldn’t. So I reached him instead.”
My heart pounded up into my head. So Tan had been in touch with James, Tan had been keeping things from me, goddamn him.
*
I had my shift to work, so I couldn’t confront him till later in the day. And confront him I planned on doing, if I could find him. …Fuck it. I’d try now.
During my shift I simply left my post and strolled into his secretary’s office to strike up a conversation about nothing, casually throwing out Tan’s name. His secretary either wouldn’t bite because he didn’t get what I was trying to do, or he knew what I was trying to do and wasn’t supposed to give out information about Tan to me. …Or maybe I was being paranoid. Maybe Tan’s whereabouts weren’t necessarily given out to anyone.
I rushed out of his office and over to the Records Building. I passed the tiny window to where Tan slept, glanced down into it—no light, no movement. If I couldn’t find Tan, how the hell was I supposed to find Arlene?
My face flushing, my shirt-jacket sticking to my sweaty self, I marched back to the Orientation Building. This time, I went in through the back door near the big gym where I’d trained that first day. The gym’s door stood slightly open, and as I passed it, I heard Tan’s voice. Not from in there, but from above; he was talking to a new trainee over the intercom. I thought my group would have been the last for a while, but it seemed the training had to be ongoing.
A tall blond-haired female trainee stood inside; she was doing some kicks at a moving Andy. She missed him almost every time. “Maggie, you’re trying too hard,” Tan’s clipped voice said, and the whole scenario reminded me of my time there, of how Tan had spoken to me during my training.
“Who the hell is she?” I thought with a burning anger filling my brain, and then I felt ridiculous for the anger. But then I also felt ridiculous for ever thinking I was someone special to Tan. For all I knew, he tried to seduce every fucking trainee in The Complex.
Between the call with James and now this—my forehead pounded as if it would crack right down the center.
I was just about to rush away from the door when I saw Tan walk by it, then stop, turn around, and finally come out.
“Pia,” he said, surprise in his eyes as they roamed over my face.
“I need to talk to you,” I said. “In private.”
He started to turn back toward the gym, saying, “All right, we’ll go to my room—”
“No! Not there.”
His eyes were on me again, this time looking a little put out. “Give me ten minutes to end this training session. Meet me at my office.”
*
When I got there, Tan was already inside. He said something to Abe, who then left the area, pulling the outer door closed behind him.
As soon as this happened, I turned to Tan and shot out, “You bastard. You’ve been ratting on me.”
His black eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“James knows about us. He says you told him.”
“I did no such thing.” His mouth tightened, and then softened. “And so what if he does? What does it matter?”
“It matters because he’s my boss. And I just don’t want him in particular to know that kind of thing.”
There was his tight mouth again, and now his eyes narrowed hard at me. “Oh. I get it now. You were involved with him. You make a habit of fucking your bosses?”
“And do you make a habit of fucking your trainees—”
“—What’s that supposed to mean—”
“It means what I said. I really know nothing about you, Tan. Why didn’t you tell me you’d spoken to him?”
“When did I get the chance? I told you I’m busy like crazy right now.” I watched his face closely, saw that his eyes did actually look more tired than I’d ever seen them.
He looked thinner too, when he’d been slim to begin with.
“If you get any thinner, you’ll fade away,” I said softly, thinking out loud.
“You didn’t come back the other night,” he said in an equally soft voice.
I looked directly into his tired eyes. “Like you care?”
“Actually, I do. I did. I barely slept that night. And now I guess I won’t be sleeping tonight.”
“Well, that’s not my problem now, is it? You blew me off.”
“Honestly, I didn’t mean to. I’m so busy—”
“Yeah, I know, you’re overworked. I’ve heard that before. That’s your excuse for everything, I’m beginning to see.”
His eyes perked up a bit. “Come back to my room tonight. No, come there now.”
I tore my eyes from his, looked down at my wristwatch. “Can’t. Gotta get back to work.”
“I’m the boss. I’ll tell you when to do that. And I say you’re off the rest of the day.”
*
We wound up on his bed this time. He’d taken off all his clothes and leaned back onto the mattress, and I’d taken off my pants but not my top. I sat down beside him, leaning onto my left hip and facing him.
“Let me see all of you,” he said then.
“Not much to see,” I replied dryly, then I lifted off my top.
He pressed both his hands against my breasts, stroking them gently. “I’ve got boobs too,” he said. “Every man does. A woman really is here,” he finished, sliding his right hand down between my legs, his fingers over and then into my opening. “Mmm, very nice and very wet.”
“Oh please, please.” I began moving against his hand. “I’ve missed you,” I said, and I didn’t like that I’d said that. I could feel the heat consuming my cheeks as we silently stared at each other.
*
Afterward, we didn’t have time to linger; before I left his room, we simply kissed goodbye. I didn’t wait around for any phony promises of when we’d see each other again. What would be the point in doing that?
As I walked down the building’s main hall, I ran into Nell.
“Pia!” she said in the usual excited way she said my name, as if she’d never before said it. And now she repeated it, laughing afterward as her eyes roamed over my clothes.
I looked down at myself, saw that my brown shirt-jacket was buttoned all wrong, and my thin beige shirt underneath messily stuck out.
My hands began shoving my shirt bottom into the waistband of my pants.
And now she asked, “Coming from somewhere good?”
“No, I don’t know what you mean….”
“Come on, Pia. Yes you do. You’ve got a hickey on your neck!”
My hand flew up to my neck’s right side, my face flushing as my fingers felt the hot welt there.
“Oh-oh,” I faltered. “It’s nothing, nobody.”
“Come on, Pia,” Nell repeated, this time, her voice very, very dry, and her head slowly turning away from me.
Something had changed about her round face, something had become serious, almost alien in its seriousness, but alien only for Nell; I’d seen this heavy look before on others.
And now I wondered why Nell was at this end of The Complex when she’d been scheduled elsewhere today. Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine again, but she must have sensed the daggers in mine because her shoulders suddenly slumped a bit. And to think I’d recently thought how I trusted her!
“You’ve been watching me,” I spat out now.
Now her eyes shot to mine, but her voice was low when she spoke. “No—no! We’re friends. I wouldn’t do that.” Turning around now, she moved across the hall and out the door; I followed her.
Outside, we stood away from the building, facing each other; the hot Diamond Sun made my scalp sweat. I swiped a quick hand across my forehead. “Yeah, some friend you are,” I said. “Is anyone here who they say they are?”
“I don’t know, Pia, You tell me. You know more than me.”
“So when were you gonna say something!”
“So when were you?” she challenged.
“I wasn’t spying on you!”
“Yeah, but you watch everybody here, don’t you? I’m sure others don’t notice but I do. I’ve had some training for this after all.”
“So you were just a set-up then? Running into me that first day—all fake! I wasn’t fake about liking you.”
Her wide eyes looked truly shocked. “I didn’t know who you were then! I just provide information, intelligence. And I called in yesterday and they connected me to him at one point—James. He asked me about you, about how you were doing. So I told him. We want the same things, don’t we, Pia?”
I ignored her and instead said, “So then you told James about me and Tan.” And then James must have called Tan to get a first-hand scoop, the snoop. God, how I hated James right now.
I glared at Nell; I was breathing harder because a part of me felt like crying, and I was struggling to repress the feeling.
But Nell didn’t answer my question. Instead, she said in somewhat sad voice, “I’m saving to buy a house. I took this guard job while I live with my family to save money. If I don’t get killed here first, I’m hoping for a better job by the end of the year. I’ve almost got enough to buy.”
“Yeah? So?”
“My brother and me were really close. He was killed ten years ago. People take everything too far with the violence. If I can help stop that, I will.”
Looking at her eyes now, I thought they seemed to be telling the truth. And if so, we had a lot in common.
“That’s all I’m trying to do here,” Nell continued. “If I can give you any information, I will. Don’t you see that, Pia? And we both got burned by Galeta. I’m so, so mad there. I didn’t see that coming.”
“No one did,” I said, which wasn’t entirely true as I remembered instantly feeling suspicious when Galeta talked about Hu that night in the bar. Idiot! I needed to listen to my instincts more; they were usually right. When I second-guessed them, I invariably went wrong. I second-guessed with Nell. Really, I probably should have kept walking that first day we’d met.
But I couldn’t go back now. I couldn’t undo anything.
*
As the days drew closer to The Festival, security at The Complex got tighter, hours got longer, and tempers got shorter.
I didn’t see Nell again for days, didn’t know what I’d say to her when I did see her again.
I got stationed in the mines more now. Miners were calling in a lot, saying they couldn’t work, but the more experienced guards referred to this as a “soft strike.” Either the miners were afraid to come to work, or they were just sympathizers, or both.
Nevertheless, guards still had to guard the resources. And as I was on my way to do this at the southern-most tip of the North Pine Mine, a fight broke out on the bus I was riding. A big fight—big fists started flying, and within only a moment, four people were involved.
The bus suddenly lurched hard; the driver must have slammed on the brakes. I had been rushing toward the fight, my stun stick out, when the braking bus made me fall backwards on my ass in the aisle; my stick went flying somewhere, and another guard who’d gotten near the fighters first—he sailed into the group, head first.
“Oh shit!” I yelled, scrambling to get to my feet, but I could barely hear my own words above all the shouting.
The bus doors shot open and one of the fighting men side-slipped down the metal stairs and started running up the dirt road. Help the guard first or run after the guy—what the hell to do?!?!?
“Go, go!” I heard someone shout, and then I realized that someone, the bus driver, was shouting at me.
The other guard seemed all right: he’d gotten to his feet and had the hands of one man grasped behind his back.
I ran down the aisle and shot out the back door; a trail of billowy dust stretched out ahead of me. I charged into the dust, could faintly see the running man turn his head occasionally, watchin
g me follow him.
Ahead of him, a group of people seemed to be waiting; we’d been pretty close to a mine entrance. Had the bus driver called ahead and alerted the guards there?
My heart pounded and so did the Sun on top of my head. And my heartbeats picked up speed when I saw the running man slow down and disappear into the big group of people. My heart actually didn’t speed up because of him, but because of the people.
Something was wrong here: at the near end of the group, two guards held two handcuffed miners, and another guard lay on her back on the ground—Nell!
I instantly forgot about the running man and yelled, “What happened!” as I dropped to the ground near Nell. Sweat poured down my head and into my eyes; I rubbed the sweat away, my eyes cleared, and then I realized Nell wasn’t dead, had only passed out. I exhaled loudly as I watched her eyes open at me.
“…Pia,” she said in a weak voice. I pressed a hand to the side of her face; she felt so hot. “Damn fighting started, the heat today….”
“Someone get her water!” I yelled up at the others. I said to Nell. “Are you hurt? How bad, you think? You think anything’s broken?”
“Just my confidence,” she said, seemingly trying to laugh, only her mouth must have been so dry, the laugh came out like a choked breath. “The other day, the things we said….”
“What other day? Nothing happened. Just forget that. Nell, I think you’ve got heat exhaustion.”
Her left hand pointed at her abdomen. “My side hurts too—I got hit there with something….”
“Well, the doctor will fix you up, no problem.” I smiled at her, then I glared up at the two people in handcuffs: one male, one female. I got to my feet, moved closer. “Did they do this?” I asked the guards.
“We don’t know,” one of them said.
“Yes…yes, Pia,” came Nell’s voice from behind me. “The guy hit me….”
I lunged for him, my hands itching to break his neck, but the fourth guard there suddenly jumped between us and stopped me.
