by Cora Brent
My mother dragged us throughout the darkest corners of the deep South and it was a wonder we even learned to read. We lived off charity until it was exhausted in a particular place and then we moved on. There was never money for anything and our clothes were always some other child’s cast offs. I’d learned to sew early on so that what little we had could be adjusted to make us into something presentable.
Strangely, I didn’t remember my childhood as being terrible. Sometimes I was hungry and sometimes I was cold, but there was always the warmth of family. My sister Augusta, nicknamed Aggie, two years younger, was like my other half. We were a determined team overseeing the survival of the Lee women.
I saw the disbelief in Aggie’s eyes that terrible night when I packed a garbage bag full of everything I owned. Mia and Carrie were trying to hold my mother back to keep her from hitting me again. It was the first time she had ever done so. That only made it more awful.
“Tru,” Aggie had reached for me, her voice choked. But I could only clutch her briefly before leaving that chaos behind.
Except for Carrie, who was in her last year of high school and had managed a scholarship to a highbrow boarding school, my sisters were grown now, scattered. We were rarely in contact. It was always Aggie’s tragic face that haunted me most when I thought of those final moments all of us were together. I knew she didn’t understand then. And it was too late to explain it now.
My hand went, reflexively, to the place where I knew a faint scar hid beneath the fabric of my robe. It was the most important thing there was to know about me. It was the thing I hadn’t spoken of to anyone.
I’m sorry, Aggie. I left you alone with it all. But I had to.
With a deep sigh I turned on the television. After flipping the channels for a few moments I came across a talk show featuring a bunch of expensive-looking women sitting around a table. They sipped wine and talked about buying purses that cost more than the amount of my weekly paycheck. I stared at them, wondering where in the hell people like that came from. Had everything always been pretty for them? Or were their bright smiles and costly accessories masking some hidden ugliness?
I turned the television off, trying to throw off my sense of gloom. It wasn’t my natural frame of mind. There were voices outside. Most of the local residents were students. Weekday mornings involved a parade of bicycles headed for the university. I’d finally taken the high school equivalency test over a year ago when I was staying in Texas. At least once a week I took that piece of paper out and stared at it even though I knew it was nothing special. Hell, almost everyone managed to graduate from high school somehow. Maybe that’s why it meant so much to me. It was a symbol of a normal life. Someday I would love to be among the crowd rushing to class.
All the attempts to distract myself were no good. In the middle of my thoughts I shifted position on the couch and felt a faint soreness between my legs. That was all it took to knock the wind out of me as I recalled all the vivid reasons why I was sore. Although Creed had been ruthless in his quest for pleasure he gave back everything he got. I’d never been with a man who was so intent on getting me to the peak and got even more aroused every time I came. Maybe I should have accepted his offer to take me out to breakfast.
Stop! It was one night. That’s all a man like Creed will ever want.
I wondered if he was home right now high fiving his brothers and describing the fruits of a successful hunt. Then I wondered if Saylor was completely disgusted with me for screwing her boyfriend’s brother. That thought was the most depressing of all. Saylor was really the only friend I had. It was painful to realize she might be thinking badly of me.
A glance at the clock told me it was after ten. She should be awake by now. Creed lived in the same three bedroom apartment with Saylor, Cord and Chase so even if she hadn’t seen us take off together last night she would have found out about it by now. Reluctantly I pulled my phone out of my purse and called her. She didn’t answer until the fourth ring.
“Truly!”
“Hi Say. Look, sorry I ditched you at The Hole.”
Her voice rose. “What? Who gives a shit about that! Are you all right?”
I raised my eyebrows. She sounded panicked. What on earth did she think happened last night? “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.”
There was the sound of a door closing on the other end. I figured Saylor might have retreated to a place where Creed couldn’t hear her talking.
“I was just worried,” she said gently. “When Chase told us you’d gone home with Creed I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I never would have figured you’d go for him.”
“Me either,” I muttered.
“Damn, I feel bad. I’m the one who pushed you to go out last night and I know you’re not the type to go bed hopping.”
“It’s not your fault, Say. I’m a grown ass woman. It might not have been one of the top ten wisest things I’ve ever done but it was totally my choice.”
Saylor seemed to relax a little. “I gave Creed some crap when he walked through the door this morning. I don’t like that he’d treat you like any old girl.”
I bit my lip, wondering if I should ask the next question. “Was he laying out his bragging rights?”
“Nah, Creed doesn’t brag. He just does what he does and expects everyone to be cool with it.”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Cool with it. I mean, I could have picked someone other than Cord’s brother.”
Saylor laughed. “Look, I grew up with these boys. I know what kind of impact they’ve always had on females everywhere. Brayden used to shake his head and say ‘It’s a Gentry world. The rest of us only live in it.’”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t blame you one bit for taking up with Creed.”
I twisted the belt of my robe and opened the patio blinds. The sun hurt my eyes. “I’m not exactly taking up with him. We had a night.”
“Was it a good night?” She wasn’t asking in a lewd way. She sounded merely curious.
I leaned my head against the warm glass of the patio door. “It was,” I admitted. “It was an amazing night.”
“Truly,” Saylor said gently. “You do realize what Creed is like, right? He’s a lot more, well, impenetrable than Cord. I don’t know if he has it in him to have anything regular with anyone.”
Regular.
What did that mean anyway? When my sisters and I were children we used the word ‘regular’ to describe most of the people around us. If a classmate waved goodbye to someone in a real house every morning and had a Christmas tree in December they were part of a life we’d only ever seen from the outside. We used the word as an insult. We’d say things like “He’s all regular and shit,” as we screamed with laughter but each one of us knew it would have been nice to see something of that life for ourselves.
Saylor didn’t need to tell me that Creed wasn’t the ‘regular’ type. Even if she’d never mentioned the abusive past suffered by the Gentry boys I would have been able to tell. Those three had also spent their entire lives on the outside.
“Look, I get it,” I told her. “I’m not expecting him to show up here with a dozen roses or anything.”
“Not that I’m fishing for details, but did you rip his shirt off him last night?”
I glanced at the couch where Dolly was still lounging on the discarded shirt in question.
“No,” I told her. “Maybe he just likes the world to see as much of him as possible.”
Saylor gave a sarcastic laugh. “No way. I can tell you in all honesty that Creedence doesn’t like the world to see him at all.”
I sighed. “I wish you were going to be there at work today.” It was true. The hours always passed more quickly when there was Saylor to joke around with.
“I can come by later,” she promised. “We’ll sneak out to Whataburger when Ed gives you a break.”
“I’d like that. I’d sick to death of chicken.”
; When I hung up with Saylor a few minutes later I felt slightly better. She hadn’t mentioned Creed again and I was grateful. There probably wasn’t anything left to say about the matter. It was done.
Dolly let out a small mew of objection when I pulled Creed’s shirt out from underneath her. I shook the cat hair off and folded it neatly. I supposed I could give it to Saylor to return to him but then she’d look at me awkwardly and remember why I had it in the first place.
Hugging the shirt to my chest, I considered the inevitability of running into Creed Gentry. He lived nearby. He often ate at Cluck This. He was the brother of my friend’s boyfriend. It would have been easier to deal with if he was just some random guy I had little chance of encountering again. But I would see him around. I knew it. I wondered if he would bother to say hello and I wondered how long it would take for the memory of last night to fade so that I could stop wanting him so much.
When I returned to my bedroom I set Creed’s shirt on top of my dresser. If he needed it back he knew where to find it.
CHAPTER SIX
CREED
It had been a full two months since the awful night Chase was in the hospital and I had risked myself so that Cord wouldn’t have to take the burden. Gabe Hernandez was nothing but sleaze and he knew he had us over a barrel. He would give us the names of the cowards who had attacked our brother. The price was a strong body in the ring. I knew exactly what it meant. Gabe wasn’t talking about the kind of fights we were used to; pocket change matches in dirty venues. Those fighters were amateurs and all you needed to do to win was push the other guy down.
But I’d always heard of another game in town. It was one where the payouts were huge and the man who was knocked over sometimes didn’t get up again. That was what Gabe was itching to dive into.
Cord had been on the verge of offering himself up. I saw it in his face. Cordero might have been the best of the three of us. He’d gone to the mat time and again. Cord was a natural fighter. It was tough to imagine that anything could take him down. But I’d seen him grab for the chance at something better when he fell for Saylor. I knew it would destroy him to lose her.
So I spoke up first because I had nothing to lose.
It wouldn’t be the first time a Gentry had chosen violence. Back home that was what defined our people; violence, poverty, cruelty. It was some rotten shit to be raised in.
Gabe had assured me that he would be in touch when he got something arranged. Gabe was a man who expected that promises to him would be kept. The boys wanted to know why I couldn’t just back away with a shrug. But since I’d done most of the setup deals I knew a few things Cord and Chase didn’t. Namely, I knew Gabe Hernandez had the power to enforce promises if necessary.
For two months I’d been rather single minded in focus. I’d worked out religiously and beat on bags until my knuckles were numb. Then I went home and got friendly with a bottle. During those two months I’d been suspended in a state of grim faith that sooner or later the phone would ring.
Then one day that’s exactly what happened.
I was feeling pretty fine in the days after my wild night with Truly. It was a ferocious release and seemed to calm something deep inside. When I thought about girls I couldn’t remember another one who had been able to keep up with me the way she could. Each time I figured she’d had enough she would bend down and take me in her mouth or flip over and pull me inside once more. Since that night, every fresh boner arose from memories of her and it made me hungry to see her again even though ‘again’ wasn’t an idea I attached to women.
It was the middle of the week and Chase was poking around in the kitchen cupboards. He was also complaining loudly.
“Jesus, what do you people have against going to the grocery store?”
“There something the matter with your legs and your wallet which stops you from going?”
“I’m always the one who goes,” grumbled Chase.
“Bullshit, junior. I spent two hundred bucks at Fry’s on Saturday. It’s just that you eat like a fucking garbage disposal.”
Chase belched. “I’m a growing boy.”
I leaned against the wall, close to the fridge. I was afraid I’d never look at a fridge again without sporting some serious wood. It might be a little sick but that appliance was now linked in my mind to the vision of Tallulah Rae Lee wrapped in the most irresistible dick stimulator ever created. It was black. It was lacy. It was tight. It would be in my head for as long as I could still think.
“What the fuck?” Chase demanded.
“Huh?”
“You’ve got this disgusting thing on your face that might have started out as a smile.”
I cuffed him across the head. I let him sputter for a few minutes about what a vile brute I was and then I nodded at him seriously.
“Hey, what do you do know about that Truly girl?”
Chase grinned from ear to ear. “I know she’s got a sharp tongue and tits enough to drown in.”
“Is that all?”
“Does there need to be something else?”
I glanced towards Say and Cord’s room even though neither one of them were home. I could have asked Saylor about her friend but that would have raised more questions than it answered. She hadn’t brought any of it up again and neither had I.
“You know,” Chase mused, “I could get in the mood for some chicken. What do you say, man?”
I didn’t know if Truly was working tonight. Chances were she would be there. She’d been there every other time I’d shown up. The thought of seeing her again excited the shit out of me. I wanted to see her again. All of her.
“I could eat chicken,” I agreed and Chase started pushing me towards the door.
When my phone buzzed I figured it was either Cord asking what we were up to or else the university calling to find out if I could work an event. I came to a dead stop when I saw I’d been wrong on both counts. Chase turned around and peered at me curiously.
“Hernandez,” I said smoothly into the phone.
“Hey Creed. Listen, I know I’ve been neglecting you.”
“I’ll get over it.” My stomach had dropped to my knees. Every muscle in my body tensed. If I was stone then nothing could cut me. “You got something set up?”
Gabe sighed. “You’ve had less time in the ring than your brother Cord. The men who hold the big chips don’t know what to expect from you. Cord, on the other hand-“
“No!” I shouted. “Cord didn’t deal. I did.”
“I understand,” Gabe answered coolly, “but I think it’ll take a small bout or two for you to prove you’re a cut above the base model. As I know you are.”
I leaned against the wall and clenched my teeth. “Why don’t you just tell it straight Gabe? What do I need to do?”
“You need to show up tomorrow night and take something down. It’ll be easy.”
I heard my own heartbeat. It was surprisingly calm. “Fine. Give me the details and I’ll be there.”
Once Gabe had relayed the boring particulars he cleared his throat.
“Creed. I know this will be an easy win for you because I set it up that way. You catch my meaning?”
“Nah, I’m a little slow. Be explicit.”
“I’m not expecting you to take a dive. If you do I’ll be…disappointed.”
“I wouldn’t let that happen.” I ended the call without saying anything else.
Chase was staring at me worriedly from several feet away.
“It’s not a big deal,” I told him. “They’re calling in a patsy for me to flatten.”
Chase crossed his arms. “Why?”
I told him the truth. “So they can get some deep pockets interested in financing something bigger.”
“Bigger,” Chase nodded, “and bloodier.”
I held out my hands. “What the hell do you want me to say, Chase?”
“Nothin’,” Chase coughed. “You still want to go eat?”
“No,” I said darkly. “My appetit
e’s kind of gone.”
“Yeah, mine too.”
Chase pushed past me and retreated to his room. I knew it tore his guts out that I was in this position because I’d been on a misguided quest to avenge him. He hadn’t asked me to. In fact he’d begged me not to. And in the end I hadn’t avenged a thing yet I was still committed to the madness.
I didn’t know how long I just stood there, looking at the blank surface of the wall. At some point Cord walked through the door and found me.
He approached me with some wariness. “What’s up, Big C?”
I looked at my brother. This would hurt him and I hated to hurt him. “It’s time.”
Cord’s shoulders sagged. He leaned against the wall next to me with a sigh and then slid down to the floor. “What’s the arrangement?”
“I’ve got to pound some poor fucker tomorrow night in order to prove I’m a force to be reckoned with.”
Cord looked up at me hopefully. “Then stick your pride up your ass and prove you’re only good at falling down.”
I sat down next to him. “Gabe’s already thought of that. This match wasn’t designed with my failure in mind.”
A door opened and Chase appeared. He sank down on my other side. We stayed like that for a little while, the three of us huddled together. It was the way we’d always been. Our father, Benton Gentry, was a son of a bitch. He was always spinning into some mad bender and searching for something to hurt. We were young when we learned how quickly the mood could take him and we also learned how to hide until it passed. Whenever I was waiting in terrified darkness I could always reach out and be comforted by the nearness of my brothers. I was never alone.
Cord finally spoke up. I knew his cheerfulness wasn’t real. “You shitheads hungry? I’ll treat.”
Chase elbowed me. “Seems we were on our way to eat some chicken before we got interrupted.”
I shook my head. I was too close to the edge. When that happened I tended to look for meaning in the bottle. I got lost that way. It was bad enough that the boys and now Saylor had seen that ugly side of me. I couldn’t stomach the thought of Truly seeing it too.
