by Eve R. Hart
“Hey.”
“Things are sure different,” she said.
“Yeah. But it’s good.”
“Yeah.”
The comfortable silence hung around us for a long moment, both of us staring out at the people that made our wild, crazy, and wonderful adopted family.
“I never did thank you for everything—”
“No need,” I cut her off. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that, and I hate that you did, but I was glad I was there for you.”
“I was such a mess.” I could hear the sadness in her voice.
“And who would blame you. What happened wasn’t your fault—I shouldn’t need to tell you that, but I am. The thing that got me the most, was after you fell—after you broke down, you picked yourself back up. You have the most beautiful strength in you. And I’m lucky to have been there to see you rise after it all.”
“You amaze me, you know that?”
“Oh, yeah?” I raised a brow and flashed her a twinge of a cocky smile. She laughed, which was what I was going for.
“Fucking dimples. I swear.” She shook her head, huge smile still plastered on her face. “She’s a lucky fucking woman.”
I didn’t have to ask to know she was talking about Cami.
“Nah, I’m the lucky one.”
“Such a damn sap,” she said then bumped me playfully with her shoulder. “You’re a good friend and I’m so happy for you. Now we just need to find someone for Chris.”
“Isn’t that the damn truth.” We laughed and everything felt right with the world.
I had no idea when I rode up here that I would get some of the closure that I hadn’t even been aware that I needed. Not only closure, but a new direction for my future. Things had shifted but I couldn’t have felt more settled as I climbed on my bike the next day and drove away and headed home.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Cami
I couldn’t even try to hide it. This sucked. I did my best to put a smile on my face and face the day with an enthusiasm like I’d never had, but by the end of the day, I was pretty sure I’d failed.
The only good thing was that I worked at the shop and I had Sketch and Blade to keep me distracted. Oh, and little Biscuit to cuddle with when I was suddenly hit with a wave of panic, and maybe a bit of sadness.
I realized it was silly. This run thing sounded like something they did all the time and Brand assured me it wasn’t dangerous. But the not knowing had my mind reeling. And I realized that was all by my choice but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t freaking out a bit.
It may not have helped that we’d been attached at the hip since that kiss. I mean, there were those few days we had spent apart because life had gotten real stupid there for a moment, but I was trying my best to forget about all the drama that happened then.
Thinking of that night sent warm sparks through my body. That was the kiss that started it all. The one that forever changed the way I saw the world.
I was pretty sure that was the moment he imprinted himself on me. Ruined me for anyone else. And I was one hundred percent alright with that.
Lucky for me, Chris was waiting at the compound after the shop had closed and I was headed for an empty room. He told me to grab a change of clothes then he said we were going to pick up Laurel. After much protesting, Laurel finally agreed to come along. I think we both needed whatever Chris had in store for us, and by the request for extra clothes, I would bet that neither of us would make it home tonight.
“Please tell me more,” Chris said as we all sat around his living room later that night.
The windows were open, the cool air flowing in carrying the soothing sounds of the crashing waves in the distance. I was pretty sure we were all really drunk at this point, the rice and tofu dish that Chris had made us not doing much to soak up any of the alcohol we’d consumed.
Oh, holy cow could that guy cook, by the way. I was surprised at the first bite I took and I think I ended up eating more than my fair share.
“No, I really shouldn’t,” Laurel said, waving her hand in front of her face trying to brush off her embarrassment that she’d let something slip that she clearly hadn’t meant to.
“Come on, it’s just us,” I said grabbing her knee and giving it a good shake.
“It was so bad. Like I just didn’t understand. I thought I was doing something wrong,” she admitted with wide, glassy eyes. “I usually ended up going into the bathroom and taking care of myself after. Oh, God, I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.”
She was spilling her guts on how sex had been with Brice. I had no idea that it was that bad, but now that she had a few glasses of wine in her, she was letting it all out.
We laughed and it was great. Though, I did feel kind of bad for her. I wished I hadn’t been so in my head before, that I could have been there for her. But it wasn’t the time to dwell on things that couldn’t be changed. I silently vowed that I’d never do that again. Laurel was my beautiful, amazing sister and I was going to be right there by her side as she figured her way back to the top again. And I didn’t doubt for a second that she would do just that.
“Kissing him was like what I imagine kissing a fish would be like. His lips were so dry but somehow slimy. I never understood how that was possible. And his tongue, oh, it was all over the place.” She then demonstrated the tongue thing. It was not a pretty sight but it was hilarious.
I had to admit, seeing Laurel like this was strange but I couldn’t say it didn’t make me happy. She was free and relaxed. She wasn’t fidgeting with her clothes trying to make sure they were sitting just right. She wasn’t stiff as a board and watching what came out of her mouth. She was having a good time and it was beautiful. I could say with certainty, that this Laurel was amazing and I prayed that she stuck around.
“I just want to be with that person that kisses you and it makes your toes curl. I want that for the rest of my life. I mean, I know we don’t all get a happily ever after or whatever, and maybe we are lucky to have gotten it even once.”
She talked like she knew that exact kiss and I studied her trying to figure out what was going on.
“I know Cami gets that all the time and I’m not jealous, but I do envy you,” she said as she turned to me and gave me a playful, drunken wink that lasted a little too long to be cute. “What about you Chris?”
“Um,” he said and looked up like he was having to think about it. I would bet if he had to think about it that hard then the answer was probably going to be negative. “I have had good kisses. Ones that I didn’t mind repeating. A lot of bad ones though, too. But never that one that really made me think about it over and over again or did the toe curl thing.”
“Aw, that’s sad,” Laurel said and her lips tipped down in a frown.
“So what? You decide to go on an adventure to find love and now you think everyone needs to ride that train?” I asked as a joke.
“No, brat,” she said then poked me with her toe before turning her attention back to Chris. “What about a longterm relationship? I’m sorry, don’t answer that, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Chris laughed and waved her off.
“I don’t mind,” he said with ease and that was just what I would have expected from him. “I’ve had a few relationships here and there but they never really stuck. I’d say my longest one was four months. And I did have this amazing and very intense thing with someone but we weren’t exclusive, um, it’s kinda hard to explain. I guess we were fuck buddies, but it was a little more than that when we were…uh, fucking.”
“Oh, well that stupid bitch didn’t know what she was missing out on,” Laurel said acting like she knew Chris well.
I mean, I guess I could see how being around him a few times you did feel like you were instantly close. He was that type of person that didn’t judge and was laid-back. He had a warm smile and a huge heart.
“It was a guy, actually,” he corrected without any hesitation or shyness in his voice. “And
well, he found someone perfect for him. I wouldn’t take her away from him for the world.”
Um.
What?
Maybe it was my drunken brain but it started to go places that it had once been. I mean, Chris and Brand did seem so perfect to me not too long ago. I tried to replay our conversations in my mind but everything was too fuzzy right now.
“No, Cami, I’m not talking about Brand. We are dude-bros only and for real,” Chris said obviously seeing the look on my face that I thought I was hiding. Then he laughed and shook his head at me.
I would have said that I didn’t care, because really I didn’t. If Chris was gay or bi or whatever that was fine with me. And if Brand was the same way that was alright too. Maybe it was that the whole thing had come out of left field and taken me by surprise.
“You’ve had sex with men?” Laurel asked beside me. “So have I!” She then squealed like it was the most amazing thing that they had something in common.
“Yeah, I think it’s time for bed for you.” I laughed and pushed my way up to standing.
After much protest, Chris and I managed to get her into the spare room, which was set up with a beachy but still masculines theme. I liked it. It felt cool yet warm and cozy.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said after Laurel was tucked away. “I hope she didn’t offend you.”
Though I was sure Laurel didn’t mean it that way, I still felt the need to smooth things over.
“No worries. I don’t get offended at much. Being bi kinda makes you like that.” He shrugged and I could tell he added that part in there to satisfy my curiosity. “Is she going to be alright?”
“I hope so,” I whispered. “I know things are really hard for her right now, but I think she’s finding her way. Thanks for this. I think we both needed it.”
“No problem. My door is open any time,” he said then pulled me in for a hug before we said goodnight.
The next day we hung out at the beach. Laurel had the day off from the coffee shop that she worked at. Gwen had helped get her the job, and though I knew it wasn’t something she wanted to do for the rest of her life, it was easy enough that it would work for now. Baby steps on living in the real world and all.
I sent Sketch a text telling him I needed a personal day. It wasn’t something I was going to make a habit of, but I felt like I needed to be there for Laurel. I knew they would understand. And I didn’t lie to him either. I told him I was going to be at the beach all day. He didn’t disappoint me by sending a text back asking me to take pictures of “hot chicks” for him, preferably ones that had gone swimming and lost their tops. Yep, I rolled my eyes at that and sent him a picture of a baby with a saggy, waterlogged diaper and another of an old man in a Speedo. Then I laughed to myself.
I headed home back to the compound just as the sun was starting to set. I wanted to sleep in Brand’s bed, well I guess really our bed. I needed his scent to surround me. It was silly, right? He’d only been gone two days and he would be back tomorrow, but I still worried and missed him like crazy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Cami
Brand came back from the run to Moon Hill a little lighter. It was killing me to know why but I was hesitant to ask. Maybe it wasn’t something I wanted to know about. However, there was that little thing in the back of my mind nagging at me to just find out.
I couldn’t tell you why I was finding it so hard to just open my mouth and voice the slightly noticeable change. I could feel my upbringing clenching me tight on the inside. I was still trying to break all those strings that had been weaved into me from day one. This must have been one of those. It wasn’t polite to pry into people’s lives. If they wanted you to know then they would tell you. Right? That was the way I’d learned how to approach everything, anyway.
The thing was, I felt like I could talk to Brand about anything. And by the way he had opened up and shared with me, it was clear he felt the same. Club stuff aside, that was, and it wasn’t like I wanted to know all of that. I truly believed that being in the dark was not only better, but safer. If the cops came after me then I wouldn’t be lying when I said I didn’t know anything. Which was a good thing because my poker face was the worst and I knew it.
So, why was I having such a hard time with this? It was stupid and I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to break out of my head long enough to just simply ask.
“You’re doing that lip thing. Is there something on your mind, baby?” he asked as he handed me a beer and a plate full of cut up veggies and hummus.
I loved this man. Without a doubt I did.
“Thank you,” I said and tried to be more conscious of what I was doing with my mouth. Good thing I had food to keep it occupied now.
He settled on the bed, resting his back against the headboard and waiting patiently for me to say something. Only, I was still struggling to get the words out.
“You’ve been a little off for two days now. Talk to me.”
I chewed on a piece of celery. And yes, I was avoiding.
“Alright,” he said as he pulled me back to rest against his chest. “Then I’m gonna talk, because I want you to know everything about me and more importantly, I realized something while I was away.”
So then he went on telling me about the chapter of the club that took him in. He talked about them like they were his family, and I got the sense that he felt the same way about his brothers down here. It was beautiful and at times, I felt like I wanted to cry from joy. Because he had talked to me before and I had felt how sad he was about losing his dad. I could see the lost boy, well okay, he was a man at that point, I guess. But I could see him clear in my mind. And I heard the heartbreak in his words. The club gave him back some of the light he had before his dad died. Both of us knew that someone as great as his dad, or that’s how I saw it from the way Brand talked about him, would never be replaced. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t go on and find joy in life in other ways, other places.
I knew right then that the Steel Paragons MC was a good thing. When I looked around at the men that filled the compound, I got the feeling that most of them were as lost as Brand had once been. Or at one point they had been. It was clear there were a few that were still working on accepting the goodness into their hearts, but they were working on it. And there were those that needed the familiarity that the club brought even if they were still working through whatever stuff they had going on.
These men were great. They were broken and flawed. They were gruff and rough around the edges. But they were also sweet and loving to anyone they let in and I had been lucky enough to be one of those people.
They were simply beautiful to me.
I’d started to love them in a way I wished I could have loved my family. The way I loved Laurel. The way I wished I’d been loved.
And that was the thing, they did show me that love in return. Sure some of them had their own weird ways, but I was able to see through it and find the heart in it all.
Brand went on, telling me about Ethel, who I’d known a little bit about and had tasted her yummy brownies and cookies. He told me about Reagan and without going into detail, let me know she had been through something traumatic. He explained to me that he’d been close to her at one point, and even thought that he might have been in love with her.
I could tell that he was hesitant to tell me that. I could understand. While it might not have been the easiest thing to hear—insecurities beat into me from birth were to blame—I was glad he shared it with me. How could I not look at the positive in it all? I mean, this path, the past that he was telling me about, was the one that had led him to me.
So, he told me everything.
And I listened.
Then I waited.
Because I knew the answers to the questions that had been in the back of my mind were coming. I wasn’t worried though. Whatever had happened in Moon Hill wasn’t something that was going to come between us. I had a feeling it would only make us stronger.
&
nbsp; “I realized while I was there that what I felt for her wasn’t even a fraction of how you make me feel. Reagan felt like she is meant to be part of my heart but she doesn’t capture my soul. I don’t see the world as beautifully around her as I do with you.”
I shifted so that I could look at him. His strong brows were pinched tight and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. His gaze was on the wall across from him and I knew he was lost in his head.
“I don’t feel like I’m explaining this right at all,” he said and his eyes slid to look at mine.
“No, it’s perfect. I understand completely.”
Then I kissed him. There may have been a part of him that he held back before, even if I hadn’t noticed it, but now he was in some way free. While he was away he’d gotten the closure that I didn’t even think he realized that he needed.
He was mine.
I was his.
Wholly and without any doubts.
Forever was just the beginning for us.
He didn’t have to tell me how much he cared about me because I felt it all the way down to my toes.
And as he gripped my face and held me tighter, kissing me ferociously and sweetly all at the same time, I saw them all.
Dove gray.
Poppy red.
Sage green.
Tangerine orange.
Canary yellow.
Orchid purple.
Prussian blue.
Epilogue
Brand
One year later
“Do you know which bag the…ah, there it is. I got you, you little apple turnover.”
And no, she wasn’t talking about an actual apple turnover.
I still laughed at all her little sayings and I doubted there would come a day when I didn’t. Sure she tossed around the F word a little more freely now, but she hadn’t gone full foul mouth.
