by J F Rogers
“Lamb stew.” Alastar grinned. “And biscuits.”
“And biscuits?” Greer ruffled the top of Alastar’s head. “Yer becoming quite the little chef, laddie. Where’s yer mum? Is she helping ye?”
“Aye.” Purple eyes full of adoration for his dad, Alastar smoothed his hair. “She’s fetching more wood for the stove.”
As cute as this was, I needed to get moving. I imagined the same place in another five years. We arrived in their blackened kitchen.
“What happened?” I jolted.
“This is the same place, right?” Kai straightened, hopping to his feet.
We moved to the other rooms. Char everywhere. We went outside. The whole village had burned. Aodan. He must’ve done this. But how would I find out what happened to Alastar? I had an entire five years to check.
Chapter Forty-Two
◊◊◊
I WENT TO WHEN Alastar would have been six. The place was fine. Seven. Burnt. Six and a half. Burnt. Six and one quarter. It was fine. So, I kept imagining each day at the same time until all wasn’t well. Like trying to isolate a crime on surveillance footage. Then I found it. The fasgadair attack.
Fasgadair ran through homes, throwing torches inside, forcing occupants out. They captured women, children, and men. They killed most of the men. Biting them. Draining them of their blood. A group of men took down a few fasgadair, but most didn’t.
I wanted to block out the evil. Or do something, save them. Their cries pierced my soul. Hate coursed through my veins. I wanted to murder every fasgadair, set them all on fire. But I was helpless. Less than a shadow.
I found Alastar huddled with his sister and mom. His dad and older brother were gone. A fasgadair grabbed Alastar and his sister, one under each arm. Their mother followed, screaming, yanking on the unfazed fasgadair. He threw the kids in a wooden cage drawn by horses, then shoved their mother in after them.
I wanted to search for his father, but I couldn’t leave Alastar. And they were moving out. A caravan with hundreds of fasgadair before, behind, and between cages full of gachen. Their cries filled the night sky. I stuck by my brother’s cage to Ceas Croi. No amount of hunger or tiredness would keep me from finding out what happened to him.
I grew exhausted and slumped against the stone.
“Do you know where they’re going?” Kai asked.
“Probably Ceas Croi.”
“Can you get us there, then let me take over?”
“I can get us there. But if you take over and they speak, I won’t have Drochaid to understand what they’re saying.”
“I can translate.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m okay. But you’re right. I should imagine him at Ceas Croi and spare us all this travel. We can always return if we lose him.”
I imagined Ceas Croi and Alastar at this age. We appeared in a room in Ceas Croi. It reminded me of a witchcraft shop in my realm. A foreign, musky smoke burned my nose. Incense. Old books, creepy statues, jars, and canisters lined the walls. Morrigan stood at a table, her fingers gliding over the words in a book. She then checked the items in bowls before her, pulled something that wriggled in her pinched fingers out of one, and dropped it in the bowl next to the book.
Alastar sat in a corner, crying.
Morrigan glided in her inhuman way, her feet never seeming to move or connect with the ground. She glanced down and cocked her head at the boy as if he were a strange creature. “Stop your incessant crying. It’s tiresome.”
“I want my mum. My da.”
“Your mum and da are dead.” She clipped her words. “You live here now. I’m your new mum.” A serpentine smile coiled her lips.
The boy cried harder.
My heart broke. Alastar. My triplet. My little brother. Taken from his mother at birth, then from the family who loved him, and now… Morrigan raised him? As his mother? A desperate urge to protect him flowed to my clenched fists. I had to find him. There had to be a way to help him. But he was my age now. I couldn’t prevent this. Tears spilled down my cheeks.
I reached out for Kai’s hand. “You better hang on, so no one sees you. I’m coming back in the present to see if he’s here.”
Once Kai grabbed hold, I imagined Alastar in Ceas Croi in the present. Only Morrigan was here, poring over spell books. Her clothes and jars were different, but everything else as it had been all those years ago. Where was Alastar?
Perhaps I should imagine us earlier.
Morrigan jerked her head up and stared into my eyes from across the table. “You!”
I sucked in my breath. God, help!
She materialized before me as if she’d gone right through the table. Just as her hand rose toward my neck, she vanished.
I touched my neck. Reassured there was no hand there, I sucked in a breath. But we were still in the same room. Were we in an earlier time as I’d been about to imagine? We must be. The books and items on the table were different. Everything else appeared to be the same. But then, I was never good at those “What’s different” memory games.
Morrigan entered, Alastar at her heels. He stood a foot taller than her and looked just like Declan. But now he had grotesque fasgadair eyes in which the iris took up most the eye—like Declan’s only purple.
I shivered and backed away. Morrigan had seen me before. But she didn’t seem to see me now. This must be the past.
“My son.” No affection penetrated those words. She wrinkled her nose.
“Is something wrong?” Alastar asked, pulling the door closed behind him. His tone couldn’t be more uninterested.
Morrigan floated toward me and Kai. “I sense…a presence.”
I imagined us out of her path. Her eyes followed.
“Want me to help you with a spell?”
“No.” She waved a hand, giving Alastar her full attention. “You are becoming a great leader. You will do what your father could not.”
Father? Who? Aodan? Had our uncle raised Alastar as his son?
A knock thudded the door.
Morrigan took a deep breath. “Enter.”
“Na’Rycha, the soldiers are ready for your orders.”
My blood grew cold as my brother turned. “I’ll be there in a moment.”
Icy blood traveled along my spine as I trembled. My brother. A fasgadair. The most heinous leader anyone has ever seen.
I needed to stop seeking answers from those rocks.
****
Can a brain puke? If there was a way to purge this information, I would. How much more of this could I take? I had brothers. We were triplets. Both were fasgadair. One was the leader. What would I do when I faced him? How had this happened to the sweet little boy who liked to cook?
Morrigan.
Every ounce of my being seethed. Morrigan was the problem. She destroyed everything, starting with my uncle, then my brother…my entire family. It wasn’t God’s fault. He was the only reason there was any good in this world. Morrigan was to blame.
My mind was a whirlwind. Kai was right to want to go back. Even if I could have kept traveling through time, my mind couldn’t take much more. I had to think. Process. Then determine the best action. If I kept going, I’d end up endlessly traveling through time on a futile mission, like searching the internet. Every revelation led to another path until you were lost in the vortex.
And I still had the truth about my brothers to contend with. How was I supposed to share this news with everyone? Oh hey, guess what? I have two brothers. We’re triplets. One is the guy I hoped to be my boyfriend, and, oh yeah, he’s now a fasgadair. The other is Na’Rycha, the most feared tyrant in Ariboslian history aside from Morrigan. Oh, and my evil uncle and Morrigan raised him as their son.
Yeah. Sounded like a great conversation.
****
The next day I took my frustrations out in mock combat. I eyed the scarecrow as if it was Morrigan. I channeled all my anger and stared at my enemy as I nocked my arrow, aimed,
and released. A direct hit into the beast’s heart.
I shot another and another. All came within inches of each other. Hyper-focusing on the target and wanting it dead dramatically improved my aim. But I was like an angry bull locked in a pen. I needed to unleash my rage.
I picked up a sword to practice maneuvers on the sticks wrapped in rope. It took a moment to balance myself with its weight. Then I swung, slamming the sword into the rope, sending a shock up my arm. I yanked to pull it out, then slammed it again. And again. And again.
I grew tired, but my anger hadn’t dissipated. I headed toward the lake for a drink.
“Mind if I join you?” Sully came up behind me.
“Sure.”
“You seem distracted, lass. What’s on your mind?”
Oh, nothing. I found out Declan and the leader of the fasgadair are my brothers. But you know that already. And I have no idea where to go with this quest. And God? Where is He in all of this? I haven’t heard from Him. Although, I think He saved me from Morrigan who, like you, can see me in the spiritual realm—although it seems she can only see me when I’m in real time. But maybe He didn’t save me. Maybe I just managed to get away in time.
In any case, it had been a long time since I felt connected to God. Perhaps He didn’t forgive me for all I’d done. I’d messed up so much. “What do you do when you don’t feel God?”
“Hmm.” Sully walked with his hands clasped behind his back. “Don’t let your feelings fool you. Always remember God is with you. You remember what it’s like in the spiritual realm?”
“In what way?”
“You’ve experienced it. So, you know it’s there even though you’re no longer traveling in it, correct?”
“Yeah.”
“God is like that. He’s always there, but you can’t see Him. But eventually, you become more aware that He’s there, even if you can’t see Him. He’ll make Himself known, but it’s up to you to look for Him, to remember He’s always there. And talk to Him. Always. Even if you don’t think He’s listening. He is. Don’t stop talking to Him.”
When was the last time I’d talked to God? I mean, other than to ask for help after I’d already stepped in it? I used to talk to Him all the time. “But what if you’ve done awful things?”
“What would you do if you hurt a friend?”
“Apologize?”
“Is that a question or an answer?”
“An answer. I’d apologize.”
“Then what do you think you should do with God?”
“Apologize?”
“Is that a question or an answer?”
I snickered and shook my head. “So, I just need to tell God I’m sorry?”
“Aye. Forgiveness is always just a prayer away.” He patted my knee. “And remember, dear one—you are loved.”
Chapter Forty-Three
◊◊◊
I TOSSED AND TURNED on my mat. The past few nights, the deep breathing from those surrounding me had been soothing. Tonight, it kept me awake. Any time I felt myself dozing, Pepin snored and woke me. I wanted to shove a sock in his mouth.
Sleep overtook me, and the field of my dreams materialized. Declan stood in his usual spot at the shore. The window of lights was already there, waiting, with a crystal-clear view of another window. The large window overlooked the ocean—a breathtaking view. But it was strange, peering through a window through another window. Like watching television on television. “What are your orders, sir?”
Orders?
“So, you’ve returned.” Whoever’s head I was in seemed sad. “Were you able to talk to your mother?”
“About my brothers?”
“Aye. About the other one.”
“What is it to you? Why do you care?”
“You haven’t figured out yet who I am?”
“No.” Wait. Was this…? No way. I’ve been talking to the devil himself all this time?
“I take offense to that. Perhaps ’tis time for a family reunion…Sister.”
I don’t care what I’d seen or what he was trying to tell me. This parasite, Morrigan’s lackey, was not my brother.
“Parasite? That hurts. But ’tis true. And I’m here on the island ready to meet my sister. And trust me when I say it’s in everyone’s best interest that you come quickly. And alone. You don’t want to know what will happen to these people if you don’t. Those who are still alive and unmaimed that is.”
“What have you done to them? What will you do after you’ve gotten what you want from me? These people aren’t safe either way.”
“What choice do you have? Come to the castle. I will assure you safe passage. You have twenty-four hours.” He sighed. “Oh, and our dear brother is with me. I do so look forward to our reunion.”
Declan lunged at me.
****
I couldn’t eat my breakfast. I sat outside on the grass, cross-legged, with a bowl of porridge in my lap. The porridge wasn’t terrible. It also wasn’t good. But my stomach wouldn’t have been able to handle ice cream.
Actually, a bowl of ice cream sounded fabulous. Too bad there was no Ben & Jerry’s I could drown myself in.
What was I going to do? Would Alastar harm Declan? What good would it do to show up? Then again, going to Aodan had been the right call last time. But was it this time? Alastar knew better than to drink my blood. If he wanted me dead, he’d kill me another way. Would I escape this time?
If only I had someone to talk to about this. Someone who could give me advice. Better yet, tell me the right thing to do. Anyone I’d talk to here would tell me not to go.
I could ask Sully. He had an in with God. Then again, he didn’t always know what God wanted and meetings tended to be called when Sully had something to say. Better not.
I could go to God. Sully had suggested I talk to Him.
God, I could really use Your help right now. I’m sorry I haven’t been talking to You much. And I only come to You when I need help. And I’m sorry I keep messing things up. I shouldn’t have let my curiosity get the better of me. I should have stayed away from the window in my dreams. I shouldn’t have burned up that boat with the fasgadair. Or turned away from Declan. Or stayed in paradise while my friends were in jail. Or let the demons find us at Stonehenge. It seems I do the wrong thing all the time. But I can’t make a mistake with this one. There are too many lives at stake.
Should I go to Alastar? I know I’m just one little person, but it seems like, no matter what I choose, many people will die. Please tell me what to do.
I dropped my porridge on the ground next to me and covered my face in my hands while I sobbed. Please, please, please, help me. Tell me what to do.
“Is this seat taken?”
I hurried to wipe the tears from my face and collect myself. Sully stood next to me, smiling. Could he see I was crying? “No, it’s fine.” I picked up my bowl. “You can sit.”
“You had the right idea coming up here. It’s much too stifling underground.” He took a deep breath. “Ahhh.” He sat next to me and ate his porridge.
I ate a spoonful. Sully had a calming effect, His presence a soothing force. He even made my gruel taste better.
“I believe it’s time for you to meet Alastar.”
I nearly choked on my food, then managed to swallow. “Excuse me?”
He wiped his face with his sleeve. “Your brother.”
“You know about my brother?” What was I saying? He was the reason we were split up. “I mean, where he is. What he is?”
“Aye.”
“When you told my parents to give him up and separate us, did you know what he’d become?”
“No. I only did what God instructed.”
“Why did God do that to him? He could’ve had a chance. He could’ve been normal.” I stirred my porridge. “He liked to cook.”
“God’s ways are greater. I don’t understand. I obey.” Sully looked to the sky. “He uses it all for good
.”
“So God is telling me to go to him? To Alastar?” Had he answered my prayer? There’s no way Sully happened to sit down to this conversation with me when I was crying out to God. I’d never understand how all this worked, but it wasn’t a coincidence. “Do you know what will happen?”
He pressed his lips together into a thin line and shook his head. “I wish I knew everything, child. I wish I could tell you going to him would save us all. But I don’t have the answers. I only know what God reveals. At this moment, it’s simply this—your brother has requested your presence, and it’s God’s will that you go to him.”
Well…I wanted an answer. Now I had one. I guess not everything Sully shares becomes a federal case. “So, you’ll let me go without telling the others?”
“Not everything is up for debate, Fallon. When God says to go, you go.” He closed his eyes and lifted his face toward the sky as if basking in the sun’s warmth. “Open her eyes, Lord, so she may see.”
The scenery wavered like heat waves rippling off a hot road, but everywhere, not just along the horizon. Thousands of shining forms appeared, like the angel I saw at Turas. A surge of power coursed through me, and I was filled with…hope.
Within seconds, the scenery stilled. Celestial beings dematerialized. The hills and woods seemed lonely. But, though I could no longer see them, they were still there. The feeling of hope lingered.
“Were those—?”
“Angels.” Sully nodded. “You have nothing to fear, dear one. God is with you. And with Him, His warriors.” He took another bite. “But before you go, enjoy a nice breakfast with me. There’s no hurry.”
My appetite surged. I scooped another spoonful. It tasted wonderful. And this might be my last meal. Better enjoy it.
A warm sensation emanated from my chest. I glanced down. For the first time since I’d left Ariboslia, an arrow on Drochaid lit up.
Chapter Forty-Four
◊◊◊
I FINISHED EATING AND gave my bowl to Sully. We hugged, and I set off in the direction Drochaid pointed, oddly comforted by having a guide. I could do anything if I was sure it was the right thing to do. And, although I was setting off alone, I wasn’t alone.
