“It’s official Lily, I cleared it with the college. You are on my schedule for a three day workshop. Get some coffee down me, and I’ll fill you in. Oh, by the way, do you have any cinnamon rolls in the freezer; they are just the best thing to sort out a tequila hangover.”
I was listening to him witter on about cinnamon rolls and coffee and music workshops and my head was thinking, I can’t make music with this guy, he’ll laugh at me.
I was having an argument with myself when he butted in again “What is it? What are you thinking about? Correction, overthinking.” I was blushing.
“I can’t make music with you. I sound so childish in comparison.” He exhaled hard and crawled up to sit beside me.
“You’re gonna make me sound amazing.” He smiled slowly, and I laughed.
“You already sound amazing.” I twisted my lips at him, but ended up grinning when I looked down and his wood was sticking straight out pointing at the ceiling. He looked down and smirked.
“Pull your mind right back out of the gutter, Lily. I know little Alfie wants to play, but big Alfie is fighting for control here. Get your pretty ass in the shower, and get dressed, we have some studio time in two hours.” He pointed in the direction of my bathroom.
When I was dressed, he handed me a docket with the details of the workshop, and it was dated 13th September last year. He had scheduled me for time with him long before I had canceled our casual sex arrangement.
Alfie wasn’t kidding either. He didn’t touch me at all whilst we were at my apartment, not even a cuddle. When I tried to put my arms around his waist as he was brushing his teeth, he scooted his lower body to the side and shouted, “Out!” at me.
I drove to campus separately, and we arrived within a few minutes of each other. I arrived first and was wondering where he’d gone until he drove in and pulled up on the opposite side of the parking lot.
He got out with an extra-large styrofoam cup and a paper bag that I just bet stored the cinnamon rolls he’d been craving. I noticed that there was only one coffee.
He didn’t smile at me, and I felt a pang of loss at that, but he was being professional and carrying out the façade that he told me I would have to cope with on campus. I stood watching him walking into the entrance to the music studio.
He turned and glanced over at me before he disappeared inside. I exhaled heavily, and I turned to the back passenger door of my car to grab my things for class.
“Lily!” Will called out to me from across the lawn. He was walking towards me with his sax case in his hand and his rucksack over one shoulder.
He looked casual in his jersey sports shorts and a vintage band t-shirt, and his red converse shoes that were a permanent feature of him. When he reached me he struggled to keep eye contact.
“So… uh… did you have a good time last night? Shit! Sorry that didn’t sound good, huh?” I closed my eyes and blushed.
I guessed Will knew exactly what was going on with Alfie and me at the club. “So, I guess we’re not working together for a few days.” I changed the subject quickly not wanting to get into it with him.
Will’s brows bunched. “What do you mean, why not?” I pulled my rucksack around my shoulder and fished inside. Pulling out the docket, I explained about the workshop.
“So you’re taking time away from me?”
I could see how Will would see it, and I guess that Alfie couldn’t have planned it better, but neither Will, Mandy, nor Neil knew Alfie as anything other than a student.
“Seriously, Will? Grow up, check out the date,” I countered smugly.
He frowned as he read it. “Hmm, so does everyone have a work shop then?”
“I guess those that need it, but if you do maybe yours will be with a different mentor, someone from brass, because that’s your main instrument.”
It only had the mentor’s last name on the docket, so he didn’t know it was Alfie. “I’m string remember? Besides I only found out about it this morning.”
I checked my wrist watch. “Damn, I’m going to be late, not a great impression to make the first day with the mentor.” I excused myself telling him that I’d text him later.
I knew he had some gig dates for me, but I was really worried that I’d slip and say something that would make things even more awkward between us.
The recording studio had a distinctive smell; it was like rubber wires, cork, and something else I couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was hormones with all the adrenaline that must have been produced by musicians affected by playing in a recording studio.
I checked the list of studios and saw Black. Alfie’s name was against studio 5. It was the only studio not on the ground floor. I took the stairs and walked along the low lit corridor to the studio. I could see Alfie sitting near the mixing desk, some headphones on, nodding with his eyes closed.
I tapped the window with my knuckle, my small platinum band making the distinctive noise of metal on glass. He didn’t open his eyes. Of course he didn’t, he was wearing headphones. Duh! I pushed the heavy glass door with the full length metal pole handle, and the cool air of the studio hit me.
Alfie looked up and pulled his headphones off with a slow smile spreading across his beautiful face. “Hey, what kept you, coffee will be cold now. Sorry I couldn’t get a whole one for you, but as we’ve shared body fluids so many times, I figured that my germs were your germs now.
“I did get you your very own cinnamon roll though,” he said chuckling. When I put my hand in the bag and took the cinnamon roll out, it had three large bites missing. Alfie looked sheepishly at me. “Guess I should have bought myself two, huh?” he smirked.
I ate the cinnamon roll and drank the tepid coffee. He was right, the cinnamon roll seemed to make me feel great, or maybe it was being here alone with Alfie. Either way, I was happy.
We spent five hours in the morning session, and he was actually extremely knowledgeable. He also had pitch perfect hearing. He chose a song for me that he felt suited my voice. ‘I’ll Stand By You’
After he played Chrissie Hynde’s version, I felt it was a tall order for me to attempt the song at all with any measure of confidence. He explained in detail vocal pedagogy, or the art and science of voice instruction and how proper singing technique was accomplished.
He was a slave driver and cut me no slack for sleeping with the tutor. We stopped for lunch, and he even made me leave to go to the canteen to eat, instead of staying there with him.
He was determined that nothing we did would affect Kara, and I couldn’t help but feel I was still second best as far as his women went, even if there was no romantic involvement.
During lunch I grabbed a sandwich. It seemed to stick in my throat. Maybe this was because of the singing and the alcohol from last night. So, who was I kidding, it was because I couldn’t even have a simple sandwich with my guy because of everyone else’s drama.
I finished my sandwich and realized I had gone through the motions, no matter how much I was telling myself that he was being honorable, I just wasn’t feeling it. Could I do this with him? It felt complicated, even now.
I shook off my doubts and wandered back to the studio. I couldn’t wait to be with him again. I had just reached the edge of the large window outside the studio and what I saw made me heart sink.
A long legged blond girl was sitting on the desk across from Alfie, her feet balanced on the side of the seat he was sitting in. She moved her legs back and forth, rocking his chair slightly, as they both enjoyed what appeared to be some very friendly conversation.
She ran her hand through her perfect long, golden hair, flicking it out and throwing her head back. Alfie repositioned himself down a little on his chair and ran his fingers through his hair in response.
I wished at that point I hadn’t taken psychology as one of my minors, because I knew that his mirroring action meant that he was attracted to her too. From Alfie’s smirks and grins he was obviously enjoying what was going on between them.
She l
eaned forward and he sat up straight and she hopped down directly in front of him. He pushed his chair back and stood up close to her.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his chest. Alfie’s hands slipped around her hips and rested on her lower back. She rose onto her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his face.
I couldn’t see exactly where she kissed him, but from the angle of their heads it must have been pretty near his mouth. I wanted to burst in and pull the bitch off of him and slap her hard before throwing her out of the studio onto her ass.
What I actually did was stand to the side of the window watching them, and I felt sick.When I saw her turn to leave and sashay towards the door, instead of crossing her path, I ran back down the stairs and hid under them.
The stairs were those floating stairs, so I could see her coming down. She stopped at the bottom with one foot on the last stair. She turned and looked up, smiled and walked away.
The whole vibe sucked, and I didn’t want to go back up there because that meant dealing with more shit, and I was all out of toilet tissue. So, I stood in the shadow of the stairs for a while. My cell rang and brought me out of my reverie. SEXPERT ID flashed on the screen.
I considered not answering, but as the ringing sound was echoing in the corridor I had no choice. “Hi,” I answered, my heart beating so hard I thought that each beat was going to be my last.
“You’re late. I don’t do tardy, no matter how hot you are.” His voice was playful.
I didn’t know what to say, but I never got the chance anyway. “Here, now, time is valuable in a studio, you know that.” The line went dead, and I stood staring at my cell.
I swallowed hard and shoved the cell it in my pocket. I had come to make music so I could put everything else aside until the session was over.
I went back to the studio and laid down some vocals, then worked and reworked the arrangement. It was almost 6pm when he put his hand up to stop me, signaling me to come out of the booth.
He placed his hands on his knees and stood up. He raised his hands, stretched up, and bent over backwards before straightening again and smiling.
“C’mere, let me play this for you.” He smiled. I walked over and sat on the arm of the soft brown leather couch. He patted the couch for me to sit next to him, but I didn’t take his hint.
I was stunned by the sound that came back at me. Was that really me? He was grinning at me, the hue of his eyes looking green. “You have the sexiest rock-chic-with-a-quirk voice. It’s like sex and maple syrup, we know it shouldn’t work, but it does anyway.” I was amazed, it sounded fabulous.
“You should never be worried about singing in public, Lily. People would pay to see you. Hell I would.” My smile was genuine to him for his compliment, he definitely knew everything I needed to make my performance better, but emotionally, everywhere I looked there were red flags flying in relation to trusting him with my heart.
CHAPTER 25 – SIGNED
I left the studio separately from Alfie to maintain our student /mentor relationship. I was glad for the time away from him to be honest. All afternoon, the image of the woman with him in the studio burned into my brain. I had no idea how I found the strength to get through the rest of the studio session.
Alfie texted me about having dinner, but I told him that I needed some space tonight as I had an assignment that I needed to research for, and that I wanted a night at home. I really didn’t want to talk or be around him or rehash the scene I had almost walked in on at the studio today.
I needed stuff that was going to lift my mood tonight, so I checked out my iPod playlist, ordered Chinese takeout, ran a hot bath, and pampered myself. I opened a bottle of white wine and lay on my bed. No matter where my thoughts took me, I felt I’d be a condemned woman if I stayed with Alfie.
When I saw him with her today, no matter what the story behind it, I wasn’t confident that he’d be able to remain faithful to me. I was acutely aware of my history with men since being with Alfie as well.
Then again, I had no clue what the real deal was with him, and if I believed he wasn’t with other women, then I wouldn’t have gone with Max.
I felt so miserable. I sat wondering how the hell I’d gone from “I love you” to feeling like I was being played by him again. When the wine bottle was empty I felt even more like crap.
I cried myself to sleep hugging my pillow and wondering how the hell to pull away from him again. He held my heart, but I seriously doubted that he could ever make me truly happy and contented.
I woke up feeling exhausted, and my mouth was furry and dry. I think it was more unconsciousness, than a rested sleep I’d had. I began dragging myself around my apartment, trying not to be late for college and facing Alfie again. I must have been a good actress, because he didn’t suspect anything was amiss with us yesterday.
Despite how I was feeling about him personally, I was delighted to make music with someone as talented as him. He gave me confidence, and our voices actually sounded great together.
Damn, there was nothing that wasn’t great together, except his ability to put me first. That was until I saw the way he was looking at the girl in the studio yesterday.
Now I had to get through the next two days working with him, and not be alone with him other than this. I’d been a fool to let him back in.
Our personal relationship aside, I learned more in the following two days than I had learned in years at school and studying music with my music teacher in the UK.
I was amazed by Alfie’s knowledge, and he taught me the importance of voice being accompanied by instruments. He also explained how important this was for composers of music, such as us. I knew now that I needed to understand the skills and vocal properties of the singers involved.
He gave me skills to work with the natural breaks and lifts in the voice between head and chest voice as well as breathing control.
Under his guidance I was able to extend my range comfortably and understand exactly what kind of songs I should be singing to do myself the most justice.
I knew I’d feel more comfortable performing in public and not afraid that I would embarrass myself by over stretching my vocals now. On the last afternoon of my workshop with Alfie, he concluded the session in a very professional manner.
Honestly, anyone would think the studios were bugged, he didn’t allow himself to deviate from his role as my mentor. As I was walking to the parking lot he texted me.
SEXPERT: Dinner…mine 8pm
I stared down at the text. I had managed to avoid him outside our workshops for the past three days, although this morning it dawned on me that for the past two, he hadn’t even asked to see me.
Again, feelings of betrayal and doubt began to creep in. I only had his word for things. I had no real clue as to what the whole truth was with him.
I texted him back, feeling so hurt about what I was about to do. Three days and apart from calling me to tell me I was late that first day, there had been no other communication since I blew him out for dinner on the first night.
Pink Lady: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days Alfie. You’ve taught me so much about myself. I love you, but for now, I think I’d prefer us to be friends. Please respect my decision. I don’t want drama between us. I know what’s going on for you can’t be easy, but it isn’t easy for me either. All I know is that what we’ve got won’t be enough for me.
I hit the send button and immediately felt horrified that I was effectively dumping him by text. As soon as I had sent it I swallowed hard and wanted to claw it back, but I had too many doubts to continue with this.
I knew that my decision was going to hurt like hell. I sat staring at nothing, still in the parking lot, feeling numb. My cell bleeped with another text.
SEXPERT: I love you too, Lily. I promised to respect your decision. You won’t get drama from me. I probably won’t be around much after this month. Crakt Soundzz finally got signed. We leave for London at the end of the mont
h to begin recording late February. I won’t forget you. X
I felt like someone had stuffed their fist in my chest, grabbed my heart and was squeezing it tightly. My breathing was rapid and shallow, like there was no oxygen getting to my lungs, and I was devastated to read his reply. Just like that it was over. I cried hard, what did I expect? I had gotten what I wanted.
He was going to leave me alone now, and I had finally drawn a line on our relationship. Alfie was going to be famous, a rock star for sure. His band would probably be relieved that he wasn’t distracted by me.
I never moved from my bed other than to go to the bathroom for the first three days after the texts. I cried, and slept when I was exhausted from crying.
I considered leaving college and going home, but he was going to London, and I didn’t want to be near him. Every day I wanted him to come back and beg me to take him back, but each day ended in silence.
He was keeping his word and leaving me alone, and I was so disappointed and hurt. The nearer to the end of the month it got, the more I expected him to show up, and I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t wanted him to do that.
He didn’t though, he was leaving. When the date on my laptop displayed the first day of the month I knew for sure he had gone. I reasoned with myself that he couldn’t have loved me or he would have tried harder to keep me.
The silence was deafening as far as his feelings went. I kept checking my cell, but the only texts I had were from Will, telling me he needed to speak to me.
Holly came back from Texas a week after Alfie and I split up. We had a huge heart-to-heart about Saffy and everything that went on with her. Holly had been as in the dark about her mysterious ex- boyfriend as I was.
Although, I knew Holly through being around Saffy, I wasn’t too sure about us being friends without her here. I personally love her, but I wasn’t sure whether Holly was as excited about living with me, now that Saffy had gone.
Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) Page 19
