"But how to do right by Brandon?" she whispered.
Tears blurred her eyes as Hen sat quietly on Mattie's bed. She leaned forward and touched her daughter's thick braids. "My darling girl, how will you ever cope without your daddy?" she whispered into the air. "How will I manage without my husband?"
Even though her night had been a short one, Hen awoke feeling better rested than she sometimes did at home with Brandon, always being on edge due to their escalating disagreements.
She stretched, relaxing in the comfortable bed as she recalled that Dawdi Jeremiah believed wholeheartedly that if a person would simply lie in bed for twenty minutes before rising, the day would go more smoothly.
So she rested awhile and prayed a blessing on the day. She also asked God to make His presence known to her husband. "In spite of how things are between us now. Amen."
Later, once she'd showered in the makeshift bathroom just off the small kitchen - like an indoor outhouse, of sorts - Hen dressed in her most conservative print skirt and a cream-colored longsleeved blouse with a tan sweater vest. The glint of her engagement ring caught her eye as she buttoned the sleeve of her blouse. Even if she were to set aside the showy diamond ring in favor of just her simple wedding band, Hen would never be mistaken for Old Order Amish while wearing such a ring, no matter how Plain the rest of her attire. Some things can't be helped....
She went upstairs to wake Mattie Sue but found an empty, unmade bed, with Foofie sitting atop the pillow. "Mattie? Where'd you go?"
Making her way downstairs again, she saw the back door was ajar. She headed first to the main house, and seeing her grandmother already stirring up the pancake batter, she asked if she'd seen Mattie Sue.
"I heard her squealing. She's out with Sol feeding the young goats," Mammi said.
Hen went to the summer porch and looked out. Nick and Christian were already working in the bishop's former potato field to the west, plowing and disking. "How's Rosie feeling today?"
"Oh, much better. She's up and hobblin' around."
"Bless her heart." Hen was glad to hear it as she continued scanning the area outside for Mattie. Then she noticed her father and Mattie Sue playing with two of the barn kittens over near the corncrib. Hen burst out laughing, her heart warmed by what she saw. "Looks like someone's getting spoiled," she said.
"Can't hurt none," Mammi agreed and poured some coffee, which she brought to Hen. "You'll be wantin' this soon, jah?"
"Thanks - I mean, Denki," she said, realizing she ought to start speaking her first language more. Especially around Mattie Sue.
"How long will ya stay?" her grandmother asked, eyes too serious.
"I'm supposed to get this out of my system, according to my husband."
Mammi's eyebrows rose. "This?"
"My Amish heritage." She doubted Mammi would understand.
"How can ya expect to ever do that?"
Hen nodded. "That's just it."
Mammi shook her head in disgust. "Brandon wanted an Amish girl back when - stole you right out from under our noses."
"Please don't dislike him, Mammi."
"Well, it ain't that, really."
Hen followed her into the kitchen. "What is it, then?"
"What he stands for."
Sin, the flesh, and the devil. Hen knew already ... she'd heard it preached repeatedly when they were dating.
"And now here you are, back again." Mammi tested the griddle with several drops of water from her fingers. They spit and sputtered on the heat, so she reached for her favorite wooden cup and dipped it into the batter.
"It's good of Dad to let us stay." She watched Mammi at the cookstove.
"You prob'ly guessed, but your mother's awful worried."
"Not surprising." So am I.
"And your father was over talking to the bishop again early this mornin'."
A shiver ran up her back. If only she could come clean with everyone she'd wronged or caused pain. Hen wanted to have the right attitude when she talked with the man of God ... wanted to make it known how very sorry she was, without abandoning the marriage vows she'd made to Brandon.
Not only was it a knotty problem, but as her husband had already said, it seemed quite impossible.
By the time Hen helped Rose Ann get situated at the table, with her leg propped on the wooden bench, their father had arrived in the kitchen for breakfast. Almost immediately, he motioned for Hen to join him on the summer porch. "Bishop wants to meet with you this mornin'," he said, his face drawn. "He's goin' to sit you down with him and Barbara - the three of yous."
Sit me down ...
"I'm willing," Hen said meekly.
His face turned even more somber. "He has some important things to say."
She cringed, wondering what would transpire. Then, scanning the breadth of the backyard, she asked, "Where's Mattie Sue right now?"
"She saw Nick out with the mules, so she ran over there a bit ago. That's the last I saw of her."
"Well, Dad - "
"Just leave her be. She needs to run free, to explore the place."
"But-"
"Ach, she's just fine."
Hen had struggled from the first hours of Mattie Sue's life with being overly protective. And now she couldn't seem to keep track of her. More than ever she needed to look after her daughter, because when it came down to it, Mattie Sue might be all she had left.
Solomon watched his oldest daughter walk out to the road after breakfast, heading next door. How will the bishop's remarks affect Hen?
He turned to go to his shop and realized in that moment just how much he secretly enjoyed having Hen home again with Mattie Sue. It had been years since either Hen or Rose Ann were little girls. They'd loved holding all the barn kittens just as Mattie Sue did. He and Emma were blessed to be able to regularly see their many Amish grandchildren, but having Mattie Sue around was mighty special.
Stepping into the shop, Sol went to the wooden hook and took down his old carpenter's apron and tied it around his waist. He filled it with his favorite tools - a carpenter pencil and a fold-up wooden ruler, a tape measure, hammer, a bag of nails, tin shears, square level, pliers, screwdriver, and his safety glasses.
"Hen's marriage must not fail," he whispered, recalling the bishop's adamant stance earlier. Aaron had urged Sol not to encourage Hen to leave Brandon permanently. In fact, he had advised Sol and Emma to reach out to their son-in-law in whatever way they could. Keep the lines of communication open at all costs....
So, under God - and the bishop - he had a duty to see that Hen did all she could to mend whatever rift she was experiencing with her husband. He'd noticed that both Hen and Mattie Sue were dressing rather Plain. Were their clothes the problem, or was there more to it?
Sol thought again of Brandon. How could he best extend himself to the son-in-law he hardly knew? These past several years he'd tried repeatedly through Hen to invite Brandon out for various work frolics and such, but he was always too tied up with his own work. Sol felt downright awful that there hadn't been any communication between himself and Hen's husband since before the wedding. And now here the bishop was, nearly demanding he get Brandon's attention somehow or other.
Moving to his workbench, Solomon wracked his brain, trying to think how he and Emma might successfully invite Brandon Orringer to have a glimpse into their cloistered world. How, indeed?
Not knowing what to expect from the bishop, Hen hurried to the Petersheims'. Admiring their sprawl of land from the sloping road, she had to smile at the remembrance of the many picnics she and the bishop's three daughters - Verna and twins Anna and Susannah - had often enjoyed out on the front lawn. They'd especially liked to spread out an old blanket and have cheese and lettuce sandwiches out there with their doll babies.
She wished she'd kept in touch with the bishop's girls, all married now, just as she regretted her lost friendship with Arie. It was hard not to wonder if Arie had even read the recent letter Hen had sent. Hen sometimes found herself hopin
g Arie might drop by the fabric store, although since Hen didn't work there consistently, it would be difficult for Arie to know when to go.
The day had started out rather calm, with only a hint of feathery clouds out to the west. But now there were occasional bursts of wind, and she wondered if another rainstorm might be blowing in like yesterday.
Barbara Petersheim met her at the back door and waved Hen inside. "Willkumm, dear girl!"
"It's wonderful to see you," said Hen as she followed the very round woman into her warm kitchen.
"Made some brownies ... if you'd like." Barbara presented a platter.
"Oh, they look delicious, but I'd better not."
"Aw, for goodness' sakes! Just look at ya, though. You could stand to put on some pounds." Barbara stood there frowning as if Hen had done something terrible by turning down the treats.
"Well, I'm trying to eat fewer sweets."
"Are ya sure?" The bishop's wife had often been a force to be reckoned with. Not to be outwitted, she stood there holding the brownies in front of Hen. "Just half a piece?"
Hen had to smile, knowing she'd never get out of the generous woman's kitchen without at least picking up one of her brownies. "All right - but only a half." When she helped herself to the smallest one, intending to halve it, Barbara whisked the platter out of her reach.
"Go on, now ... you'll see how gut the whole thing tastes."
There was no arguing with Barbara. As Hen walked to the long trestle table, she wondered if this was a preview of things to come with the bishop. Still, she refused to get all worked up in advance over whatever the man of God believed was good and right in her situation. Hen would be much more receptive to his spiritual remarks than to Barbara's pleas to eat her rich, sugar-filled brownies. Even though she means well, Hen thought, taking a seat at the table to wait for the bishop.
Rose used her grandfather's cane as a crutch and managed to hop out to the barn after breakfast, eager to see George, Alfalfa, Upsy-Daisy, and the foals. And Nick. She hoped he realized how grateful she was for coming along when he had yesterday.
Soon she found him sitting in some fresh hay, holding a tiny gray kitten, with Mattie Sue sitting nearby. "Well, look at the two of ya."
"We're just wasting time," Mattie said, grinning up at her. "That's what Nick said."
He whispered something to Mattie that sounded like Deitsch, and Rose couldn't help but smile. "Go ahead and have your little secrets."
"How's your knee?" Nick asked.
"Some better."
"You need a ride to work tomorrow?"
"Where do you work, Aunt Rosie?" Mattie Sue piped up.
"Over yonder, near the covered bridge," Rose replied. "You know where that is?"
"I sure do." Mattie smiled. "It's where my daddy met my mommy - during a big snowstorm, too." She was all excited suddenly. "Mommy could've died if Daddy hadn't come along right then!"
Nick looked at Rose and nodded, his eyes piercing hers. "Just like I did yesterday, ain't so, Rosie?"
"Oh, you!" She picked up a handful of straw and tossed it at him. Several pieces stuck to his hat and lay on his dark shoulders. "And to think I was goin' to say again how nice it was you rescued me."
He sported a rare smile. "And don't ya forget!"
She didn't say it, but she thought he seemed just a bit too pleased about having been the one to find her after she'd fallen.
"So, when do ya think you'll be able to go ridin' again?" He picked the pieces of straw off his shirt and flicked them at her.
Rose frowned at Nick and glanced at Mattie Sue, shaking her head as a warning. But he shrugged like he didn't think it was a problem for her young niece to overhear their plans. "We'll talk tomorrow, on the way to Mr. Browning's," she said, eager to return there. "I really want to meet the girl I saw through the window yesterday."
Nick nodded and held her gaze. "Some mystery, ain't?"
"What is?" Mattie asked, looking first at Rose, then at Nick.
Nick leaped to his feet and snatched the gray kitten out of Mattie's lap. Just that quick, he flashed a mischievous look and ran off with Mattie's favorite cat.
"I like Nick," said Mattie Sue, jumping up. "He's silly."
Rose watched her chase after him, filling the stable with giggles.
She tested her leg and raised her cane to walk without it. Relieved her leg was already much more stable, she really hoped by tomorrow evening it would be strong enough to go riding again with Nick.
Hen could hardly keep her tears in check. "My husband is anything but interested in the Amish church - or any church," she said, her voice quavering. "So I don't see how what you're saying can happen ... even in the future."
The bishop's graying bangs rimmed his bushy eyebrows as he folded his hands and leaned forward on the table. "This is how things must be, Hannah." He'd always called her by her given name, ignoring the popular nickname. "If you want to join church someday, then Brandon must also be baptized with you. I will not allow you to become a voting member as a single woman ... because you are quite married." He paused, his hazel eyes boring into her. "There can be no exceptions."
She absorbed his words. "My husband won't even darken the door of my parents' house, let alone a Preaching service." She shook with sadness.
"God works in mysterious ways at times, so we will trust Him for the outcome. And always remember, His mercy holds us up when we reach the end of our own strength." He pushed his chair back from the table, signaling the end of the discussion.
God's mercy, thought Hen, wishing for a greater sense of it even now.
Barbara added, "Meanwhile, dear, you just keep showerin' dei Mann with love."
"Invite your husband to come visit ya in the Dawdi Haus," the bishop said before leaving to return to the barn. "Don't give up."
Barbara advised Hen to talk to her mother about this, too. "See what she might suggest. Emma says very little, but when she does, it's often wise counsel."
Hen stared at the brownie before her - she'd yet to take a single bite. "I don't know what to do."
"The Good Lord will show ya ways to reach out to him, Hannah. Your father mentioned possibly invitin' Brandon for a meal with your mother and you and Mattie Sue." Barbara glanced toward the eastern window that faced the Kauffman house. "Might you write a dinner invitation to him, just maybe?"
"I can try."
"After all, the way to a man's heart can sometimes be his belly," Barbara said, apparently trying to lighten things up. She reached for her plate of brownies and rose, carrying them to the counter. "If it helps to know, I'll be prayin' for ya, Hen, dear."
"That's kind of you. Denki." Then, holding her hand over her trembling lips, Hen stood, grateful for Barbara's loving arms as she came to embrace her.
"That's all right ... you'll feel better soon. You just go ahead and cry, honey-girl."
Hen's pent-up tears flowed freely now - she felt overwhelmingly sad because she knew Brandon would never budge. There was not a smidgen of hope for that. In some ironic way, she'd trapped herself in no-man's land, by choosing a way of life and love she could no longer reconcile herself to.
The worldly English life smothers my spirit . . . and I'll never be able to join this one, Hen thought, stumbling miserably up Salem Road.
Rose was surprised how much better her leg felt Wednesday morning. She was glad she'd gone to get help from Old Eli, though he was not a medical doctor. His therapeutic massages and herbal concoctions had gone a long way in helping her family through the years, as well as many others in the community. And Mamm, too.
She was ready and waiting when Nick arrived with the bishop's family buggy. Still using Dawdi's cane to steady herself, she shuffled out the back door and down the walkway. Nick hopped out and came over to walk close to her.
"I don't need to be carried today," she said, laughing.
He followed her around the buggy and stood there watching her struggle to get in. "So, ya think you're doin' fine on your own, then?
" Now he was chuckling.
"Just be still." She smiled. "And give me a little boost on my gut foot," she added, anxious to be back to normal again. Once she was settled inside, she realized how very sore she still was.
"Are ya up to ridin' tonight?" he asked when they were out on the road.
"Not sure I can manage a horse well enough," she admitted. George could sometimes be rambunctious, although she loved the horse all the more for being so.
"Well, if it would help, we could ride Pepper together," he suggested. "I'd be careful hoisting you up."
"Let's see how my leg's doin' later. Maybe I'll be able to take George on my own."
He fell silent suddenly and turned his head away to look at the other side of the road.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothin'."
"You looked awful disappointed."
Nick nodded slowly. "Just tryin' to please the bishop." He sounded glum and sarcastic. "He's eggin' me on to spend time with ya."
"Whatever for?"
Nick shrugged his shoulders.
"You're makin' this up, ain't so?"
He looked surprisingly serious. "No, Rosie. I'm not kidding."
She pondered this while they rode in the buggy, beset with the idea their bishop would want his unbaptized boy spending time with her. "You can't mean he wants us to be more than friends," she said quietly, still puzzling this over.
"He didn't say that, no."
"Well, what, then?"
He paused and glanced at her, then away. "Even if he did want us to court, you've already given your heart away, jah?"
She stared at him. "How on earth would ya know that?"
"So, I guess I'm right." A flicker of a frown crossed Nick's ruddy brow.
True to the People's age-old tradition, she was not going to reveal what she'd agreed to with Silas. "Just because I left with someone after Singing doesn't mean anything," she spouted back.
"No need to holler'bout Silas Good."
She shot him a quick look but decided not to bother with a response.
The Thorn (The Rose Trilogy) Page 17
