“Shut up,” she told that voice in her head. It always seemed to come out in quiet moments, when she least expected it.
Beside her, her phone buzzed and she picked it up, her lip curling when she saw Ashton’s name. He hadn’t texted her in a year, and it figured he would pick the exact moment she was doubting herself to do it again.
Hope your ‘boyfriend’ is feeling better. What happened? Did you finally give it up to him, and he was as disappointed as I was? Made him sick to his stomach I’m sure.
Hannah wanted to throw her phone, and it took everything in her not to. Her personality wasn’t given to outbursts of anger, but this was one of those times where she wished she could just beat up another person. It would feel so good to bury her fist in Ashton’s cheek, maybe cut his lip on his teeth, mess up what he considered a perfect face.
“Hey, you okay?”
She hadn’t even noticed that Garrett was awake. “Yeah.” She did her best to smile for him, putting her phone on the bedside table.
“Are you sure? You looked like you were about to cry there for a minute.”
It was stupid that he was the one sick and now he was worried about her because of something that Ashton had said to her. Story of her life. Pushing her hair behind her ear, she nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. You feelin’ better?”
“I am.” He pushed himself up in the bed and held his arms open. “I could really use a hug though.”
For some reason, she had the feeling that he knew she needed the hug more than he did. Sinking into his arms felt good. It was nice not to have to go through things alone. The strength with which he held her restored at least some of her equilibrium, some of her faith. Leaning her face against his chest, she listened to the beat of his heart and let it calm down her feelings. It was a steady rhythm that she knew instinctively wouldn’t fail her. It was just so hard to let go of all the things that made her vulnerable.
“Thanks,” he whispered, kissing her forehead as he buried his face in her hair. “I needed that hug.”
“I did too,” she told him, her voice thin even to her own ears.
To his credit, he didn’t ask her a thing about it. Just got up from the bed and stretched. “I actually feel like I’ve joined the land of the living. I think it’s all the fluids they pumped into me along with the medicine. I’m going to go take a shower if that’s cool with you?”
“Sure, that’s fine with me. Do you want me to order some room service for you? I have to leave in about an hour to go get ready. If you feel up to it, you could come see how my fans party,” she shrugged her shoulder.
The way she said it, so unsure of herself, made him think again that something had happened. That while he was asleep she had started to question everything. Even though he was still feeling bad, he nodded. “I’d love to see your show, as long as you don’t call me out to sing with you. I don’t know that my reputation could take it. They might call me a pussy for singing country.”
She frowned. “That’s crass.”
“That’s me, and yes, I would love some room service,” he grinned, running into the bathroom, away from her disapproving glare.
The room service had just been delivered when he emerged from the bathroom, steam billowing out behind him as he walked out. Hannah had been getting the food ready, and when she heard the door open, her head snapped up. Garrett stood in front of her wearing nothing but a towel, his tattoos, and a mischievous grin. Rivulets of water made tracks down his bare chest and arms. One in particular caught her attention as it ran from his hairline, down his neck, and onto his chest and abdomen until it disappeared into the towel he had wrapped around his waist.
“Hey, eyes up here,” he teased, pointing at his face. “I’m not just some piece of meat you can stand there and ogle. At least let me eat some food and gather just a little bit of strength.”
His teasing tone made her smile, but it also made her remember the text that was sitting on her phone from Ashton. When would she let him stop affecting her? Would she ever be able to say just ‘f’ it and go on with her life? If she was completely honest with herself, Hannah knew that she still couldn’t answer that question, but she would give it a shot. The two of them had an extra night that they hadn’t counted on, and it didn’t matter to her that he had been sick. That text from Ashton showed her that she had something to prove to herself, and if she didn’t do it tonight, then she wasn’t sure she ever would.
Chapter Eighteen
* * *
Hannah was amazing on stage, Garrett decided as he stood in the wings. He had watched a transformation take place the closer they got to show time. Gone was the quiet and demure but fun woman—in her place was a woman who didn’t recognize her sexuality as she strutted across the length of the stage. She smiled and flirted with the crowd, waving as she went from one end to the other, shaking her ass at certain times and then at others laying her soul bare. One thing he had never realized was how soulful her voice was. When she was really feeling it, there was a gritty tone, coated in what almost sounded like tears. It was the sexiest thing he had ever heard in his life. Pride flowed through his body as she held the crowd in the palm of her hand. He took pictures with his phone and looked down at them to make sure they weren’t blurry, and he almost couldn’t recognize the woman in front of him. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been able to understand why she made the “sexiest woman” lists, but he had always thought she was too “girl next door”. Seeing her on stage, she was a fucking sex kitten, and he now knew exactly what other people had witnessed and wondered exactly what the hell Ashton Coleman had been doing wrong.
“She’s amazing on stage, isn’t she?”
He turned at the sound of Shell’s voice. “She is. I hate to say it, but after some of the stuff she told me about herself, I’m surprised.”
“Ashton did a number on her self-esteem.” She folded her arms across her chest. “It was only recently that she told me exactly what happened. But let me tell you this, over the course of their time together, I watched her completely change. He was…controlling.”
That pissed Garrett off. A woman like Hannah needed to be allowed to grow and spread her wings, not be squeezed into a mold and then locked away. “You can bet your ass that’s not me,” he told her, grinding his back teeth together.
“I know it’s not, that’s why I’m telling you this. Be patient with her, she’s not the normal twenty-four-year-old who’s looking to discover herself. She’s scared of that.”
He didn’t need Shell to tell him that, but it was good to know that his initial thoughts weren’t that far off the mark. “I want to help her through that. I want to show her that it’s okay to be who you are. I’d be the luckiest bastard in the world if I could get her to open up to me.”
The smile that broke across Shell’s face was so genuine that he had to smile back. “I’m glad to hear that. She’s my very best friend in the world, and I can’t see her hurt like that again. I didn’t think she would ever come out of it.”
Garrett put his hand over his heart. “I’m not going to say I won’t ever piss her off, because that’s not me, but I can tell you that I won’t intentionally hurt her.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Shell told him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “And if you don’t live up to that, I’m not like Hannah, I’ll cut off you’re fucking balls.”
He laughed, loudly, until he coughed slightly. “You say the ‘f’ word too, huh?” he grinned.
“She hates it, but sometimes freakin’ doesn’t seem to have the same oomph.”
“That’s the fuckin’ truth.”
They snickered, sharing in their own private joke.
* * *
Hannah stepped out of the shower at the hotel room and debated on what she should wear. For some reason, she felt different tonight. When she had gotten off stage, the look in Garrett’s eyes wasn’t one she’d seen before. It was almost as if he saw her for the first time.
“You looked beautiful ou
t there,” he had whispered in her ear as he grasped her around the waist and lifted her off the ground.
Her face warmed even now at the memory. She would remember the look on his face for the rest of her life. No one had ever looked at her that way before. It was a raw expression, and she thought that maybe it was filled with passion, but she had no experience with that. She didn’t want to assume, but she also didn’t want get on his nerves by acting so clingy that she pushed him away. It was a slippery slope that women like her navigated—wanting so badly to be different than what she was, but not knowing what being different truly entailed. Blowing out a frustrated breathe, she put on a pair of shorts and a tank top.
“One day,” she told herself. “You’re going to have to stop being such a fraidy cat.”
When she walked out of the bathroom, she realized her mental debate had been for nothing. Probably completely worn out, Garrett was fast asleep. She couldn’t help but giggle at the anguish she had caused herself before turning the bedside lamp off and crawling in beside him. Usually it took her hours to wind down, but because of getting up early to go see him, she was tired too. Within minutes, he rolled over and put his arms around her. In those strong arms she fell asleep, grasping his hand with hers. With everything she had, she wished she could fall asleep like this every night.
* * *
Hannah was roasting. Kicking the covers off with her legs, she squirmed against the mattress, wondering who in the world had turned the heat up. She fought to open her eyes, but she felt so lethargic.
“C’mon, Hannah,” she heard Garrett’s deep voice against her ear. “Wake up for me.”
She wanted to ask him why, but in that moment, she felt his large hand run over her side, down past her ribs and over her stomach. Once there it moved up to cup her breast. Just like that, she was completely awake and she stiffened against him.
“Tell me to stop if you want to,” he told her softly, his voice heavy with sleep. “I couldn’t stop myself when I woke up with you plastered against me like this. You were amazing on stage, and now that I know what you’re hiding in there, I want to bring it out.”
What in the world was he talking about? She wondered what she should do. Should she just tell him to stop, or should she try to go on with this?
“Hannah, you have to tell me what you want,” he told her, using the pad of his thumb to rake it across her nipple, kissing the side of her neck when it tightened.
“I don’t know what I want,” she admitted, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat.
“What are you scared of?” he asked, turning her over so that her back was against the mattress and he was looking down at her.
In her mind, he loomed over her, and it caused her to shrink back against the sheets, trying to make herself smaller. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she couldn’t take another disappointment. “That I won’t be what you want me to be.”
“This isn’t about what I want, Han, it’s about bringing that part of you I see on stage out when you’re off stage. I saw you out there tonight and you were amazing.”
Tears glinted in her eyes. “I can only be amazing on stage.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it’s there, you just have to push past it and get to it.” He grasped her chin and tilted it so that she looked into his eyes. “It’s there,” he put his hand over her heart, “inside you. I get the feeling you’ve been told that you just aren’t that kind of woman, but I’m telling you…what I saw tonight, you are way more than that kind of woman.”
She heard what he was saying, but she didn’t believe it. “I don’t know what you mean,” she shook her head. “All I’ll do is disappoint you,” she whimpered, the wetness falling from her eyes.
“There is absolutely no judgment here. If we don’t like it, we keep going until we do. Not every relationship is the same—especially sexual relationships. You have to get to know your partner, you have to figure out what they like, what turns them on. Like with you, the way you bite your lip when you’re unsure of something, it gets me hard every time.”
Her face burned. No one had ever spoken like that to or about her before. “Please don’t say things like that,” she told him, shaking her head. She did the one thing that he had just mentioned, more than likely out of habit than anything else. When she did, he groaned and grabbed her hand, bringing it to the front of his shorts.
“Words lie, honey, but bodies do not. I want you.” His breath was shaky as her small hand stayed there, even when he released it and moved his to her head, grasping her hair. “Let me show you how amazing it can be. Just give me one night. Forget everything you thought you knew and let me in. I promise you, you won’t disappoint me, and you won’t have to go to the bathroom and use a vibrator.”
Her face really burned at that, and she couldn’t help but giggle. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
He pulled a face. “Tell me you’ve never done that before.” Something about her relationship with Ashton didn’t ring right to him, and he knew that she had been just as unsatisfied as the other man.
“I can’t,” she admitted.
“Give me tonight, what few hours are left of it. Please, give them to me.”
“I don’t know that I’m ready,” she told him, her voice tight as she pressed the words past the lump in her throat.
“I didn’t say sex. I said let me show you how amazing being with someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing can be.”
Should she say yes? Should she give him the power to hurt her that much more? If she gave him this part of her, regardless of if they had sex or not, she would be laying herself bare. Women like her didn’t do halfway on anything, and if she did this with him, she would want a commitment.
“I’m not the type of girl that you can do this with and then just not call tomorrow,” she explained.
“What?” His eyes narrowed. “You don’t think I know that? That’s not what this is about. If I wanted to just get off, there’s a shower in the other room. I want to get you off, not only tonight, but I’d be fine with every time we’re together after this. Doing this isn’t a joke for me. I don’t take it lightly either.”
“You never have?” She didn’t quite believe him. It was too good to be true.
“I had a misguided youth, just like the rest of the band did. I’m over that now.” He put his hands at her hips and pulled her to him. “I’m in this for however long it lasts, but you can bet your ass I won’t be sharing my bed with any other random women. That’s not who I am—not anymore. I’ve grown up. If I’m giving myself to you, it’s going to only be to you, and I expect the same from you. You’re not the only one who’s had to deal with a cheating significant other.”
What did she really have to lose? In reality she’d already lost everything. Her self-esteem, her sense of self-worth. “Okay,” she grinned. “Show me what you got Reaper.”
“Promise me,” he demanded, holding her chin so that she looked into his eyes. “Promise me that it’s just us.”
“It’s just us,” she told him, throwing her body at his and pressing her lips to his. “Just us.”
Chapter Nineteen
* * *
Garrett moved up the bed so that he rested with his back against the headboard. Using his strong hands and arms, he lifted her up and over his body, allowing her to straddle him.
“It’s just us here,” he told her again. “You do what you want to do.”
That was the problem, what did she want to do? Never before had she been trusted with a man who did the types of things he did to her. Hell, looking at him now, he caused her stomach to flip and her hands to shake.
“I don’t know what I want to do,” she admitted. The words caused her face to redden with embarrassment. Who wouldn’t know what to do with the man who lay in front of her?
He reached his hand up to the neckline of her tank top and pulled on it lightly. “I know what I want to do.”
“Do it
.” She bit her bottom lip, wanting him to take the reins this time. Hannah didn’t want to put a whole lot of thought into it this time. She just wanted him to direct her.
“You have to be okay with this.”
“I am, I’m just nervous,” she told him.
“No reason to be.” His eyebrow quirked before he reached around her body and cupped her back with his hands. He brought her flush with him before moving one hand up to her shoulder and pushing her towards him. The other hand went back to the neckline of her tank top and this time pulled it down, baring one side to his eyes.
Would he like what he saw? He knew they weren’t real. Would that make him feel weird about this whole thing? She watched with wide eyes as he dropped his head to her chest, his tongue snaking out to lick the hardened tip of her skin. She hissed, dipping her hips harder on him, grinding her body into his.
The smirk that covered his face showing his dimples was almost her undoing. “Glad to know you weren’t one of those poor souls that lost feeling when they had surgery.”
She couldn’t help the giggle that came from deep within her throat. “I know, right? That would really suck because I like the sensation.”
“Wow, you finally admitted something, color me surprised.”
Any words to answer his comment were lost in her throat as his mouth returned to the spot he had just left. Digging her fingers into his hair, she held him there, not wanting this to ever end. Ashton had never done anything like this, had never done anything that she enjoyed.
Hannah arched her back, pushing against him as his tongue drew circles around the hard nub of her breast. She pulled lightly on his hair as he used his teeth to nip at the skin there.
“You like that?” he whispered as he pulled away.
Her eyes were clamped shut and she nodded, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted her to put voice to the things she needed from him. He wasn’t the type to just read someone else’s mind. If they were going to do any of this, he needed her to be involved.
Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country) Page 12
