by Niecey Roy
“Come a little early to help, okay?”
“Sure. I’ll just close a little early. What’s Mom making?”
“She’ll probably make her lasagna since I invited Leo.”
“You did? Why?”
She pinned me with one of her piercing sister gazes, the kind meant to bore into my soul until I cracked under the pressure. Gen and I had done our best to avoid it our entire lives.
“Why are you being weird about it?”
I shrugged. “I’m not.”
“You’re being weird. Is something going on between you two?”
“What? No.” I sounded shrill and definitely guilty of something. “Of course not.”
“I think you’re lying.” She crossed her arms. “I know you must see him a lot since he lives with Roxanna.”
“Quit being so paranoid.” And completely right.
“You better not be weird at dinner. He did a really nice thing for me and a really nice thing for you.” She bent to adjust the blankets around the babies. “He didn’t have to fly all the way to the Caribbean to make sure you were okay since none of us could go with you.”
“I know, Cat,” I said, feeling like a bottom dweller germ.
“He wouldn’t even take any money, you know.” She leaned into the stroller to kiss both of the twins, then looked up at me. “You two may have some rocky history, but he’s definitely not a teenager anymore. And maybe he had a reason for what he did. You should forgive him.”
Forgive him. The words hit me like a ton of bricks. It was true, I was no longer mad at him. Six years was a long time to hold a grudge over a teenager’s broken heart. But had I forgiven him? No. How could I when he still hadn’t explained himself. How could I forgive something I didn’t understand? Our relationship would never be more than physical, because I couldn’t trust him.
“I promise to be on my best behavior at dinner.” I pushed the door open for her. “See you later. Kiss those babies for me when they wake up.”
I spent the next hour scrolling through the photos I’d taken of the dresses on display. Michelle and I had worked really hard to plan a spectacular runway show, and the excitement of it had me eager to finalize everything. I picked up the phone and dialed the event coordinator for the bridal expo.
My smile didn’t fade until the event coordinator said, “I have some bad news.”
Though she assured me the only reason Once Upon A Dream didn’t make the itinerary for the expo was due to overbooking, I knew the real reason—I’d been blackballed. The expo was largely funded by donations, and I had a hunch Deborah Buchanan had donated this year. It must have been a very big chunk of money for the event coordinator to ban me from the expo. Call me paranoid, but I had no doubt this was another lesson delivered by the vindictive bitch.
I was heated. When would this stop? When would she get enough of ruining my life, dragging my name through the mud—torturing me? I wanted to throw things, to throw things at her. I stood up, sucked in a deep breath, and screamed so loud I had to cover my ears with my hands until I finished.
I felt a little better afterward. But it didn’t change the fact the expo I’d been banking on to help me get back in the bridal fashion game had been stolen from me. The next number I dialed was Deborah’s. I drummed my fingertips on the countertop as the phone rang.
When she answered, I said, “You are an evil, spiteful bitch.”
“Lexie, dear. So good to hear your voice.” She sounded like I imagined a venomous snake might if one could talk.
“Yes, well, you didn’t much leave me a choice, did you?” I clenched my fist together, fighting the urge to scream belligerently. “You got me kicked out of the expo.”
“You can blame that on yourself.” She tsk-tsked. “I was ready to leave well enough alone, but then you went ahead and embarrassed us all over again. His girlfriend broke up with him over your little meeting, and Jeremy’s…pathetic display of weakness.”
“You’re a monster,” I breathed.
“You should have let things go, dear. You really did deserve this one.”
“Right. Just like I deserved the contract you forced on me.” I imagined her gloating—I could hear it in her voice.
“I must admit I do enjoy taking it out every now and then to look at your signature.” Her tinkling laughter grated on my nerves and set my blood boiling.
“You are a psychopath.” Or the devil. I couldn’t decide which one fit her best. Both, really. She was a psycho devil.
“It gives me great pleasure to know I broke you.” Her voice grew hard. “You ruined Gerard’s election, you little twit.”
“Did you ever stop to think your interview is the reason Gerard lost the election?” I asked, and she sucked in an indignant breath. “I bet you think about it all the time, don’t you? How pathetic you must have looked to all those people watching, bad mouthing me like some sad little victim.”
I was on a roll. I felt amazing. I snickered as I paced before the register counter. “Maybe you succeeded in turning all your rich friends away from my boutique, but it just made Gerard look like a poor judge of character. Why the hell would anyone want to vote for him after that interview? I mean, really, what were you thinking?”
“You little bitch,” she growled. “If you think you had it bad before, you have no idea what I’m capable of. You should go apologize to your dad now, because I’m going to make sure his business is ruined, just like I’ve ruined yours.”
And then she hung up on me.
I’m not sure how long I sat in my office staring at the phone, but the anger ebbed until my insides were hollow. I stood and walked to the front door. I turned the sign to Closed and flipped off the lights. I walked the alley to Decadence, and entered the bar through the back door, hanging my coat on the wooden coat tree in the alcove by the women’s bathroom door. When I sat down at the bar across from the bartender, it was only five in the afternoon.
“Hey Ted, could you get me one of those chocolate drinks of yours?” I set my purse on the empty stool beside me.
“Where are your sidekicks?” He set an empty glass in front of me.
“Just me tonight. Closed the boutique early.”
“Ah, one of those days, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that. Make it a big glass, will you?”
He raised his brows, but exchanged the smaller glass with a larger one. “You got it.”
“And keep them coming,” I added.
A couple of martinis later, I finally felt better. Across the room, the fireplace was lit. The dancing flames coupled with the candles lit on top of the mantle were hypnotizing. The brilliant, fierce colors of the fire coaxed my mind to disconnect from my body, and I looked down at myself, with my broken, empty eyes.
How stupid was I? Losing my temper, calling Deborah—taunting the devil. I’d finally had it, with everyone and everything. I’d wanted to fix things and made things worse.
“You know, my drinks are meant to be savored. Would you just like a bottle of vodka?” Ted asked after I knocked back the rest of my drink. He set a vodka bottle before me, the clear liquid looking much less appetizing than the frothy chocolate flavored drink I’d just finished. I plucked out the chocolate covered coffee bean from the bottom of the empty martini glass and popped it into my mouth.
“No, thanks. The taste of pure vodka makes me sick. I like these.” I pointed to my empty glass. “Barely know I’m drinking.” I chewed the coffee bean. “How about one more?”
He shook his head. “I think you’ve had your limit.”
“I’ll leave after this one, I swear.” I stuck out my lower lip and gave him what I hoped to be puppy dog eyes. “I’m staying at the boutique tonight, so you don’t have to worry about me driving around the city drunk.”
“Okay, one more. But since we both know you’re a puker, that’s it.”
I crossed my eyes at him. “Jeez. Fine.”
“Mm-hm,” he said. The door opened at my back with
a rush of cold air. If it weren’t for the amount of vodka in my system, I might have shivered. Ted nodded his head. “Hey man, how’s it going?”
“Good. How’ve you been,” said an annoyed, familiar voice from behind me. I whirled in my seat, and when my eyes locked on Leo’s, he gave me a short nod.
“I thought I told you I’m not hungry,” I said.
“Yeah, I got that message. I also got the one where you said you were drinking by yourself.” He sat on the stool beside me.
“Yes. By myself,” I said.
“Would you like a beer while she finishes her drink?” Ted asked.
“Sure, thanks.” He glanced over at me. “This one’s cut off?”
“Yeah. She talked me into one more, but this is the last one.” Ted popped the top of the beer bottle and set it in front of Leo on the bar top. “She got pouty on me.”
“She does that.” Leo took a pull of beer, officially ignoring me. “So how’s it going? Busy night?”
“Not too bad. She’s been here since five, throwing money at me, so I guess it’s been a good night,” Ted teased, but I didn’t find him funny.
“Bad day at the office, Princess?” Leo didn’t look amused either.
I sighed. “Leo, I don’t need a babysitter. Go away.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Leo said, and then they ignored me to talk sports.
Leo’s discipline annoyed me. Nothing ever fazed him. I’d never seen him lose his cool, drink too much, make an ass of himself in public. He was always in control. Right now, I didn’t need the lecture. I sure as hell didn’t need one from a guy I felt too much for, one I couldn’t trust my heart with. What I needed was another drink so I could pass out. Except, Ted had cut me off. Yeah, I was definitely pouty.
I blocked out whatever it was they were talking about, okay with being the fly on the wall. My stomach burned, upset, reminding me I should have eaten something. Hit with a craving for Chinese food, I stood and slung my purse over my shoulder. The drinks had left me unbalanced, and I grasped the bar top so the guys wouldn’t notice.
When they both looked up, I mumbled, “I’m going to the bathroom.”
Around the corner, I walked to the coat rack. I shrugged into my coat and bundled my scarf around my neck. Slipping on my gloves, I backed up against the door and stepped outside into the cold. It had begun to snow. My boutique was only half a block down the alley, and I’d make it there before either Leo or Ted figured out I was gone.
Shivering, I burrowed down into my jacket and shoved my hands into my pockets. The cold suited my mood, but I was ready for spring. Maybe when the weather warmed up, so would my heart.
The alley was dark, except for the street lights on either side of the block. I trudged through powder white snow, my toes frozen cold inside my boots. I passed a heaping dumpster, side stepping a bag that had fallen from the top and into the alley. At least in the winter, the dumpsters didn’t smell.
Within a few minutes, I’d made it to the back door of my building and hurried to unlock the door. Inside, I stomped off my boots on the floor mat and turned to lock up behind me. A hand shot out and shoved the door open. I gasped and jumped back, wild with fear, but the scream was stuck in my throat. Dread coursed through me and my feet were frozen in place. The man stepped into the entryway and the lamp above the door highlighted furrowed brows and furious eyes.
“Leo,” I gasped. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shoved him hard, fear and anger bubbling over. “You scared the hell out of me!”
Leo didn’t look as if he cared. He also didn’t budge when I pushed him. The force of the shove against a rock hard chest sent me backward against the entryway wall.
“Musclehead,” I mumbled.
He took a step forward while red hot energy coursed through his body—of course, that was just my imagination because the look in his eyes was nothing short of furious.
“What the hell were you thinking?” He put his hands on my shoulders and shook me. Not hard, just firm. “You can’t just take off walking alone in downtown Lincoln, in the fucking dark, Lexie!”
I blinked at him. “I’m fine, Jeez. Relax.”
He dropped his hands. “You might not have been.”
He was so angry. At me. He’d never been angry at me before. I flinched, but stood my ground.
“I am fine.”
“Do you know how many pervs and psychopaths are out there? Jesus, sometimes I wonder about you.”
I shoved past him. “You are such an asshole, you know that? Let yourself out. I don’t need this from you. Not now, not ever.”
His hand captured mine, yanking me back into his arms. His gaze seared into mine. “You are being reckless as hell, Alexis, and I’m sick of it and so is your family.”
I bristled and shrugged from his arms, but he wouldn’t let me go. I stiffened. “I’m not your problem.”
“Oh?” he asked, a challenge in his voice. “Whose problem are you then? Jeremy’s? Where the hell is he?”
I flinched at his sarcasm. My chest constricted.
“I can’t figure out what the hell is worse, you not telling me what the hell is going on with you, or you pining for some guy who wasn’t worth your time in the first place.”
“You don’t know anything,” I said, shocked. Pining for Jeremy? Gross. Especially when all I’d been thinking about lately was Leo. He consumed my thoughts, all day long. Every day. You are falling for him, and it will ruin you. There is no such thing as fairytales. No, the only real thing in life was heartbreak and disappointment.
“Maybe not. Why don’t you tell me so I know, because I have no idea what is going through that pretty head of yours.” His voice was deeper now as he gazed into my eyes, into my soul. The air around us rose in temperature, and I was smashed up against his hard chest.
When had that happened? My heart beat in a rapid staccato.
“Just leave me alone.”
“Why, so you can sit around and feel sorry for yourself?” He shook his head.
“Now you’re just being mean.” I glowered up at him.
“Damn it, Lexie, you keep pushing me away, and it’s pissing me off.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m not going to fight over you with some guy who’s already gone.”
“Me pushing you away has nothing to do with Jeremy,” I said and crossed my arms. What I didn’t say was that it had everything to do with Leo, with our past. It’s too soon for this, for him. Why couldn’t he understand? He’d never told me why he broke up with me. There’d never been any closure, and yet here he was again, back in my life, torturing me with feelings I didn’t want to have. Feelings that scared the hell out of me.
His face lowered, his lips near my earlobe, his breath hot against my skin. I sucked in a breath.
“Did he make you feel like this?” he whispered, and then his lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck. “Or this?” His lips captured my earlobe, a flicker of wet heat, and then it was gone, replaced by a draft of cold air seeping through the crack under the door.
His lips slanted over mine, and stars burst behind my closed eyes. Everything was warm, my entire body weightless and fuzzy. The kiss was slow; the heat traveling all the way down to my toes. His tongue slid against mine in a silken kiss of passion that exploded inside me.
As quickly as it began, it was over. Suddenly, there was no more warmth, no more Leo, only cold and confusion. I blinked my eyes open to look up at him—and didn’t like what I saw, the hard set to his jaw; an expression I couldn’t read.
“Leo, I…” Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself, the words stuck in my throat. I couldn’t say what he wanted me to.
“Lock the door and go lay down,” he said, his voice gruff as he backed toward the door. And then he was gone.
So I did as I was told and locked the door.
Whimpering, I wrapped my arms around myself, stumbling to the office and the couch that would be my bed tonight. Alone. I missed him, missed his warm
th. Even though I’d told myself not to want him, I did. Even though falling for him again would ruin me if we ended badly, I still wanted him. Trying to distance myself only made the need worse. He was a force of nature I was scared I’d never survive, but my heart kept telling me to let him in. He made it so hard to say no.
Maybe you don’t have to.
Even though there was no one else inside the boutique, I shut the office door, as if to keep out anyone, anything—anymore heartbreak. It didn’t stop the thoughts crashing together in my head. I kicked off my boots, lost my balance, and fell to the floor where I laughed like a hysterical madwoman. I laughed until I had tears in my eyes, and then I laughed until the tears turned from smiling tears, to full blown chest squeezing tears of despair.
I cried for the girl who had believed in fairytales. I cried for the young woman who never could get it right. I cried for my first broken heart, and then my second. I cried because I was falling for Leo again. And I cried for everything I was about to lose; the boutique I’d dreamed of for so long and worked so hard for.
And I wanted Leo, because he made me stronger. No one else had ever made me feel as alive and beautiful as he always did.
Broken and spent, I crawled on my hands and knees to the couch against the opposite wall. Crawling up onto the cushions, I let out one last whimper and collapsed. I curled up into a ball, my cheek resting against paper instead of soft suede. Leaning up on my elbow, I spied an envelope lying on the couch. I slipped open the seal and slid out the hand written post card—a note of thanks for my recent stay at the resort. On the front was an image of an impossibly blue ocean washing up on white sandy beaches.
Paradise. What I wouldn’t give to be on the beach right now, the sand creeping through my toes, a tropical sun bathing me in warmth. I closed my eyes and pictured a place so far away, it almost didn’t seem real.
“Paradise,” I said, whispering it out loud to the empty room. I drifted in a state of exhaustion, fantasizing of an ocean breeze, a vast, starry sky, and strong arms. And because I needed those arms—him—sleep would not come.
I dug my phone out of my purse and dropped back against the cushions to stare up at the ceiling. While the phone dialed, I kept my eyes closed. When he answered, I said, “I’m sorry.”
