by Lacey Savage
“I almost lost you today. It was my fault. I didn’t protect you.” He thought perhaps that single bit of knowledge would haunt him for the rest of his life.
She drew away from him and lifted her gaze to search his face. “What happened here was not your fault. You rescued me.”
He shook his head, needing to make her understand. “If I’d been here, if I’d just shown up for work like I was supposed to, I could have kept you safe. It’s my duty.”
Frown lines formed above her beautiful dark eyes. “You speak as though I am a child in need of safekeeping.”
Donovan snarled. He grabbed her arms and held on tight as his gaze locked to hers. “You are my mate. Protecting you is the most important role I have in this world, and I failed.”
She reeled back, her brows lifting in surprise and confusion. “Your mate?”
“Yes.” He sought the right words to explain, and when he couldn’t find them, he settled on the truth. “The wolf inside me recognized you when I couldn’t. Four years I spent searching for a mate. I thought I needed…” He turned his head, unable to meet her eyes. “A shifter. Someone whose animal appetites matched my own. Someone who understood the ways of my pack and accepted them. Someone used to violence, who’d fit in among my people.”
She lifted her head, tilting her chin a fraction. Satisfaction gleamed in her gaze. “But you were wrong.”
“No.” He slid his hands along her cheeks and sank his fingers into her hair. Her wavy mane felt like spun silk against his skin, and it sent a shiver through him. “Don’t you understand? I was right.”
She squinted at him. “I thought you said I was your mate.”
Frustration warred with desire. “You are, but it’s a mistake.” When she opened her mouth to protest, Donovan silenced her with a kiss. By the time he pulled away, they were both panting hard. “When I walked into that room and saw you hurt, my heart stopped. You’re so beautiful, Roxi. And yet, so damn human. Fragile and vulnerable and soft. I can’t take you to my pack. I won’t expose you to our world, or our ways. The mating ritual alone would be too much for you to handle.”
The color drained from her face. “You bit me earlier and I survived that just fine. You mean there’s more to it?”
“The bite is only part of the wolf’s need to mate. There’s also the public sex, and the violent nature of our ways in general.” His heart pounded so loudly, he heard its echo in his head. “This afternoon, I thought I could make things work. For a while I let myself imagine what it would be like to bring you home. I convinced myself all I’d have to do is protect you, keep you out of harm’s way. I even thought maybe I could train you to withstand our mating ritual.” He swallowed hard and forced himself to hold her gaze. He needed to make sure she understood. “And then I saw you with Kastor, and I knew I never wanted you to feel pain again. Not at anyone’s hands. Not even my own… God, especially not my own.”
“So you are protecting me, even now, by denying us both the chance to be together.” Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, slipped silently down her cheeks.
He wiped them away with the pads of his fingers. “I’d hoped you’d understand.”
Her lower lip quivered and she shook her head. “Not at all. You think I am not strong enough to handle your ways, but I am. I would have fought Kastor with everything I had.” She fisted her hands in the lapels of his blazer. “I am not afraid of you, or your pack.”
Pride swelled inside Donovan. His mate was feisty and brave, but she was wrong. His pack would ridicule Roxi like they’d taunted him. They’d hurt her, and he’d have no one but himself to blame.
His wolf howled and bayed inside him. The skin over Donovan’s fingers rippled as the beast threatened to break free. The wolf wanted his mate. Needed his mate.
But to keep her safe, they both had to let her go.
Chapter Eight
Roxi took a sip of her hot chocolate as Gabbi droned on about a recent anthropological breakthrough proving that Neanderthal DNA didn’t die out, but continued to live on in modern men. Her green eyes sparkled as she spoke, and when she got really animated about a point she wanted to make, she tugged on the end of her braid. A few weeks ago, Roxi might have gotten involved in the discussion. These days, the subject of men—modern or extinct—barely aroused her interest.
There was only one man who consumed her thoughts, and he wasn’t even completely human. In the two weeks since she’d last seen Donovan, Roxi had undertaken an extensive anthropological research project of her own, learning everything she could about shapeshifters. Most of what she’d found was based on myth and legend, but she’d also stumbled upon some recent blogs that claimed to share insights into contemporary shifters and their lifestyles. She had no way to know how much of it was true, but she’d filled six binders with information, cultural details and population statistics she’d hoped would help her understand Donovan and his kind.
“Earth to Roxi. Come in, Roxi.” Gabbi’s silky voice cut into her thoughts. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
Startled her friend had noticed, Roxi set down her mug. “What?”
“Tuning out, going off into your own little world.” Gabbi frowned. “You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”
From the couch cushion next to Roxi, Leann scoffed. “If that’s true, she’s a bigger idiot than I thought.”
Roxi gave her roommate a quick shove to the shoulder that wasn’t entirely playful. They still hadn’t completely gotten over the incident with the cops, but they were working on repairing the rift between them. Most days, Roxi thought their relationship might even recover. But every time she brought up Donovan, Leann rolled her eyes or shut down completely, making it clear what she thought of Roxi pining after him.
“Well, the man did save her,” Gabbi pointed out. “It’s natural to feel grateful.”
Leann gave Roxi a long look. “He’s dangerous. I can’t pretend to understand what I walked in on, but I know he hurt you.”
“Not intentionally.”
“You’re so quick to defend him!” Leann leapt to her feet. “Why can’t you understand I’m only looking out for you? Kastor could have done much more damage than he did. And now you want to go back to a man who could finish what the other guy started?”
“Donovan would not harm me.” Roxi rose to stand mere inches away from Leann. She fisted her hands at her sides. “That is why he left. Because he did not think I was tough enough to handle a man like him. He was wrong.” She lifted her chin a notch, daring Leann to disagree. “And so are you.”
“I’m not saying you’re not strong, Rox. I just—”
“I intend to prove it.”
Leann groaned. “You’re going to do something stupid, aren’t you?”
The ache in Roxi’s chest intensified. She’d had time to think about what had happened that night, and about the revelations Donovan had made. With each passing day, she grew more convinced that they belonged together. And each time she thought about it, the scar on her shoulder throbbed a little.
She understood his desire to keep her safe and appreciated it on a deep, emotional level. What she didn’t like was not having a say in the matter. He’d made Roxi’s decision for her, and no matter how well intentioned, that kind of antiquated behavior wouldn’t fly in the twenty-first century.
“Rox?” Gabbi came up beside her and laid a hand on her arm. “We love you. Whatever you’re thinking of doing, at least let one of us come along.”
Roxi cast a quick glance at Gabbi then lowered her gaze. “This is something I must do on my own.”
“Fine,” Leann snapped. “At least tell us where you’re going this time, so we know what to tell the cops when we have to file a missing person’s report.”
“Do you think so little of my judgment?” Roxi sighed. She backed up a few steps so she could look both her friends in the eyes. “Trust me when I say I know what I am doing. Donovan is mine. He was meant for me.” She shook her head, k
nowing her roommates couldn’t possibly understand but desperately wanting them to. “He is being noble and unselfish by staying away from me, so it is up to me to show him he is wrong about it all.”
Gabbi’s soft smile surprised Roxi. She’d expected her to cling to the feminist beliefs she often used in her anthropological arguments. “Then go. Just…be careful, all right?”
Roxi gave Gabbi a grateful grin. “I promise.”
She started to head for her room but Leann placed her fingers on Roxi’s arm, stopping her. “And if you’re wrong about him?”
A flicker of tension sparked between them. Roxi knew her friend meant well, but she was sure about this. “Then you can say I told you so.” She placed her hand on top of Leann’s and squeezed. “But if I am right, then I would ask you to trust me from now on. And to accept Donovan as a part of my life. Can you do that?”
Leann held her gaze. For a long time, neither of them spoke. At last, Leann nodded. “I just want you to be happy.”
Relief flashed through Roxi. She leaned in and gave her friend the first hug they’d exchanged in weeks. “I know, and I love you for it. But I love him, too.”
Leann’s smile was shaky but Roxi was glad to see it just the same. “So why are you standing here talking to me? Go get him already.”
* * * * *
Donovan stared into his glass of whisky, resolutely avoiding looking at the Mating Stage where a couple of young wolf shifters were going at it with desperate gusto, as though neither of them had ever rutted before or would again. The smell of sex clogged his nostrils, and his cock throbbed in time with the techno music booming through The Wolf’s Den.
He was fucking miserable.
His wolf wasn’t faring any better. The beast snarled pitifully and scraped at Donovan’s restraint, begging to be released. His skin itched with the need to shift. He hadn’t given in to the urge in two weeks, not since the last time he’d seen Roxi, and the wolf was going stir-crazy. But Donovan didn’t trust himself to be able to control the beast once he was loose. At least not as long as he still craved Roxi with every part of his being.
So Donovan returned here night after night, still hoping a shifter would attract his attention and distract his wolf from thoughts of a sexy little human they couldn’t have. He knew it was useless, but what choice was there? The alternative—claiming Roxi for good—was unthinkable.
A figure stepped up beside him. Donovan didn’t lift his head, refusing to indulge another conversation with a female shifter who wanted something he couldn’t give. Random, meaningless sex didn’t work for him, even when it was with females of his own kind. He needed a mate, and when his wolf didn’t stir, neither did he.
A large hand clapped him on the back. “You Donovan?”
The gruff, masculine voice made him look up at last. He peered into the close-set eyes of the bouncer who manned the front door and nodded. “Who wants to know?”
“You’ve got a visitor.” The man’s smile was downright predatory, and it made Donovan’s hackles rise. “She’s waiting for you in the boss’s office.”
His wolf perked up. Excitement fluttered in Donovan’s chest. Beyond the odor of spilled seed and sweat, Donovan thought he caught Roxi’s scent. He shook his head to banish the absurd thought. It was impossible. A human wouldn’t be allowed inside.
“There must be some mistake.”
“No mistake.” The bouncer gestured for Donovan to follow. “Come.”
Donovan debated the decision for a moment but curiosity got the better of him, so he rushed to catch up to the bouncer. The man led him down the narrow corridor where shifters rutted in the darkness, pausing in front of the door leading to the owner’s office. He pushed it open and stepped aside.
Roxi’s scent smacked him like an open palm the moment he stepped over the threshold. When he saw her leaning against the metal desk with her arms crossed over her chest in just that perfect way to show off her bountiful cleavage, he damn near stopped breathing.
“You,” he managed to growl out while the wolf howled, kicked and stormed inside him. “How did you get in here?”
She lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug and tugged down the neckline of her sweater. Just as Donovan’s pulse notched up so high he thought he might never recover, she turned around and flashed him a look at her shoulder.
“It was easy. I showed him this. Told him I was your mate.”
“Him?” Another growl, this one even more guttural than the last. “Who?”
“The bouncer,” she said patiently, turning around to face him once more. “He took me inside to meet the owner, and we had a long chat.” She gestured at the office around her but Donovan didn’t give a damn about the room. “He is very kind. He offered to leave us alone to talk for a few minutes, but he will return, so we should make this quick.”
Quick. Oh yeah, he could do that. He’d just bend her over that desk, lift up her skirt and bury himself inside her sweet heat. It would take no time at all.
His wolf bellowed, heartily approving the idea. Donovan gritted his teeth and forced himself to think of something other than sex. He needed to be the reasonable one here, but damn, it was getting harder and harder to fight his nature.
Roxi seemed to know it, too, because she smiled at him then, and all his good intentions flew out the window. He closed the distance between them in two seconds flat and gathered her in his arms.
He kissed her like his life depended on it. She moaned into his mouth and opened to him, her tongue sweeping along his and driving him crazy with the taste of hot chocolate and mate. His heart pounded hard against his rib cage and the wolf howled, filling his ears with the sound of ecstasy.
But it was Roxi’s sounds he wanted. Her moans, whimpers and soft intakes of breath. He ached to hear his name on her lips, her declaration of love, whispered confessions of her need for him. He stole each groan she gave him, tasting it, inhaling it, needing more. Her mouth was soft and pliant beneath his and he plundered it shamelessly, devouring her with the kind of fierce passion that should have terrified her.
Yet instead of crying out, she clung to him tighter and gave back as well as she took. She nipped at his tongue and sank her teeth into his lower lip, then sucked it into her mouth. His head reeled from the sensation and his cock throbbed. Her kisses wreaked havoc on his self-control.
“Damn it, woman.” He pulled away roughly then rested his forehead against hers. He couldn’t stop kissing her, so he placed swift, quick pecks on her mouth, her chin, down the delicate curve of her throat. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because I am yours.” She ran her hands down his back, caressing him with delicate flutters of her fingertips. “And I want you to be mine.”
He shook his head, wondering whether he could find the strength to push her away a second time. “I’ve already told you—”
She silenced him with another kiss. “You have told me your side, but now you will let me speak. I refuse to have this decision made for me. In the time you have been gone, I discovered much about you and your people.” Donovan snorted, but she continued. “I know about the mating ritual conducted in front of your pack. I learned what is required of me, and I choose to do it.” She lifted her head and stared at him with so much bravery and determination, it knocked the air from his lungs.
“But you don’t understand—”
“I know females have died during the mating ritual. I understand the risks, the danger and the aftereffects. And still I choose to do this, with you.”
Donovan sank his fingers into her hair and groaned. Myriad conflicting emotions rioted inside his chest. They tumbled over one another, overwhelming him. “You’re serious.”
“Yes.” She ran her hands over his arms and up to his face. “And I want to prove it. I know it is not the same ritual, but I want you to take me here, on the Mating Stage.”
Donovan gaped at her. His mouth moved but he couldn’t find the words to form. Did she have any idea what she was asking?
Seeing his dumbfounded look, she gave him a small, amused smile. But then it was gone, and she was serious once more. “I want you to take me,” she said slowly, making sure he understood. “In the way of wolves.”
* * * * *
The crowd fell silent as Donovan led Roxi up to the stage. The music still blared, but she could barely hear its throbbing rhythm over the pounding of her heart in her ears. Donovan’s hand at her back steadied her just enough to make sure she didn’t trip over her own feet.
She wanted this, Roxi reminded herself. Had wanted it, in her own way, ever since she’d stripped off her bathing suit on the beach back home all those years ago. Back then, she hadn’t known where her exhibitionist streak would lead her. She sure did now.
She’d asked Donovan for this—would have begged him if he hadn’t given in. And now here she was, about to get her wish.
A small shiver of apprehension ran along her skin. She climbed up the steps, concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other until they reached the top. There, she hesitated.
Donovan leaned in. His breath slid along her cheek, making her tremble. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.” She didn’t have to think about it. She didn’t regret her decision; she just had no idea what to expect. Sure, she’d read about mating rituals. According to her research, they’d developed differently throughout the world. Mating rituals in New York were different than those in L.A., which were both very far removed from those conducted in Canada. But the process wasn’t nearly as important as what each mating ritual represented—the binding of two shifters together into one. Forever.
“I will keep you safe,” he promised for the hundredth time. “Pretend we’re the only ones here.”
Just as he said that, she glanced out over the assembled shifters. Seeing all those pairs of yellow eyes staring at her caused her muscles to tense and her pulse to quicken in anticipation. When she looked at Donovan, pride glowed in his eyes.
