Everything centered around Dan and only Dan. At this moment, the man was the beginning and the end and the middle. Of everything.
There was nothing else nor did she need there to be. Only him.
She lost herself in his kiss.
Tina became vaguely aware of moving again. Of being linked to Dan, with a desire roaring through her veins that she’d never experienced before.
Was it because she’d been deprived of any sort of male-female contact for the past ten months? Having made love before, was the absence enough to overwhelm her like this, to make her jump at the first man who tried to seduce her?
Somehow, she didn’t think so.
These urges, these needs, hadn’t hammered through her before. At least, not with this intensity. Not until his mouth had made her silent promises, pressed hotly against hers. The very taste of his lips made her drunk with pleasure.
Another new terrain crossed.
The last time he’d been with a woman was the afternoon before the car accident that had claimed Warren. Technically speaking, that wasn’t really enough time to create this kind of a hunger within him.
Though he’d been far from a hermit after his very first venture into lovemaking, he’d never been the type of man who lived and breathed sex, who began to suffer from acute cravings after a certain number of days had gone by. None of his relationships lasted any real length of time, but they were still satisfying on more than just a single level.
Yet he’d never actually done this before. Never felt this level of involvement before. His body literally ached as he tried to get his fill of her. Every kiss just led to the next, each intimate pass of his hands along her body begged for another. For more.
An urgency slammed through him, starving for what his body instinctively knew waited for him down the line. All the while, he could feel the passion within him increasing. Growing at a prodigious rate.
Even so, he didn’t want to take things for granted. Worse, he didn’t want to overwhelm her, impose his will on her because right at this moment, he felt as if he’d combust if he couldn’t have her.
But he wasn’t about to take his fill, to satisfy himself at her expense.
Drawing his head back, Dan was vaguely surprised to see that they were no longer still in the hall, that they had somehow made their way to his bedroom.
And that he had her more than partially disrobed. When had that happened?
Moreover, he’d shed his shirt somewhere—or had she done that for him? And his jeans were probably lying in the same place that his shirt was.
It was then that he realized her cool, tapering fingers that played along his skin were causing an almost impossible wave of heat to sizzle along the length of his body.
“You’re sure?” he asked, his voice hardly more than a low rumble.
He felt her smile before he saw it.
“This is a hell of a time to stop to fill in a questionnaire,” she whispered, her voice achingly raspy.
“I want you to be sure.”
There was something in the way he said it, a warning note in his voice, that for one moment, almost chilled her. What was he trying to say? Did he want to put her on notice—that no matter what happened, it was just for tonight?
She already understood that. Had not just made her peace with it but told herself she preferred it that way. If this was just an interlude, a fleeting aberration with no demands or expectations on either side, there would be no future breakup in the offing.
And no pain.
“This is just for tonight,” she whispered, her lips brushing against his as she made the pronouncement. “Not forever.”
If he wanted to say anything more, make any further disclaimer or ask her to sign an oath in blood, it never transpired. Because she shed the last of her clothing and pressed her near perfect, nude body against his. And instantly took him prisoner.
He went not only willingly but eagerly.
The next moment, any passion that was still bridled broke free.
A frenzy overtook them both, swallowing them up and leaving no trace. The caresses became more urgent, the kisses more powerful.
He made love to every inch of her, claiming each and every part and making it his.
At least for now.
The momentum built until she didn’t think she could hold out much longer. And then, suddenly, he was there, fitting his hips against hers, becoming one with her. Moving in a rhythm that was almost faster than a heartbeat.
Tina clung to him, echoing his movements until the final, all encompassing moment when the blinding eclipse swallowed them whole, separating them from the rest of the world.
Chapter Thirteen
The descent back to earth, to reality, was slow, languid. Like a leaf floating on a gentle, summer breeze, making the journey from the top of an uppermost branch down to the soft, welcoming ground below.
Dan expected the exhilarating euphoria to fade and then disappear. The way it always had before.
Except this time, it wasn’t disappearing or even fading.
This was something new. Something different. As he turned his body toward the woman lying beside him, he realized that this had a tenderness he’d never felt before. At this moment, trying to come to grips with what was happening, what had happened, he felt both ten feet tall and bulletproof as well as vulnerable as hell.
Maybe he was having some sort of a delayed emotional crisis or breakdown because of Warren’s death. But the fact of the matter was it didn’t feel like a breakdown. It felt…amazingly good.
He found himself wanting her again.
No. No, no, no, no, no, Tina silently and firmly admonished herself. She couldn’t let herself feel this way, couldn’t think of this as anything but a passing interlude. A wonderful, heart-racing, teeth-jarring interlude, but an interlude nonetheless.
Just because the man deserved an A plus-plus in lovemaking didn’t change that. She couldn’t allow herself to get involved with a technique. That was only just a part of him. The package was always the whole man and she already knew how very bad her taste in men was.
Hadn’t she learned by now that she had a habit of letting her guard down with the wrong kind of man and then, before she knew it, she was practically an emotional prisoner? The last one had almost killed her. Wasn’t that enough to teach her a lesson?
The last one had given her Bobby, a little voice whispered. Bobby, the brightest spot in her life.
But his conception had been an accident, she had to remember that. And, she reminded herself sternly, Don had been skilled at lovemaking, too. He’d known all the right moves, the right gestures.
But compared to Dan, Bobby’s father had been an amateur, a hopeless, fumbling rookie. That still changed nothing. She wouldn’t let herself fall into that trap again, wasn’t going to lead with her heart only to wind up taking it on the chin. Tonight had been very, very nice. Okay, better than nice. But that was the end of it. She just couldn’t allow herself to get carried away, and as long as she remembered that, she would be safe.
Right?
Raising her eyes to his, she realized he was looking at her. Almost scrutinizing her. What’s more, he didn’t seem pleased.
“You’re frowning,” she noted.
Was she that bad? Was he going over the other women he’d had to find her lacking? A man who looked like Dan had to have had a great many women. Tina braced herself for an explanation. And criticism.
“That’s because I’m happy.”
She blinked, confused. “You realize that doesn’t make any sense, right? People don’t frown when they’re happy.”
“They do when they shouldn’t be.”
“And you shouldn’t be happy?” she asked, trying to understand. “I shouldn’t be at all,” he told her in a sobering moment. Why did he get to be the one who was here tonight, enjoying this woman who, without trying, made his knees so weak? Why did he get to be the one to live and Warren the one to die?
In the f
ace of his answer, and the incredibly sad look in his eyes, Tina forgot about her own insecurities, forgot that she was lying here beside him completely naked. In less than a moment, her attention—and concern—shifted to the man who had, quite literally, rocked her world. The man whose sadness now tore at her heart.
“You’re going to have to explain that to me,” she urged him.
With one hand tucked in beneath her, Dan rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling without saying a word.
The silence stretched out between them until Tina was convinced that he had no intention of telling her what he’d meant. And then, just as she was about to try to coax an answer out of him, in a low, quiet voice that was carefully scrubbed of all telltale emotion, Dan began to talk.
“I should have been the one who died in that car accident, not Warren. He should be here now, in Forever, not me.” If there was any justice, he should be lying in a grave, Dan added silently.
“Warren,” Tina repeated, her mind scrambling to link things up. “That was your brother, right?”
He nodded. Then, as emotion began to fill his voice despite his efforts, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her. Looked at her face. Searching for understanding. Maybe even for a little absolution, he wasn’t sure.
“Warren wasn’t just my brother, he was my best friend.”
His mouth curved slightly as he remembered bits and pieces of their lives together. They’d made the journey through medical school and residency together, Warren, the exceptionally smart one and he, the playboy. But they were a team. Always a team. And now, because of him, there was no team.
“We were as different as night and day, but we had each other’s backs. At least, he always had mine.” And he had let Warren down. If he’d been more in tune with Warren and stopped thinking only of himself, he would have let his brother stay in the apartment that night. And remain alive. “Warren didn’t want to come out that night. He wanted to spend a quiet, final evening in the apartment, packing, getting ready. Talking. I convinced him—forced him really,” he corrected ruefully, “to come out with me ‘one last time.’”
His face paled and took on a haunted look as Dan relived the last few hours he’d had with Warren.
“God, if I’d only known how prophetic those words would be.” A ragged breath escaped his lips. “We were in a taxi, going back to the apartment after a long night of celebrating, when a van came out of nowhere, ran the light and just plowed into the taxi. I got a bump on the head, the taxi driver was rushed to the hospital because he was critically injured and Warren, Warren got his wings.” The smile twisted his lips, Tina noted, and it did not reach his eyes. “At least, that was what he’d always believed. That things don’t just end here. That they continue someplace else.”
She nodded, finding herself in agreement with a man she could never meet. “And you came here to take his place.”
Dan laughed shortly. “No one could take Warren’s place,” he told her. And then he shrugged helplessly. “The best I can do is just try.”
Compassion filled her. Tina placed a hand gently on his shoulder in mute comfort. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she said gently. “The people around here think the world of you and every one of them feels you’ve made a difference in their lives just by being here. A huge difference. Imagine, if you hadn’t been here tonight, who knows what sort of complications Olivia might have had? We both know that contrary to popular opinion, giving birth is not like falling off a log. That baby might have died. You saved her,” she insisted firmly. “Cut yourself a little slack,” she urged. “You have every right to be happy, Dan.”
As she spoke, she cupped his cheek with her hand, wishing she could erase the torment in his eyes. “Give yourself permission to be happy.”
Stirred, mesmerized by the compassion he saw in her eyes, Dan took her hand and turned it over so that her palm faced him. He gently pressed a kiss to the soft flesh.
Arousing her.
Arousing himself.
He tried to tell himself that he was only having a purely physical reaction to her, nothing more. That it was just his sexual appetite that was stirring. If he was aware of anything more, he ignored it because he was afraid to make that admission, even to himself. Afraid of what it might mean and where it might lead him.
And despite what she maintained, Dan still felt that he had no right to be happy. Not when, in his own eyes, he was the one responsible for his brother’s untimely death. But he was still grateful for the comfort that she offered. Grateful to be able to lose himself in her and receive solace, even for a moment.
Releasing her hand, he moved on to her throat, kissing the sensitive skin along the side. Creating havoc within himself. His heart lunged in his chest as he pulled Tina to him and began to make love to her all over again. As if it was the first time.
LIFE DIDN’T GET BACK to normal. Oh, the sun was still where it was supposed to be and so was the moon, but things were different now. Felt different now. After that first time, they each found excuses to face the end of the day in each other’s arms, whether she was with him at the clinic or he with her in some out-of-the-way place they stole away together. Tina would call Miss Joan to explain that she had to work a little late, asking her to babysit Bobby a little longer for her.
She’d hear the woman laugh knowingly and agree. Telling Miss Joan that it really was work never carried any weight so she gave it up.
But even as they made the world stand still in each other’s arms, Tina tried to resist what went on within her. Resist letting herself get carried away. She couldn’t allow herself to take Dan’s words to heart, or make more of what had transpired between them. They’d merely had a completely exhilarating lovemaking experience.
But it was hard for her to stay grounded when somehow, he’d managed to tunnel his way into her heart. It hadn’t been his lovemaking, magnificent though it was, that had gotten him trespasser rights to her heart. It was the pain she saw in his eyes. They had something in common. Because, in his own way, Tina felt that Dan was as wounded a soul as she was.
No matter what she told herself to the contrary, her resolve disintegrated the moment she was around him. And she was around him at least eight hours a day on a normal work basis—and that didn’t take into account the time they spent together after hours. She found that her determination to keep both her feelings and Dan at arm’s length was as firm as a stick of butter left out in ninety-degree heat. She melted every time.
She was her own worst enemy. Their nights of lovemaking were vividly stored in her memory banks, ready to pop up when she least expected them. They colored absolutely everything else in her life.
Stern lectures to the contrary, she’d never been happier. Every so often, she’d look up from what she was doing and catch Dan watching her. Just watching her. And smiling. Instantly, she’d feel warmth washing over her, laying siege to her.
In her heart, she knew that given her past, her relationship with Dan was doomed to fail. He seemed perfect, but there was no such thing. Eventually, the flaws would surface and one of them would be the fatal one. The beginning of the end.
She had to protect herself, protect her heart. She couldn’t get so wound up around this man that she fell apart when the end came, as it inevitably would. She had Bobby to think of and he needed her.
But there was a huge difference between her plan and what she actually did. Determined not to lead with her heart, she was still doing it.
Don’t panic, she counseled herself more than once. Just for now, see where it goes. You can always bail out later.
Right. As if it was that easy, Tina silently mocked herself.
For his part, Dan wrestled with his own conscience. He felt guilty for being happy. He felt equally guilty for leading Tina on. She wasn’t the kind of girl to just have a fling. She was the permanent, nesting kind. And he wasn’t going to stay.
He hadn’t said as much, hadn’t told anyone, not even Miss Joan, that
his time in Forever was finite. That he was only here until another doctor could be found to take his place. Everyone in town thought he’d relocated here permanently and he hadn’t set them straight. Hadn’t told anyone that it was a lie.
Something else to feel guilty about, Dan thought with a heavy sigh, as he sat at his desk, staring down at his last patient’s folder.
Rousing himself, he completed making notes in Annie Farmer’s file. After closing the folder, he pushed it aside on his desk and rose from his chair. When he came out of his office, he saw that the doors of both examination rooms were open. Which meant that they were unoccupied.
Curious, Dan walked out into the reception area only to find it empty. Tina was at her desk, her fingers flying across the keyboard. Looking more compelling than anyone had a right to be.
He came up behind her and lightly placed his hands on the back of her chair. He caught just the slightest whiff of her perfume and felt his gut tightening in anticipation. How had this woman gotten to him so fast? This had never happened to him before and the timing couldn’t have been worse.
“No patients?” he asked.
Tina automatically saved what she was typing as she turned her head to look at him. Her heart just had to stop leaping every time she saw him, or heard his voice. Or thought about him.
It was beginning to seem hopeless.
Finding her voice, she said, “I think you cured everyone. Looks like, barring someone bursting through the door—” the way her brother-in-law had three weeks ago “—we can go home early.”
Dan glanced at his watch. It was a quarter to five. “Not exactly like getting half a day,” he commented. “Want to grab some dinner?” he asked, trying his best to sound nonchalant.
What he really wanted to “grab” wasn’t on any menu, but at least this way, he’d have her company and if they were in full view of everyone, he didn’t have to worry about being tempted or experiencing a breakdown in his resolve. There would be too many witnesses around for him even to lightly brush his lips against hers.
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