by Nina Lane
Love makes you crazy, she realized. She pulled away and said, “I’ve got to go.”
“I know,” he said, swatting her on the butt as she turned to go up the stairs. “See you in four hours.”
She forced a smile on her face and ignored the snickering as she quickly entered her lecture hall and took her seat in the front row, her cheeks a bright red.
* * *
She’d never been one to rough it, or so she told herself. This motel Chris had found was certainly character building, she mused. She tried to imagine that it was romantic, in a trashy, sticky way, like an old movie theatre with too many years of gum stuck to the floor.
They’d checked in as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, making the bored desk clerk smirk with a look that said he knew better and making Annie’s cheeks flush. She was entering a whole new world tonight, she realized, and it wasn’t just about the highway motel.
Annie had been raised in a loving Christian household with a lot of rules, and for the most part, she’d agreed with all of them. At the church her family attended when she was growing up, the pastor told them sex was only for marriage although her friend Donna had become pregnant in ninth grade. Everybody knew it, but nobody talked about it. She simply had disappeared for a few months and then reappeared, seemingly no worse for the absence. Of course that was minus the baby which had been adopted by a nice Christian couple who couldn’t have children of their own, according to the rumors. The official cause of her disappearance: a mysterious illness. Donna’s cautionary tale aside, Annie just hadn’t met the right person, in the right circumstance to even want to consider sleeping with him.
“Well, so this place sucks a little, but the price was right,” Chris said when he opened the door to their room. They both stared at the room’s brown shag carpet, tan nylon bedspread with several stains and the beat up dresser swaying under the weight of a TV. “I’m sorry,” he said as he raked his hand through his brown hair, his blue eyes light and watery. Annie realized he was embarrassed and she needed to reassure him. The room wasn’t that bad, she told herself.
“What? This is a fabulous getaway,” she said, pulling him to her and melting into his strong arms. “I’m sure the manicured grounds and infinity pool are right around the corner.”
“Ha. Well, Disney is down the way, but I was hoping we’d make our own magic,” Chris said, walking her backwards until she felt the bed pressing against the back of her knees. Her heart banged in her chest as he gently pushed her back onto the bed. Chris kneeled above her, looking down at her. “God, you’re beautiful. I can’t believe how long I’ve waited for this moment.”
“Kiss me,” she said, reaching her arms up for him as he straddled her on the bed. She reached her mouth to his, longing for his kiss. He traced the seam of her lips and she opened her lips on a gasp, their tongues finding each other, hungry and needy from weeks of teasing. She ran her fingers up and into his hair, which felt soft and thick to her touch. He rolled to his side, taking her with him, their kiss deepening. His hand brushed the skin at the base of her neck and then trailed lightly down in the valley between her breasts. Her nipples were erect, her breasts heaving towards him, begging him to touch her. Finally he broke the kiss and said, “Can I undress you?” he said, his voice deep and low. “I’ve dreamed about seeing you naked, Annie.”
“Please,” she managed, as she helped him pull her simple white T-shirt over her head. Chills covered her body as she felt his fingers undo the button of her jeans and before she knew it, she was lying on the bed wearing only her bra and panties.
Chris knelt above her, and said, “You’re perfect, Annie.” Her brain was dizzy with desire as he dropped his mouth to hers, biting her lip gently as she felt his hand caressing her breast, squeezing her nipple through the fabric of her bra. She arched into him as he moved behind her back to unhook her bra, removing it quickly as he then dipped his head and began sucking her nipple. She felt herself grow wet with desire as he licked and kissed his way down her body to the edge of her panties.
She felt his fingers tracing the line of her underwear as she lifted her hips and he pulled them off.
“Look at me, Annie,” he said, and she realized she’d had her eyes closed. She slowly opened her eyes and raised them to look deeply into his blue eyes that had darkened with desire. Desire for her. He slid a hand under her neck and kissed her gently on the lips, the fingers of his other hand tracing circles on her lower belly, causing her to writhe in pleasure. “I’m going to make love to you. Is that what you want?” he asked as his fingers snaked under the edge of her panties and towards the place she ached for his touch.
“Yes,” she said, gasping, closing her eyes as she felt his finger plunge inside her and his mouth found her breast, sucking as he pressed another finger in. She felt like screaming and bit her lip to stifle it as she felt his thumb press against a spot that made her shudder.
“You’re so wet,” he said. He slowly pulled his fingers out of her. She opened her eyes and watched as he stood up over her, pulled off his blue T-shirt and jeans, his boxers and tossed them all in a pile. He reached back to the jeans and grabbed a condom that was conveniently tucked in the back pocket and rolled it on. She then watched as he rejoined her on the bed, opening her legs and settling between them on the bed. “I know you’re a virgin. Are you sure?”
She’d never wanted anything more in her life, she was certain. “Yes,” she said.
He nudged her thighs further apart as his erection pressed against her, eventually sliding inside her - gently at first as he held her hips in his strong arms, rocking her in time with his thrusts.
“Does it hurt, baby?” he said in a whisper.
All she felt was a deep burning pleasure, a sensation so overwhelming, so intense she couldn’t speak. She arched into him as Chris whispered how great she felt. He thrust further inside, until he was fully seated in her. Then he withdrew, almost completely and thrust again, over and over, further and harder until she cried out. She felt him climax too, shuddering with the release before falling on top of her, both of them slick with sweat, tremors still rolling through her body as she came down from her climax.
When finally their breathing had slowed, Chris rolled to his side and Annie looked into his eyes. He used his hand to push hair from her forehead and tenderly kissed her lips.
“Well, Annie, that was something. A dream come true,” he said.
“Yes,” Annie said, her face flushed and minor tremors still rolling through her. She’d never experienced anything like this, she thought, as she snuggled against his side.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he said, his arm wrapped around her, holding her close.
“No it was perfect,” she said. She saw him smile.
“Good, well, if that’s the case, we’ll just have to do it again, and again,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose. “But first, I’m starving. You?”
“Very hungry,” she said, although the thought of moving from the bed was overwhelming.
“I’ll go pick up something to eat and you can go freshen up,” he said. “Here, give me your hand.” Reluctantly, Annie held out her hand and Chris helped her to stand on her shaky legs, pulling her close as he kissed her forehead. “Thank you for allowing me to be the one.”
* * *
Annie emerged from the bathroom after her shower to find the motel room transformed. The corner table had been covered by a white tablecloth and on it two white candles flickered in the dark room.
Her hair was wet, and all she wore was a towel. She felt self-conscious as she tried to make it to her suitcase in the corner of the room.
“Wow, Chris, it looks beautiful. I’ll be right back,” she said, grabbing her suitcase and hurrying back into the bathroom. She pulled out a sweatshirt and her favorite jean cut-off shorts before rejoining Chris in the room.
“I love that you’re so shy,” Chris said as she walked over to the table. “You’ll blush at the smallest things. Like, if I ask, how was your
first time?”
Annie felt her face flush and knew her cheeks had turned bright red. Chris was already seated, a bottle of red wine open on the table and two glasses poured. He held his wine glass in his hand expectantly. She sat down and reached for the glass of wine in front of her chair.
She felt his eyes on her and flushed. “What?”
“You’re bright red. No need to feel embarrassed, honey,” Chris said clinking his glass against hers. “This was meant to be. We were meant to be. Just the fact you waited for me to be the one. Well, thank you.”
“Um, you’re welcome,” Annie said, taking a gulp of wine, realizing she was thirsty and that this whole discussion was making her very uncomfortable. She needed to change subjects. “What’s for dinner? And do you have a bottle of water?”
“Pasta, from a little hole in the wall around the corner. It smelled good in there. But I forgot water. I did remember wine,” he said, rummaging in the paper bag on the floor and pulling out two plastic to-go dishes. When Annie opened her meal, she realized how hungry she was.
“I love fettuccini Alfredo,” she said, taking a big bite, and washing it down with the wine, which tasted bitter in her mouth. After the second sip, the taste had grown on her.
“How do you like the wine? It’s a special blend. A little stronger than the normal vino, but it’s great for special nights, I’ve found,” Chris said.
Annie wasn’t a big drinker, but she was a typical college girl, so she was surprised when her head started feeling dizzy. She decided she probably needed to eat more pasta, and did, but she became even dizzier, the room seemed to be slanting.
“Wow, Chris, that’s some strong wine,” she said, and she could hear herself slurring as the words tumbled out.
“Hey sweetie, are you ok?” Chris asked, but his face had become blurred and it appeared to be several faces. Annie blinked to try to get them together again. The room was beginning to sway back and forth, in a gentle but still disturbing manner. Annie placed both hands on the table, trying to hold on.
“Something weird is happening,” she said, as panic spread through her. “I’ve only had half a glass of wine.”
Chris and all of his faces smiled at her, a psychedelic trip. “Let’s get you to the bed,” he said. She felt him behind her, sliding out her chair and then scooping her up in his arms. The room danced but she couldn’t move. She was frozen in his arms.
He sat on the side of the bed, holding Annie in his lap. “Sorry you aren’t feeling well, I mean, do you feel good, just dizzy perhaps? I gave you something special, so we could have some more fun,” he said, his voice echoing through her ears.
Annie didn’t know what was going on, but she felt herself falling back on the bed. Before she knew it, her sweatshirt was being pulled over her head. Her mind was screaming, No! but nothing was coming out of her mouth. She tried to push Chris away, to look him in the eyes, but she couldn’t focus on his face. She felt her shorts being tugged down her legs but she was unable to speak, unable to move. Annie had an out-of-body experience and suddenly was looking down at herself on the bed. Chris started kissing her neck, his hands on her breasts, and all the while her brain was screaming, No! Stop! Her arms and legs were limp, splayed helplessly on the bed. When she felt his erection pressing into her, pain raced through her body.
“Oh Annie, this time you’re not wet,” he said, the words cold and cruel. “Don’t worry I brought lube.”
Annie closed her eyes as her brain registered the shocking violation she was unable to stop.
I came here willingly to be with you.
Why are you doing this to me?
CHAPTER SIX
TODAY
TOP OF THE WORLD
LAGUNA BEACH
“Mom, did you bring milk?” Noah asked, barreling into the kitchen, his best friend Addie trailing behind. Noah seemed to be growing every minute. He was now at least a head taller than his friend who had been the same height as Noah at the beginning of the school year. He flashed Annie his bright blue eyes and his big smile and Annie reached over and tousled his shaggy brown hair.
“Of course I brought you milk, champ. I just need help unloading the car,” Annie said. “Hey Addie, how are you?”
“I’m great Mrs. Tate,” Addie said, running out to the garage to help with the groceries.
“Hey honey,” Hank said, walking into the kitchen with their six-year-old son Houston close on his heels. The two were inseparable, it seemed, Houston a pint-sized replica of his dad. “You look pale. Why don’t you go take a rest and I’ll handle the groceries and dinner? Anything special you have in mind? Pasta?”
“Pasta should work,” Annie said, feeling a wave of nausea at the mention of her least favorite food, the association to the past still strong. “I mean macaroni and cheese. I got some at the store.”
“Sounds good,” Hank said, kissing her gently on the forehead while patting her tummy. “I’ll check on you in a little while.”
Annie smiled at her kind husband and made her way down the hallway to their bedroom, pausing to admire their wedding photo hanging at the end of the hall. Hank was such a great man. They’d met at just the right time. She really didn’t know what she would have done without him. Without his help, she might not have ever broken free.
TEN YEARS EARLIER
IRVINE
Annie woke up with a pounding headache, tucked under the covers of the dirty motel bed. She bolted upright, looking to her right and saw Chris asleep on his side, his back to her. She wore her own sweatshirt and her underwear. She shook her head, trying to clear the fog surrounding her. She swallowed, a bitter taste filled her mouth and she felt like she could be sick.
As she started to climb out of bed, Chris’ hand grabbed her wrist, holding her tight.
“Hey baby, how are you?” he asked, his hair messy, his eyes sleepy. He was shirtless, she noticed. “Where are you going?”
“I need a glass of water,” she said, her voice thin, hoarse.
“Let me get that for you,” he said, hopping out of bed and hurrying into the bathroom. Annie heard the faucet running as she swung her legs to the floor and slowly stood up just as Chris came out of the bathroom.
“Here you go. Drink up,” he said. Annie took the glass from his outstretched hand and took a big drink. The cool water helped her throat feel better, but her head still was pounding. “Aspirin?”
“Sure,” she said, watching him as he rummaged inside his duffel bag and pulled out a bottle labeled Bayer. As she waited, a memory of the night before shot across her brain. But it was gone.
He handed her two tablets and she swallowed them with more water. “Thanks,” she said. “I can’t believe how awful I feel. This must be the worst hangover I’ve ever had.”
Chris wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry you don’t feel well, sweetie. You did have a really bad reaction to the wine. And we were having such a wonderful night, celebrating your first time making love.”
Annie flushed with the memory and smiled, but then something popped into her mind. “Did we, you know, make love, after the wine?”
“We sure did. You’re insatiable,” Chris said, his eyes bright and his mouth locked in a smile.
“I don’t think so. I think I was scared, Chris. I remember feeling helpless,” Annie said as his smile disappeared.
“That’s ridiculous,” he said, breaking their hug and walking to the corner of the room. “You said you wanted it. Wanted me. Now you’re trying to tell me you didn’t? What are you accusing me of Annie?”
Chris’ hands were on his hips and his mouth was clenched, the same expression she’d seen him use towards Donny, and the homeless man in the park. The same expression that scared her every time she saw it flash across his face, she realized. It was all in his eyes, his crazy eyes. She’d been a fool. All she knew now was that she had to get out of this motel room and away from this man.
“Nothing. I’m not accusing you of anythi
ng. It was a magical night, just like you promised, and I’ll always remember it,” Annie said, pasting on her sweetest smile, batting her eyes at him. “Unfortunately, I’m going to have to head back to school early. I feel awful. Maybe I picked up the flu or something?”
Chris tilted his head, weighing his options, considering her words, Annie knew. She needed to convince him to let her go, and the only way to do it was to act like she believed what happened was consensual. That she actually looked forward to seeing him again. The thought sent a shiver down her spine.
“The flu?” Chris said, but he crossed the room and put his hand on her forehead. “You do feel a little warm.”
“I know. And my stomach is still upset. And I have the chills,” she said, holding up her arm where goosebumps had made her hair stand on end. “Please take me back to my house. Chris, I’m really not feeling good.”
“Well, I was looking forward to another great day and night with you,” Chris said, “but I understand. Rain check?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Annie said, trying not to reveal her relief. She wasn’t home yet.
“Let’s pack up then,” he said as Annie quickly grabbed her jeans shorts, bra and T-shirt from off the dirty shag carpet and shoved them in her suitcase.
“Ready,” she said, walking to the motel room’s door.
“One last kiss, to celebrate the evening I’ll remember forever,” Chris said, pressing his lips against hers as Annie fought the urge to scream.
* * *
Back at the sorority house, Annie climbed into her bed and slept for the rest of the day and through the night. When she finally woke up, her headache was gone and she was starving. She flipped over in bed, and Robin was there, staring down at her.
“Geez, what are you doing?” Annie said. “Why are you watching me sleep?”
“I’m worried about you. You aren’t yourself. Haven’t been since you met what’s his name,” Robin said, sitting down on the side of Annie’s bed, reaching out and patting Annie on the shoulder.
