Cody’s voice sounded relieved. “Thank God, you’re coming back with me, I was the search party. Lennon was getting worried about you.”
I had just had a timely reminder of what I would be throwing away, turning my back on Alfie and me, and I didn’t think I could live my whole life from this point forward never feeling the way I just had with him.
The whole thing was a mess. We couldn’t be with each other, but we couldn’t seem to live without each other either. No matter how we panned out, I needed to speak with Zack.
I felt bad about hurting him, but I couldn’t let him keep hanging on for me when I knew that he’d be waiting forever. I really liked him, but as long as Alfie was living and breathing, Zack would never have my heart. In fact, even longer than that, and Zack deserved more.
CHAPTER 35 – WORKING IT OUT
I have no idea how I got through the night at the club after Alfie’s visit. Zack had his friends with him, and that made things even more awkward. The last thing I wanted was to break things off with him when he was with his friends.
That would have been humiliating for him, but I couldn’t let him kiss me, not after Alfie’s mouth had been on mine. I thought I had been doing a good job of covering my feelings, but Lennon was perceptive enough to see through my act.
“You need to talk?” I smiled at him, but it was a pleading one. He squeezed my hand. He leaned in and whispered, “Do you need to get out of here?” I nodded, and he squeezed it again.
He picked his beer bottle up and drew a long swig from it, then set it down on the table. “Okay guys, I’m taking charge here, Lily was off her game today because she was sick earlier. So I’m sending her home. Partying is off-limits for the next couple of days.” He looked serious, and Zack looked concerned for me, but he scowled at Lennon.
“I’ll walk you to your car honey.” I gathered my things from the dressing room and walked slowly to the car trying to figure out how to tell Zack we were over.
I didn’t have to say anything. I must have been giving off a vibe that told him, he didn’t need words. “What happened today, Lily?” I looked into his sad eyes with tears in mine.
“I’m sorry Zack, I met Alfie at the beach, and realized nothing has been resolved between us. My feelings for him are still raw, and I can’t get into another relationship with anyone whilst I still feel that strongly about him.”
Zack nodded. “Don’t get upset, Lily. It’s always been him, that’s why I haven’t tried to take things further. I was just hoping if I was patient enough that your feelings for me would grow and overtake your feelings for his, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen." Zack had been with me, even knowing how my heart still belonged to someone else. I felt so bad that this lovely man had wasted his time on me.
He bent and kissed my lips gently. “If there’s any chance, you both have to try to work this thing out, because you’re not going to be happy with anyone else.”
He kissed me again and squeezed my hand. “I don’t regret a minute of my time with you, honey, just… be happy.” He smiled affectionately at me, touched my cheek, and turned and headed back inside.
I drove home wondering what the hell I was doing. Zack’s words were ringing in my ear. “If there’s a chance you both have to try to work this thing out, because you’re not going to be happy with anyone else.”
As I drew up in the parking lot at home, my cell rang. McCartney ID, it was Lennon. I had joked with him the day I was taking his cell number, saying my favorite Beatle was McCartney not Lennon and had entered his number jokingly under that.
I turned the engine off and answered my cell as I shoved my things under my arm and locked the door to my car. “Hey. Lily, what’s up? Are you and Zack okay?” I explained about Alfie.
He’d known most of it anyway, I had told him about Alfie after getting drunk one night and I’d started crying. “Talk to him. Lock yourselves away and try to work it out. He can’t come between the band, and you can’t function until you resolve this. It’s affecting you, Lily.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “I know,” I said quietly.
Lennon sighed deeply. “You’re an amazing girl, Lily. Don’t let this guy destroy you and don’t let him come between the band.” Lennon was honest enough to express his main worry again for emphasis.
I told him I had agreed to meet Alfie tomorrow. “Lily, we’re here if you need us,” he told me, and he sounded genuine. I thanked him, and he ended the call. I took the elevator to my apartment.
My cell rang, and SEXPERT ID flashed on the screen. I wanted to see him. If I was honest with myself, I had been waiting for him to contact me again since our kiss at the club. I answered, and his low sexy voice swept over me like a warm blanket.
“Hey,” he cooed. My heart sped up, and my body went into overdrive. Butterflies fluttered inside frantically, outside, my skin tingled with goose bumps, all with that one word.
“I’m downstairs.” If I had thought my heart was beating faster before he said those words, it was pounding in my chest now. “I’m coming up, is that okay?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” Holly was at Brett’s tonight, and by tomorrow, Jack and Elle would be here. We had little time to be alone to deal with this.
He knocked on the door softly, and I stopped still and stared at it. On the other side was a man who affected me like no one else ever had. He had caused me so much heartache, destroyed me, and stole my heart.
But he was also the man that taught me what love really felt like. He made me feel pleasure I had no idea was possible and gave me the self-belief to get up there on stage and own it.
I turned the handle and heard the latch click, as I cracked open the door, he was already pushing me back and moving inside before I had extended it fully. His arm slid around my waist, and he slammed me back against the door, pushing the door closed with our bodies.
He lifted me, and my legs wrapped around his waist as I clung to him, his taut body pressed against mine, his hard erect arousal grinding against my pubic bone. I moaned, “Oh, God.” And he hissed.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as our lips collided. He growled into my mouth, and I swallowed the sound of his passion for me.
We frantically teased and tasted each other with our tongues. He muttered, “Fuck, you're killing me.” In that moment nothing else mattered.
He broke the kiss and drew his head back, drawing in a deep breath. His eyes locked onto mine. We were both breathless, panting, my chest rising and falling. He smiled his warm, sexy smile at me, and I could feel the effect I had on him.
His body was trembling. It hummed with the expectation of what it needed to do, but it was being held back by him as he fought to control himself. My body shuddered when he bent to kiss my collarbone. He let go a soft chuckle.
“You’re so fucking responsive to my touch,” he said, shaking his head as if in disbelief of the effect he had on me. “How can we not be together?” he murmured. We stood facing each other. He seemed as mesmerized by me as I was with him.
He stroked my hair, and my hands slid down from his neck and slipped up under his t-shirt, letting my nails rake the skin on his back lightly.
He shivered and smiled again. I was kidding myself. I couldn’t bear to think about life without him in it any more. “You're mine, no more games, no more anger, nothing between us, Lily. If I have to spend another minute thinking about you in the arms of someone else, I’d rather die right here.” His head didn’t move just the sound of his low, soft, sensual voice. There was no anger or regret in the moment, just two people who loved each other.
He stepped back, releasing his grip on me. “We are going to do this, Lily, but we’re going to do this properly this time.” I bunched my brows not understanding what he was talking about.
“Will you go out a date with me?”
I smirked “Don’t you think we’re way past that, Alfie?”
He shook his head. “No, I think we never actuall
y began at the beginning, Lily. I get it that I have a lot to prove to you.”
I hugged myself. “Is there any point Alfie? You’re going to be in London, and I’m going to be here. I have college and the band…”
He put his finger to my lips to silence me. “Stop! I’m not hearing any of this right now. This is about you and me.” He was shaking his head, and placed his hand first on my chest, then on his, to drive his point home.
“We’ve spent the whole year with barriers between us. I wanted to claim you from the moment I saw you, and this time, nothing is going to stop me from being with you. Everything else is incidental Lily. It doesn’t matter. Music. The band. Nothing.”
He was telling me everything I needed to hear. Everything I wanted could be mine, if I gave it the chance. “Jack and Elle are coming tomorrow, Alfie,“
“I said nothing is coming…. If they love you, they won’t care that you’re with me, as long as you’re happy, right?”
Before I could find something else that was going to prevent us being together, he pulled me in closer, and lifted my chin. “I love you, Lily. If it takes ‘hearts and flowers’ to keep you, then I’m all in.” He smiled and kissed my lips so softly.
It wasn’t a deep kiss, he just pressed his lips to mine. He shifted away from me and released his embrace. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I felt elated but confused he didn’t want to stay with me.
“You’re leaving?”
He smirked. “Do you normally put out before you date?” I smiled, but my jaw gaped. I had slept with all four of my partners without dating them first. Max was the only one who bought me dinner, but that still wasn’t a date.
“Not at all.” Well, it wasn’t a lie, but Alfie had no idea I was agreeing for different reasons.
“Exactly! So I’ll have you when I earn you, so I need to be fearless. By the time I’m done, Lily, you will beg me to take you.” He grinned cheekily and wiggled his brows. It got me every time. He was so sexy when he was playful.
He opened the door and gave me his lopsided smile, the one with the dimple. “See you tomorrow.” He stepped outside into the hallway and pulled the door closed behind him. I heard a dull thud and looked through the peep hole.
Alfie’s face was right next to it. He was standing with his head leaning against the door. My instincts were to pull it open again, but he was right, we needed to go slowly this time.
I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited and overthinking how our situation would play out. I eventually fell asleep with the light on as I had tried to do some lyrics when sleep seemed impossible. I woke to two incoming texts in rapid succession. SEXPERT ID.
SEXPERT: Good morning, beautiful :kiss emoticon x
SEXPERT: Hello gorgeous lady, would you do me the honor of coming out on a date with me this evening. Before you say it, your friends can come too. I’ll just have to be ingenious in finding a way to spend a little alone time with you.
I smiled. He was serious about this dating thing. I texted back.
Pink Lady: sure I’ll go out with you and my friends. Safety in numbers, right? Remember, I never put out on the first date, and you’re paying. Where are you taking me?
SEXPERT: I thought that you might as well find out about my cringeworthy side sooner rather than later. We’re going dancing, and there is live entertainment.
Hmm, no different from any other night in my life, but at least he was trying to spend time in public with me. Besides Jack and Elle will probably like it after their traveling to get here. It’ll be a good start to their holiday.
SEXPERT: Be ready at 6:45pm I want a long evening with you.
Pink Lady: looking forward to it.
SEXPERT: Okay, now the date is organized. I guess I have to make up for lost time during this past year. I once promised you breakfast at mine, and as tasty as it was, it wasn’t perhaps very caloric. Check out your front door.
Was he outside again? I slid out of bed, pulled my robe on, and walked quickly to the front door. I looked through the peep hole and felt disappointed that he wasn’t standing there.
I opened the door and there was a silver tray complete with a Calla Lily, a glass of orange juice, pancakes and maple syrup, fruit and some toast.
Everything I would normally order if I went out for breakfast. I had only had breakfast with Alfie in London once, and we had bagels. He had once asked me what I had when I went to breakfast with Saffy, and he had obviously remembered exactly what I’d told him.
The Calla Lily placed on the tray signified beauty and purity. I was named after it, after all. I picked the tray up with a smile on my face and took it inside, kicking the door closed with my heel. I took it out on the balcony and set it down on the table. I then composed a text back.
Pink Lady: Thank you for my delicious breakfast, I love it, you even remembered the maple syrup. <3
SEXPERT: Lily you and maple syrup are now my newest fantasy, glad you love it, I love you. <3
I ate my breakfast and as I was removing the plate from the tray there was a handwritten note under it. I unfolded it with a feeling of excitement, my hands were shaking, and I was grinning at his attempt at romance.
To my beautiful, incredible, amazing girl who holds my heart.
Today my life is perfect. Thank you, darling, for giving me another chance. I won’t squander it, I promise. I love you too much to ever let you go again. I will try with all of my heart never to let you down in the future. You make the sun shine brighter, music sound sweeter, my heart feel fuller. I could never do justice to how I feel about you or the love I have for you by trying to express those feelings in words. I need you to breathe. You are like pure oxygen to me. When I touch you we are amazingly connected. I think somehow my feelings radiate throughout your body. Your feelings ignite mine. You once gave me the perfect lyric for my favorite song, Music is the sound of feelings. I hope when I next play for you, you’ll listen to my feelings for you. Until then knowyou have my heart, my body, my soul, all that I am. I am yours, and you are mine, always and forever. I love you, the words are hollow and nowhere near what I want to convey to you, Lily, but I will do whatever it takes to be everything you need.
Alfie X
I held the note close to my heart, and closed my eyes. This was all I had ever wanted from him. I prayed we could work it out, because his note mirrored my own feelings towards him. He was my ‘everything’.
CHAPTER 36 – WOOING
I spent the morning cleaning the apartment and preening myself for my date with Alfie. I still had two hours before Jack and Elle’s flight landed, and everything was done.
Each time I stopped working I thought too much about our circumstances. I was fighting conflicting feelings that kept gripping me about taking our relationship forward.
Trying to reason it out, I still came up with the same nagging doubts. He was now based in London, and I was based here. How often would we see each other? I wouldn’t be finished with my college course for two more years. Then there was the band to consider.
I didn’t think that XrAid would progress any time soon from the band that we were to playing bigger gigs with other bands. We were good, but we had some way to go to be as good as Alfie’s band. They had been signed, and they were going places. I knew in my heart that Alfie was going to be a very famous rock star.
That meant touring and promoting and studio time, interviews both personal and for Crakt Soundzz. Television and radio appearances, everyone would want his time and attention. His band had worked damned hard to get where they were, and Alfie as the lead singer was always going to be in demand, both by the press and the public.
His personality, amazing looks, and charisma would make that demand even higher. I was genuinely happy for all of him, but where did that leave us and our relationship?
There was bound to be fabulous parties with girls and alcohol, groupies and other famous artists to take into consideration. Could Alfie be faithful with all that temptation?
What about m
e as his girl? I’d be hated and demonized by girls all over the world. I didn’t think I was cut out for that level of scrutiny, and I couldn’t bear to see women fawning over him, touching him and grabbing at him.
It just wouldn’t work. Would I leave my studies and follow him around? Give up my own dreams and aspirations. Give up playing music to support him and do what he wants? I didn’t think I was ready for any of that.
I felt relieved to see Jack and Elle walk through customs. I saw them before they saw me. Jack’s eyes scanned the crowd, his brow slightly bunched.
When he saw me, his face lit up, and he came running over Jack-style with his arms open wide and his legs slightly crouched to meet my height. “Baby!! I’ve waited so long to hold you in my arms again. You are the air that I breathe.”
As usual Jack had found an audience, and he was doing his level best to attract as much of their attention as possible. He dipped me and pretended to give me a passionate kiss, groaning so loudly, his hands roaming all over me, well nearly all over.
When he stood me up, I noticed one guy rub around his collar with his index finger, whilst another shifted something in his pocket. I smiled and shook my head. Jack’s back.
We dumped their bags at the apartment, and they both took showers. I explained about Alfie on the way back to the apartment, and Jack’s smirk didn’t go unnoticed. I raised my brow at him. “If the guy can get his shit together, he’ll try with everything he’s got to make you happy, Lily.”
My jaw dropped at him supporting Alfie over me with this. “Don’t gawp and drool Lily, it doesn’t suit you. I know I’m stunning to look at, but that shit is a little unnerving when hot girls do that to me.” I dug him in the ribs.
“You’re supposed to be my friend, Jack, not Alfie’s.”
Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) Page 27
