by Adria Wade
Everything in my life had changed so drastically. My father gave my mother the mansion and moved to Colorado, and because I was still on house arrest, I couldn’t move with him like I preferred. Knowing that my mother and I weren’t the best of friends, and I would have much rather avoided her than to endure her presences, Taylor stayed behind for me.
It only took a couple of months for my mom to leave on a trip with her new boy toy to travel Europe. We both knew she wasn’t going to come back soon either. It was sad to say, but we knew it was only a matter of time before she disappeared. Her world didn’t revolve around her kids, obviously.
After I was finally free, Taylor and I moved to Colorado with my father, as well, and although it seemed like the storm clouds were bound to drift away, Tessa haunted every moment of my life. The guilt was destroying me, eating me up inside, so I found a couple of new friends and partied my heart out. Drinking seemed to numb the pain I wanted so much to be rid of, but I came to realize that there was no curing me. I was too broken.
Taylor didn’t like the change in me. He complained that I was worse now than I ever was before. He became more of the father than the big brother when it came to watching over me. As much as he wanted to help me, there was no possible way. Because I was out of control, my father shipped me off to boarding school, hoping it would tame me a bit.
But my problems ran deeper than any boarding school could fix. The only thing they accomplished was locking away the lion that roared, demanding to be let out of her cage.
Now, after three years of being in that shit hole, I was finally back.
Chapter One
“Damn it.”
I took in a breath, trying to calm myself down. I was in the backseat of my father’s Rolls-Royce Phantom, and I was just moments away from having a panic attack that I was trying to avoid at all costs. I hated driving in cars. The events of that night never failed to plague my mind. It was harder for me to control the anxiety and the flashbacks I got when I was inside a vehicle, and it was frustrating to no end. My anxiety issue was only half the problem I was facing today. I was returning home for the first time in three years, and I was feeling a bit apprehensive. My family and I didn’t exactly part on good terms and, despite the awkward, phone calls from them every once in a while, we were not exactly a close knit family. Coming face to face with them would be interesting.
I ran my hand through my long, black hair. “God, I need a drink.”
Feeling like I was being watched, I looked into the rearview mirror, finding a pair of brown eyes staring back at me.
“Underage drinking is frowned upon, Ms. Paige. This is your first day home. Perhaps you would want to stay out of trouble,” Byron, our driver said.
I snorted. “In case you didn’t notice, I don’t play by the rules, pumpkin.”
I had no intentions in getting myself in trouble, but Byron’s brows rose in the mirror and I knew, though I couldn’t actually see it, that he was giving me a stern look.
I gave him a smile. “Byron, I wouldn’t dare start trouble.”
“Ms. Paige, I call your bluff.”
I didn’t try to convince him any further, because I knew he wouldn’t believe it until he saw it. I had quite the reputation; one that could very well follow me for the rest of my life. When I thought back on that night, I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. It was an idiotic, unwise choice that got my best friend killed and I would forever hate myself for that.
I gazed out of the window, feeling the guilt I constantly battled rise up. As the tears filled my eyes, I rolled down the window, taking deep breaths to try to keep from crying. Realizing we were nearing home, my gut twisted in knots, making me sick to my stomach. I was beyond nervous.
“Hey, Byron, how about we turn around and skip town? We could go to Las Vegas and gamble.”
He laughed. “You’re underage; they wouldn’t let you gamble.”
“Fake I.D., my friend.”
He shook his head. “One must face the things they fear.”
I snorted. “What are you, my therapist?”
“You’re going to have to face them sometime. It’s better to just get it over with.”
We pulled up at the black, iron gates as Byron placed the code into the key pad. As the gates began to open, I felt a sense of panic once again as I realized that once the gates closed behind me that I would feel trapped and facing my family, a moment I had tried to avoid for the past three years, was inevitable. I refused to let them come to my graduation for crying out loud, so I sure the hell didn’t want to face them now.
The driveway was lined with daisies as we followed the pathway leading to the elaborate, two story rock mansion.
I immediately smiled as a ginger haired girl with a big smile on her face held up a welcome home sign. She had on a red two-piece bathing suit as water dripped from her curvy body onto the gray stone driveway.
“Andie!”
Beyond excited, my nerves seemed to settle. Andie was one of the many friends I made when I moved here from California. She was the only one that I actually had a close bond with; the only one who knew why I was so…damaged. During the three years I was away, we still remained close friends as we kept in touch through Skype and text.
I opened the car door way before Byron had time to even stop the car, and jumped out as I just about tackled her to the ground and hugged her tight. Her skin was cold from the pool and smelled of chlorine and sun tan lotion.
“You’re finally home. I’ve been waiting all day for you. Let’s let loose a little and have some fun.”
“Okay, cool. I need some fun in my life.”
I turned around to look at Byron, who was retrieving my suitcases from the trunk of the car. “Byron.”
“Yes, Ms. Paige.”
“Do you want to come party?”
I couldn’t keep the smile from slipping out on my lips. Knowing that he practically scolded me in the car, I couldn’t help but to play around with him.
His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled, showing such youth in his bright face. He had to have been in his early forties with a sprinkle of grey on his side burns in his dark hair.
“I’ll take a rain check.”
“Well, the offer still stands. If you change your mind, we will be by the pool, soaking up the sun and drinking some yummy margaritas.”
He gave me a disapproving look, one that said he had no problem calling my father over my shenanigans.
“Virgin Margaritas, of course.” Yeah, right, momma needs a drink.
I threw my arm over Andie’s shoulders and started toward the mansion.
“Is that your way of flirting with him? He’s a little too old for you, don’t you think?”
“No flirting involved whatsoever. He’s not exactly my type.”
A wave of goosebumps covered my skin as the cool air from the house surrounded me. I looked around at the familiar scenery before me. Tan walls that gave the house more of a warm earthy feel, beamed ceilings, and limestone flooring. Despite the bad vibes and the constant fights between my dad, Taylor, and I that took place here, it was still home, even though I was becoming increasingly nervous to see them again.
“Home sweet home,” Andie said.
“Yeah, something like that. So, is there any chance I’m going to be running into my father or brother anytime soon?”
“No one but the housekeeper is here, so you’re safe for now. Although, I was hoping to bump into your brother while I was waiting for you. That babe has got it going on.”
I scowled, more grossed out than anything. Taylor and Andie? Yeah, I was not so sure I liked that. How awkward would it be to witness my friend and my brother swapping spit? It was a damn good thing he was taken.
Noticing my disapproving look, she chuckled. “What? Can’t a girl have a little crush?”
“Hey, he is taken with a baby on the way.”
“Yes, unfortunately. I guess I will just have to admire from afar.” She folded
her arms, stuck her bottom lip out, and pouted.
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Come on; let’s go swimming.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her in the direction of the backyard.
“But you don’t have your bathing suit on yet.”
“I don’t need a bathing suit. We are the only people who are going to be out there, pumpkin.”
As I ran, I almost collided with Ms. Schultz, who was emerging from the kitchen the same time I was coming her way. Her grey eyes widened as she quickly jumped back out of the way just in time.
“Welcome home, Ms. Paige!” she called out.
“Thanks!”
When my dad moved here, he was forced to find a new housekeeper, and when I say forced, I mean he practically begged Mrs. Belle, the one who raised Taylor and me, to come along. Not only was she important to Taylor and I, but she was obviously important to my father as well, because if you knew Maximus Jacobs, he wasn’t the type to beg for anything. She declined, stating that she couldn’t leave her family behind, even though we had become a part of her family as well.
As I stepped outside, I began to strip, leaving nothing but my black, silk bra and matching boy shorts on. I dipped my toes in the water of the built in pool, testing the water. Taking a few steps back, I dove in, immediately feeling relaxed and refreshed as I submerged deeper into the cool water. Sucking in a much needed deep breath, I rubbed my eyes, wiping away the blurriness the water had caused, and swam to the edge of the pool.
I watched as Andie stood behind the outdoor stone bar, shaking the tequila, triple sec, and lemon juice around in the stainless steel cocktail shaker then poured the liquor in the margarita glasses.
“Where in the hell did you learn to make margaritas?”
“My older brother owns a bar. I watched him mix up a few cocktails here and there. Margaritas the most, though.”
“Lucky me.” I grinned.
She sat down at the edge of the pool and handed me my drink. She held her drink up. “Here’s to a fun summer filled with wild parties, some much needed bonding time with me, and boys—a lot of boys.” She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Here, here.”
We clinked glasses and took a drink. I sighed as the sweet and tangy margarita filled my already watery mouth, washing away the tension of the day. It was so delicious. With every drink, I made sure to savor the taste.
And just like that, I was fighting to rid Tessa of my mind. I couldn’t help but to wonder if she would have had a taste for margaritas. She had always been a beer kind of girl, but I think maybe she would’ve enjoyed it. She, sadly, would never get that chance to try it, though…because of me.
The sadness was rising and I was suddenly reliving that night. All of the hurt that I kept buried was coming to the surface. I hated that every thought and every action always came back to her.
All of a sudden, I wanted to throw a party. I needed the distraction. I wanted the chaos a party brought so my mind wouldn’t think about her. Most importantly, I wanted the alcohol to make me feel numb, because numbness was better than suffocating in pain.
“Speaking of parties. I think we need to throw a welcome home party and bring some life back to this boring home. Are you in?”
She smiled. “Of course I’m in, but you do know you’re going to get your ass reamed by your father, maybe even Taylor.”
I scoffed. “Who cares? I’ll worry about them later, but right now it’s party time.” I tipped my head back and drank the rest of my margarita.
“Okay then.” She drank the rest of her margarita and began texting on her phone, spreading the word about the party.
In that moment, I watched her with a genuine, excited smile on her face. She was so worry free and unaware of the endless war within me. She had absolutely no burden, no hurt, no death on her conscious…and for that I would forever envy her.
****
The mansion was finally alive again as partygoers ran wild around and outside of my home. My hips swayed to the music that was blaring throughout the mansion and outside as I played beer pong on the patio with Preston, a 6’6”, blue eyed and blond haired cutie that I had just met. Andie stood beside me with a beer in her hand as she cheered me on, even though I was losing.
I was dizzy and not feeling so great, which had everything to do with my bad aim. I was silently kicking myself in the ass. It was my fault for being sick. Numerous margaritas and tons of beer on an empty stomach wasn’t the wisest thing I could have done. I knew better than to be so stupid.
Preston had been dominating me the entire game with barely any missed shots, so with two left on my side and four on his, he was bound to win in the end.
He gave a smile as our eyes met, and it was the same smile that had me melting over and over again.
“Are you ready to drink up?” he asked with such confidence.
I folded my arms and pursed my lips. “Are you ready to drink?”
He laughed. “As if, baby.”
He threw the ping-pong ball and easily made it in the cup.
I scowled, grabbed the cup, and drank up. My body had had enough and was fighting to reject the beer, but I forced it down. Just one more to go, I told myself.
As he threw the ping-pong ball, a guy with absolutely no clothes on began to yell as he ran and jumped on the table we were playing on, forcing the table to collapse as everyone cheered him on.
Preston shook his head, annoyed. “Oh man. I was just about to win, you idiot!”
Yes! Saved by the naked dude. I was relieved the game was over. I honestly didn’t know if I could handle another drink.
I took Preston’s blue hat off my head and put it back on his head. I winked at him then placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Nice playing with you.”
I walked away too fast. I couldn’t stay any longer. I knew it was only a matter of time until I was puking my brains out and I had to find a bathroom. I shoved past the crowd as they carried on and made my way to the staircase where, Jesse, one of Andie’s friends from college was flying down the staircase in a snow sled as everyone cheered and laughed away.
I ran up the staircase and went straight to my room, collapsing on my canopy bed. The room was spinning. I closed my eyes and sucked in air as I lay on my dark blue, satin duvet. I felt paralyzed to my bed, and unable to even move in fear of throwing up. I was hoping the queasy feeling in my stomach would pass soon.
Alarmed by the sensation of someone’s hand slowly running up the inside of my thigh, I opened my eyes to see Preston, leaning over top of me as he grabbed my bottom lip and sucked on it. I immediately turned my head and tried to push him away. He was super cute and I may have flirted with him, but I wasn’t going to sleep with him. If he was only interested in making out, I would totally be on board, but that was obviously not the case. He either didn’t get the hint or just didn’t care, because he continued to kiss me on my neck as his hand touched me there.
“Stop!”
I pushed his hand away and pressed my thighs together to keep him from going between my legs, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He was muscular and stronger than I was, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep him out for too much longer. I pushed at his chest with all of the force I had, but it wasn’t enough. My resistance to him was pissing him off, making him much more aggressive.
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the bed over top of my head. “What, you don’t want me now? You’ve been flirting with me all night. You’re a tease, Paige, and I don’t like teases. If you throw it in my face, I’m going to take it even if you don’t want me to.”
My heart was pounding and my body grew numb from fear. My eyes welled with tears. I was going to get raped and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
“Please don’t,” I begged.
I tried to free my hands, but as I did so, he put more weight on my wrists, making me wince from the pain. As I looked into his eyes, I noticed they were different. They were cold and distant as oppo
sed to the soft and warm eyes I saw that made him seem like a good guy. It was as if he was hiding a monster within the whole time, ready to reveal his true self when the right time came.
Chapter Two
He ran his other hand over my body, taking his time all the way down until he reached my thigh and forced my legs apart so effortlessly as he made a home between my legs. I gasped as his hand slid underneath my shorts and bathing suit bottoms while I tried to wiggle my body out of his strong hold.
“No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping someone would hear my struggle over the music.
His assault was slow and painful to endure. Every second that drifted by felt like an eternity. I just wanted it to end already. As his lips came down on mine, I opened my mouth and bit down on his bottom lip. I bit down so hard that the taste of blood filled my mouth. He gasped and grabbed hold of my hair, yanking it back, forcing me to release his lip.
“Bitch!” He backhanded me. My split lip began to sting as blood coated my mouth.
“Help!” I screamed so loud that my throat began to burn.
An unfamiliar guy came up behind Preston, turning him around and punching him with such force that he flew into the computer desk and fell on the floor. He stood over top of me, his brown hair falling into his eyes as he panted and glared at me. His orange eyes, so different than the normal eye colors I had seen, bore into mine, but I remained unintimidated, because I knew the glare wasn’t for me.
“You’re bleeding.”
He reached his hand out for me to take and so I placed my shaking hand into his as he helped me to my feet. Still dizzy and sick to my stomach, I grabbed onto his arms, feeling his muscles flex as he held me upright.
