by Janet Dailey
Her questions might never have been asked for all the attention Lije gave them.
'Why did you tell Stacy what you should have discussed with me first?' he demanded.
'Is that what's bothering you? Just that I happened to question Stacy about what had helped her to adjust to ranch life?'
'I suppose it was Stacy who prompted your sudden interest in seeing the ranch after more than a month has gone by since we arrived.'
His sarcastic comment brought a scarlet colour to her cheeks. Put that way, it sounded like an unforgivable omission on her part. And in part it was, although Diana was too hurt to concede that.
'I don't understand you,' she murmured.
'How could you?' There was an arrogant coolness in his voice and face. 'After all, out of the three days before we were married, we were only in each other's company about twelve hours in all. Hardly sufficient time to discover whether I'm the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, is it?'
'Are you trying to suggest that I made a mistake?' she breathed.
A weary expression clouded the already grey eyes that Lije turned towards her. 'It's possible we both made a mistake. But if it's anybody's fault, it's mine. I knew the kind of life I was bringing you to. But then it's gone beyond the point where it's easily corrected, hasn't it?'
Diana made an instinctive movement towards him, aching to assure him of the depth of her love. Words eluded her, since so much of what he was saying was beyond her understanding. Yet something in his expression prevented her from touching him.
'Neither one of us is capable of carrying on a rational conversation right now,' Lije inserted before Diana had a chance to argue. 'We're too emotionally involved.'
He turned the key in the ignition switch and started the motor of the jeep. Diana felt as if he had patted her head and told her to run along like a good little girl. She did relinquish her passenger seat and dash towards the house, but with bitter tears stinging her eyes.
Over the next few days, an air of normalcy existed, at least on the surface. But there was an underlying current of tension that tugged at the precariously floating foundation of Diana's happiness. Lije didn't bring up the subject of their marriage again, but their unspoken thoughts crackled in the air between them. While Diana was relieved that there wasn't an open rift between them, she was also more guarded in displaying her feelings. Yet that very act frightened her, because it seemed to prove that they had a severe communication gap. It was one she didn't want to bridge for fear of the consequences.
By the conversation between Lije and Jim Two Pony at the dinner table, Diana knew it was lambing season. Her husband's days were spent away from the ranch yard, and the twilight hours were devoted to the horses with the paperwork claiming the remaining evening. So there was little real opportunity for serious discussions. Diana was usually in bed, feigning sleep, when Lije would at last enter the bedroom.
Even after the weight of his body had sunk into the mattress beside her, she did not fall asleep, but lay awake listening to his rhythmical breathing. When sleep did claim her, it was troubled by nightmares where Lije was in peril and only she could save him. But always her limbs were frozen into immobility by her terror. In the morning she would awake with the sickening nausea of her failure still clinging to her.
During the long daylight hours when she was left alone with her thoughts, Diana felt as if they were two strangers living under the same roof, barely seeing or speaking to each other except in passing. She hadn't even had the courage to ask again about seeing the rest of the ranch, coming to the conclusion that Stacy's suggestion would only lead to more arguments. And she hadn't recovered from the wounds of the last.
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Chapter Nine
THE morning sky was an immense stretch of startling blue that seemed to belong to an artist's canvas. The sun was a glaring yellow orb suspended over the distant mountains, casting long black shadows over the uneven terrain. A hawk soared lazily overhead, its wide wingspan catching the unseen wind currents. The coolness of the mountain night fingered, turning the warm breath of the horses in the corral to smoky puffs.
Her hands were shoved deep in the pockets of her tan jacket as Diana stared at the strange landscape. There was resentment in her aquamarine eyes that such a vast amount of space could constitute her prison walls. She had not even the means to escape because Lije had the pickup truck and Jim had the jeep.
Exhaustion caused by nights of restless sleep painted pale blue circles under her eyes, giving them a haunted look. At the same time, Diana couldn't relax during the day, constantly being driven by her nervous energy that kept her physically active.
She stared at the weathered house and outbuildings in sullen silence. A debate went on inside her whether or not to take the paint out of the storeroom and paint them herself just for something to do before she shrugged the thought away in a moment of pique. That was her husband's responsibility.
Letting her wandering pace carry her to the rear of the house, Diana watched the movement of her shiny brown shoes, the toes already showing a covering of pale dust. A cynical smile curled the corners of her mouth as she realized what an incongruous picture she made in this backdrop of rugged country.
Crinkling and shiny brown patent leather shoes on her feet were very, practical for walking long blocks on city sidewalks, but they were useless in this terrain where rocks and thorny bushes would scratch and mar their shiny surface. The beautifully tailored brown slacks moulded her slender long legs and enhanced the provocative curve of her hips, but the material would snag at the slightest touch. Certainly not the attire to tramp this countryside. The tan jacket covering her white silk over-blouse was designed for looks and not warmth, which, with the promise of springtime weather, was not too bad. Still, Diana thought, she looked like exactly what she was—a model placed in a western setting instead of the usual cardboard backdrop.
What was that Stacy had said? East is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet. Diana was beginning to believe that was the rule and Stacy had been the exception to prove it. It was hardly an encouraging thought.
Her restless feet had carried her to the small rise behind the house. A distant spiky-leafed plant with a towering centre stalk beckoned her, an instant reminder of Jim Two Pony's comparison of a yucca plant and a rose. His description of the yucca fitted the plant she was looking at and she walked towards it for a closer inspection. There were no bell-shaped flowers on the stalk, only a dense gathering of barely formed buds.
Further on there were more such plants firmly rooted in a rocky hillside. Diana walked towards them, pausing once to look back at the house to make sure it was in sight. The dark roof was plainly visible. A long-legged rabbit hopped briskly away as Diana approached a heavy growth of vegetation. His hasty departure gave rise again to her own desire to flee her unfriendly surroundings. With a resigned sigh, she continued on. The top of a larger hill promised a more encompassing view of the land that she was trying to reconcile herself to accept as home.
When Diana attained her new vantage point, she gazed out over the awesome stretch of uncivilized land. Far, far away, she could see dark specks of slowly moving animals. She remembered, vaguely Lije mentioning that the cattle were still pastured near the house and assumed that what she saw was part of the herd. The minute appearance the distance gave them made her more fully aware of her own insignificance, and a chill brought on by the loneliness of her existence sent a shiver through her body. She looked back at the square building that was her home, so very different from the images she had dreamed.
Subconsciously Diana knew she had wandered as far from the house as she dared, that now was the time to turn back, but she could not face returning to that drab interior that always seemed to contribute to her depression. Instead she made her way down the opposite side of the hill, convincing herself that as long as she kept the hill in sight she wouldn't get lost.
By nature, Diana had
never been adventurous, only curious, but her situation seemed desperate. Regardless of the negative side that brushed off Stacy's suggestion to investigate the ranch as not being the solution, Diana was driven to explore all possibilities. This inner compulsion led her down a small draw at the base of the hill, confident that she had only to retrace her steps to be back at her starting point.
None of the plant or animal life that she saw were any that she had seen before. Except for the yucca plants that Jim Two Pony had described to her, she could only guess that the scrubby-looking trees she saw belonged to the pine family. The clumps of underbrush were a complete mystery to her. There wasn't a sign of a robin or bluejay or English sparrow and definitely not the pigeons that abounded in the tall concrete cities she knew.
The landscape was painted in earth tones from the dark dull green of the piney needles on umber-coloured branches to the cinnamon and ochre-coloured rocks amidst the pale sandy soil. Distant mountain peaks were a peculiar purple brown. The vivid blue of the sky and the yellow glint of the sun in her eyes were the only bold colours in the otherwise drab and sombre land.
An animal trail led from the base of the draw to its rim some live feet above. Diana made her way warily up its steep incline, her mind imagining the animals that might have used it before her. With visions of coyotes and mountain lions dancing in her head, it was something of a start for Diana to reach the top and find herself staring at a white-faced cow. She took a hasty step backwards, nearly losing her balance before she stopped. The cow eyed her suspiciously for several seconds more, then it turned and trotted hastily away. Not until there was no further chance that it might return did Diana expel the breath she had unknowingly been holding.
Still Diana didn't immediately turn back. The muscles in the calves of her legs were aching from the unaccustomed climbing she had been doing. To the right of where the cow had been standing was a jumble of rocks. One flat rock looked inviting, offering a relatively comfortable seat when compared to the grass and brush-covered earth. When Diana climbed on to the flat rock, she discovered that while the rock rising behind it was jagged and rough, she could manoeuvre to avoid the sharper edges and obtain a suitable back rest. The rays of the sun had given the stony surface a pleasant warmth that made it doubly relaxing. Leaning back, Diana dosed her eyes and basked in the continued sunlight.
A fly made lazy tracks across her cheek. Her hand moved up and brushed the pesky insect away, but it determinedly buzzed around her face. Blinking hastily, Diana realized she had dozed off. She glanced quickly at her wrist before she realized she had left her watch on the counter by the kitchen sink. The sun didn't seem to have changed its position very much, hanging a little higher in the sky. A vague gnawing in her stomach confirmed that it was close to lunch time.
The path leading back down the draw was farther away than she had first thought. But the sun that had been over her shoulder during the first part of her walk was now shining in her eyes as she began to retrace her steps. Her legs were still a little stiff and she felt the beginnings of a blister on her heel. The nagging discomfort increased as she kept walking down the draw with still not a sign of the hill which would bring her in sight of the house. If it wasn't for the sun still reassuringly shining in front of her, she would have been beginning to believe that she had taken a wrong turning and was lost.
The teasing breeze carried a sound to her. At first, Diana had the strange feeling that someone had called her name before she shrugged it off as one of those peculiar bird calls. Several feet further, the rhythmic and muffled beat of an animal approaching from behind her reached her ears. With the memory of coming unexpectedly on the cow still fresh in her mind, she paused and turned towards the sound. Her hand brushed the feathery strands of silver-gold hair away from her eyes as she peered earnestly towards the continuing sound.
The walls of the draw seemed to draw closer, making its confines become very narrow. The idea of becoming the obstacle in the path of an unknown animal became a more pronounced possibility as the sound drew closer. The sides were steep, but Diana didn't really care. She raced to the side, her eyes desperately scanning for a foothold or handhold that would take her to the top, but her inexperienced eyes saw none. Glancing nervously over her shoulder at the bend in the draw, she saw a horse and rider walk slowly around the bend. Her thudding heart slowed in relief.
'Lije!' she called weakly but gaily.
'What the hell are you doing?' he barked, reining his horse to a stop beside her and glowering down at her upturned face.
With that cold remote expression in his eyes, Diana couldn't bring herself to tell him that she had been about to claw her way out of the draw. He was not in a mood to laugh anything off.
'I was going for a walk.' In spite of the resolve to keep things light, a defensive note crept into her voice.
'Did you have any particular destination in mind?' Lije asked grimly.
'As a matter of fact, I was just on my way back to the house.'
'The house is that way.' He pointed in the direction he had just come.
'That's impossible.' A troubled, disbelieving expression creased her forehead. 'The sun was behind me when I started and now it's in front of me.'
'What time is it?'
'I … I left my watch by the sink.'
'It happens to be two o'clock in the afternoon, and the sun does move to the west in the afternoon.'
Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to think of some reply that wouldn't make her sound as ignorant as she was.
'Do you have any idea how close you came to really getting lost?' Lije demanded. Mutely, Diana nodded as the realization began to sink in. 'If I hadn't come back to the house at noon and couldn't find you—' He left the thought hanging in the air. 'Damn it, Diana! What if I hadn't come back until nightfall? Didn't you even notice that you weren't going back the same way?'
'Everything out here looks strange to me.' She lowered her head to prevent Lije from seeing her trembling chin.
The creak of saddle leather announced that Lije was dismounting. Diana didn't feel any safer as he towered beside her. The pain in her chest was becoming so intense that she had to laugh or she would cry. What started out as a throaty chuckle quickly turned into hysterical laughter, and not even Lije's fingers digging into her shoulders as he shook her penetrated her consciousness. It took a stinging slap across her face before the hysteria abated.
'Don't you see how funny it is?' she demanded, a wild glitter still in her eyes. 'I didn't know east from west even when the sun was shining!'
'Get a hold of yourself!'
His hand gripped the back of her neck, forcing her face up towards his. The forbidding expression on his face was far from soothing. For the first time, Diana found herself struggling to free herself from her husband's arms.
'Let me go!' she hissed. Lije was caught off guard, relaxing his hold just long enough for Diana to slip away. Her action was unnatural, but the long held-in emotions and pent-up frustrations had her standing in trembling anger before him. 'Don't touch me,' she murmured furiously as his hand moved again towards her shoulder.
If Diana had considered Lije's previous expression as forbidding, now he looked decidedly intimidating. And her hastily spoken words had goaded his already growing anger into fun fire.
'I haven't touched you for nearly a week,' he snarled, his hands bringing her rigid body against the solidness of his. Her face was turned mutinously towards him, refusing to submit to this theatening pose.
'It's amazing you could suppress—' Diana began sarcastically, only to be interrupted by a muttered expletive from Lije before his mouth brutally covered hers.
The savagery of his embrace didn't hold the slightest hint of passion or desire. Diana was locked against his granite-hard muscles of his chest by two iron bands that constricted until there was no air left in her lungs. The unrelenting kiss pressed her lips against her teeth with such force that it split the underside of her lip, leaving the salty tas
te of blood in her mouth. The throbbing in her temples increased and blackness swarmed in front of her eyes as she felt herself ready to faint from the lack of oxygen. With her arms pinned to her sides, her struggles were pitifully weak.
Then she was standing free, gulping in the sweet breath of life. Feeling returned to her numbed arms and legs and her lips still felt the vicious bruising of his kiss. The pain was just beginning to recede in her forehead as she slowly opened her eyes and let her icy blue gaze meet the remarkable blandness of his.
'You brute!' she whispered vehemently, startled to see his mouth twitch with mocking amusement. 'And wipe that smile off your face!'
'Surely your twisted sense of humour sees the funny side of this,' Lije jeered. 'I nearly raped my wife.'
Her face paled as a hundred angry, spiteful words rose to her throat, each fighting with the other so that none of them came out. Pivoting sharply, Diana stalked away from him, uncaring of the direction or the terrain.
'Unless you' re running away, the house is still in the opposite direction.'
His softly spoken yet mocking voice brought her up short. But her pride refused to let her turn around. It was foolish to continue on and get herself genuinely lost.
'Diana, we both rather exploded today when the strain of these last few days became too much. Let's leave it at that.' His quiet voice carried the autocratic ring of command. 'I want you to walk back to the house with me.'
She knew it was the closest to an apology she was going to get in the circumstances. She had to admit that a lot of her anger had been caused by the tension and frustration. But all the logical thinking one part of her brain did was offset by the still smouldering resentment nurtured by the other half. Diana turned around and walked back to him, refusing to meet his eyes or look at Lije even when he turned away from her to take the reins of his horse, leading it as they started back.
