“I’m sorry,” he said, the venom had vanished and in its place was sincerity.
“Too late,” she choked out. “The damage is done.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t know what to say, Tessa. I spoke without thinking. Struck out without realizing how it came across.” He sighed heavily. “I used to do that a lot. Just ask my first wife.”
Tears smarted her eyes and she tried to shake her head, hoping they’d disappear. “I try, really try, to be do the things I chose to do, but, it’s like even when granny isn’t there her voice is in my head.” She shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes I do what the voice says and other times I don’t. Usual that’s when I have the most fun, but I always pay the price later on.”
“She finds out about it.”
Glancing quickly at him, she shot him a wry smile. “Oh and how.”
“Why do you put up with it, sunshine?” He raised his hands up and out. “You have so much talent. Dancing and hairdressing. You’re a partner in a business and making decent money. You could move out on your own and not be tied down to her anymore. I just don’t understand why you don’t leave.”
“Like you always do?”
He pressed a hand to his heart, saying, “Ouch!” There was a playfulness about his reply, but an underlying honesty couldn’t hide behind it. He gave her a wry grin. “You’re right.” He blew out a breath, shrugged boyishly, and then went on, “I bolt at the earliest signs of trouble. I hate conflict of any kind. I learned that little nugget of information in rehab. Too bad I didn’t know that long before then; it would have saved me and a whole lot of other people a lot of heartache along the way.”
“Your wife,” she said softly, catching glimpses of his life in the pain flashing in his troubled eyes. The gray shades spoke of a deep, everlasting regret at the young man he’d been and the hurt he’d heaped on others.
“Granddad before her.” The sudden huskiness of his voice told her so much more than his words had given away.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, Chance, you think he never forgave you for all those times?” She ached for him.
Shaking his head, his face seemed etched in stone. “Not him. Me. I know he did, but I still disappointed him and his idea of my potential. No, it’s me, I can’t forgive myself for letting him down time and time again.” He looked away, off into the distance for a long moment, and then turned back to her. Raw emotions chased across his features and a dagger of answering pain sliced through her heart. “I can never make up for that now. He’s gone and it’s too late.”
She blinked several times, trying to keep the moisture at bay. She failed miserably as large tears plopped down her cheeks. “But, don’t you see, that’s what I’m trying to do with granny. I can’t disappoint her or I won’t be able to live with myself.” Her voice caught on the last when she realized there was no hope for her having a life of her own if she were to continue to please her granny.
He must have sen the devastation she felt inside; he stepped nearer and pulled her to him. “Shh, now, don’t cry, sunshine, please don’t cry.”
The more he tried to soothe her the harder she wept. He pressed his lips to her temple, whispering hoarsely, “So, we’re really not that different after all, are we, sunshine?”
“Huh?” She sniffed, trying to control herself.
“You and me. You decided to stay and please and I booked outta here to live the way I chose to. Two different solutions to the same problem.”
Looking up at him with her mouth open in wonder, the truth shook her to her core. “Chance …” She couldn’t form any more words. For the first time she saw the whole situation in a totally new light. “I feel so indebted to granny for giving up so much just for me…”
“And I felt the same with granddad. He sacrificed everything, his dreams, and then settled down and became a respectable businessman. All because of me.”
Frowning, she asked, “What about your grandmother?”
He chuckled at that. “She couldn’t tame his wild ways. Hell, he drank, caroused, and fought most of his life.” Shaking his head in disbelief. “I truly don’t know how she put up with him. He was a trucker back then, coming and going as he pleased. Even had affairs on the road that she found out about. Still, she stayed. Then, when my folks died, he straightened up for me. I think he saw himself through my eyes, or at least that’s what gran always says. He didn’t want to make me ashamed to have him for my granddad.”
“You helped him, so why do you still feel beholden to him?”
Looking down at her, he rubbed his hands down her arms, then back up again. Tenderly, he brushed back her wild hair. “I’ve never said this to anyone before.” He stopped for a second, and then cleared his throat. “I think he was deeply in love with someone before he married gran. I found some love letters once from her. I don’t even know her name since she used a pet name. And he’d talk sometimes and I just got this feeling that my grandmother loved him more than he loved her.”
“And he stayed with her when you came to live with them.”
“He was stuck.”
“That’s why you left when you did.” So much made sense now. Then an idea struck her. “But, Chance, after you left, he still stayed with her.”
“He owed her. He told me once. Owed her for all she’d done for the two of us and he was far too old to start all over again.”
“Oh,” she said, unable to comfort him the way he had her. “I’m sorry.” Reaching up she caressed his cheek. “I wish I could help you.”
He grinned, and then kissed her palm. “Strangely enough, you have helped.”
Pulling her hand back, she curled her fingers into a fist, trying to keep the imprint of his lips on her flesh forever. Returning his smile, she stared up at him. “Can you imagine if it had been reversed, me leaving and you staying?”
She laughed and he joined in. When he sobered, he said, “You, my wife, would have become a famous dancer, maybe even a prima ballerina.”
“And you?”
“I’d have ended up in jail…” He waited a heartbeat. “For strangling your granny.”
At that, she burst out laughing again. “You dog, you.”
“Devil, sunshine, devil.”
“No, really, what would have become of you?”
He grew serious and sucked in a breath. “A male version of your granny, I guess. A lonely, bitter old man.”
The minute he got the last words out, she stood staring at him in stunned disbelief. He seemed to have the same reaction as his eyes grew round.
“Tessa, do you think your granny’s the way she is because of how hurt she’s been through her life? I mean, for not living out her dreams, whatever they may have been?”
“God, Chance, I think you’re right. When I was growing up she used to say how she would have loved to have gone to college and done something important with her life.” Shock raced through Tessa veins. It wasn’t her fault. It never had been. “And I don’t think she’d have ever had the courage with or without me being here, do you?”
“No,” he choked out. “Now, don’t you see how you need to go after your happiness, sunshine? Don’t end up like her.”
A chill went through Tessa’s heart; she knew if she didn’t have the baby she longed for she would end up old, alone, bitter and resentful. That bleak picture cut in two. Searching his eyes, she knew he held the answers to her dreams. “With your help I won’t. Please, Chance, give me a baby.”
Chapter 18
“For land’s sake, Tessa, you’re putting in too much salt. You know it’s not good for me.” Granny’s voice grated along her nerves.
Ever since granny had arrived a half-hour ago for Thanksgiving dinner, nothing had suited her tastes. She complained bitterly at having to have to come to the bar, and then climb those terrible stairs.
“I only put a dash in the vegetables to bring out the flavor.” Tessa gritted her teeth, already tired of defending each and every thing her granny had
pointed out as wrong.
Chance popped his head into the tiny kitchen. “Everything all right in here?”
Pasting a smile on her face, Tessa said cheerfully, “Couldn’t be better.”
“Liar,” he said softly.
“What was that?” Granny asked sharply, throwing a nasty look his way.
He came into the room fully. “I said your granddaughter’s a liar because we can hear you griping all the way out in the other room.”
Granny gasped. “Well, I never.”
“I thought we settled that a couple of weeks ago.” He tsked tsked, and then said, “You had a son after all, Granny Warfield, so don’t go denying it.”
“You are the most…” She seemed to be having a hard time finding the right words. “I won’t stand for any of that filthy talk.” She marched out of the room.
He turned sideways to make way for her, and then turned back to Tessa. “Sorry, sunshine, couldn’t help myself.”
“Yes, you could, but thank you all the same.” She shot him a wicked grin.
He chuckled deeply, making her insides flip-flop. Coming up behind her, he reached around. “Here, let me help stir.”
She let him take over the gravy, her hand brushing his. Tingles raced up her arm. She met his hot, intense gaze briefly, and then hurriedly looked away.
The air pulsated with suppressed feelings. He cleared his throat. “Do you really think we’re kidding anyone?”
Jerking back to look at him, she opened her mouth, and then closed it again. Grimacing, she said, “I thought we could pull it off. Maybe not.”
He tilted his head to the outer room. “I’m sure you’re friends figured it out already. Didn’t you see the looks they gave each other when we answered the door?”
Her cheeks grew even warmer, recalling how the knock had interrupted a heady kiss. “I’m hoping we can at least keep it secret from our families and Walter.”
“Ah, about old Walter…” He tugged at the collar of his freshly ironed shirt.
Her heart skipped a beat. “No.”
He nodded. “’Fraid so.”
She winced. “I wonder why he hasn’t rubbed it in yet.”
“He has. To me, at least.” She swore the red dotting the tops of his cheeks wasn’t coming from the steam from the stove.
“Oh, brother. I’m sure my time is coming.” Dread pooled in her middle.
“Any time now. Let’s just hope he doesn’t fling it today.”
The dread turned into a great, big knot. “Did you have to tell me that now?”
“I thought I’d better prepare you just in case. Wouldn’t want you to be blind-sided.”
“Thanks,” she said grudgingly. “I hate when that happens.”
“Me, too.”
She sighed heavily as she went back to cutting the freshly baked bread Bree had brought along with the desserts.
“Sunshine?”
“Hmmm…”
He gulped hard; she could hear him all the way across the room. “I’ve been thinking…about us. You know we haven’t been using anything.”
The soft laughter and playful banter coming from the outer room seemed to fade away as she focused fully on his words. Silence descended between them.
“Well.” He blew out a breath. “I’m trying to say I’ll be there if anything happens.”
The knife fell from her numb fingers, clattering on the counter. Suddenly, he was there griping her shoulders.
“I’m scared, Chance. If I am or ever will be, then I worry about this feud being passed down to the baby.”
Gently, he turned her to him. He brushed away some stray tendrils, skimming his fingertips over her cheek. She shivered in response. Gazing into her eyes, he said, “I can’t promise I’ll end this thing, but I’ll try.”
“But you didn’t want to before.”
He shot her a lop-sided grin, and then said, “You’re right, it’s much too much fun to needle your granny.”
She playfully punched him in the ribs. “You dog, you.”
“Devil.” He kissed her forehead. When he pulled back, he grew serious once again. “I don’t want what happened to us to happen to our baby.”
She stilled. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want her to learn how to hate from the cradle.” He shivered in revulsion.
Something sharp and dagger-like sliced through her heart. All the years seemed to blend together and only the bitterness between them had outlasted all else. She bowed her head, battling back a sudden wave of tears. “It’s not right.”
“Hey, look at me,” he said, tenderly placing a finger under her chin and raising her head so her eyes stared into his. “Honestly, I don’t ever remember hating you.” He looked at her, lingering over every feature, and then he followed with the softest of kisses, tugging at her heart in the process. “That’s the only thing I ever did that went against granddad’s wishes back then. He wanted me to hate you and I just couldn’t bring myself to.”
She drew in a shaky breath, a sense of relief washing over her. “I faked it, too,” she admitted sheepishly. “But, in private.”
“We could show our real feelings. Like now,” he whispered, dropping his head to find her lips.
The tenderness took her breath away and she gave in to the powerful feelings coursing through her. Part of her felt wicked kissing her husband only a few feet away from her granny. But the other half knew how right this felt.
When he finally broke the embrace, he pressed his lips to her temple, whispering, “It’s our special secret, sunshine.”
Pulling back a little, she gazed up at him, memorizing every angle and curve of his endearing face. She caressed his cheek, and then his jaw, wondering how long they could keep this from their relatives.
Someone cleared their throat. Tessa jumped away as he did the same. She clasped her hands behind her back as she looked at her friend and business partner. “Oh, Bree, we were just…” She pointed to the stove.
Her friend grinned. “I thought you two might need some help, but I guess not. Don’t worry I won’t say a word.” She clamped her lips shut, made the turning signal, and then threw away the invisible key.
“So much for keeping this under wraps,” Chance said in an aside.
Bree went to leave, and then stopped to say, “Oh, I forgot to mention, Chance, your grandmother and Walter just arrived.”
Just then the voices in the outer room rose. Tessa could distinctly make out her granny’s. “Oh, brother, it’s already starting.”
“You can say that again, sunshine.”
***
The forced gaiety played on her nerves more than she cared to admit. Her friends kept up the conversation, pulling out anecdotes from the salon. She sat at one end of the long table while Chance held court with his family at the other end.
“Auntie, may I have some more smashed po-ta-ters?” Sydney asked, leaning close to her on her right.
Granny piped up, “I don’t know why you people insist on calling her auntie when you’re not even related to us.”
Tessa cringed. Glancing at her dancing buddy, she witnessed the trembling chin and big blue watery eyes. She could have strangled her granny for that snide remark.
“We may not be blood, but we’re as close as ever, right, sweetie?” She winked at Sydney, gaining a brilliant smile and a curt nod. Relief shot through her at the save. Glancing at the others, she found Chance looking at her with an odd expression on his face.
Her granny just tsked tsked. “I was just telling her the truth.”
Down the length of the table, Mrs. Deveraux snickered. “Why, you wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you on the as—”
“Gran,” Chance warned, placing his hand on her arm.
Her cheeks grew pink as she looked around at the others. “Sorry, she brings out the worst in me.”
“Hah!” With her fork, Granny pushed around her food. “It’s too dry and chewy for my taste.”
Ignoring her, Tessa
hefted the large bowl of potatoes and plopped a spoonful onto Sydney’s plate. “Thank you.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Granny nearly shouted.
“Who couldn’t?” Walter muttered. “I bet Father Tom could hear you down at the rectory.”
“Smart aleck. It’s no surprise the boy turned out the way he did with the lot of you wisecracking all the time.”
Devon cleared his throat, and then said, “You know, Mrs. Warfield, I don’t believe you’ve had any of my stuffing. It’s a specialty my mother used to make.”
“That’s right, she was a cook, wasn’t she?” Granny shot him a knowing look and Tessa swore Devon froze.
“What exactly do you mean by that?” His words came out with a steel edge.
“Oh, just that she cooked a lot.”
He made to stand, but Jewel’s hand on his arm held him back. Jewel broke the tense silence. “Did you know Mrs. Marshall well, Granny?”
“Land’s sake, no.” She pressed a hand to her chest at the thought. “Why we hardly saw each other, never mind running around in the same circle.”
Jewel smiled tightly. “Yes, that’s right. My mother-in-law worked long and hard to raise her beloved son the best she knew how. While you lived on the other side of town living off of Tessa’s inheritance and feuding with your neighbors.”
Granny nearly choked on that. Tessa thumped her on the back all the while shocked at her friend’s audacity, but deep down pleased at the lethal comeback. The others chuckled, dabbing their mouths or trying to hide their glee by concentrating on the food.
“Are you going to let her talk to me like that?” Granny twisted to Tessa, her eyes rounded in surprise at the verbal assault.
Shrugging, she repeated her grandmother’s own phrase from earlier, saying, “Granny, she’s only telling the truth.”
“I can’t believe this coming from you, of all people. Why I sacrificed all I had.”
“Just for you,” Mrs. Deveraux interrupted. “You’re like a broken record. Lord, how many times have you said that one to someone?”
Lies of the Heart (Heart Romance #3) Page 15
