Drawing his hands down the front of me, he dragged his nails gently, lightly scraping down my body from my collar bone to my belly. “You’re incredible,” he whispered.
He pushed me back and pulled himself from under me. His fingers slid up and down to my thighs, raking his fingernails back and forth to my apex. He found my drenched folds. “God, you make me feel so fucking horny. You’re so hot and wet for me.”
He smiled and pushed my legs wide, pulling my knees up and placing his head on my thigh. He began stroking me. So gently, teasing me.
I arched myself into him, his fingertip just breaking into my folds. I moaned loudly, and he began whispering words of love against my body. Telling me how I made him feel and what he was doing to me, asking if he was pleasing me. It was so erotic.
He lifted his head and smiled, licking his lips. “I’m going to taste you, you smell so fucking sexy. I could lie here beside you all day like this.”
He moved his head slightly and poked his tongue out, still lying on his side, so that I could see his face. His tongue flicked against my clitoris lightly, and his index finger skimmed my folds after his tongue.
I shivered and moaned loudly, “Oh, yeah.” My free leg fell wider.
Alfie looked up and smirked. “You liked that, huh?”
I nodded. “Uh, huh.” I arched my back to push myself closer for more.
He licked me so slowly and teased me with his fingers and mouth until my body was humming, and I begged him to do more, I needed more.
He smirked and settled himself between my legs, then took my hot wet sex in his mouth. “Mmmm,” his long moan vibrated deep within me. Alfie kissed and explored inside me with his tongue until I thought I was going to go insane.
As soon as he inserted his finger I felt the pressure rising in me. He read my body perfectly and began increasing the tempo, taking his finger out and replacing it with two.
He moved up over me and placed his forehead on mine, staring into my eyes as he pleasured me. It had been so long since we had done this. The force of my climax made my head rise as the spasm ripped through my body. He caught it in his hand and watched my eyes as he made me come. “Let it go, beautiful, that’s it, I got you,” he whispered.
He settled himself back between my legs and continued to lick me slowly for what seemed like an age. I moved under him, and he crawled up and kissed me gently on the lips. I could taste myself.
“I’m going to make love to you now, Lily. Are you ready for me?” If I hadn’t been listening carefully I would have missed his whispers. It was so hot with all my senses heightened like this.
He reached down to his jeans for a condom. “Don’t,” I said, “I’m on the pill, and I haven’t been with anyone since you. Are you clean?”
Alfie hesitated, and I froze. I saw a fleeting hurt look in his eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Lily, no one.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Don’t. ” He kissed over my eyes. “It’s okay. Shush.” He took his cock in his hand and stroked it over my wet swollen heat. “God,” he groaned in a whisper.
“I’m almost scared to do this, it’s been so long. If I go inside you, I won’t want to come out again.” His face was serious, and he trembled, his whole body finely tuned and ready.
I wrapped my legs around his back and pulled him closer. His cock began to stretch my entrance, inching inside. It felt tight and hard, but I was slick and ready for this. He moaned with me. “Oh, God, fuck.” He grunted and moaned again arching his back. “So fucking, amazing.”
He held my body with one of his big hands and pulled me towards him, as he thrust into me. Suddenly the pressure was building in me again. “Let it go,” he whispered. He could feel me clench around him.
My body fizzed with the build-up, my legs tingling until they shook under his pleasure. I screamed his name, “Alfie,” and came again, and he slowed his pace, rocking into me until the high had passed.
He began again, this time he pulled my legs from around his waist and bent them upwards, pushing them into the mattress as he took me again, it wasn’t hurried, but the position and the sensations he brought me were incredible until he took me over the edge again.
He made love to me slowly after that, spooning, and I wondered how he could possibly keep going. It was languished, but after about an hour I felt the pressure rise again, “together this time.”
He whispered, “Beautiful.” It was barely audible and just for me, as he suddenly began to rock faster. He flipped me onto my stomach, and I felt myself tighten. He stopped. “Ride me, Lily”. I rocked back and forth on my knees, gliding up and down his cock. “Just like that, just like that, don’t stop,” he whispered.
I began to come, and he stiffened, his cock jerked, and I felt the hot spurt of his come inside me. I kept moving until I had milked the last of him and he slipped out. “Oh, Fuck. You’re incredible, Lily. This is forever.”
He crawled up next to me and held me tightly. We didn’t speak again, just fell asleep. When I woke, it was humid and hot, the crumpled sheet was tangled around my foot.
Alfie wasn’t beside me. I felt a sense of panic. I got out of bed and called out to him, “Alfie.” He was in the kitchen. “Sorry honey, I got a call, and you were still sleeping so I came in here.”
CHAPTER 38 – ALONE AGAIN
I felt relieved to see him. I smiled and turned to go into the bathroom to shower, because I reeked of sex and looked a mess. Alfie appeared at the bathroom door as I wrapped a towel around me. He shifted beside me and cuddled me from behind, kissing my shoulders. “Did you sleep well?”
I smiled into the mirror, “Mmm.”
He looked seriously at me in the mirror and inhaled deeply, then dropped his eye contact, but kissed the top of my head. His mouth lingered there, his head down before he shifted away from me as he inhaled deeply again and ran his hand through his hair. Something was on his mind.
“I have to go to some meetings today.” His voice was serious and tinged with sadness. I nodded, but felt disappointed. I thought we might at least have had the morning together.
I tried to smile even though I was feeling less than happy at his news. “I’d better go find Jack and Elle. They’ll want to go to the beach and are probably waiting for me to show up.” I began to dress, and Alfie sat on the bed. He seemed a bit preoccupied.
I walked over and sat on his lap, leaning in to kiss him. “What are you thinking about?”
He gave me a half smile. “Oh, Just things… work things, to do with the band.”
I didn’t want to talk about anything that got in our way, especially after last night, so I got up and finished dressing. When I was ready, he gave me a lingering kiss. It was a fiercely passionate kiss, and we parted breathlessly. Alfie inhaled deeply, and sighed. “We should get going.”
He drove me back to my apartment. When I got out of the car he did too. He held me tightly in his arms. “I love you so much, keep that in mind.” He smiled.
Neither of us wanted to let the other go until I said, “This is getting silly, we need to go.”
“I’ll call later tonight, or early morning. You’re playing tonight, right?” I smiled and nodded, giving him a small wave after closing his car door. He waved his hand, ushering me to go inside whilst he sat there, still watching me.
I spent the rest of day with Jack and Elle, and we had a lot of fun together. I was thankful for them as Alfie was less on my mind when they kept me busy. As usual, I played with the band at D’mond. I was tired as I didn’t get much sleep last night.
Thoughts of Alfie and our perfect night gave me a warm tingly feeling as I drove home.It was then I realized Alfie still hadn’t called me. I had checked my phone several times, and there was nothing from him. As I was getting ready for bed, I sent him a text asking how his day went.
My cell began to ring. SEXPERT ID. I smiled as I answered Alfie’s call. “Hey,” he cooed. That one word from his sexy mouth made me tingle inside. I smiled warmly
, the sound of his voice melting me instantly.
“Hey, how did today go?”
He was hesitant and sounded flat. “It was tiring… hard… I missed you.” I smiled and felt close to him knowing that he had missed me as much as I was missing him.
“Why don’t I come over, then you won’t have to miss me because I’ll be right there,” I said playfully.
He exhaled, and it sounded forced. The breath from his nose made a loud huff as he breathed into the phone. “I wish you could honey, but that’s not possible right now.” He was silent for a moment, and I had a strange sense of foreboding.
I was about to ask why not when he exhaled heavily again. “I didn’t want to spoil what we did last night, Lily.” My world suddenly felt like it was caving in, I felt a deep rooted panic inside. I knew this seemed too good to be true.
There would always be something in the mix to get between us. “Why… why not? What’s wrong, Alfie?” There was a pause, which was only probably a second, but it felt like an age, before he finally spoke.
“I won’t be seeing you for a while, honey.”
My heart sank and fear rose in my throat. “Alfie you’re scaring me. Why?”
He sighed heavily, and when he spoke this time, his voice almost cracked. “I’m in London. I had to leave, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I love you so much, Lily. I couldn’t say goodbye. I’ve never said goodbye to you, it’s too hard.”
What he said was true. Every time we’d parted, I was the one that left, apart from this time. I was the one that called a halt on us previously or left his place after our arrangement.
“So, we’re not saying goodbye. Trust me, we’ll work it out.”Alfie said. A sob escaped my lips.
He was out of reach again. “I love you, honey. No matter what you see, no matter what you read, it’s you, Lily. I’ll be back in five weeks. It’ll fly by, and we’ll be together again. It’s you and me, baby, hang on to that. You and me.”
I hung up, too emotional to continue with the call. I sobbed loudly wishing our lives were different. I didn’t know if I could cope without him again. Anything could happen in five weeks.
If I kept doing this with him, this would be my life from now on. I loved Alfie more than anything, but was love really enough? I once said to Jack that Alfie could be my ‘everything.’ When I said it, I never realized how close to the truth that was.
If I stayed with him, it might mean having to give up my dreams to be with him and follow his dream. He was offering me everything now, but was Alfie’s everything enough for me?
I went into the bedroom, and Jack was sleeping in my bed. I stood watching him. My head was swimming.
I’d been here too many times with Alfie, and I had never known anyone who could make me feel so high and so low at the same time like he could. The crazy thing was he didn’t even have to try.
I pulled the sheet back and lay down on my side, facing away from Jack. My presence made him stir, and he turned to spoon me, his strong arm creeping around my waist as he pulled me against him. I burst into tears. Jack immediately sat up. “What the fuck, Lily? What did that dickhead do now?”
“He’s gone,” I sobbed and sniffed. Jack bounced off the mattress and disappeared into the bathroom before reentering the room with a wad of toilet paper.
“Pretend it’s dainty tissues,” he joked, shoving the wad of paper at me whilst trying to inject some humor into the scene.
I knew he hated to see me cry. “He’s gone to London, Jack.” He stared at me in disbelief.
“He didn’t tell you, no one mentioned they were going?” I explained that I never asked the details, just that he told me he couldn’t say goodbye to me.
“Damn,” Jack spat. “That guy is fucking incredible. So when is he back?”
“Five weeks.” I sniffed and began another round of wailing. Jack cuddled me to his chest and stroked my hair.
“It isn’t that long, Lily. I waited three months to see you again.” I realized that in my haste to run here in Florida, that I hadn’t really understood the effect I would have on other people who may miss me.
I felt selfish after hearing Jack’s comment. “I’m sorry, Jack.” I looked at him and he smiled widely.
“Lily, seeing you up there performing with XrAid, in all your glory, has made it well worth it.”
I knew when he said it, what a true friend he was. He wanted me to have my dream, just like I wanted Alfie to have his.
I poured out all my doubts and feelings surrounding being with Alfie, and talked about the barriers we would have in making our relationship work. Alfie was on the up, and his music career would always take precedence over mine.
Jack’s head was bobbing in understanding, and I could see he understood my dilemma about trying to make a relationship when we both had bands and dreams to consider.
He let out a low whistle. “Damn, I’d hate to be in your shoes, honey.” My eyes welled up again, and he stood, taking my hand. “Let’s go get a drink and sit somewhere comfortable. I have a feeling it’s going be a long night, whilst we try to work this one out.”
He led me through to the sitting room and motioned me onto the couch, before raiding the fridge for drinks and a packet of ham. He climbed up beside me on the couch, sitting down with his legs crossed Indian style beside me.
He peeled open the ham and folded a large slice into his mouth, then pulled the tab on the Pepsi he had brought for himself.
“Okay, you love him. You love your career. You love college. You love being in Miami. You love the band, and you love all the guys in the band? Agreed?” I pulled the ring pull open the tab on the soda can he had given me as I considered what he’d asked me.
I bobbed my head, taking a swig and resting it on the couch beside my leg. “Pretty much.”
Jack grinned. “I’m a counselor in the making, huh?” He stuffed another slice of ham into his mouth before going on.
“Okay, now for the negatives. You hate what? That he isn’t here all the time. His band is more famous than yours. You’re in a band and can’t just walk away. You don’t want to walk away. Your career will never come before his. He hasn’t always been up-front with you. Should I keep going?” I nodded again. He was pretty much on the button with his analysis.
“He’ll be famous and women the world over will want to get into his pants. They’ll drop their panties to get his attention. Every single time you’ve conceded to him, he’s done something that has let you down. If you choose him and don’t choose your music you’ll end up hating him anyway. How am I doing?” He was looking seriously at me. ”So, am I hitting all the lumps in your decision making yet?”
Jack took my hand in his. It felt cold and clammy after holding his soda can. I looked down at it wondering, at the same time, if I could voice what I was thinking out loud.
“I can’t be with him, can I?”
Jack pursed his lips. “Unless I’m mistaken, you can’t do both, Lily, unless you’ll be happy with what you have now until the status quo changes. It probably means you giving up what you do to be with him.”
I knew that unless music could be part of what I did in life, I could never be truly happy. “I guess I need to cut the ties now, this won’t work for either of us. Apart from the distance, there are lots of things to consider. Plus, I would be hated by everyone who idolizes Alfie. “
It had already started. I’ve seen things on Google. Women he was linked with, fans that have grabbed him inappropriately, people wanting a piece of him. I really didn’t think I was cut out for that side of a relationship. Anyway, what about all the temptation he’d face out there. I wouldn’t be able to ignore the snide comments about us.
I sighed. “This is a crazy situation. I should never have started up with him again. I need to stay in college, I’m ahead, and I only have a year to graduation with my credits from the UK. I need to stay with the band, and I need to play music. That’s why I’m here. I can’t do anything I need to do being with Alfie.
Everything I need is here, apart from Alfie.”
Jack rubbed my back and looked sympathetic. “Despite how I feel for him, Alfie’s everything wouldn’t sustain us as a couple. Maybe I would see things differently in the future. For now, though, there is a very difficult decision looming. I had wanted to test myself when I came to the USA, I just didn’t realize how hard that test was going to be.” Jack hugged me and kissed my forehead.
I picked up my cell. “I need to do this, Jack. Just be there for me, will you?” He squeezed my hand, and I swiped the lock, hit the green button and hit call log. Alfie’s number was at the top, and I hit it to connect me to the most difficult call of my life so far.
“Hey, gorgeous, can’t sleep?” His voice made me crumble. My heart felt like someone had come along and pushed a lead weight on top of it. I was going to try to be controlled, but as soon as I heard his voice I blurted it out before I got cold feet.
“Sorry, Alfie, I really can’t do this distance thing. I’ll always love you, but we’re never going to be able to meet in the middle.”
My heart was aching but I continued, “It would be easy for me to give up everything I’m doing to follow your dreams, but eventually, I’d wonder what I could have done. I don’t want to argue, and I don’t want us to hate each other. Don’t hate me,” I pleaded.
Alfie’s voice was soft. “I could never hate you, honey. Don’t do this, Lily. Don’t do this to us.” His voice cracked with emotion. “We’re never going to be over, you know that, right? No matter who we’re with in the future, this is a once in a lifetime love. I get that now… you and me.”
I sobbed into the phone as he tried to reason with me. “I get it, Lily. I know how painful this is, I feel it too.”
I sobbed again, “Please leave me be, don’t contact me, let me recover. I’m begging you, Alfie.”
I was faced with silence, then a long sigh. “Have it your way, Lily, but know this, I’ll love you my whole life, no matter what, honey, no matter what you see, it’s you.” I heard a click, and the line went dead.
Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) Page 29
