“You know basically. I’ve been living with granny, as always. I went to beauty school right after high school and graduated the next year. Then I worked in a few different shops, until I met Bree and she took me on. A couple of months ago, she asked Jewel and me if we’d like to be partners, we signed on, and the rest is history.”
To his ears it sounded like she recited the whole thing from a pre-approved script. “And the rest?” He held his breath, waiting to see if she’d answer outright or dodge the issue.
“There’s been a few.” She glanced up quickly and he saw the pain chasing across her soulful green eyes. His middle clenched. “Boyfriends, that is. Nothing serious,” she whispered the last, as if to say it hadn’t been her choice.
An ache throbbed behind his rib cage. Loneliness hadn’t been a stranger to him, either. Then another thought shafted through his head so quick it was as if lightning had struck. Could she still be a virgin?
His insides shook with the knowledge that if it had been up to her granny then she certainly would remain one until she married, if she married. She has to be!
Beads of perspiration dotted his forehead. He swiped them away. He’d never taken a virgin before, in fact, he’d stayed far away from them as possible. He could never handle the responsibility that entailed.
“But I guess you figured that out, huh?” she asked softly.
Trying to snap out of his horrifying predicament, he asked, “Figured what out?”
“The serious part. Granny would never allow it.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, he willed himself to calm down. It wasn’t that bad. But inside he quaked with fear. Every part of him yearned for Tessa. Now that he’d realized she could very likely be inexperienced he didn’t want to be the one to take that gift from her. All her life someone had sapped every ounce from her, had used her in some way or another for their own selfish purposes. Her granny most of all. He didn’t want to be listed among the same category. Well, at least in the case of being her first.
Gazing at her now, he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her like the others continued to do. How could he take pleasure from her when he had so little to give her in return? Oh, he could provide her with a baby, easily, he supposed. But little else that she actually needed: someone to put her above all else, someone to protect her interests, someone to love her unconditionally.
“So what about you?” she asked, turning the tables on him. “You certainly left pretty quick after graduating.”
“Like a bat out of hell.” He tried to make the words sound funny, but he failed.
“Was it so bad here?” The hurt in her voice seared straight through him.
Locking gazes with her, he said, “No, sunshine, some things were incomparable.” He paused for a moment, then continued, “But I couldn’t have what I wanted back then.” In a way, I still can’t.
She visibly shivered, and then shook her head. “Don’t.”
He lifted his hands wide. “What?” Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his thighs. Lowering his voice, he asked, “Are you going to deny what we had back then? Huh?” A fierceness ripped through him so strong, so quickly that it boiled up and nearly choked him. “We might not have said anything back then, but I’ll be damned if I keep on pretending.”
Her wide shocked eyes seemed to swim with indecision. “I don’t know what to say.”
“The truth.” Running a hand through his hair, he went on, “You can’t tell me I was the only one to feel it, the unbreakable connection between us, can you?”
“No,” she whispered hoarsely. “I used to think of us as…”
“Say it!”
She laughed. It came out on a bitter note. “Romeo and Juliet. Sick, huh?”
“No,” he said softly. “I did, too. In a way. Here we were two kids from feuding families, bound by loyalty, yet wanting to have more with each other. I guess you could call it awareness, well, attraction even. But we couldn’t even communicate, not really.”
“I used to want to talk to you so much.” Deep-seated longing colored her words.
“Me, too.”
“Is that why you always stuck up for me in the neighborhood, because you…liked me?”
A slow grin brought up one side of his mouth. “I think it was a little more complicated than like, sunshine.”
A soft, dreamy smile played around her lips. Something kicked him in the gut. He sucked in a sharp breath. “Even now it feels…wrong somehow to be alone in the same room with you. Funny, huh?”
“Yeah, especially that we’re married, Chance.”
Just the way she said his name sent tiny thrills down his spine and heat coiling low and deep. “I never thought we could be friends, never mind husband and wife, did you?”
She bit her bottom lip and a part of him wanted to do the same. “In my dreams I did. But, I know that’s all they were back then.” She sighed wearily.
It seemed as if they were both lost in thoughts of yesteryear, lost opportunities. He cleared his throat as well as his mind from the missed memories. “So, I guess I never did answer your question on what I’ve been doing since then. Well, I bummed around for a while, worked in some garages. I finally got my degree in mechanics and have been working ever since.” Throwing up his hands, he said, “Not much more than that really.”
“You skipped a part.” She tilted her head back and forth, saying, “Girlfriends, you know? Anyone serious or anything?”
He gulped hard. “Some girlfriends. One serious.” And how!
“Your first wife.” It seemed to him when she blinked a couple of times maybe she’d tried to stop the flow of tears. Something clutched inside him, just as it had in the middle of their wedding ceremony when she’d found out. He’d never forget the well of hurt swimming in her eyes.
“It’s over. Has been for years.” Clamping his teeth together, a muscle jumped along his jaw.
Her gasp tore through the air, causing him to jerk his head up to face her. “That’s why you became an alcoholic, isn’t it?”
“That was part of it,” he choked out, hating to admit even that much.
“And the other part?”
“Family thing, I guess. My dad was one. Granddad, too, in his day.”
Her brows shot up. “But he owned a pub, for crying out loud.”
A flicker of a smile came and went on his lips. “It was his way of facing his demons.”
“And he wants you to do the same. That’s why he left you the pub. And, that’s why he wanted you to marry me, to face the demons of the families, right?” She spoke slowly as if just getting it.
“To perform miracles, is more like it.” Disgust filled his tone.
Playing with her straw, she said, “It seemed like you worked one on granny overnight. She wasn’t as disagreeable this morning at breakfast.”
He chuckled. It came out strangled. “Yeah, well, we sorta made a deal.” At her raised eyebrows, he hastened to add, “It’s just between us.” For now. “But, I guess you could say we both realized that there was no way I could stay in that house another night.” He waved a hand. “So that brings us here.”
“And back to us.”
Something about the catch in her voice had his heart hitching. “It will take some time to get used to it all. Marriage, living together…”
She looked up then, capturing his gaze. “Making love,” she whispered hoarsely. The coil in his abdomen tightened and heat rushed through his bloodstream.
It took everything he had not to throw in the towel and beg her to take him right there and then. But he hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He swore silently when his thoughts came out without censor.
She wrinkled her brow. “Hurt? How so?”
Gulping hard, he shrugged. “You know.” The words practically stuck in his throat.
Dawning entered her eyes. “Oh, you mean because I’m such a hopeless romantic, right?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said, knowing she missed by miles.
> “I guess Bree and Jewel told you that about me.” She heaved a great big sigh, and then said, “Don’t worry about it, all right? I’m not about to do something stupid like fall in love with you or anything like that.”
But by the way she shifted uncomfortably and the wobble in her chin, Chance knew that was indeed a very likely scenario he’d have to contend with. He cursed inwardly. With his insides tangled in a huge knot, he had to make her understand.
Running a hand through his short-cropped hair, he tried to form the right words. “You know, Tessa, what stopped us years ago is still there ’til this day.” He couldn’t halt the ache vibrating in his voice. He rose abruptly, and then walked to the window. Leaning on the frame, he blew out a hot breath.
He stiffened at the touch of her hands on his back. He tried to stop the shiver that racked him, but failed miserably.
“Don’t you think I know that,” she whispered, pressing her cheek against him.
Closing his eyes, he savored the warmth of her, the nearness. “Granddad thought that by us marrying it would put an end to the feud, but he didn’t count on the rest of it. The guilt, for one. The betrayal to the family.”
“The undying loyalty to them.” It was as if she read his mind. For years he’d been programmed to call the Warfields his enemy. What was he supposed to do now? Forget all he’d been taught?
Frustration squeezed his gut. “Damn him for doing this to us. If he wanted to put a stop to it, then he should have been the one to do it. Hell, for all we know it started ages ago, long before any one of us was born. So why place the burden on us?”
She tried to laugh. It came out forced and raw, vibrating clear to his bones. “Maybe he just put it off too long and then there wasn’t any time left to repair the mess. Look, even if he did want to or even tried, my granny wouldn’t budge an inch and we both know it.”
The cold reality she spoke of didn’t set well with who she was. He realized this was harder on her than him. At least when everything was over he could walk away, but she could never escape her granny, never be really free.
Something hit him over the head and he stiffened. When she drew away, he twisted around and grabbed her upper arms. Gazing into her large, teary eyes, his heart hitched in his chest. “Tessa, we can’t—” he stopped himself cold.
“Can’t what?”
“Have a baby.”
Chapter 12
Tessa shook her head, wondering if she’d heard right. “What do you mean? You promised me.” Involuntarily, she smoothed a hand over her flat tummy. Longing squeezed her heart, nearly strangling it.
Several emotions chased across his anguished features. One stood out above all the rest: excruciating pain. “Don’t you see—”
“Obviously not.” She pulled away from his warm hands, disengaging physically as well as emotionally. Bracing herself, she waited.
He blew out a hot breath. It fanned her face. Her blood warmed and her middle clenched. She wanted him. But did he want her? A slice of hurt ripped through her. “Chance, is it…me? Don’t you want me?”
Deep grooves formed between his brows. “What, are you crazy? Of course I want you. It’s just your…” he trailed off and she silently pleaded for him to finish. He tried again, “Tessa, honey, please think about this some more. Your granny will very likely raise our baby with you. Can you even picture her doing that?”
Shaking her head, she asked, “What’s wrong with that? She loves babies. I love babies.”
Suddenly, he jerked his head to his right and stilled. “Did you hear that?”
“No. And don’t change the subject.”
Turning back to her, he said, “I swear I heard something. A whine maybe.”
Placing a hand on his muscled forearm, she felt the tension ripple through him. Or was that desire? she wondered as he captured her gaze. The gray deepened. She gulped hard. “Back to you and me, Chance,” she croaked, and then cleared her throat. “The only reason why I agreed to this cock-a-mamie marriage was because you were going to give me a baby in return. You can’t back out on me now.”
He shook his arm free of her hold, and then ran both hands threw his hair. “I’m going to explain this as simply as possible, all right?” Dropping his hands, he stared straight at her. “Your granny hates me. If I father your baby, she’ll transfer that hate onto him or her. I won’t have that on me.”
His words echoed through her stunned mind. “No,” she whispered, trying to remain in complete denial. But reason forced its ugly head to stare straight into her face. Tessa turned away from Chance, from the demons.
The touch of his hands on her shoulders made her still. “Don’t,” she choked out. His fingers brushed across her back as he pulled away. A quiver ran down her spine.
“Oh, sunshine, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She tried to laugh. It came out more of a hollow puff. “Well, Chance Deveraux, you did a damn fine job of it anyway.”
He swore viciously. “There’s only one way out of all this, isn’t there?”
“Divorce?” she croaked.
“Eventually.” He paused. “But that’s not what I meant.”
A sliver of hope pierced her heart. She twisted to him. “What’s that?” Desperation colored her words. It must have been written all over her face, too; he looked at her with a certain degree of pity.
“You won’t like it.”
Bracing herself, she said, “When have I liked anything to do with this lately? Just tell me.” Her unspoken words, I’ll do anything, rushed through her head.
“Cut all ties with your granny.”
Blood roared in her ears. If he’d dropped a bomb in her face she couldn’t have reacted more thunderstruck. “Are you crazy?”
Before he could answer, he turned his head again. “There. Did you hear that?”
Silence reigned. “No. And stop doing that or I’ll find a frying pan and bash you one.” She curled her fingers into her palms. “You’ve got some nerve blackmailing me.”
He yanked his head around to face her. A wave of bewilderment chased across his rugged features. “Blackmail?”
“Yes, blackmail.” She put her fisted hands on her hips. “And don’t look so darn innocent. You want me to dump granny, then you’ll give me the baby I want. If that isn’t blackmail, then I don’t know what is.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. When he looked at her again, she swore she saw chagrin in his. “Lord, I’ve made a mess of this.”
“You’re telling me. Heck, I knew I should have had you sign your oath in blood before I agreed to the terms of the will.” She tried to smile at her lame attempt at humor, but only her chin quivered. Biting her lip, she quelled the tears that threatened to spill.
Drawing a hand down his face, he coughed back his chuckle. “Yeah, maybe you should have, I don’t know. Tessa, if this was just between you and me, it would be one thing. And a whole lot easier. But we’ve got more people involved that has a right or needs to be.”
Slowly, the anger whirling inside her began to ease. As it did she relaxed her aching fingers and dropped her hands. It appeared to her as if he suffered from this decision as much as she was at the moment. “Why couldn’t this be different? Why couldn’t a baby heal our families instead of tearing the poor innocent child apart?” A thread of resignation wound through her questions.
Lifting a hand, he trailed his fingertips across her cheek. The warmth of his touch reached all the way down to her core. A pang throbbed through her. And her heart ached. Cupping her cheek now, he gazed intently into her eyes. His swirled with varying emotions.
“God help me, but I just can’t,” his voice cracked, and then he cleared his throat. “No matter how much I want you, sunshine, I can’t bring a baby into this world to knowingly expose him or her to harm. I’ve done some shitty things in my life, but never that.”
“Oh, Chance,” she whispered brokenly, finally knowing he was right. Granny would adore a baby, but not his. N
ever his. Oh, she may grudgingly care for it if forced to. But Tessa knew that the endless verbal abuse would scar the child. Just as it did me. She tried to dislodge that last thought from her mind. It clung to her like a second skin. Where praise had been hungered for all her life, Tessa had received the opposite. She never complained, however. Crumbs were better than nothing.
Sighing heavily, the fight gushed out of her, leaving her tired and weary. Chance gathered her close. She welcomed the strength and warmth of him. His arms cradled her close and his strong, steady heartbeat sounded like music to her ears. He stroked her back. Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss to her head. His tenderness brought tears to her eyes.
Suddenly, he stilled. A second later, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away. Blinking up at him, she asked, “What? Is it me?”
He dropped a quick, hard kiss to her lips. “Not you. It’s that damn noise again. I’m going to check it out.”
Before she could answer, he rushed to the door. In his haste, he ran into a corner of a box piled on top of another. It tipped over and spilled its contents. “Damn,” he muttered, bending down to scoop up the heap of old photographs.
Tessa joined him. On her knees beside him, she shuffled them together. Suddenly, her attention was caught. Picking up one on top, she said, “Why, they’re all ripped.”
Taking it from her, he examined it closely, and then glanced down at the rest. Frowning, he said, “That’s funny. I never saw any of these before.” With his index finger he pointed to the young man and woman standing with their arms around each other. “That’s granddad and my grandmother.” He flipped it over, and then back again when he saw the blank back. “They were teenagers by the looks of it.”
“It couldn’t have been torn accidentally, not by the nearly perfect tear by your granddad’s side.” She bent closer and examined the others. “They’re different pictures, but all of them are torn, leaving just your grandparents in them. That’s strange.”
He shrugged, stuffing the one he held into his back pocket. “I’ll ask my grandmother about it next time I see her. But, in the meantime, I’m going to find out what that sound I keep hearing is.”
Lies of the Heart (Heart Romance #3) Page 9
